Tinker.....

Tinker, tailor, soldier, procrastinator!

My car's broken......  not only is it broken, but the required part is not available until the seventeenth of July, and that's slightly over a month away..... when they said "one month next Sunday", I don't think anybody was laughing.

The particular part that's broken is a spring..... they make the wheels go up and down into the potholes that the council leave for us.

Now this spring is a special spring.....  you can only use a spring manufactured by the original car manufacturer because it's so rare that nobody else would want to make it.  The spring only fits my particular model and only those of that particular model that were made in that particular year!

It's a "one off" and I presume the original car manufacturer are manufacturing the part on that basis..... there is no stock of it.

So, I'm housebound..... which is less painful than it might originally sound in comparison to being egg-bound!

I'm wishing to be fishing!

So, I've spent a little bit of time getting back to my blogger template...... I've resurrected the "music player" featurette and also have paved the way for a future re-release of the ever popular "bowling cam" widget.... so keep your eyes peeled over on the right hand side of my page for when THAT goes live!

The "music player" function is a nice simple affair.... and I've (rather against my usual style) made sure that the player doesn't automatically start, which could result in heart failure for any number of blog visitors who have their sound turned up too high and have yet to be notified.... and it shouldn't piss you off too much because now YOU.... yes YOU....  You sat there in your vest and pants, slobbering your cornflakes all over the keyboard...... can start and stop the music at will...... I will probably change the tune weekly or so, in order to give you a chance to have a listen should you so wish.  If you look on the right hand side under the "bowling cam" there's a little arrow.... if you click that it will play some music.... if you click it again it won't play some music....  even YOU can manage that!

* [edit] - Apologies to those of a nervous disposition for my first choice of "music" - it sums up my dark mood and reminds me that if Armageddon were coming down the road, it would be accompanied by this excellent track..... one of the best gigs I ever went to blah blah blah.....
** [edit] - Cheryl Cole has now replaced my music of choice!  Blame Yorkshire Pudding for that one!

Bowling cam is another matter all together!

I've lost both of my webcams!  As soon as I find one of them, OR as soon as I find a really cheap, nasty, horrible, low quality piece of plastic that purports to be a webcam..... it will be up and running.

To make these little doo-hickeys do what they're intended to do..... I've had to install my own little web server..... so the stuff you'll see is actually coming to you live(ish) and sort of directly from the computer in my bedroom..... and of course if you're not seeing or hearing anything, then I've switched my computer off or my house has burnt down and you should call for a fire brigade or something......

And so, this merely proves that point that..... 

"one man's car part is another man's web server" - (Confucius)

Excuses

"Arctic Fox, where are your blog entries for the last three days?" Asked a mustachioed, unkempt school teacher.  "Sorry Sir, the cat ate them and then the dog ate the cat" came my smart-arsed, well rehearsed response.  A hundred lines and one hour of detention were my reward.

I wake up, cold sweat.  Pounding headache.  Must be Monday I think to myself and sitting bolt upright notice it's actually Tuesday.

Well, I've had a rough few days.

I've finished my antibiotics and am starting to feel like I dare loosen the bond between myself and the nearest toilet.

I've deleted the complex series of alarms that I'd created to remind me when to take this, take that, or even eat food.

With a little research and an old carrier bag, to plug the holes in my sieve-like memory, I've managed to fix up my Nintendo 3DS so that it (once again) agrees that it can play games from my "very special" card.  Thank heavens I still have my old Nintendo DS otherwise I don't know how I would have done it!

Apart from feeling like I'm sitting on an infected timebomb..... and my head feels like I drank about fifteen pints of real ale last evening..... everything's coming up roses..... or is it?

In some fevered fit of sleep last night..... I remember hearing, and wishing I had been dreaming..... that ISPs are being told to block access to Pirate Bay!  I mean, you're frikking kidding me right?  Didn't we all get a bit antsy because China blocked Google?  Isn't this just the bloody same?  Can someone tell us what we can and can't look at?  I tell you what.... I'm SO bloody furious that I'm going to watch snooker all day!  Stuff your internet up your arse! 

(but don't, please.... I beg you, bring it anywhere near mine!)

Flu-nami!

Hurricane Mucus has reached land, somewhere around the Bay of Arctic Fox at 11:00hrs today.

Scientists predict high blood pressure, gusting sneezes in excess of 300 miles per hour with prolonged showers of snot.  Extreme periods of abject frustration and intense seismic activity are highly likely sometime around bedtime!

Local residents have been warned to stay out of the path of this flu-nami and to seek shelter at the earliest opportunity and start panic buying (amongst other things) petrol; Kleenex (mansize); beer; and Beecham's Powders.

The Met Office have issued a severe bad mood warning for the rest of the week.

Fiddlesticks!  Don't forget to see what films I am managing to stay awake to watch - and here's a picture of brighter, happier times!

Big moon.... big moon.....

Large moon (almost full) rises over a thawing horizon. No, wait, it's a freezing horizon... now it's a snowing horizon.... now it's a raining horizon......

Large moon skips and rises over an indecisive horizon.

I'm a bit whizzed off....

Dawn's now got the flu that I had and I hate it when I can't make things better for her.

I've been looking (in vain) for a contraption that allows me to cover the bath taps with some sort of bath pillow device. Let's call it a green initiative, but sharing a bath is good for the environment, and I'm fed up of burning my back on one side from the hot tap and freezing the other side from the cold tap...... and not being able to relax or lean back anywhere....

Seems like a fairly simple idea......

Perhaps I should take up sewing and set up a business.... anyone interested in a patented foxy tap cover?? Available in the exact colour of orange of your dreams.

In other news..... the screwdrivers I was waiting for from Hong Kong have arrived.... my Nintendo DS now requires professional attention to the tune of thirty quid to repair the damage I have inflicted on it!!



Can you imagine after approximately six hours of open heart surgery - fitting the final piece back onto my Nintendo..... thwarted by the snapping of this tiny piece of plastic!! The air was blue.... as you can well imagine. The little piece of plastic you can see is actually part of the power switch - I can buy a new switch unti for three quid but I cant solder things that small..... thirty quid to get it done.... I'm gutted.

Victor!

As I get older, I am constantly reminded by those around me that I have an increasingly similar disposition to that of Victor Meldrew. I have an alarmingly shortening fuse, terminal bad luck, and an immeasurable amount of bile which seems to spout forth from my vocal chords under its own angry volition.

Things happen to me and I have no tolerance for it to simply wash over the top. I used to be quite laid back.... I was one of those horizontal people.... If I laid back any further you'd have called it a cartwheel.

So what's my gripe today?

I took the plunge and ordered some carefully researched walking boots from an online store. The delivery went fine, the communications were acceptable, the product is in good working order....... they are just a whole size too small for my feet. I look at my trainers.... size 11.... I look at the boots.... size 11..... I look under my feet.... size 11...... ah well, I'll just roll over, accept that not everyone's definition of size 11 is the same, return them (at my own expense) and get the next size up.......

Insert blue air here!!

So, there's a size 11...... and the next size up is...... 12.5!!!!

Oh crimminy!!

Need Assistance? Live Chat - Offline.

Say no frinking more!!

(I also payed for them using PayPal so the refund won't be simple either)



Why do you think he removes their skins, Agent Starling? - I love the blue skies that we get as we head towards winter. Clear, crisp, low slung, powder blue. I also have a fascination with power lines and pylons. When you really take time to look at things like this (the picture) it makes you realise we're a funny species on this planet! Nettleton Hill power lines and a starling.

Smash it.

Watching "Celebrity Come Dine With Me" tonight on TV.... I am treated to Caprice (Vacuous model type), Nicky Clarke (Foofy hairdresser type), Nancy Sorrell (Wannabe celebrity type that sounds like a man) and Jimmy Osmond (Long haired lover from Liverpool type) all enjoying a series of dinner parties together.

The time has truly come to smash TV. To kill it. Those rockstars of days gone by that hurled TV from hotel windows surely had the right idea.

I did watch it until it made me so mad that I plucked out my eyeballs with a corkscrew.

There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, it's probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on ... shame on you. It fool me. We can't get fooled again. - G W Bush!



A very oldie, but still one of my favourite pics that I have snapped. Using my old Samsung camera when I used to live in Birky, I caught a humble-bumble on my sage plant. A memory of summers past.

Hell to pay.

Customer service. I bang on about it. I never stop being aware of it. I give credit where it's due, and I certainly don't hold back when I've been let down... and let down, I have been!!

Sky customer services.... waited in all day for the engineer to come to fix my unsightly satellite dish. I took great pains to explain that my house is three stories high, and beyond that the dish is attached to the chimney.... so imagine my chagrin when Conrad arrives and his opening gambit is:

"You've no chance mate!"

Mere fractions of an hour later and Sky customer services are on the phone to me telling me confidently that, not only will Conrad not fix my problem, but I am not a Sky customer, that they never installed the system, that I've never bought any equipment from them, and that I don't subscribe to their services.

"I do." I protest.

"You don't" comes the voice down the wire.....

Pantomime ensues for several minutes before I suggest she looks harder at the computer screen.... much harder!!

A twenty minute phone call establishes that I do indeed have Sky TV... that I am a paid up subscriber, that they fitted the equipment, that they supplied everything, and ..... Guess what??

We finally establish that I have a high roof, and that Conrad will not fix my problem.

Someone else is going to call on Thursday this week, and I fully expect round two of exactly the same thing.

I could go on and regale you with further tales of dissatisfaction, but then what will I moan about tomorrow?

Bloody freecycle.

Here's a clue (or two) for freecyclers everywhere....

1) In the subject line of the email offering goods, you will see something along the lines of:

[huddersfieldfreecycle] OFFERED: Lava Lamp - Outlane - HD3

This tells me that:

1a) This is the HUDDERSFIELD group.

1b) The item is in Outlane in Huddersfield in the HD3 postcode area.

2) Don't be bloody expecting me to deliver anything!!

3) Don't email me telling me you will have the item before noticing that you live too far away to make the journey.

4) Don't tell me you can take the item but can't collect it for two weeks.

5) If you tell me Sunday at six PM is the time you will call for the item, then don't expect either me or the item to be here when you finally decide not to show up!!

6) Be considerate, polite, and don't screw it up for all the good freecyclers out there.

7) If your name is Wayne or Dre Dre, and you are anywhere near Outlane, then watch your back!!

I won't be offering any more goods up.... EVER!! I will take them to a tip rather than be pissed about.

Such a shame....

In other news:

Amaryllis cam is almost unable to fit the complete plant into view now. The main stem is twenty nine centimetres tall now, and the side shoot is already thirteen centimetres. It's growing like crazy. Remember it was only eleven days ago when Amaryllis cam was begun with a single six centimetre long shoot!! Check out the live cam pics here!! Check out the very first Amaryllis cam pic here!!



Thanks Blogger for FINALLY fixing that bloody annoying spell checking error!!

Thanks to Joey Cool for my wizzened Granny Smith's apple tree!! I will always keep a fruit bowl full of their decaying remains in your honour.

I have updated random shopping blog today as well. (I am writing this before I have updated it, but for most people it will have been updated by the time they read this so it will be technically correct on at least some levels?!?)

Bloody typical.

Since October 24th 2006 I've been a warm and clean little bunny, thanks in part to the boiler repairman and partly to the expensive crappy circuit board that he fitted, that in turn made the boiler work.

Sadly, as is totally typical of my life, I fix one thing and another breaks.....

Seems I am destined to never have things just go plain sailing.... As soon as my back is turned......
The boiler is not working AGAIN, and even more typically than that, it's gone on Saturday evening, when of course I will be without the boiler for two days before I can even ring the guy to come and look at it, before it takes him a couple of days to order and receive the no doubt, necessary part.......

Why me? I ask, as I shake a hand at the heavens and curse the God of central heating boilers!!

They tell me.....

... you should never let those bleeping bleepards grind you down!!

I have often said the same thing myself in advice to anyone who might be feeling slightly "under the cosh" at the mercy of "the man".

It's just bloody hard sometimes to keep smiling when everyone is trying to grind you down with electric orbital sanders turned up to number eleven.

The car saga rumbles on.....

They've had my car at the windscreen place for four days. This factor is unacceptable in its own right, when you consider that it should have been a mere twenty four hours.

Yesterday afternoon after three days, having not received the phone call they promised me, and against my better judgement, I phoned them..... the phone jockey goes to check... despite the fact that I know you can see out of the office window directly into the work area..... he comes back.... "yes, they're working on it now. It will be ready at four thirty".

Ok, so here's the catch.... they've got my car.... at the other side of Huddersfield.... what time do they close? Five o' clock!! I have a thirty minute window to get across Huddersfield in the rush hour, and it's snowing.

"Look, what time do you open tomorrow morning" I ask.....

"Eight thirty"

"I'll be there at nine"

"Ok see you in the morning".

I turn up this morning, and they move a car that's parked in front of mine, and then between them they push my car out of the garage. He comes in and says "Oh by the way, were you having trouble with the battery?".

"No"

"Well we came to start it yesterday and it was flat".

"Ok, so you've charged it then?"

"No, but we will bump it off the forecourt for you and you'll need to run it around a bit"

Then they open the boot and start cleaning out all the broken glass from the old piece that's all shattered inside.

Four frikking days.... you haven't even managed to tidy up after the job that you did yesterday afternoon and you've flattened my battery??

I get in the car and drive off.... with smoke billowing out of my ears.... I'm trying to stay calm.... honestly, but if one person..... just one person steps moderately over the line......

Kaboom!!

You wouldn't.....

... like me when I am angry.

Yesterday morning, I awoke to find that the rear window of my car was smashed. Vandalism? A freak accident as a result of a badly surfaced road spewing gravel everywhere and a boy racer speeding past? Who knows?

I search for my insurance details to find out whether I might have some sort of windscreen cover that might actually apply to the back window of the car as well as the front window... seems like a long shot, but it just might work.

Eventually I give up looking for my documents and phone the insurance company and play the "dumb" card, which isn't hard to do!! It transpires that I DO indeed have cover for the window, but I have to pay seventy pounds (140USD) excess, and the lovely tinting will have to be paid for out of my own pocket.... not cheap.

The insurance company give me another number to ring at the RAC. I phone them and a VERY helpful chap talks me through the process with the consummate skill of a genuine teleprompted sales operative. Someone will ring me to book it in to RAC Windscreens.

The call comes.... they don't have the glass in stock, despite their claim (We stock glass for more than 10,000 vehicles)....... it will be there tomorrow morning, but I can take my car down there and it will be locked up overnight and secure. I agree and take the car down there. I leave it with them.

This morning they call me to tell me that they have ordered the wrong glass because my car is non-standard and has a spoiler across the top of the window, which was added after it was made, which is absolute bullshit, but I am in no mood to argue..... In a deja vue-esque twist of fate, the correct glass will be there tomorrow morning, despite their claim that (We stock glass for more than 10,000 vehicles) or indeed their claim that (Our staff are highly trained and their work is guaranteed)....

What I can't understand is:

a) If they had the car all day yesterday, and coupled with the fact that I pointed out that this model of Honda is ALWAYS a problem, they didn't bother to check what they were ordering against the car they had in their possession.

b) How can a piece of glass which apparently isn't made, because the car has been modified after sale, be made available by tomorrow morning? It can't can it? They've just simply ordered the wrong one haven't they?

c) Would I go there out of choice or recommend their services to anyone other than my worst enemy...... not on your Nelly!!

That'll learn ya!!

Some time ago, I bought a thingummyjig that plugs into my Nintendummyjig, and when you get some memory and stick it in this oojamaflip and plug it all together, it should allow me to play *coughs* copied games.

Well these particular thingummies and oojamaflips have sat idly by for a year or so, and I finally decided it was time to bite the bullet, give it a go and get myself some lovely new *coughs* copied games.... there's only so many times you can bathe your dalmation without getting tired of the routine.....

I went out today and bought the requisite memory card. I came home all excited and started downloading some *coughs* copied games. I plugged this into that and that into the other, and then got a cable and shoved an adapter into this and it was like some kind of crazy technological Russian dolls.....

Well, it was going ok..... I was getting some warning about something not being authorised, which of course *cough* it isn't...... I'm just coughing for fun now!!

I don't know what happened next... I think I might have pulled out an adapter or switched something off at the wrong time.... and now nothing works..... it just sits there with a white screen..... no errors.... no messages..... no clues..... just a smirking white screen!!

Bugger.... I hate those effing unfriendly errors.

Well, I've ordered another oojamaflip in the hope that I managed to overload it's quarter wave phase adapter and it melted the flux capacitor!!

That'll learn me for messing about!!

Damn and blast.

Y'all should know by now that I watch far more Big Brother and subsidiary spin-off shows than is healthy for a person of my age and disposition.

You all may or may not know that, traditionally, January has seen the start of Celebrity Big Brother.

Some of you may even remember the furore that surrounded last year's Celebrity Big Brother and its racist undercurrent, fuelled by Jade Goody, Jo O'Meara, and the disgustingly vacuous Danielle Lloyd, against equally annoying, but undeservedly picked on, Shilpa shetty.

Some of you might even be amazed that all this happened just a year ago!!

Well, after it was (probably wisely) decided that the format of Celebrity Big Brother had run its course, it was duly canned, and resurrected in the format of: Big Brother Celebrity Hijack.

The new series started yesterday, on a non-terrestrial channel, so you need some form of digital equipment to view it, and this in itself is a sign that the show's popularity is waning.

I decided to dip my toes and see what the new format offers....

It was a brief dip, and I don't think it will be repeated.

A bunch of "talented" youth have been put in a house together... it's one step up from the "teen" Big Brother which was so dull, it was never even given much more than a cursory airing, and only because it was the first (English) Big Brother that actually led to housemates having sex.

I don't know about you, but when it comes to putting dancers and circus performers into Big Brother, and not one of them is over twenty-one years of age, then I reckon I for one am decidedly outside the target demographic.

I hope they enjoy teaching each other their dance moves and stretching exercises!!

Chain reaction.

It's not too far off Christmas, and the deliveries are arriving thick and fast from all my internet purchases. I much prefer to buy online and avoid those late Thursday night sessions where each and every shopping mall is like a scene from "Dawn of the Dead" but with the zombies laden down with plastic carrier bags full of junk that will be broken by Boxing Day or will remain unloved in a cupboard until it finds its way onto eBay or Freecycle.

A knock at the door sends me scurrying around the house collecting various pieces of clothing at random, from the random places that they were discarded in the first place. I say "scurrying" in that, as much as a sufferer of plantar fasciitis, wearing one shoe, can actually scurry. It's generally a mix of tackling stairs sideways, and hopping, and hobbling, and generally trying not to overstretch anything in the heel, calf, or foot.

I arrive at the door, unlock it, open it, and find a postman frantically trying to unjam the parcel that he has already tried to jam through my letterbox, with the added difficulty of the fact that the door is now moving away from him. We exchange pleasantries, as if the postman is actually giving me a parcel (I always find that a strange feeling I have when parcels arrive... as if it's from the deliverer themselves... I guess that would by why the saying "Don't shoot the messenger" came about? - Don't kiss the postman for delivering a parcel that you bought and paid for yourself).

We arrange a suitable "secret" location for the postman to leave subsequent packages in, in the event that I might not be around at some point when he tries to deliver them. He's concerned that he will have to carry parcels around and take them back to the Post Office at the end of his round (ironically, this is his job) but it is a real ball-acher to have to go and collect them, so we give the secret handshake and nudge nudge..... third stone on the left......

I've truckled over the cat banishment issue. If mum, on the other side of the world thinks it might not be suitable treatment, although it was originally suggested by her, then far be it from me to argue. Forget the hours that we (Dawn and I) have spent cleaning and dusting and disinfecting and hoovering and making nice the house for their return, or the fact that we could, instead, have spent those precious few hours that we might have had together to do something more pleasant.

I go to sort out the animals. It would appear that I have lost another chicken. To lose one chicken is unfortunate, but to lose three is downright carelessness. The cats have puked all over the Rayburn again and I dash round feeding them and cleaning up their vomit. As fast as I can, I leave them eating their Felix, and head for home.

A "We have a parcel for you" card is shoved through my letter box from those lovely people at City Link. They are possibly the world's worst couriers, and I rarely EVER receive a hassle free delivery from them. I missed them by about the amount of time it takes to clean up a pile of cat vomit (three minutes to be exact).

I am further frustrated by not being able to speak to a real person and to find out if the van driver is still in my vicinity and whether I could meet him to get the parcel.

A robotic voice on the other end of the phone suggests that they may try to deliver it again tomorrow if the wind is blowing in the right direction, but of course, they can't intimate a time.... that would be far too sensible!!

Chuff a duck.

You sometimes can't win, to the point that you sometimes wonder why you bother.

I am in trouble for locking the cats out.

Despite the fact that this particular act was originally encouraged by my mum, it is, seemingly, now it has been put into action, unacceptable.

For the record, and in my defence, and contrary to the misinformation my mum has received, here are the weather conditions for Huddersfield for the rest of the week:

Tuesday (today) High 12 degrees - Low 12 degrees (cloudy).
Wednesday (tomorrow) High 12 degrees - Low 7 degrees (showers).
Thursday (day after next) High 13 degrees - Low 7 degrees (showers).

After which time, the folks will be back in the country. Admittedly it is set to come a bit cooler on Friday, but still I think you will agree that these temperatures are NOT cold for December, by any stretch of the imagination.

If you can't tell, I'm very annoyed that my mum felt fit to question my judgement and she firmly believes that against all common sense I'd leave the cats out in an arctic blizzard and she'd be returning home to four ice cubes.

All my frustration could have been avoided by a visit here!

If anyone else thinks these temperatures are too cold to leave the cats in a greenhouse then feel free to add to my splendid mood.

Post update update: Vindication came, whilst watching the weather forecast, and it was described as being "exceptionally mild".

Twenty one today.

I think I mentioned previously that you should NEVER piss off a blogger...... This advice holds just as true for Egears.co.uk (who you should never ever use) as it does for my own family.

....

Phone rings.... and rings....

I half open my eyes, pick up the phone, notice it's my mother calling....

I hold onto the phone for a split second hoping it will ring off and I can go back to sleep, until my conscience pricks me enough that I have to answer it anyway.

My throat is still closed, and so are my eyes.

Hello....

"Hello, did you know it was me?" asks my mother.

"For christ's sake, my mobile phone, just like anyone else's tells me who is calling... it is no longer a surprise to discover who has broken my slumber." I think to myself.

"Yes" I reply.

"Blah blah blah"

"I'm tired" I respond.

"Are you ill?" my mother asks.

"No I'm tired, I have just woken up" and I am becoming increasingly frustrated and angered at being woken up to make small talk.

"It's eleven o' clock" my mother usefully point out..... "Is it eleven at night?"

"No it's morning, but I was asleep" I reiterate.

"Have you read about our trip to Sydney on the blog?" my mother asks.

At this point, having just about managed to adjust my eyes to daylight, and wondering whether my legs are still attached to my body, I feel like a prisoner under interrogation. Of course if I had read the blog, then there would have been a subsequently pointed and no doubt sarcastic, caustic or rude comment from me, I think.

"No I've not read the blog." I answer, desperately trying to not let myself think out loud.

"Oh."

"I've just woken up." I reiterate.

"Yes I know you've just woken up, you keep telling me." retorts my increasingly angry mother.

"And you don't think that in me protesting about coming under question and pressure to make small talk within 15 seconds of waking up is a signal to leave me alone?" I think to myself.

Several more exchanges increasingly anger me where my mother talks over the top of a slight voice delay and my answers to questions so that I end up repeating myself over and over.... I am in no mood for this.

"How is the snow?" She asks.

"Gone."

"I read about it on your blog, and someone at work told Rob about it." she usefully informs me.

"Oh."

"Did it just snow there or everywhere else?"

"I haven't been EVERYWHERE else!!!!!!" I protest.

"Why don't you let XXXX look after things for a few days. you have her number, and she'd love to do it" asks my mother.

At this point I am no longer even in the conversation - XXXX looked after things before and the Rayburn burned itself out. My girlfriend at the time spent days cleaning up cat shit where a disinterested friend had been in to feed the cats but had not noticed the smell of burning or seemingly of the room next door being full of cat shit. This must by mum's definition of "love to".

Eventually, I can hear mum's voice begin to crack as she realises that no matter how hard she tries, there will be no sense in poking a bear that you've just brought out of hibernation. My day has been well and truly ruined, and I'm not even out of bed.

Phone call behind me, I get up, fuming. Arrive in the kitchen with cat puke to clean up. The weather is so bad, but on the basis that the chickens have not been out in two days, I decide to give them an option. I wish I didn't. The garden is strewn with pieces of a dilapidated compost bin. Watering cans, bits of metal, plastic, and compost are all over the place.

I tie everything back together, shovel up, sweep up, disinfect the kitchen again..... offer the chickens a chance of freedom and they huddle in a corner. I shut the door and leave them to it.

A great start to the day....

I "LOVE TO" do this!!

Bloody hell.

I just came on to write my day eleven chicken maintenance diary, and to expand upon the seven deadly sins concept....

Yesterday's posting has completely disappeared!!

I wrote about Philadelphia cheese spread and some other such nonsense.... The post was successful, and yet, today, it's gone.... this has never happened to me before and I can only put it down to the fact that the computer at my mum's house just simply defies all rhyme or reason.

The growing list of things that I can't do here at Chicken Towers is growing in number and vexatious by the minute.

I refuse to play along. I am packing up my bat and ball, and going to sit in the sulky corner!!

Post update update......... I found the post that went missing.... for some wacky reason the date stamp had gone awry, and of course the blog entry wasn't in the place where it was supposed to be..... it is now, and that's yesterday.... read all about Philadelphia if you like.

Thirty nine steps.

Anyone who has followed my blog for any amount of time will know, without even having to think about it, that whenever I have to look after my mum's house at Pole Moor.....

I get extremely pissed off!!

Today is the start of thirty nine days of house sitting, of chicken husbandry, of cat caring, of shattered internet connections, and limited televisual experiences.

Eighteen chickens.

Four cats.

No internet. Well internet that is so temperamental that I have been trying to create a blog entry for nigh on six hours now.

Browsers that don't perform as they should - A combination of Opera, Firefox, and Internet Exploder will not (between them) allow me to publish a single photograph to my blog. A combination of windows internal firewall and the browsers' individual security settings are all arguing with each other.

Unfamiliar, unresponsive and frankly frustrating collection of photo editing software. I scanned a bunch of photographs earlier (for the purpose of my blog) and had to crop them.... It took me bloody hours for what should have been a ten minute exercise. The irony of this wasted time, is of course that the fourteen images I now have won't post.

A paranoid over zealous installation of Zonelabs Zonealarm (additional firewall), that won't let me fart without sticking a cork where monkeys shove bad nuts.

I've been house sitting for approximately twelve hours of the thirty nine days, and I am already tearing my hair out. Stay tuned for a complete and utter breakdown, which I predict will happen sometime around Thursday.

Praise.

All too easy it is to moan about companies like:

Comet - Apart from anything, just around the corner I could buy the same item for half of the price anyway. Was there really any need to have your staff follow me "nonchalantly" as if to examine stock on the shelves?

PCWorld - It's staffed by semi-literate chimpanzees. Under normal circumstances, I would not touch this place with a barge pole. They are over priced, over staffed, under qualified, and predatory in their sales techniques. All the products I was interested in today were on the shelves without any prices attached to them. Why the hell would I buy anything under those conditions?

Egears - Ah, the old Egears.co.uk transaction. I know for a fact that about half a dozen people have already found my tale of woe through search engines, and Egears.co.uk certainly don't deserve to be let off the hook yet. Avoid them at all costs.

And so, it comes to pass...... The camera order was cancelled, and re-ordered through Digital First. I think it was spice-the-cat who mentioned them.

Anyway.....

I ordered the camera at two of the clock on Friday afternoon. A silly time to place an order by anyone's standards. Surprisingly enough, four hours (yes HOURS not days, nor weeks, nor even months) later, I receive the email telling me my item has been dispatched. Barring catastrophe, that would mean it arrives on Monday, oh wait, that's today.... and bugger me, if I am not holding in my hand a new camera!!

Now that's what I call music to my ears.

A supplier who does what they should, when they should, and how they bloody well should.

And so, my golden supplier award goes out to: Digital First. By all means use them, they were superb.

Stay tuned for a seemingly never ending stream of random bad photography.

In other news:

I have updated my media player thingummy-plugin-abob. It's now driven by a shockwave player or something. Don't ask me, I'm just the leech that passes these things on.

Welcome back Toad.... You were gone, but not frogotten!!

Spice - Thanks for the tip-off.... also, if the vocal did not come in when it did, then of course it would have been an instrumentalist!!

Anyone fancy going to see the Vienna Vegetable Orchestra with me in Huddersfield at the end of November(ish)??

Aaron - Tanks for the media player thing and the summary of what was busted.

Tony - Were you really at Krumlin 70? That's a right bit of local kudos!!

Savannah - Welcome, and hopefully all fixed now.

Yorkshire Pud - I am definitely NOT doing any form of "stand-up" in the Rat and Ratchet..... After a few pints of the latest "guest" beer or cider, standing up becomes a bit of a problem.

Full moon madness....

The full moon is upon us. The madness begins. This full moon does not bring cuckoo, crazy, muhahahahah type madness.... it brings an angry, bitter, cheated madness, that has me firing off emails, left, right, and dead centre!!

By now, you all may be aware that I have recently ordered a camera. It's taken me a while to take the plunge, and I've lost count of the number of cameras that made it into my virtual shopping trolley (or cart if you prefer, to be pedantic that is!!), but never made it as far as the checkout before being virtually dumped in a random position amongst the shelves of the virtual store.

Virtual random shopping.... you don't see much evidence of it really.

Anyhoo.....

The order was placed at 4pm on Sunday afternoon. The "stock" status declared that the item "normally" ships within 1 to 3 working days. Fair enough. I sit back and let the days elapse. I notice the credit card I used has a pending transaction for the requisite amount..... And I wait.

Yesterday afternoon (exactly three working days and half a non-working day later) I have still had no update, and my order still hasn't received a tracking number, and I am under the impression that it is in fact no nearer reaching my sweaty outstretched palms than it was three working days (and half a non-working day) previously.

Contact us.... The last hope. I click the button, fill in their questionnaire style contact form and click "submit". I am warmly welcomed by a screen that tells me "You will receive a reply from us within the next 24 hours".........

Twenty six hours later, and I haven't even had an email to confirm that they have received my query, that they are looking into it, that they are even still a trading company.

I fire off one last email, which I enclose for your amusement:

I am requesting cancellation of the following order.
Your Order, XXXXX at eGears UK

Your website has stated that dispatch would be 1 to 3 working days. The order was placed 4 working days ago and has still not been dispatched and this constitutes a breach of agreement.

I emailed you through this facility yesterday, and was told that I would receive a reply within 24 hours. This has not happened either. Another breach of customer agreement.

Please consider this order now cancelled, and I will be contacting my credit card company in the morning to pursue the pending transaction you have lodged there, with no apparent intention to deliver the ordered item.

It certainly has NOT been a pleasure doing business with you, and rest assured, this experience will be read by hundreds of people on my blog.

Thanks for nothing.
Jason Weaver.

I am now fully anticipating a several month long wrangle to get my money back and to ensure that they do not repeatedly try to deliver said camera in the very distant future. I don't want it, I won't be messed about, if your stock status makes a claim then you should honour it or explain yourself, you should answer all queries promptly. On the basis that they have failed all the objectives listed, I have no intention of giving them my money, and of course, would urge anyone else looking for customer service....

Never use http://www.egears.co.uk/

I run outside and howl at the moon......