Write-off

I get pissed off when chains of events conspire against me..... case in question......

A friend gave me a computer.  I want to plug the computer into my television so I can surf the internet, in large screen mode.... from the comfort of my sofa.  Not a difficult request really.

I installed Windows XP on the computer - a series of problems meant that this process in itself took a whole day!!  The computer has been working, but it has hiccoughed a couple of times, but I thought I had ironed these problems out.

I check my TV and it doesn't have a VGA connector on it to connect a PC.... groans..... the PC doesn't have an HDMI connector on it to connect it to the TV..... double groans...... there's got to be a way to do this..... I can't find the instruction book for the television.... I can't find the model number of the television to find an instruction manual for the television on the internet...... 

Reluctantly I lift the entire TV cabinet which holds (TV; Freeview HDR; Nintendo Wii; PS3; DVD Player; Wireless router; DJ hero controller; All the associated plugs, wires and bits and pieces that go with it) - I drag the unit out just far enough that all the cables and plugs get tangled up and just far enough that I can get a camera down the back to take some photographs......

I sift through a series of terrible photographs that I've blindly taken down the back of the TV and find one that when I zoom in close enough, I can read the model number of the television......

I look up the television on the internet and find an instruction booklet for the correct model.... it requires some software to be installed to read it though and I give up.....

I am just emailing my friend to see what he thinks..... when I remember I had bought a VGA to RGB H/V cable for my laptop, some time ago, and it's right here in the cupboard in front of me.... I dig it out.  It's the FIRST thing to go right today!!

I run all the cables through the right holes in the cabinet, thread this one here, pull that one through there - it's turning from a tidy, cable managed nirvana into the cable knitting fairy's hideout!!  Everything's hanging out.... bits here, bits there..... but everything's plugged in..... I switch it on...... 

Nothing.... blank screen......

I unplug everything, plug it all back in..... and..... a different shade of nothing..... a BLACK screen.......

I switch off and on again like a seasoned IT professional and......

beeeep..... beeeep....... beeeeeeep........ a motherboard sounds its last dying breaths........

I should...

a) go back to bed.

b) smash something.

c) put everything back the way it was before i started pissing about with it.

d) blame it on the dog.

e) all of the above)

delete as applicable!

I consult my download schedule and notice "Day of the Jackal" has just about arrived...... looks like that's the plan then.

Flu-nami!

Hurricane Mucus has reached land, somewhere around the Bay of Arctic Fox at 11:00hrs today.

Scientists predict high blood pressure, gusting sneezes in excess of 300 miles per hour with prolonged showers of snot.  Extreme periods of abject frustration and intense seismic activity are highly likely sometime around bedtime!

Local residents have been warned to stay out of the path of this flu-nami and to seek shelter at the earliest opportunity and start panic buying (amongst other things) petrol; Kleenex (mansize); beer; and Beecham's Powders.

The Met Office have issued a severe bad mood warning for the rest of the week.

Fiddlesticks!  Don't forget to see what films I am managing to stay awake to watch - and here's a picture of brighter, happier times!

Hand - floor - armour

As a child I was never much into the game of charades....  perhaps it was the thought of Lionel Bleurgh, Una Stubbs and their "jobbing" luvvie friends cavorting merrily on-screen with their secret handshake Da Vinci code style clues.....  i.e. They had a series of repeated actions that you would never find in any other game of charades, like when they touch their nose and point to the person who said the correct word that they had been miming to suggest that they had got it right.....  Twaddle of the highest calibre, and SO overly camp!

Anyhow......

I  DID say I was never much into it... but that doesn't mean we never played it.....

For one thing, as a child, how are you supposed to know if, let's say for instance, Lord of the Rings is a TV show, a film, a book, a play or a song or indeed any combination of the above!  I bet Lionel and Una never had to argue that there had never been a TV series of Lord of the Flies.......  ridiculous concept then.

I only have two memories (and they may well be clues as to why we didn't play it much).....

When someone tried to mime the hit TV show "Panorama" we managed to arrive unconvincingly at "hand-floor-armour" and I think the game was over shortly thereafter.....

Another game of equal success left us with a very firm suggestion that "Emu-gin soldiers" was actually a book and a film, only to be let down by the final answer of "Virgin Soldiers" - Again.... a decent "mimer" could really have given us kids something to think about with that one!!

And all this tomfoolery and shennanigoats leads me to the following......

Whilst in the Lake District recently, I took some photographs - I posted a link to this flickr set yesterday.... but today I've added something very special to that set......

A selection of hand-floor-armours!

wooo - OOO - ooo

Ok the ghost-posting has stopped - I'm home again!

Spent a feverish few days in the Lake District.

Snow on the hill tops.... warm sunshine..... rucksack.... t-shirt..... sweating.... freezing.....  a recipe for man flu if ever there was one and now I'm in a right old tangle!

I love it in the Lakes....  there's always something new to see.... somewhere new to visit..... a new hill to walk up.... and a whole range of chance and fortune with regards to what the weather will do.

It's been lovely weather as it happens.  The very second we sat down at a cafe for our first cup o' tea in the lakes, the heavens opened.... it hailed, it rained..... and it blew for an hour or so.... it was NOT a good omen, but as it turned out that was the first and last of the bad stuff.

The snowy hill tops gradually receded during our stay and we were treated to glorious spring-like displays with sumptuous green and golden hues contrasting with blue skies and fluffy white clouds.

Well, of course I've taken a few photos and we've done a "little " walk......

Langdale Pikes - A paltry 4.7 miles with a whopping 2439 feet of ascent - and conversely a knee shattering equal descent!!

A full flickr set is here!

Cosmetics for men

I don't wear make-up.  I've never worn "guy liner" or had a "back, sack and crack waxing"....  Hell, most days I don't even bother to shave.....  I'm a veritable Neanderthal as far as male grooming goes.

I use a bit of Old Spice deodorant of the stick variety....  and some Super Matey bubble bath......  I occasionally use a bit of sunscreen because I spend so many hours outside either fishing or walking.  One of my sunscreens is a combined moisturiser and sun block.... and THAT is about as far as we go.

I'm not keen on things that "spray" - Tomcats and deodorants... hairsprays, perfumes and aftershaves.  I don't like to smell someone else's artificial scent  in the cinema, in the restaurant.... or in my own home....   it's the equivalent of a wild animal walking up to me and pissing in my face.  Can you imagine what would happen to said animal?

So my fishing pants smell like Grimsby Docks.... my walking gear all smells like it's been dragged through a hedge backwards..... and me?  I'm somewhere in the middle!  I don't actually know what I smell of....  I don't think anyone knows their own particular scent really.... but you get familiar with other people's odours, and according to Dawn.... mine isn't bad, and I'll settle for that.

I have a blotchy skin.... the best thing for it is to be outside in the fresh air and to get some exercise.... not to block my pores with laboratory crafted potions.  I don't feel the need to dye my grey hair, or to turn back the clock.....  I'm getting old, it's a fact and I'm not the first person it's happened to and I certainly won't be the last.... unless everyone comes and pisses in my face.... then you're all dead!

(God help any woman who dares to wear one of those offensive scents - namely Poison or Opium (just two past fragrances that make me physically ill) - near me!)

No, dear reader, the world of male grooming is not for me.  I'm proudly cosmetically challenged!

Geocaching for beginners

I've already covered this topic.....  but for the benefit of anyone who might have missed it.....

Imagine if you will, as I often do, that you are going out for a walk.  A perfectly normal thing to do, and even more normal if you're accompanied by a dog.

Now imagine if you will, that you are taking the same walk that you took yesterday, or the week before, or a month ago, and you could magically turn this walk into something slightly different to the last time you did it.... in the same way that mixing up your walks benefits any canine companion you might have, it would also have similar beneficial properties for your good self.

The answer to this and many other situations is simply.... Let's hunt for treasure.

Now "treasure" as everyone knows is relative.... one man's meat is another man's poison and all that.... what's good for a goose is often good for a gander..... so my idea of treasure may differ slightly to your idea of treasure if you see what I mean?  So let's all agree to disagree and reach the conclusion that every young boy already knows..... that the hunt for the treasure is usually much more fun than the actual "treasure" you may find at the end of it.

So we're all clear now.... this bloody dog is going to get walked whether he/she likes it or not..... and we WILL look for "treasure" and you WILL bloody well enjoy it, or at least look like you're enjoying it.

So, you get your treasure map (incorporating all the "treasure" locations that are in and around your chosen walk) and you head out armed with a pencil, some tacky but small plastic toys (badges, keyrings, erasers, little soldiers and toy figures) and and a dog (optional).

Reaching the first location (remembering not to pull drystone walling apart) you scout around a bit looking for obvious piles of stones (less obvious than a pile of stone in the shape of a drystone wall) and without looking too suspicious you lift a few stones, move a few branches and seek out the glistening hues of a tupperware container.  Just like rockpooling, it's best to remember that you should put EVERYTHING back EXACTLY as you found it or the sea creatures will die.... and a useful but sometimes troubling geocaching rule of thumb is "try to leave the place tidier than when you arrived".

So you found the right spot, you've turned over a few stones, moved a few branches, had a wee behind a tree and tried to not look like you're "dogging" or "piking" to all passers-by.... you find the tupperware "treasure" and open it up to find (mostly but not exclusively)......

1) Soggy notebook or piece of paper with all previously successful treasure hunters dates and signatures.

2) An Ikea pencil which is usually blunt - I carry a penknife to sharpen said pencil or my own pencil!

3) Some useless items of no financial value that you may exchange for one of your own pieces of junk.

So, you sign the soggy paper trying not to punch your newly sharpened pencil straight through it, swap a piece of plastic, reseal the leaking tupperware box, and put it back where you found it for the next lucky contestant to find.

Sound like fun to you?

Life without meat

A long time ago, in a curry house not so far away.... I sat and ate a fine lamb curry.

The curry house - Sapnas on Venn Street in Huddersfield.

The time.... probably 3AM (eternally) and perhaps the year 1990 or thereabouts.

It was the last piece of meat that I ordered.

The next day I was vegan.... stopped buying wool, silk (not that I ever bought silk anything anyway), leather, milk, cheese, meat, eggs..... the list goes on.  The Friday big-shop went from being a pleasant 1 hour saunter through the local Tesco's to being a frantic four hour marathon of ingredient listings, E number translations and painful scrutinisation of lots of small print.

Retrospectively I tried to justify my decision to become vegan by applying the principles of karma and the concept of yin yang.... really it was just about me trying to balance the forces of good and bad in my life.... I was a pretty bad guy doing lots of bad things and I needed some sort of good thing to balance the scales.

For eight years I managed to avoid animal produce..... it was a harsh time and it was difficult to go on holiday anywhere or to eat out anywhere.  It was a DIY culture where everything had to be cooked from scratch at home and one which mainstream society had no clue about - times have changed since then and people are much more aware now.  It is not uncommon to walk into a pub and see items on their menus that are even labelled as "vegan" - this would never have happened in 1990.

The Vegan magazine was a helpful publication at the time, and you could, if you shopped around find a guesthouse with vegan catering, and I do remember vegan breaks in The Lakes, at Blackpool, and we even found a vegan restaurant on the island of Zakynthos (tucked away behind Greece's answer to Blackpool).

During a weekend break in Whitby, it was decided that I would start to eat fish again... probably 1998 or thereabouts, and what better place to do so than the famous Magpie restaurant on the harbour front.  I tucked into a fish supper of immense proportion for the first time in many years - and no doubt it was fried in beef dripping as well as is the Yorkshire wont.

And that's it.... I eat fish and seafood and I'm none too fussy if something contain gelatine.  Once I accidently picked up a slice of pizza that had meat on it and rather than waste it I ate it....  the Chinese takeaway once served me sweet and sour chicken instead of king prawn and I still ate it.....  I'm not fussy.

My choice is.....  I don't eat meat... that's it.... you can call me a half-arsed vegetarian.... a pescetarian.... a tree hugger.... call me what you want....

I'm NOT fussy!

Say what now?

I was just flicking through my "stats" and it would appear that I received six hundred and sixty six pageviews in the month of May.....  Strange!

Wow it's been a busy little day with one thing and another.  I know that most people don't consider the things that I do as anything other than procrastination but I've done loads of it!

I have sectioned and printed a whole heap of OS maps for the purpose of walking.  This also involved me going to my mum's house to use the printer and to return something she'd passed on to me in error, and of course involved me copying everything onto a USB stick to take with me for the printing which also included a Langdale Pike walk document that I've downloaded.

I emptied the dishwasher.  I emptied the drainer on the sink of the items that don't go in the dishwasher.

I went to see Richard to get some computery bits to rebuild a computer that I've been doing for the past few hours - which is going badly wrong and making me tear my hair out.  I've even spoke to Richard about what he thinks and I am still no further with it.

I've spent time researching the "movie and meal" deals that we could choose for this weekend and finally chosed.... and booked that for Saturday night.

I've watched the end of a film that we started watching last night.  I've watched a film that I downloaded last night while I slept.

I've broken and subsequently bodged back together my USB stick.  My NEW USB stick no less..... it fell into three pieces!  It's only a couple of weeks old.

And that's about it - all time consuming nonsense that somebody simply HAS to do.... and I've jolly well done it!

AND I've written a blog entry for the day!

Superstitious? Me?

I'm not superstitious....  By choice I would not want to tempt fate though and I guess that's a form of superstition.....

Example - If I walked down the street and there was a ladder... would I walk under it or around it.... well I'd walk around it, but not because I think something bad would happen..... it's more of a case that I wouldn't WANT or INVITE anything bad to happen.....

I salute magpies!

And so, it is with a heavy heart that I post a second blog update for today (somewhat hastily) when the following comes to my notice.....

I've just updated my filmography page - where I list the movies I've watched, and noticed that, having just watched "The Devils" that my previous blog entry was number six hundred and sixty six..... this will now be six hundred and sixty seven and I'm happier with that.......

Odd numbers are better anyway as any flower arranger or chef will tell you!!

Agitation.

This weather is driving me nuts....  one minute it's pouring down, the next minute the sun is shining, the wind is blowing icy cold....  I can't cope.

Last September, for my birthday, we took a trip to the Lake District and took on the challenge of the mighty Old Man of Coniston via a litte-known track - which, under normal circumstances, may have been an interesting day out.....

On the particular day in question the weather was bad.... just awful.... It was raining and foggy and wholly unsuitable to walking, but I'd planned it and double planned it.... it was my bloody birthday after all and it would take more than a bit of weather to stop me from taking it on....

As it turned out, it was not the best option for that day.... clothes, rucksacks, navigational equipment, all wet, soaked, waterlogged.... less than useful.  We DID actually get a bit lost.... I DID lose my temper..... Dawn NEARLY cried.....  we did make it to the top of the Old Man and curtailed the walk by returning immediately down the better trodden "tourist" path.... a miserable experience without even a decent summit view to show for it.

I can honestly say.... despite full waterproofing of every possible measure - I have never been wetter in my life!

And so, given the option to plan another walk in the lakes in the immediate future, I'm naturally wary as to what the hell this weather system is likely to throw at us.... do I plan a simple valley floor walk or just plan a full-scale expedition.... do I plan several and opt for the most suitable on the day (planning more means they are planned less well of course) - I think I've picked a nice walk but it DOES involve a graded scramble and I'm not overly confident that my Frankenstein walking boots are suitable for rock-hopping especially if the "slabs" are likely to be wet.... oh decisions!!

I always keep in mind that the Lake District is not called the Lake District for no reason, and that all those lakes are not there by accident.  There ARE no accidents!

Here's a link to the scramble I want to tackle - Jack's Rake!

The shelter at the top of the Old Man!

Sunday?

Curse you Easter weekend.... when Sunday feels like Saturday and Monday feels like Sunday and I don't know which end is up any more.

I've been a bit busy doing absolutely nothing to even get around to writing a blog lately....  I've hunted a few geocaches (mostly in vain).... done a bit of shopping, a bit of walking, a bit of socialising, a bit of partying.....

And now, on Monday and it feels like Sunday.... and I'm wondering what to do next.

Hope there's a decent coffee shop open somewhere - could do with nice cuppa!

Was supposed to go metal detecting with spice-the-cat today but it's too wet and muddy everywhere and nobody but hippopotami would enjoy rolling around in THAT!

So, the hunt for coffee will commence.....

Are you local?

One thing I love about living where I do, is that you don't have to go very from the doorstep to feel like you're outside... I don't mean like in the garden or even in the village.....  but REALLY outside!

I can walk for five or ten minutes in any direction from my house and be away from roads, on public footpaths or bridleways and find myself heading in all manner of directions.

Today's been a classic example... my mate Ben came round with his lovely dog Lola for a bit of a walk now that the snow's finally decided to budge....  So we actually set off from my house on foot and managed a sort of convoluted circular sort of walk on a route I've never done before, with no planning, and we've been out for maybe four hours, up and down hills and wombling free.

My GPS device was not turned on correctly so I'll have to give you a brief guesstimate of our path....  apologies for my technical failings.

Must be energised by the full moon tonight - didn't think we'd walked anywhere near this distance today.... could have gone on a bit more!

Stats:  distance 8.09 miles with 1511 ft ascent

Here is a Flickr set for the walk today.

Trying...

It has been said in the past that I'm trying!

It's harder than I first imagined to get back into this "blogging" lark.

I've been absent from blogging for a few years, and although I had websites that would now be referred to as blogs before the term blogging was even invented they were sites I had to do manually and there weren't all these intuitive and useful tools that we all rely on now.

Even some of the items things I used here on blogger are now showing their age.... blogpatrol, my crappy webcam, a thing to play music and sitemeter to name but four.  These were little widgets with bits of html code pasted into them that worked from a site that was separate to blogger and you had to have an account there and do this and do that.... and when it finally worked it provided some sort of bell or whistle to marvel at.

Now I'm slowly trying to strip back the superfluous and broken items and stripping everything back to the bare bones.  It's a chore and one that isn't much fun..... but in doing so, I've remembered and resurrected two of my favourite pages from my former bloglife and you can see them here:

This season....  (a page that I update randomly to provide a summary of where I am up to in my everyday life)

Film List.... (A list of films with IMDB links) that I used to update every time I watched another film.

Well, those two pages are staying... as for my crappy webcam and blogpatrol?  I think they'll be going the way of the dodo very shortly!  As for the other two blogs that I do..... we'll get there eventually.

It's a bit different to using Facebook, that's for sure!

night night

just wanted to show off the fruits of my labour - an experiment with a filter and a tripod yielded this lovely moonscape tonight.

Good night all!

oh go on then.... here's a crop of it...... self indulgent idiot that I am.....

Best?

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane

In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o' Wevz an' Ben
Gang aft a-gley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promised joy.

Official - walk's off!  Started snowing about nine of the clock last night and guess what... at ten thirty this morning it's still bloody snowing....

Pared back plans for a trip to Kinder Scout.... cancelled plans of the Colne Valley Circular..... I'm not even going out to empty the bin today!!

Drawbridge is up!

Panic

I'm typing this in a bit of a flap.... 

Having reached the end of my very short tether regarding my under-performing antiquated laptop and its very own personalised geriatric copy of win-doze.... in a peak of fury I decided to completely wipe it and install windows from scratch AGAIN.

This is the life of a windows user.

Anyway, the machine's looking alright now and it's got a new lease of life.  The only thing left to do is install a few pieces of software - no doubt crippling windows in the process.

This is the life of a windows user.

Well I was planning a large-scale jaunt out to the Dark Peak tomorrow with my mate Ben, but as I type it's bloody hammering down with snow, the forecast for Edale for tomorrow is snow, rain and twenty five mile an hour winds.... the sort of thing you really ought not to be clambering about on a large millstone grit escarpment in.

So we've pared back the expedition and we're doing the 12.5 mile Colne Valley Circular - a route I know quite well - and which provides us with several safe bail-out zones where we can curtail the adventure with no harm done.

Right now I am cursing the snow and desperately trying to find the Memory Map software and the routes that I've created......  

This is the life of a windows user that goes out walking in the snow!

Bit of sorting

My mate John is back from his holidays in New Zealand.  He's been out there to catch up with his son, daughter-in-law and his grandkids.  By all accounts he's had a good time and even managed to squeeze a bit of time in with my cousin (John's nephew) and his wife who were travelling (note to spell checker - I like to spell "travelling" with double L - it's not a crime) there from Edinburgh on honeymoon.

Before John went to New Zealand I lent him my old digital camera with a decent memory card so he could take some photos - he's been before but didn't take pictures, and I think it's a shame, especially with his grandkids and stuff.  Anyway I lent him my old Samsung Digimax, which is only a 3 megapixel or something but it's great for point-and-click holiday snaps.

I gave John the relevant bits of information about making sure the camera was set to "easy" and to half-press the shutter button to make the focus and how to zoom in and out and all that guff and promptly sent him on his way.

John came round this morning with the camera and we sat and sifted through his 250 (or thereabouts) photographs looking for ones that worked and ones that didn't and picking ones that he might want to send to people and ones that he might want to put on his wall and ones that should never see the light of day again etc etc - I'm sure anyone who uses a digital camera will agree.... far too few pictures ever get actually printed out any more - our social history is about to fail in this respect!!  PRINT MORE PICTURES PEOPLE!!

We eventually narrowed the selection down to about 130 that were fit to print and I copied them onto a usb stick to print out at Asda (other supermarkets DO exist) and off we went.

When we got to Asda we decided to get the photos printed by the lab because - and here is some screwy maths to go with it - self service is 35p each (133 prints = £46.55) - 1 hour service is 20p each (133 prints = £39.90) - 2 day service is 15p each (133 prints = £19.95) .......  So significant savings to be made.... until you discover that 200 prints on the 2 day service comes in at 5p each .......

So we quickly undo all our good work and sorting.... add back all the ones we DON'T want printing and deselect a random few and opt for 202 images on a 2 day service at 5p each (202 prints = £10.10) and THAT my friends is not only a bargain, but also strange economies of scale!

When it's cheaper to print the images you don't want than it is to not print them.... you have to start questioning your own ability to make cups of tea!  If you use digital cameras - get 200 pictures together and go and get them printed out for a tenner - it's money well spent and may preserve a little slice of social history - when your hard disk or memory stick fails, you'll be glad you listened to me and so will future generations when they look back at our antiquated civilisations!

PRINT:

Also as a complete "freebie" here's a random Flickr set of mine!

April fools?

This had BETTER be an April fool's joke!

Beer

Been a while since I went beer hunting or indeed "ticking" for that matter.

A "ticker" for those that don't know, isthe closest thing the world of beer gets to a train spotter or anorak.  Tickers drink beer for the benefit of having put a tick beside that beer and adding it to their ticked list.  I've seen tickers at beer festivals having a single sip, yes just one sip of a fresh glass of beer and then getting out their rucksack, funnel and plastic bottle and promptly decanting the foamy brew, and labelling the new plastic bottle before stashing it back in their knapsack of destruction for consumption at a later date.

It's a dog drink dog world!

Me?  I like beer.... I LOVE beer.... my only problem is that I HATE being drunk.... it's a real quandry.

So, for a change, today, we visited The Nook in Holmfirth (land of a million Summer Wine tours) for their "Madchester Spring Beer Festival" - and yes, rather obscurely for a Yorkshire pub, their main selection of beers on offer were sourced from Manchester and its surrounding districts.  The exception to the rule being the beers from The Nook's own brewery.

I tried a chilli beer, a chocolate cherry stout, a pale blonde ale, a brace of golden ales, a black stout, and a dark ruby beer.... a really nice variety of flavours, aromas, colours and strengths.  A Saturday afternoon treat.

I didn't tick any beers, I didn't make a single tasting note on the supplied beer information sheet, I didn't decant any beer to bring home with me.... I emptied each glass before venturing on to the next level.

so now you know....  beer is good... there's a lot of variety, you don't NEED to stick with mass produced alcoholic drinks..... and you can take your dog to the pub with you!

I should also mention - I think it's only fair and prudent - that it was ME who put "Remember You're a Womble" on the jukebox!!  Sorry, but, to the woman who sang the song the whole way through, I have to say I knew someone other than just me would appreciate it.

When  you drink beers of this variety and quality, it's fair to say that Britain really HAS got talent!!

It's a yes from me!

Stretch.

After the long walk I went on yesterday it's been difficult to muster any enthusiasm to do very much at all today.  I even managed a little lie-in until 9:15am which was nice!

At the point where I sat down to watch a little bit of TV and subsequently got cramp in my legs, I decided it was time to go and have a little walk and try to stretch out those aching muscles.

Spent the rest of the day searching for a variety of containers in various locations and am pleased to now state that I've managed to clear the three most troublesome caches that I've encountered in my local area.  All great locations and all quite tricky.

One of them was a tiny magnetic box stashed in a speed limit signpost.... one was a 1 litre tupperware box stashed in and amongst a bunch of rocks at a quarry..... and the final one was a 35mm film canister stuffed inot the base of a tree and covered over with a rock.  Funny old game!

The only "outstanding" item of geocaching activity left on my "to do" list is this bloody trackable item that is attempting to journey around all the cricket grounds..... so far it's only been pictured at Old Trafford and I'd dearly like to get a picture of it outside Headingley, but it hardly seems worth the journey for the small amount of geocaching kudos it might generate.

Anyone going anywhere near Headingley in the not-too-distant future?

On the plus side, I've spotted my first wild garlic flowers and bluebells in the woods today.

Feeling the heat....

A long day in the saddle today... we walked around Rishworth Moor, which, when you put it like that, doesn't sound like much.... but boy, was it hard going?

A brief summary:  11.2 miles with 1573 feet of ascent.

We started above Baitings reservoir and climbed the sharp steep section up to Blackwood Edge.  We followed along Blackwood Edge Road (which is actually just a ridge path) past Dog hill and Joiner Stones.  We then made a slight balls -up when the GPS threw a wobbly and we ended up "yomping" across open moorland to reach Oxygrains Old Bridge before clambering back up the clough to Green Withens Reservoir by just after lunch time.

Rounding the reservoir we picked up a geocache at Hanging Rocks and another one a bit further along the track.  Then it was on to meet the M62 at the spookily named Lads Grave - litter, noise and pools of stagnant water typify this section until we meet the Pennine Way and a stunning footbridge that spanned the M62 at Windy Hill.

We turn with our back to the M62 and head uphill along the Pennine Way reaching Robin Hood's Bed and Blackstone Edge - Both truly stunning millstone grit outcrops with far reaching views across Littleborough and Oldham across fields of tumbling boulders - awe inspiring and a real contrast to the depressing M62 meeting.  We drop down off the Edge and join a packhorse route at the 600 year old standing stone Aiggin Stone.

Along this packhorse route heading towards Baitings Reservoir again and it feels like the home straight, but it's an optical illusion (with 3 miles left to go).  We meet up with the Rishworth Drain and turn right towards Flint Hill.  I think this is where Richard sank in a peat bog and he was actually starting to get drawn in!!  We contour around Warm Withens Hill and start the final weary descent down Cat Moss and back to the car.

We are ALL (dogs included) shattered after a harsh day in the heat amongst sun bleached, tinder dry grasses and heathers - tired eyes, tired feet etc etc.  Fantastic walk though.

See also:  Flickr photo set for today!

geo-nut!

I'm turning into a geo-nut.

Been out hunting geocaches again today.  Sought five and found only three.... one of the ones I didn't find is actually starting to drive me Miss Daisy!

So, you're unfamiliar with the geocaching thing?  It's like following a treasure hunt, with no map, and usually no treasure at the end of it all.  Still interested?  Read on MacDuff!

You will need....  one GPS enabled device (I use my mobile phone) with a piece of software called "Viewranger"; One account on Geocaching ; Several crappy plastic things; and Ikea pencils!; Optional - A pencil sharpener or penknife!

So you head over to Geocaching website and set your account up.... you look the the maps of where you want to go for a walk and see what caches are located in the vicinity and you input the co-ordinates to your GPS enabled device (I use my mobile phone).

Then you go for a walk, using your GPS enabled device (I use my mobile phone) to home in on the co-ordinates you've picked out.

You reach the right area and turn over a few stones, get stung by a few nettles, scratch your head, have a drink, get ready to leave then at the last minute stumble on the correct location and get hold of the cache.... note this is caCHE which is in no way related to caSH!!

Note:  Before digging out the cache - please ensure you are not seen by "muggles" - the non-geocaching community!

Usually the cache is a Tupperware box with a book, a blunt Ikea pencil, and some *crappy plastic toys in it.... half of the time it will be waterlogged.  You laugh at how silly this all seems... You sign the (usually) soggy log-book to say what fun you've had, put everything back in the container and stash it back wherever you found it..... and continue on your walk! 

*If you want to keep any of the plastic crap in there you must replace it with item of similar or greater value!

Whe n you get home you simply update the website to say if you did or didn't find the cache.

It's free - it's harmless, it's global and it's a good way of enhancing any walk.

As my old meerkat friend would say "squeak squeak" because meerkats actually can't talk

My latest Flickr set is here!.

And now you want to bust my balls?

What a scorcher of a day!

It's not even the end of March and once again spring has become this season's summer.  To sunny to take photographs, too hot to go walking, and fishing?  Well according to my "fishing weather" website the "bite" forecast is "terrible" and it was never that bad when the ponds were frozen solid.  It's a write-off.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind a bit of sunshine.  I can potter round me garden, water me fruit trees, turn the compost in my wormery over.... no end of diversions to be enjoyed at a leisurely pace with a cold glass of pop, but today is different.... today I have an appointment.... a "revised" appointment that replaces the appointment I managed to miss last week.... with my osteopath!!  Time to get snapped, cracking and popped.

She's a lovely lady my osteopath - She's polish, short of stature, but immensely powerful.  She throws me round the room and jumps on me in ways that would see any other lady thrown across the room with the sheer recoil from my gargantuan frame!  Not so for Agnieszka.  Over a period of a few months she has rendered my spine as supple as a rattlesnake.

Whilst manipulating my skeleton we chat about this and that - it's usually a diversionary tactic on her behalf so you don't tense up at those crucial moments.  We talk about websites, about Poland, about fishing, about my blogs (she is VERY interested in the concept of Random Shopping Mr. Bertram!) and so on and so forth.... we chat and crack and bend and natter for a good hour and then it's time to go.

I've had both knees done and my back done first to the left and then to the right and then the big one - right down the middle!!  I'm pleased to see that simply moving into position these days for the "pops" my spine is so free it readily submits before hardly any pressure is used - I'm free!

Out to reception.... so that's thirty eight quid for today and seventeen and a half for missing your last appointment!!  Hang on.... I went in there and she tried to break my back.... and I come out here and .... well, read the title Anne!

It's been a long time coming....

... but we're here at last.... you wan' it? We got it.... Rock City!!

Hello fantastic punters... let normal service resume!

Been out walking and geocache hunting today.... here's a little routemap for you to peruse at your leisure. It's about 6.75 miles with approx 739ft ascent - which is plenty on a hot day like this.

 
Hunted a grand total of eleven geocaches and only found seven - good haul for the day though!

And THAT, as they say... is THAT!

Chamone Michael.

The one gloved, plastic surgery experimenting one, is no more. Fifty years of age is pretty damn young for the king of pop to pop his clogs.... I hope someone has the good sense to let the Big Brother contestants know this sad news!!!!!

As for me.... well. I've been taking LOADS of photos..... been walking a bit..... beat the blind, old aged pensioners, to a pulp on the crown green bowling surface.... got drunk..... and today, I've been baking, and baking, and then baking a bit more.

I've made chocolate brownies, hokey pokey coffee cake, and some sundried tomato and parmesan bread. I still need to ice my cake and sort out the walnut praline for it, but other than that it's a wrap!!

Going out for some noodles tonight. Big Brother eviction night too - woohoo!!


The view across Foxstone Moss - Ironically, I never even knew of our foxy connection. I would have normally referred to this location as Buckstones, but am much happier now I've actually looked it up. It's just more cotton grass.

Say it a bit louder.....

.... make you feel a little bit better.

What a hot day it's been.

I spent the morning practicing a few things that I've recently learned about my camera. Having spent a day on an "improver's" camera course, I've been inspired to point my camera in every direction at every opportunity. Lots of bad photos and a very few decent ones.

This all ties in with the fact that I didn't manage to win a spot on the Colne Valley calendar competition with any of the six shots I sent them!!!! (insert sad smiley here) There were 58 entrants, each submitting six photos and they only could pick thirteen of them, so I guess the odds were against me...... All entries will be exhibited though in September and October, so at least that's something.

I gave up walking and taking pictures when it got too hot. I retreated to the relative comfort of my local bowling club (see bowling cam) for refreshment, and indulged in a couple of handpulled Webster's Best Bitter.


Buzz buzz buzz buzz honey bee, honey bee, do what you like but don't sting me. A piece of clover with a waxy legged bumble bee near Ringstone Edge Reservoir. Just one of a series of shots taken using "manual" camera settings - I'm finally venturing away from the "auto" stuff and getting a bit more creative - twenty two quid well spent on the course then!!

52 Minutes.

It has some very poignant meanings.

Firstly, 52 minutes is a short film about the growing epidemic of knife crime in London. When last I was in London, there were actually mobile metal detecting arches set up on pavements for people to walk through.

Secondly, it's the name of a Canadian rock band. Part of the hardcore/emo scene, whatever that means!!?!? Of course we all know that it means "emotional hardcore" on account of its' "oh so sensitive" lyricism. Those crafty punk wordsmiths.

Thirdly, it was the amount of time it took Barack Obama to deliver two speeches (exactly 26 minutes each) in Europe, which spelled out his desire to rid the world of nuclear weapons and his intention to launch a drive on nuclear disarmament - possibly bigger than any ever attempted - well, it would have to be Mister Obama - We've still got them, so that tells you the level of success of previous "drives" - besides:

Homer: It's pronounced 'nucular'. Nucular.

Fourthly, and most importantly, it was the amount of footage that I recorded last night, of the Big Brother "live" schedule..... during which time, the housemates were getting ready for bed. 52 minutes into my three hour recording schedule, and of course the lights were off and everyone was snoring. They are, without a doubt, the most sleepy bunch of housemates EVER!!!

Snow in summer. A whole heap of Eriophorum near Deer Hill, under a fluffy clouded sky. I could not choose which of the photos to post here, but chose this one just for the sky. That's cotton grass to you and me, dumbo!! You would not believe the difference in weather between yesterday and today.... my birdhouse has blown out of the tree this morning.... now where will I live!!

Force.

Well it started a bit chilly this morning, but by ten o clock it was turning into another scorcher.

Sadly, I'd recorded a few hours of the live Big Brother that went out at one in the morning, and found that it featured three hours of sleeping housemates. A more pointless six hour broadcast I can not imagine.

I fast forward through three hours of sleeping and reach a stage of complete disgust at what a waste of time it's turning into.

I put my boots in the car and grab a bottle of water. I put my camera back together and grab my car keys. I drive out to Blackmoorfoot and embark on a six mile walk in the sweltering sun. It's not long before the sweat is quite literally dripping off me. I find that carrying a rucksack ALWAYS makes me hotter and before long all my clothes are clinging and clammy.

I combine two of my favourite walks into one. I walk round Blackmoorfoot, through Helme, and out to the shooting lodge at Deer Hill. I have so many good photographs from today that I can't imagine I'll ever get round to choosing a suitable selection.

Later this afternoon I spotted an accident on the motorway outside my house. I took a few photos from my bedroom window and managed to get the local newspaper to publish one on the website. I don't know how long this link'll work.


This season's chick. The first real feathers are appearing on this young fuzzy duck. A lovely glassy surface on Blackmoorfoot Reservoir. (I'm always guilty of (badly) photographing wildlife but I like the water surface and first coloured feathers on this little darling, so you have my apologies for yet another duck pic).

Limbo.

For some reason I feel like I'm in limbo.... I think I need to get out of my funk and go and do something..... it's the half life of a Big Brother addict but without the usual companionship of the live feed from the house. Perhaps I'll watch bowling-cam instead??

I am starting to think about camping?? Is that right?? There just seems to be no end to the internet bargains in the camping department, and I get a step closer to indulging with each discount email that manages to resist my spam filter.

Perhaps I'll just swap my quilt for a sleeping bag and kip on the floor instead, and I will still get to drink a decent cup of coffee on demand.

New music to accompany your visit.... and a new photo too.... what more could you ask for?


A skylark rests atop St George's day commemorative stone at Wholestone Hill - part of the White Rose Forest walk.

Getting there.

More by overexposure than by enjoyment, I'm finally succumbing to the lure of Big Brother. It's taken some bloody minded persistence thus far.

The fact that there is no live streaming in this series has meant that I record three hours of the live feed that plays between midnight and six am, and I watch it the next day, on occasion imagining I'm watching it live...... just draw the curtains and pretend it's late.... it's not hard to do.

The lengths I am going to, in order to enjoy the series, have made me realise I'm probably a bit beyond sensible help.

I'm still managing to get out and about (weather permitting) and with a lovely hot day, today, we had an adventure near Wakefield - a feat in its own right - We visited a castle and a country park, neither of which I knew about before today, and both of which were surprisingly enjoyable. I even found a pub for lunch with real ale. Sandal Castle and Newmillerdam country park and boat house.


Conker tree beside the dam at Newmillerdam. A verdant rhapsody.

Careful.

Spent the most part of the day trying to care about Big Brother. It's very difficult to get involved in it without the live feed. Come on Channel 4, bring it back.

Tried to watch Fistful of Dollars... fell asleep.

Ended up caring about my Pokemon far more than I ought to.

Let me just say.....

Be careful what you wish for!!

Would you....

... credit it?

The great British voting public have only gone and elected hatemongers Nick Griffin and Andrew Brons to the European Parliament. Well, let me tell you this, they can have their seats, and their supporters of diminished mental capacity, but they'll never represent me.

If you can be arsed to sign the petition against them, then you probably would have voted against them, but it's not too late to have a say. Sign here against racism and hatred.

We're a bunch of apathetic voters in this country, and the recent expenses row has meant not enough people could be arsed to vote..... Apparently the whole turnout to the European elections has dropped every year since it started thirty years ago, so it's not just us.

There's a lesson in here somewhere and it's not just that we will all get to see, first hand, what a twat Nick Griffin is, although that may well be the case. Shame on us all!!

Wet firework.

Well, razzmatazz it ain't.

The latest series of Big Brother is a complete damp squib. We're just a few days in and.... I've already lost the will to view.

The episode tonight was embarrassingly bad.

I've even lost the will to write down or explore all the failings of the current show.

You've been saved from a real diatribe then!!

I've resorted to downloading a whole heap of Clint Eastwood films to keep me company through the dark hours where I'd normally be watching the Big Brother live feed and making my own mind up about what's really going on in the house.

I suppose I should be paying more attention to the local elections and the European elections......

.... or maybe not!?

Strange....

Let me first announce that, after a gallon of Huddersfield's finest ale.... the blog might not make sense.....

A bunch of "blokes" at the taxi rank, with a bunch of innuendos, as I approach a gentleman that may be "going my way", with a view to making the journey cheaper.

Three pints in, and I notice the strength of a Cornish porter measuring up to a staggering 6% abv which phases me much less than the dogs that like to lick the landlady's face.

Halifax Steam Brewery - Dark Side - Immensely chocolate/coffee dark beer, despite the fact that I'd have really liked to drink the "Shirley Crabtree" at 5.2% abv. Biggest flavoured beer of the night.

I love the beer!!

Despite my promise to not drink and blog..... see above!!!

A game.

It's been a game of two halves.... well to be fair, it's actually been a week of two halves, not really that much of a game.

First half, baking hot, dry, sunburned, and dogsitting.

Second half, in true British style, grey, raining, foggy, cold, and Big Brother.

A strange phenomena that I thoroughly enjoyed today was the first drops of rain falling onto the hot road, causing steam to rise and swirl about at shin height. Like dry ice at a crazy rock gig, swirling and eddying before the road cooled enough for it to stop.

A strange phenomena that I thoroughly didn't enjoy is that:

Big Brother has no live feed this year. This, presumably, is to encourage us to watch the actual Big Brother show and its spin-off counterparts that have, of course, been falling flat on their arses in recent years. The live feeds have been less manipulated, and we've enjoyed being able to make our minds up about the events as they occur rather than the way the editors wish to portray them.

I need a bath and a shave!!! Iced ink!!

Subliminal.

Adverts are not my favourite aspect of existence. Bad adverts are REALLY bad. Adverts that have to carry small print are even worse - Just watch any mascara advert and spot the "filmed with lash inserts" disclaimer to see the pointlessness of it all.

I make no secret that I enjoyed the Smash adverts with the martians. There HAVE been a few that have been worth seeing, but for no more than their intrinsic entertainment purposes. The thought that any of them have made me buy anything is too sorry a conclusion to reach.

Sat, today, as I often do, with the TV blurting into the ether of my living room while I do something completely different..... two adverts dragged my attention away from whatever I was doing, and they compelled me to write:

In jeopardy style, give me the product to the advert:

a) Just pop it up your nose for a couple of minutes, two or three times a day, and start making the most of your summer!!

b) This isn't just music - This is [blank] (A blatant M&S rip off on behalf of Asda - hint: the blank is the name of the band!!)

PS: Big Brother kicks off tonight - I've heard there will be no "live stream" this series and that means I might actually get time to write/eat/wash/sleep during the course of this series.

Too hot for me.

I actually got a chance to say, in live weather oriented conversation, to my neighbour and the free weekly paper delivery man.....

"Oh, it's too hot for my liking"

I nearly shouted "bingo" just after the words had left my mouth and jumped into passing conversation.

At least I have managed to solve the music playing, picture hosting and webcam issues that have been making a mockery of my blog. I nearly, and almost did, set up my own web server so I don't have to rely on them third party freebies to achieve the level of service you've all come to know and love.

I'm hungry and I need to get summat to eat..... and a cold beer!!

I'll be back to posting more pictures as soon as this hot weather subsides and I come back indoors.

Golden oldies.

A Sunday super search spectacular, just for old time's sake. For those that don't know, I used to pick my favourite search entries that brought people to my blog, and to point them in the right direction for the best answers.

Here goes.....

1) jenni falconer smoking (Google) - I am still amazed at the number of people that come to this site by this search. I think some time back I worked out that Jenni Falconer had something to do with some anti-smoking campaign or something.... anyway.... Smoking fetishists everywhere... enjoy!!

2) diving sparth reservoir (Google) - Diving?? In Sparth Reservoir??? Are you mad??? Now, I do know a bit about Sparth Reservoir as it's on my regular walking routes. It lies at the edge of Marsden and it's a hotspot for kids to swim in when the weather's as hot as it has been for the last few days. The only diving I know that happened there was last year when some kids found clothes dumped next to the reservoir and the search teams went in.... nothing was found. Here's a picture or two of Sparth though.

3) tri wing b&q (Google) - Look, you're just not going to find a tri-wing screwdriver at B&Q. Well, I tell a small lie there, you may well find a tri-wing bit in one of those driver bit packs that you can buy, but if you're looking for a tri-wing driver, I can probably guess it's for console modding!! Have a look here for the cheapest deal I found when I was looking for mine. They don't even charge for postage!!

4) what is the difference between an arctic fox and a fox? (Google) - About 2000 miles!!! Boom boom!!

5) j s q d u a o t t (Google) - Incredible that someone should search for this, and I had to research it myself to realise why they ended up here whilst looking for it. Those are the letters of the final Countdown selection when Carol "thinking man's crumpet" Vordermann was "retired" from the show. For further information purposes..... and an extra nerd point.... both contestants formed the word "quotas".... Carol wept, and so did the nation when we were left with the annoying replacement, Rachel Riley.

6) do artic foxes use water for anything other than drinking (Google) - In short, yes. Cooking, bathing, washing the car, watering the garden, filling the birdbath.... you know, all the regular watery type stuff. PS: Pet hate - it's "arCtic", not "artic"!!!!!

7) concede a frame in "virtual pool" 3 (Google) - I played it a lot and would never concede a frame!! I don't think there's a quick key command that correlates to conceding a frame, and I can't find the instructions either.... you could look here though. The full instructions are here. The keyboard shortcuts are here.

8) hot water bottle tummy fetish (Google) - Say what now?

9) wallpaper girls (AltaVista) - I'm just amazed that anyone still uses altavista!! Just move across to Google and marvel at the results!!

10) haikus for arctic fox (Google) - I imagine you could give any haiku you like to an arctic fox. If, however, you were looking for haiku ABOUT arctic foxes, then they are few and far between.... My gift to you:

In winter, in white.
Changing coats with the season.
In summer, in blue.
(Arctic Fox May 2009)

Gittin'

Gittin' back into the swing of blogging. Still to fix the music thing, but I'm pleased with the way my bowling cam has turned out.

It's been a scorching couple of days, and not really wanting to harp on about it too much (in true Brit style), I'd go as far as to say it's too hot for me!! Just kidding, but I DO love saying that to people when they indulge in weather chat.

I'm trying to play Pokemon on my Nintendo DS. I'm trying to watch Dexter series 3. I'm trying to rewatch all the Mitchell and Webb stuff that I have. I've got blisters on my feet from walking the Colne Valley Circular (12.5 miles) and one leg is still longer than the other from all those lopsided hill paths.

I've been dogsitting for Stevie the wonder dog while Dawn has a string of potential purchasers viewing her house. We've got along pretty well, but I do tend to overindulge her in dog treats - muesli bones..... marrowbone snacks..... and even some burnt baked beans (don't ask) - Dogs make great waste disposal systems, but apparently you're not supposed to give them grapes!?!?

Note to self: Must get a job.

Only...

Just a two DAY absence this time.... beats the previous record of two months by a country mile!!

Been farting about with my crappy webcam, and have now managed, without the assistance of any crappy third party and their crappy free webspace, to get a bowling green webcam back up and running. Simple things and all that. There's possibly too much crap and farting in that last sentence to be very healthy really. I'm sure that Dr. John Harvey Kellogg would approve quite heartily.

My crappy webcam now has some unbeatable refresh rates.

Next thing to fix is the music......

I'm disappointed that nobody was arsed, or had a relevant sign-in ID to comment on my Scotland photos..... boo hoo..... Saying that, even when emailed to my relatives, they never even acknowledged that they had looked at the pictures either!! You have to wonder why you bother sometimes.

Cheerie-bye-the-noo.

Ahem.

Well, you probably haven't even noticed, but I haven't been here for quite some time.

I haven't been doing all that much in the interim period, but I have been simply too busy doing nothing to get round to "tweaking" my blog.....

It all started when I cancelled my domains and then the picture links stopped working and so it goes on..... and before you know it there are so many little things that need looking at and fixing and generally pissing about with that I get overfaced and consequently..... do nothing!!

So now......

I've fixed my profile picture.... I've still to fix my crappy webcam, which will probably involve just deleting it........

I have managed to put a little photo gallery together of a recent trip that I went on to Scotland. You can view a slideshow of it here or jump directly to the photo album here.