wooo - OOO - ooo

Ok the ghost-posting has stopped - I'm home again!

Spent a feverish few days in the Lake District.

Snow on the hill tops.... warm sunshine..... rucksack.... t-shirt..... sweating.... freezing.....  a recipe for man flu if ever there was one and now I'm in a right old tangle!

I love it in the Lakes....  there's always something new to see.... somewhere new to visit..... a new hill to walk up.... and a whole range of chance and fortune with regards to what the weather will do.

It's been lovely weather as it happens.  The very second we sat down at a cafe for our first cup o' tea in the lakes, the heavens opened.... it hailed, it rained..... and it blew for an hour or so.... it was NOT a good omen, but as it turned out that was the first and last of the bad stuff.

The snowy hill tops gradually receded during our stay and we were treated to glorious spring-like displays with sumptuous green and golden hues contrasting with blue skies and fluffy white clouds.

Well, of course I've taken a few photos and we've done a "little " walk......

Langdale Pikes - A paltry 4.7 miles with a whopping 2439 feet of ascent - and conversely a knee shattering equal descent!!

A full flickr set is here!

On t'up.

Seems my man flu has finally turned the corner and begun to eff off. I'm now left with a slightly charred bronchial effect that goes nicely with the curtains.

Bloody weather isn't helping things.... one minute it's freezing cold... the next it's sunny and snow melty and wet..... right now, when I should be out doing my Julie Andrews impersonation, singing "The hills are alive with the sound of badgers" across the fields of Nettleton Hill whilst adoring a beautiful full moon, we are (predictably) treated to fog and vertizontal sleet whipping up New Hey Road.

My gob's all chapped and I've borrowed Dawn's inhaler, so let's hope things get better soon.

Still waiting for my tri-wing screwdriver to arrive from Hong Kong so that I can finally kill my Nintendo DS whilst pretending to be fixing it. I DID get a package from Hong Kong today which turns out to be something else for the DS but it's a bit crap until I get the case swapped out.



One advantage of the recent snow is that a pied wagtail has found its way into my garden every day. Unfortunately this picture was taken through some really mucky windows in my kitchen and was a bit zoomed in, so naturally it's not the best quality. S'a lovely likkle bird though. Having spent a great deal of time and effort keeping the feathered friends fed and watered in this recent white spell, I can say it's been very rewarding to see all the action on and around the feeders.

What goes.....

White, red, blue, red, white???

Answer: Me, in the snow, walking, and then catching man flu!!

I'm officially dying of man flu.

My lungs feel like I have started smoking again.... my temperature is all over the place.... I have the most feeble broken glass cough..... sleep pattern's gone to the dogs..... can't even raise the enthusiasm to stay awake long enough to watch a film (that being said, I've managed to watch (with some cunning rewinding over the bits I fell asleep in) Horton Hears a Who (very good); Bee Movie (Very poor); and Ratatouille (OK)) = lovely nested parentheses!!

On the plus side of being so desperately ill, I've managed to spend some time organising the mountains of digital media that I manage to accumulate in such a haphazard fashion. Electronic spring cleaning, you can't beat it!!



Early morning New Hey Road - This was Tuesday morning, but it's a shot I like. The streetlight phosphor orange glow is quite tasty.

Depends.

It all depends on your perspective. Like Charlie Dickens once wrote - "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times".

And so it comes to pass that, what has been billed as the heaviest snowfall in nearly twenty years, has divided us into two distinct camps.....

For me, personally, I'm loving every minute of it - right up to the point where I am so run-down that my complexion has gone to pieces and I'm starting with a flu. I managed to walk six or seven miles today, and it was bloody hard, hot, sweaty, clammy work.

The other side of the coin is that I've never seen so many schools closed. I've never known anyone's work to be closed before (like Dawn's was today). It was good to see all the kids out sledging and enjoying themselves, but somewhere underneath it all, someone has claimed that the two days of disruption have cost the nation more than three and a half billion quid!!



The red ball rising over the Colne Valley - If you look real careful, you can just see Castle Hill on the extreme left horizon. A great walk and a lovely sunrise this morning.

Quickie.

Hello world.

I am alive.... just.... battling the flu!!

My boiler is fixed.... slurp.... now for a hot... cold... hot... cold.... feverish christmas!!

Felt better!

I'm a bit grim today.

A shaky, sickly feeling is descending upon me. I am praying that it is not the start of a bout of the puking and crapping virus that seems to have done the rounds along the peripheries of my social circle.

In other grim news, I have begun to put my curriculum vitae together. I find it very difficult to summarise the twenty one years of employment that I have encountered in my life. To precis each job into a few sentences whilst encapsulating the requirements of the job that I am applying for, is a stretch of anyone's imagination.... not just mine.

In good news......

I finally got my Nintendo working and have downloaded a few games..... I was, of course, playing Zelda's Phantom Hourglass well into the small hours of this morning before exhaustion overcame me. Having played a few Zelda games before, it would be nice to think that I might actually complete at least one of them in my lifetime!! Even more so now that it's a freebie!!

Well that's about it.... I'm feeling sorry for myself and I need a hug.... and someone who can write a good CV!! I'm gonna go get myself a cup of joe and curl up on the settee with my Nintendo DS.

Please sir....

I want some more!!

More?

You got it Mr. Bumble, my good man... more, and what's more, I'd like to supersize it, and get a frikking drink with it too.

More of the same.

That's what you get.

The pain is subsiding quite nicely now, but the swelling.... oh, the swelling!!

I know I should have the offending teeth removed in order to avoid repeat outbreaks, but the thought of having to have false teeth, and of spending so much time/money at a bloody dentist's is really not one I would choose lightly.

Note to Hodgy..... Bloody hell, for all these years I thought I was missing out on something, and then you go and spoil it all by pointing out that: Not only have I seen Zarch on the Archimedes before.... I've bloody well played it.... it was called "Virus" on the Atari ST, and I still have a copy of it somewhere!!

A day of video gaming... of stormy weather.... of keeping warm.... of painkilling drudgery.....

Marlon Brando.

Well, I can honestly say, in my worst case scenario, hinted at yesterday, I don't deserve a prize for the accuracy of my predictions. My peridontal abscess is wreaking havoc.

I've spent the last twenty four hours in a state of feverish clock watching. Painkiller countdown.

I've been taking sleep where it has presented itself, and this is usually about an hour in the middle of each tablet.

The swelling has come out now, and my chin and lower jaw are causing the skin on my face to tighten up. Throbbing veins and nerves in my face, creating a nuclear reaction, combined with the toxic build up, sending my temperature soaring like a very much unwelcome eagle.

Every abscess I have ever had has taken this same course to a lesser or greater extent. I know I will live, but at four thirty AM with an hour and a half until the next painkiller, you sometimes begin to wonder.

I've turned the corner now, and although it's still sore, and I am struggling to hold a conversation, I think I might get a decent night's sleep tonight. I am even contemplating cooking something to eat...... Risky.

Thank the lord for my Nintendo DS Lite, and a whole bunch of Christmas gifted DVDs.... something to focus on really helps.

This season....

I arrr been mostly writhing about in agony at the mercy of my peridontal abscess(es).

It started yesterday, and has gradually increased in pain and swelling, to the point today where I have been out and stocked up on Cuprofen, Cocodamol, and clove oil.

I now have a freezer full of ice, and a series of alarms that tell me when I am allowed another painkiller. I learnt the hard way when I had the same problem a few years ago, that unless you track your dosages, it's very easy to doze off and forget how many you've taken or when you can take more. I remember counting down the minutes in the very small, feverish hours of the morning.

Such a shame, because the pain today, has pretty much discoloured what had otherwise been a perfect weekend.

I haven't done this for a while, so here are the Sunday searches:

chartbuster board game (Google)
My all-time favourite boardgame. I was introduced to this gem, by an old friend that I grew up with called Gareth. Gareth and Ruth (brother and sister) were deeply woven into my childhood. Ruth was with me when I got run over and it was their neighbour who ran me over, for one example. Anyhow, Gareth bequeathed me his copy of this seventies hip and swinging record chart based game. I, naturally, used and abused the game, and subsequently had to pay over a hundred quid for a replacement a couple of years ago. I was sad to find that the earlier version (which I bought) didn't have the goofy Tony Blackburn endorsement, with his cheesy mug staring out from the game box.

ZARCH archimede download (Google)
Hodgy: "Wevz, have you seen Zarch on the Archimedes?"
Wevz: "Have I F**K!!"

22 foot arctic fox (Google)
What the hell? If there is such a thing, you don't want to go searching for it.... run, dammit, run!

photographs pole moor (Google)
Ok, don't make me do this. Look here:
Here are some of mine.
Here are everyone else's.

"shop dropper", (Google)
I was alerted to the practice of "shop dropping" a few years ago. Rather than try to explain the concept of reverse shoplifting, you can read about it here.

MIRFIELD WEST YORKSHIRE HOME MAID PORN (Google)
Now, I'm interested in this VERY specific search term. I also like the exclusive use of capital letters, as if the searcher were shouting it at Google. So, it's a cleaning lady in Mirfield, that supplements her income through the making of skin flicks.... or it's a generic request (albeit incorrectly spelt as well) for any amateur rude footage which was shot in Mirfield? Either way, I expect it to be a bit grim, but if you ever find it, come back and share.

foxes biscuits mahjongg (Google)
I fail to see the connection.

cow poem huddersfield (Google)
There was a cow of Huddersfield,
Who said that her milk would not yield,
Unless she had her udders feeled!!

will an electric fence kill a mouse (Google)
Depends on a few factors:
What is the current flowing through the electric fence?
Can the mouse reach the electric fence?
Is the mouse that can reach a sufficiently charged electric fence wearing any rubber soled footwear?
Answer those questions, and I will gladly provide further information.

arctic porn (Google)
Chilly Willy?

Argh.

It's now officially four days of being sofa ridden and house bound, struck down with a fatal dose of man flu.

Feverish. Uncontrollable temperature, soaring like and eagle and plunging into the icy depths, with all the grace of a three legged penguin.

Yesterday, beer was mentioned, and although I am in no fit state to entertain a lovely frothy pint at this moment, there is the chance that if I make a significant improvement, that I could visit the Drop Inn's winter beer festival (14th to 16th December in Elland). That's definitely something I will be trying to get to.

I've still got a hundred weight of Christmas and birthday shopping to do. My paperwork has all run away from me. My car needs booking on for a service and MOT. I have about two months of photography that needs sorting out!!! My whole life is collapsing around me.

I really could have done without the green lurgy this week.

Blech!

I'm dying.

... to the power of ten, coupled with a death-rattling bronchial chest infection. It's like coughing out oysters that carry flick-knives!! A sore throat that feels like I've swallowed a tennis ball made of razor wire. Every tendon, muscle, nerve and piece of connective tissue seem to be fused into a big lump, that is of course rolling down a rocky hill and I am feeling every jolt, knock, and scrape.

Yes, it's the annual onset of man flu.

You girls are SO lucky you never have to deal with man flu, I can tell you. You're just fortunate that we lie on the sofa and expect you to run around after us, and that you are immune to this specially mutated extreme winter virus.

I can't even enjoy lounging on my sofa, which has turned into a fire breathing bed of nails, covered with a blanket of Vesuvian lava or a dense sheet of permafrost, depending which way the virus is pedaling at the time.

Joy to the world!!

Bollocks and humbug!!

Drums please.

Day thirty five. We are in the final week, and to protect our "tidying up" investment, the cats are now banished from the house and consigned to the greenhouses for the rest of the week. Mum can make the decision to reopen the catflap to them when she gets back.

I might actually have a use for the bloody cats at my house.

A trip into the kitchen tonight left me with a churning stomach and the ultimate dilemma. A bloodied and slightly maimed mouse is hobbling about on the floor. There's blood around the upturned mousetrap, and the blood is semi dry. This mouse has been suffering for perhaps an hour or so.

I pick up the dustpan and scoop the blinded broken legged animal into it and take it outside. I put the dustpan down by my garden bench and hop back into the kitchen (I only have one shoe on). I imagine that the mouse will be eaten by something or suffer and die in its own time. It's more than I can take on my conscience.

I put on a walking boot on my left foot (to counterbalance the trainer on my right foot), and grab my stick (I cut and shaped my own big walking stick, which is not dissimilar to a neanderthal club) and head out to where I left the mouse. He is still there, shivering.

I tip the mouse out of the dustpan and bring down the club. I must have winced and closed my eyes, and completely missed!! Second time, I didn't!! His little body arched and twitched and he was gone.

Poor beggar. I feel saddened that I have hurt another animal, but I really don't want them in my house. I also feel sickened at having to finish one of those poor little critters off face-to-face as it were, but I know it was the right thing to do under the circumstance.

With all respect to the mouse and to my sensitive readers, I decided that it was not in good taste to photograph this untidy kill. I did, however, feel it was important for me to share the experience, if only to make someone feel as sick as I did!!

Feeling old.

A strange illness indeed has descended upon my fevered brow.

For about a week now I have been mildly ill..... just ill enough for it to be annoying. Nothing debilitating or anything you understand, just weirdly off colour.

From the stomach gripes, through to the aches and pains in my bones. From headache to toothache. Acid scorched intestines and bubbling bowels.

It's just making me feel old. Is this really what I have to look forward to? I bloody hope not! Still, looking back to when I was in my early twenties, I would have guaranteed at that point that I would not be here today to write a blog.

Youthful nihilism is wonderful, but like a failed kamikaze pilot living in endless shame, the rewards of my over zealous days of consumptiveness are coming home to roost, like naughty pigeons.

Or maybe it's just a virus, a bug, a passing phase..... I have everything crossed, and a cupboard full of Zantac.

So where have I been? Why haven't I been blogging?? What's been so important that I have not had a few minutes to say hello?

Nothing..... Well lots of things, but probably nothing that the majority of you would be remotely interested in.....

Big Brother - I am gradually swaddling myself in the warm summer duvet of Big Brotherly love. I know you don't want to read about Big Brother here, but I like to state my case: The twins - I am loving them. They are the only housemates I have ever seen who have truly gone in there simply to enjoy and embrace the experience. I am disappointed that Lesley walked. I quite like Gerry, and although it's early days, I am starting to dislike Seany. There, that didn't hurt did it? Watching Big Brother isn't the end..... I must also watch all the companion shows - Big Mouth, On The Couch, Little Brother, Diary Room Uncut....... It takes time and dedication to be this big a geek.

Nintendo time - OK, so I bought a Nintendo Wii...... I completed the fishing game, and now I am settling down to play Red Steel - It's actually not a bad game. The controls take some getting used to, and I spend a lot of time spinning round either looking at the roof or the floor, but I am getting there. Cooking Mama is a good fun game, if a little limited in its longevity. Ten pin bowling will always be a classic.

Deadliest Catch - Its a TV show about a bunch of guys who fish the Bering Sea for crab. I love it. The new series has been great so far.

The F Word - I used to hate Gordon Ramsay, but I am now starting to actually like him. I think he has a natural talent with food, that makes it all look so easy. His choice to make that talent aggressive and loud mouthed has probably earned him more money than the talent alone, but I don't hold that against him. I also know Gordon will feel so much better knowing that's how I think.....

Celebrity Masterchef - I love the cooking shows. Don't ask me why. I am not a big fan of John Torode, but Greg Wallace is a good guy from Radio 4's very own Veg Talk. We're down to the final four contestants of this light hearted version of the much meatier Masterchef Goes Large.

Age of Empires - I am STILL playing it. I swear on my own life that this game has to be the best value game I have ever owned. There's no start, no end, and it just keeps going. I love it to pieces, and have played every incarnation. They've even announced plans for a new expansion pack - WooT!

Britain's Got Talent - Ant and Dec (my two least favourite presenters) host a talent search across the British Isles, to find an act that will be performing at the Royal Variety Performance. The three judges of this show are: Piers Morgan, Amanda Holden, and Simon Cowell - All three would feature in my top ten of who not to watch on TV - It's a recipe for a completely crap show, but I find myself actually enjoying it. From the Rapping Granny, to the Michael Jackson dancing monkey puppet act.

Hustle - OK, it's some light-hearted stuff about a bunch of grifters pulling cons against some unscrupulous "marks". The way the "marks" set themselves up for their falls is the weakest thing about the show, but the plots of the scams are worth a look. I originally was recording it for my Unc, but I am hooked now.

OK, it's clear I am becoming a telly addict. I am sorry. It's a much better habit than the smoking though. Three months have elapsed since I quit and here's my stats:

Days Smoke free: 85
Cigs not smoked: 3400
Cash saved: 893 GBP (1760 USD; 1890 CAD; 71665 INR)

Only 18 more days until Britain goes no-smoking - I for one am looking forward to it. A year ago, the concept would have scared the living bejeezus out of me, but look at me now Ma', I'm dancing, I'm dancing!!

Bugger it.

I am getting myself sucked into a Big Brother blog, and also into a war of semantics on behalf of a broadcasting company.

There's no easy way out of this for me now.....

I pull the Big Brother covers over my head and hope it goes away.

I am not too well today.

Approximately seven AM and a Nokia tune is clawing at my eyelids. Regardless, my optics remain firmly shuttered.

I can only imagine that the snooze button was engaged before my medulla oblongata was grabbed by a vibrating phone beneath the pillow.

Still, my eyes remain fettered.

Drifting in through an open window, a delirious cacophony of sparrows, blackbirds, wood pigeons, and starlings.

Sensations begin to arrive.

Tightness in my chest. Stomach churning. Internal organs jarring. Limbs aching.

Perhaps it's flu?

Worse still.... it could be man flu??

I roll out of bed and groan and growl as my eyes finally open.

Lemsip - It actually tastes nice, so I must be poorly.

Spent the day rolling about my lounge, wrapped in a quilt which has now seemingly separated itself into the four corners of the quilt cover.

I'm grumpy and miserable...... Nothing new then.

Infected.

The blogger you have installed is infected with a virus.

Please ensure you have all the relevant painkillers, vitamins, and disinfectants to hand.

I don't know what the hell I have had for the last few days.

First, I thought I had sunstroke. I was shaking, and hot, and then cold, and generally feeling like something bad was going to happen.

Next projectile vomiting - not something that happens to me too often, and I never relish the prospect of a bag of dried fruit trying to make a break for freedom down my nostrils.

Shortly followed by the sensation that every muscle, bone, and fibre of my pathetic existence had been microwaved and hung out to dry. A constant flu like feeling, similar to that of being repeatedly kicked in the scrotum.

I am on the mend now, but the occasional visits to the bathroom are still producing some distinctly unpleasant twists.

A body in turmoil. Thirty six emotionally and physically cataclysmic hours.

I am "baby sitting" my mum's house, while they visit my relatives in Scotland. Being ill, away from home, is not a pleasant experience. The chickens, cats, and sheep in these parts are non too sympathetic to my plight.

As part of any recovery from illness, I like to clean myself up, have a shave, a shower, a change of clothes, and a change of mood. I find I can only face these things when I feel better, and I like to think of it as changing out of my funk. It's usually a good sign when I actually WANT to shave!!

Well, right now, I think I am ready to wield the Gillette Mach 3 and get myself a shower.

I've been in the bloody wars lately.

Nosedive.

What can I say......

My health and mental wellbeing are under extreme duress.

The remnants of my teeth are all aching. Abscesses that once grew in my jawbone, and have been previously treated have flared and gone again. My lungs are like toast. My head feels like it's full of emmental. Patches of dry skin are erupting with consummate ferocity, faster than I can apply any ointment or cream, and often in places that I could only reach with the aid of a rag on a stick!!

I'm fit for the knackers yard!!

And so, what is the plan.... How do I shake off this funk?

1) I hereby declare, that this week, will be the official relaunching of my mountain biking season. I need to do a little bit of work on the bike, and then I am going to get back into doing at least ten miles a day again.

2) Vitamins - Berocca are my friend. Since finishing work, I have been decidedly lax in my vitamin intake. It used to be a regular thing when I arrived at work that I would take one of these foamy, soluble sidekicks. I have some cheaper, less frothy alternatives, and I am about to start a serious dosing up.

3) Paperwork - It's part of a staple mindfrik of mine. When there's too much paper to logically know where to begin, I panic, and hide it all under an Age of Empires box. It's a big box. Even with the paperwork hidden, it still weighs heavily on my mind, and there's no real reason to allow this to encumber me any more.

4) Food - I need to get myself some food. I have been living on a really bad diet lately. I am slipping into "dole mode", and this includes - Not going out of doors during daylight; Eating only the remnants of previously looted cupboard stock; Playing too many games; Watching too many films during the day. - I need fruit and vegetables.

5) Smoking - I really need to cut down on my smoking. Sure, we all know it's bad for us, and the taxes, undoubtedly, prop up some vital services in this country. I just smoke too damn much. Since finishing my job at the end of November, my daily cigarette intake has actually doubled to about forty a day.... Now, if that isn't going to produce some nasty side effects, then I don't know what will.

Unfortunately for me, my common complaint is that I tend to spend far too much time examining my funk, than I do trying to get the hell out of it. I need to invest my time and energy more productively.

Right..... enough..... I'm off to take some vitamins, and to make a start on that paperwork. The next time I blog, I expect to be in much better spirits.

Positive mental attitude!!

Just as I have published my entry, and am about to walk away from the computer to sort my life out.... Evil Fox rears his ugly head.

I light another cigarette, and begin procrastination level 10.

If you've never seen the British classic "Peep Show" then you should go and check it out here - Sophia... I am looking in your direction here!!

There are lots of things to watch on the above website, and the list is here, although a lot of the content is regularly removed.... You never know, you might actually find something you like.

The other thing, which I haven't mentioned, is something I picked up from Yorkshire Pudding's blog - It's called "Britblog" - It looks like it could do great things in the near future, so if you are remotely interested in British blogging, either at home or abroad, then go check it out. The more observant of you may have already noticed, that a) I now proudly display their banner, somewhere over there on the right hand side, and b) If you aren't interested in British blogging, then how the bloody hell did you manage to make it so far into my British blog??

As a final act of anal loitering (It sounds worse than it is) - I manage to italicise two whole words, finish my cig, and republish my blog.

Oh, yes.... You don't get rid of me so easily..... Just for those that might wish.... John Shuttleworth's Europigeon video!!