Ale to the Tsar!

I'm working again today.... from 3pm to 8pm.... it's what we call the "ale trail" shift, whereby a bunch of drunken drinking parties arrive in a series of villages to guzzle a drink or two before catching the next train out of there.

Between the drinking and train catching, they're usually urinating somewhere.....  the war memorial, the lamposts down the street.... etc etc.... you get the idea.... it's a drunken free-for-all that makes the cash registers sing in regular twenty minute bursts.

I can't complain..... I've got some work.

Anyway.... it means that you're not very likely to catch much of a blog update from me today, and I wanted to share the news that today.... is the local bowling club's "fun day".... which I am told will involve such frivolous activities as "target golf" and a "bouncy castle".........

In one previous "fun day" someone managed to throw something onto the roof of the extension at the back of my house and subsequently put their foot through several roof tiles in the process of retrieving it......

I give to you, today, the task of monitoring the "fun day" via the live(ish) webcam and email me any screen captures of the misdemeanours that may transpire throughout the course of another (expectedly) drunken day - you may also catch some gratuitous shots of someone grilling dead animals on an overturned oil drum.

Good luck with that..... I'll think about you while I am pouring a pint of Carling!

Live(ish) webcam (note: I've found that my Firefox prevents the auto-updating of this page so if yours does the same you can press F5 every ten seconds or so for the latest picture)

Tinker....

Tinkering with my widgets.

I know I shouldn't but I'll just do it until I need glasses!

After a rather late and stressful bar shift last night, I'm left feeling a little flat today.

I was hoping I might rise late, have a bite to eat, pack some fishing gear and head out to charm a fish or two out of a local fishing hole, known, rather imaginatively, as the "Duck Pond" at Lindley.

Of course the British summer has other ideas, and it's possibly the wettest morning I've seen since I lived in Outlane, some seven or eight years.

So, I've been tinkering.

I've changed the "chicken" tune to one the is more suited to our current situation, and I've uploaded a few couple more webcam highlights.  Don't forget to click on the arrow, on the right, under where it says "music player" to hear my latest selection.

There's a definite "weather" and "ducks" theme running through the air today!

The tune in question is dedicated to my late cousin Dan - It's a track by a band called Lemon Jelly and I'm pretty sure you'll be able to guess its name.  I remember the twinkle in Dan's eye when he told us about this track.  I'd heard it before but didn't know what the heck it was.  Anyway, this is an "unplugged" version of that tune and I'd give anything to be playing it to Dan and imagining him dragging out, not only this version, but every other version that has ever been released and quite a few that haven't as well.  He was an avid, obsessive compulsive, collector.

The stress at work was caused by a lack of customers......  between the hours of half past eight and ten o' clock, the pub was empty..... I cleaned and tidied, wiped and dried, mopped and stacked, rinsed and wrung..... until there wasn't a surface left that I could tackle.

Bored by the inactivity, I had a go on the quiz machine and was almost in "cash winning" mode when a single solitary customer walked in.....  rats!  I think he had half a lager and went to pick up some salt and pepper chips.  Lucky lad!

I got another seven or eight customers that came in and stayed until closing time.

I managed to clock up one complaint about my music choice in the pub (the trouble with "compilation" albums is that there's always one or two tracks that you don't like, and the landlandy happened to walk into the bar at one of those moments - even I don't like the track, but if you had a jukebox there'd always be someone who'd put the Wombles on or something right?).  I could write a bit more about this "music" thing.... perhaps another day?

At 2:30AM I woke up with more "window" fever!!  Did I check the windows?  Knowing full well that I did!

Only...

Just a two DAY absence this time.... beats the previous record of two months by a country mile!!

Been farting about with my crappy webcam, and have now managed, without the assistance of any crappy third party and their crappy free webspace, to get a bowling green webcam back up and running. Simple things and all that. There's possibly too much crap and farting in that last sentence to be very healthy really. I'm sure that Dr. John Harvey Kellogg would approve quite heartily.

My crappy webcam now has some unbeatable refresh rates.

Next thing to fix is the music......

I'm disappointed that nobody was arsed, or had a relevant sign-in ID to comment on my Scotland photos..... boo hoo..... Saying that, even when emailed to my relatives, they never even acknowledged that they had looked at the pictures either!! You have to wonder why you bother sometimes.

Cheerie-bye-the-noo.

Scared.

As I sat on the sofa, playing yet another game of Star Wars on my Nintendo Wii at one AM.....

Holy smoke, the whole house began to shake.

It was EXTREMELY windy outside, and at points of the evening several vehicles had been blown over on local roads.

As I sat on the sofa that merrily jumped up and down, I immediately thought a chimney had blown off the roof, or that one of my trees had blown over.

I jumped up and looked outside, but couldn't see anything.

EARTHQUAKE!!

Turns out, I'd witnessed my first ever earth tremor.... and to be fair, it wasn't the kind of experience that you need to witness with any more frequency or severity than that!!

In other news.......

There was a cow of Huddersfield,
Who said that her milk would not yield,
Unless she had her udders feeled!!


Amaryllis cam continues to amaze. The main stem is well over the thirty centimetre mark now, and I am going to have to work out some other way to fit the whole plant into the webcam image.
Biofuel - I don't often make political or news related wranglings on my blog..... there are millions of blogs out there that already do that, and I don't like to pretend that I can do anything as insightful or witty or astute as the myriad of those blogs that do what they do.

Imagine our collective gasps then, when faced with a news item (see earthquake above) AND a political hot potato (see biofuels, following).

Biofuel..... We are apparently supposed to be thankful to the likes of Richard Branson and Co. for trialing these new "eco friendly" fuel products.... well let me tell you..... well why bother...... you all know I loves the birds in me garden, don't ya? Well go and fill this bloody form in and tell Ruth Kelly how you REALLY feel!!

While we are on the subject..... feed some starving buggers too!!

Bloody freecycle.

Here's a clue (or two) for freecyclers everywhere....

1) In the subject line of the email offering goods, you will see something along the lines of:

[huddersfieldfreecycle] OFFERED: Lava Lamp - Outlane - HD3

This tells me that:

1a) This is the HUDDERSFIELD group.

1b) The item is in Outlane in Huddersfield in the HD3 postcode area.

2) Don't be bloody expecting me to deliver anything!!

3) Don't email me telling me you will have the item before noticing that you live too far away to make the journey.

4) Don't tell me you can take the item but can't collect it for two weeks.

5) If you tell me Sunday at six PM is the time you will call for the item, then don't expect either me or the item to be here when you finally decide not to show up!!

6) Be considerate, polite, and don't screw it up for all the good freecyclers out there.

7) If your name is Wayne or Dre Dre, and you are anywhere near Outlane, then watch your back!!

I won't be offering any more goods up.... EVER!! I will take them to a tip rather than be pissed about.

Such a shame....

In other news:

Amaryllis cam is almost unable to fit the complete plant into view now. The main stem is twenty nine centimetres tall now, and the side shoot is already thirteen centimetres. It's growing like crazy. Remember it was only eleven days ago when Amaryllis cam was begun with a single six centimetre long shoot!! Check out the live cam pics here!! Check out the very first Amaryllis cam pic here!!



Thanks Blogger for FINALLY fixing that bloody annoying spell checking error!!

Thanks to Joey Cool for my wizzened Granny Smith's apple tree!! I will always keep a fruit bowl full of their decaying remains in your honour.

I have updated random shopping blog today as well. (I am writing this before I have updated it, but for most people it will have been updated by the time they read this so it will be technically correct on at least some levels?!?)

Slack jawed yokel.

Ok, so I've been a bit "slack" of late.

I haven't been paying much attention to my blog, my updates are less than interesting, and the bowling cam has kind of gone into meltdown along with all the other features that I normally update.

I've been doing a bit of gardening..... I've been riding my bike a bit.... I've been listening to lots of digital radio (Radio 7 is brilliant - no music, just comedy, plays, books and the like).... I've been playing a wee bit of Pogo.... I've been playing a whole lot of Lego Star Wars on the Wii....... and I'm only seen with my Nintendo DS in my sweaty palms when I am riding my bike.

I am also in depression / denial (delete as applicable) to have heard nothing about my recent job application! Mr. Clack was right on the money with his reference to the "soul destroying" aspect of job hunting..... and I've only applied for one!!

And so it is........ today I bring you..... in place of the bowling cam, which of course has not seen much action during the "off season"..... I bring to you, the magic of Amaryllis cam!! They are fast growing bulbs, so I expect that it will be more exciting than the bowling for the minute..... currently the green shoot (for reference purposes only) stands at around six centimetres which is about two point three six inches on the old scale.

Here is the first picture, but you can check it out "live" as well!!

I Wish they would fix the frikking spell checker on Blogger.... not only has it not been working for ages, but it completely "gooses" everything when I try to use it or see if it is fixed yet!!!!

Happy valentine's day lover!! X X X

Implosion.

I am writing this, yesterday. Today I am going to the dentist (which of course is tomorrow), and then I think I am going out in the afternoon, so I probably won't get the required time to devote to the following blog entry.

In advance of today, I give you tomorrow's blog entry, yesterday.

It's all about the searches (AGAIN) - Sorry.

* crown green bowling (Google)
* bowling cam (Google)

Of course, you've come to the right place. My bedroom overlooks the crown green bowling green of Outlane Bowling Club. You can see the zen-like action here! Also, you may wish to view the amazing highlights section, here. I am THRILLED that someone found me by searching for "bowling cam". I hope they were not disappointed.

* pictures of an artic fox (drawed and phtographs) (Google)
* were does a arctic fox live (Google)
* arctic foxs (Google)
* artic fox (Google)
* arctic compared to dessert foxes (Google)

I don't like to pick fault with people's spelling and grammar, and you knew there was a huge BUT to follow that sentence didn't you? But, the above examples both amuse and frustrate me equally.
a) "drawed and phtographs" I need not comment. They even spelled it "artic" to add insult to my injury. Very salty wounds.
b) It's "where" not "were" and "an" not "a", but thanks for spelling "arctic" correctly. An arctic fox (not "a arctic fox") lives in the Arctic. The clue is in the question.
c) Plural of fox is foxes. Pertaining to a fox is fox's. You're in no-mans-land with "foxs"!! I am becoming more and more pedantic as I get older!! I also appreciate that it makes no difference to a search engine, but what kind of example is that to set?
d) It's arCtic not artic!! "Artic fox" is still the most common search term that brings people flailing through my portal.
e) Never eat dessert foxes, they are extremely rare!

* noodle doodle mouses (Google)
* noodle doodle came to town (Google)
* Download If I had words to make a day for you (Google)
* an ant riding round on a golf ball songs lyrics (sing book 2005)(ant) (Google)

Lyrics that people look for. I am VERY pleased that my seemingly random rendition of the noodle doodle song has yielded visitors. The lyrics to "If I had words to make a day for you" are actually from a song called "If I had words" - Adapted from "Symphony No. 3" by Camille Saint-Saens (as featured in the film Babe) see: Lyrics or video. As for an "ant riding round on a golf ball", I am guessing you mean this?

* How Heaney portrays nature in his poem Blackberry picking (Google)
* "oh mother come and meet me now" (Google)

I am pleased that people come to my blog in search of information about poetry. My recent excursion to Black Moss Reservoir was of course poetry inspired. I was thinking about Seamus Heaney whilst picking blackberries at the weekend. The other poem was one I searched for forever, and was eventually rewarded.... you can read about it here - It's called "Skyman", and someone wrote about it in the comments for the blog entry.

* "shit on glass" (Google)

I sincerely hope you were looking for the Andy Goldsworthy "Cow shit on glass" exhibit and not some sort of dirty process!! Suffice to say, I give you the former, here: The latter, I cannot help you with.

* Wainwrights Castle Cragg (Google)
* google earth catbells (Google)

I shall be walking both of these hills, this coming weekend, in anticipation of my forthcoming birthday. I did give links to the Google Earth downloads for these files before, but here they are again.

* what do baby goldfinches look like? (Google)

Unfortunately, although I have them in my garden, the pictures I tried to take are not very good. If I can find one that seems remotely bearable, I'll put it here to look at. Well, here you go, it's the best I can provide of my own shots.


* baby arctic foxes for sale (Google)
* pet arctic fox for sale (Google)

Arctic Foxes, like any wild animal, DO NOT make good pets. Do not attempt to own one!! Stop looking here to see if you can own me too!!

* slutsuzie blackpool (Google)
* slut suzie blackpool (Google)

I think Suzie disappeared some time ago now. I am amazed that I still, regularly, get a good number of people who come here looking for her because I once wrote about her. She was a prostitute in Blackpool, and I believe she specialised in attending to disabled clients and the older gentleman. I could be wrong, it was a long time ago.

* "No time off for good behaviour" "movie quote" (Google)

This is interesting. I don't know why someone would come to my page looking for movie quotes, but I always like to give something back. Here's my thing. That's your quote searched for right there!! Of course, if the answer isn't actually in that list, then perhaps it aint that much of a big thing, but the IMDB quote search engine isn't bad. A freebie from me to you.

I live to give!!

PS: Post update post update: Don't forget me hearties!!

Surprise!!

I am truly surprised by the reaction to my previous post. It would seem that my passion for birdfeeding is not such an isolated case. Messages of support have been flooding in.... well a couple of people mentioned that they also indulge, and that's nice.

This year is the first year that I have had baby birds living in and around my garden, and it fills me with delight.

There's a family with three baby goldfinches. The juveniles looking similar to their parents, but lacking the vibrant red patch on their heads. They have a resplendent yellow "Z" down their wings though.

A family with three baby robins, and they are just starting to get their red breasts and to lose their spotty juvenile down. They've been such good company this summer. Apparently they are rarely seen in July and August, but I have had a garden full of them.

Bluetits nested in the holes in the cement between my house and next door. You wouldn't even know there was a hole there to be honest, and it took me a while to actually find where they were flying their beakfulls of worms into. Lots of chicks and still a good number in the garden.

Other feathered friends without families it would seem are:

Collared dove; Starling; Dunnock; Wren; Sparrow; Chaffinch; Greenfinch; Blackbird; Thrush;

In other news.....

Big Brother.... we're winding down, and tomorrow is the final. I'd be lying if I said I was excited, but I am looking forward to it. I think I have managed to keep my blog fairly Big-Brother-free during the mammoth thirteen week stint.

Beer: I've got a hankering for some real ale this weekend. I am going to give both The Star at Lockwood, and The Grove at Springwood a shot. From what I've read, they are two of Huddersfield's finest "ale" pubs, and I am getting a bit old for drinking wihtout being able to speak to my companions.

Antichrist: I have made the fatal error of reinstalling the antichrist of video gaming onto my computer. I had it before, but after it ruined my lust for gaming and lowered my self esteem to nothingness, it had to die. The Sims 2 rides again!! How many weeks will I spend maintaining my virtual real estate, while my real house and life fall into complete disrepair around my ears??

Yorkshire Pudding: You don't scare me, you big puddin'!

Random kindness: Still working on this one. Pol, it was also on R2 the other day when the lovely Davina was standing in for someone. Those blagards have robbed me blind and cast me assunder.

Blog updates: I know it doesn't look like I have been here much lately, and the posts have been thin on the ground, but believe me, I've been working my fingers to the bone for you. Here's a brief list of things that have changed:

Random Shopping has started again.

The navigation stuff on the right hand side of my page was looking really shabby, and there were so many sections with different little snippets in them, and I know nobody read any of them, so I have turned each section into a blog entry.... Feel free to click some fo the things under the "Blogbits" section on the right hand side to see what I mean.

Flickr: Not only did I upload a little section of photos for Connor (and tag them all, and geotag them all, and title, and description them), but I also uploaded a few new ones of my own. Feel free to head across to Flickr and look at mine and/or Connor's pics.

Bloglines: My cousin Sophia mentioned (sometime earlier this year) that there was a product out there called "bloglines" which manages all the blogs that you read. My list of blogs to read was becoming so long, that I have (more by necessity than curiosity) invested some effort into it, and I am loving it. If you have a long blog list to trawl through, then I suggest you set it up for yourself. Thanks Soph.... Also: I found the Guitar Hero disc that I couldn't find when you were here - didn't take me long huh?

Bowling cam: More new pictures on my dedicated bowling cam highlights page.

Pogo; Sims2; Battlefield 1942; Dungeon Keeper2 - Too much time to mention on the aforementioned.

Bowling cam.

OK, despite the fact that it is indeed a "zen like" experience watching the grass grow at the bowling club...... Occasionally, something happens. I am going to keep this entry for posting "bowling cam" highlights to prove a point. If anyone spots anything good on bowling cam, then make sure you are viewing it on this page and email me the picture for inclusion.

My mum and Fred bowling.

Puffers and slurpers. Donated by DohDoh - A confirmed "bowling cam" addict.

Peter can't get his "strimmer" started.

The mower man cometh....

Rook - Yes it's a rook, just a common or garden rook. The trees you see beyond the bowling green actually hold a rookery, so it's not surprising that we get rooks. Rarely though do you see a rook on the bowling green. Rarer still does the rook actually walk with a limp like this one did - you'll have to trust me on that one.

September dawns over Outlane Bowling Club. White rabbits, white rabbits, white rabbits, or a pinch and a punch for the first of the month. Whichever you prefer. I am intrigued to note the shadows across the bowling green may be used at a later stage as some sort of sundial.... maybe??

Snow White. Honestly. Look carefully, and just above the date stamp at the edge of the bowling green you can see what appears to be one of the seven dwarves and Snow White engaging in some sort of perverse role reversal?

Floodlights. The first floodlit game of the season. This picture signifies the exact end of the match.

The Pete Fowlie trophy is hotly contested around these parts. I believe this is some sort of scoring discrepancy or disagreement about to flare up into violence.

My birthday. A man climbs up a ladder in the rain to fix a roof on the extension at the back of the property at the top right hand side of this picture. Happy birthday to me.

Shock, horror. The yobs are in town. Unprecedented levels of anti-social behaviour as one of these yobs urinates in a flower pot and they all take turns in riding their bikes on the bowling green. Disgraceful behaviour. Bring back the birch!!

Some men trying to steal the kitchen extension on the bowling club.28/06/12

 

Mum and Fred having a bowl (5/7/12)
 

 

Rain stops play 6/7/12

Spider pig....

Spider pig, spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does.

For anyone that knows about it, then they will ultimately know, that at some point today I have seen the Simpsons movie.

What I CAN say, is that it ain't all that!!

The highlight for me personally was the spider pig sketch.

The rest was a fairly over hyped damp squib that left the two kids (avid Simpson fans in their own rights) distinctly cold. That said, one of them had had enough before the trailers were even over!!

In other news.....

Have a look at my "bowling cam" - it's over there on the right hand side somewhere. In an undisclosed part of the world, there is a quintessentially British pastime going on. The art of crown green bowling my friends, is alive and well, and you can now tell (judge by the activity on these benches) whether there is a competitive match on or not.

Please note:

If the picture looks shit, it's probably dark outside, or my webcam is so cheap and nasty.

The picture is updated every minute - but this page doesn't reload itself. If you've been here for a while and fancy the updated picture, then reload the page.

You can directly view the webcam without my page (in bigger picture) here!!

If you see anything half interesting on this "watch the grass grow" cam, then save the pic and email it back to me!!

You might also not that the club door is where those dirty smokers hang out on an evening.... tut tut.

If you live in one of those houses you can see, and are offended by my camera pointing at you, then sue me!!

Spiderpig, Spiderpig
Does whatever a Spiderpig does
Can he swing, from a web
No he can't he's a pig
Look out, he is a spiderpig