still

 It's definitely autumn, innit?  (in Yorkshire, anyways)

We've obviously "fallen back" in chronological terms, as dictated by the anecdotal farmers of yore.

Thus, it's bloody dark all day now.

Well.... i've landed a little part time job that runs up until Christmas... so i'll be out of the house and packing stinky dog treats for a few days a week.

Am currently "on hold" with the department of work and pensions to tell them to cancel the small benefit i receive for being unfit to work..... i've been listening to the same piano riff for twenty one minutes and fifty-seven seconds until now..... this could go on for some time.....

I mean, it doesn't exactly inhibit the process of benefit fraud when i can't get through to cancel a benefit.....  just saying!

Four days a week right up until Christmas eve..... 

Now, when i add it all up, and consider the very meagre benefit i am claiming, you probably work out that i'm working for about a fiver a day but it's a step and a process i need to go through if i am ever to halt the downward spiral into full hermitship!

Thank you for waiting.... we know that you are waiting to speak to an agent and will put you through as soon as we can......

i once had delusions of writing a book about these old railway carriages that you find dotted across the countryside.... are they railway carriages?  How come there are so many of them?  Why do they all seem to be roughly the same age?  Did we hive off a load of rolling stock at some point?  I dunno..... the book would largely be a photographic thing just showing them and where they are now....

Thirty minutes and forty second.....

on

 and on... and on a bit more.

So today was a first.... I unlocked the popemobile and climbed into the driver's seat..... turned the key.... and predictably..... nothing!

One short phone call later and i've a new battery delivered and installed.

Now.... this may seem rather unremarkable.....

Given that the vehicle hasn't been driven for five months and it's simply sat there, unloved and unoccupied..... the battery being dead, is a given!

The thought of getting into a car isn't a new phenomena for me.... i've struggled to get in and out of vehicles for the entirety of my condition.... the first few times was a case of shuffling backwards, into the back seat, and sitting side-saddle with my leg stretched across the width of the car.  More recently i've been able crunch my leg up and make it into the front passenger seat.  What was strange today was that this was the first time i've entered the vehicle on the driver's side..... busted leg first, as it were......  it wasn't particularly comfortable as experiences go, but it happened, and i reckon i could drive the vehicle at least.

To celebrate the fact that i could go for a drive if i so wished, i went for a walk.  I've walked as far as the post box lately.... up the village, and back down.... today i decided to push on.... up New Hey Road, past the chapel and the post box..... turned right along Gosport Lane.... struggled  on the slightly downward sloping path to Forest Hill Road.... turned right and walked down to the bowling club where i cut back through the houses and home again.....  mebbe twenty five minutes but it was far enough for today.

Here's a photo i took to illustrate how hard i have to focus on where i am putting my feet so i don't inadvertently trip, slip, keel over...... i mean, look at me with two feet on the floor and that.....

bend

 I always consider my own, personal, best piece of advice to be.....

Bend in the breeze!

Like a piece of grass, gently bowing in the wind, we have to occasionally get blown by the tumultuous gales of life.... but not be broken by them. 

Bend in the breeze.....

Personally, i'd settle for being able to bend in the knees, never mind the breeze.

It's been almost twenty weeks since the dog did done bust my leg.

Physio is ongoing, but i am now discharged from orthopaedics....  I have various bending and stretching exercises to do, but we're still only at a mere ninety-six degree bend on the bad knee..... which is still prohibitive when descending stairs or getting in and out of a vehicle, and in some cases, even just sitting down.

Of course, as mobility increases, given that i've been largely, sat on my arse for .... sixteen(?) of the twenty weeks, then so does the scope for medium jinx.  

Hence my blogging absence.

I'll try and do some updates and i'll try and continue reading blogs..... but it's amazing how quickly your attention can be attracted so many two-legged diversions when you've been starved of them for so long.

Well, i'll leave you with a picture i took this morning while i was out fixing the chicken coop..... we have a birdbath (i'm not particularly fond of it) but it has a little bird feature, that has become moss-shrouded.... the water, fallen leaves, and mossy bird looked quite nice and seasonal.....

pole

 I come from 'Uddersfield, me, pal!

From T' Yorkshire!

England, United Kingdom, Europe, Earth, Milky Way, the Universe.

And so it was.... at stupid o clock this morning, when i inadvertently tried to bend me knee far too far, and it woke me up with searing pain.... that i started to think about flag shagging.

I was born in Huddersfield.... not by choice, not by historical importance, just by sheer luck.

I could have been born anywhere.

My parents were white, British folks, and that's something that wasn't chance.  It was determined and they pretty much organised that much.

What i am getting at.....

Pride in your nation is a weird thing to me.....  

Imagine i was out there waving a flag to celebrate the computers i'd fixed, the mortgage i've nearly paid off, or the flower i'd just grown.... you'd probably think i was a bit mad...... but them things there, they're ACHIEVEMENTS.... things to be proud of.  Pride.

Now imagine i started waving a flag to celebrate which side up my toast landed when i dropped it, or whether i got heads or tails twice in a row, or that i said "now" just as the kettle boiled and switched itself off?  Them things there are chance, pal.... pure speculation.  What do you wanna go and wave flags that celebrate chance for?

I think it's ok to be proud of things you did do, but i don't think pride is the right term for what i feel about things that happen by chance?

So it seems weird that i'd be beating my chest and waving an onion jack to celebrate the chance that i was born over here and not over there.

Anyways.... i am not gonna get in no arguments about that.... what did keep me awake after bloody bending my knee and almost squealing out loud.....

What flag should I be waving then.... is there one that i could wave that would be more appropriate?

I thought about an animated gif of all the flags, cycling through like a different flag every second.... but them's just the same and i've no affiliation with a flag of Myanmar or Peru, so that makes little sense.

The world, or Earth?  Offensive to life forms from other planets.... and still celebrating the chance event that life on earth happened and i happened to be part of that happening.

A clock?  how about a flag of a clock to celebrate that in this moment, in this blink of an eye in the grand scheme of the cosmos, life and everything, we exist(ed)..... but time, as we all know (yawns) is an abstract concept, and that, surely, is not celebration-worthy?

The galaxy.... still too offensive.... what about all the billions of other galaxies?

The universe..... yes.... all i need to do is trademark a flag of the universe, and market it.... wait.... what's the universe look like and how the feck do i get it onto a flag?

It keeps me awake a while......

I get up... start typing, and..... 

I give to you, my flag.....  the one i'll proudly be flying (but not shagging)..... feel free to fly your own....

Metatron's Cube:

bart

 Having talked recently about the word jokes.... or puns, as we often call them, not that i like the word "pun".... it feels a bit, i don't know..... sarcastic, somehow?

Anyways..

I had reason to laugh out loud when i remembered a series of prank phone calls.

The first prank phone call was one we regularly used to make as kids......  dial a random number.....

ring ring... ring ring.... ring ring....

"Hello"

"Oh, hello there.... is Mrs Wall there please?"

"Sorry there's nobody here of that name"

"Oh, is Mr Wall there?"

"No i think you have the wrong number"

"Are there any walls there?"

"No, you must have the wrong number"

"Well how does your roof stay up?"

* click *

Sorry to anyone who took that phone call from me..... i thought it was funny.

And Bart Simpson made some amazing prank phone calls to Moe's Tavern...... Bart would ask the bartender to locate someone in the tavern, so Moe would always shout the name of the person that Bart was looking for.... here's a selection of who the impish yellow haired kid asked for:

Seymour Butz

Hugh Jass

Ivana Tinkle

Here's a little video of some of the best ones:

You get the idea, right?

Well here's a photo of a fly agaric that we spotted in the woodland walk near Threave Castle.  There's loads of them about just now.... fungi, not castles!  Isn't nature wonderful....

cronch

 Went for a couple hours fishing today.....

Started off ok.... got there, got set up, new rod, everything good.

Fished a bit, and fished a bit more....

Bits of bread punch on the hook.... loose feeding a blend of sinking pellets over the top.....

My swim was fizzing as residents enjoyed the smorgasbord in front of them.

Bites were few and far between.....

The float sank, i struck, hit the fish and for a brief few moments it was on and the yellow elastic in the pole was starting to stretch.... only to be followed by the sinking feeling of disappointment as the fish shook the hook and i retrieved to rebait and try again.

This is "fishing" not "catching" - a truer word was rarely uttered.

Again, the orange tip of my bite indicator is pulled beneath the gently rippled surface and the fish is hooked.

A five or six minute battle ensues, and for the most part, i feel like i am winning.

Eventually, the fish is tired enough that i can slip my net beneath it and lift it from the water.

Snap.

My landing net handle snaps in half.....

I regain my composure, manage to get the fish and the broken net onto the grass, in order that i can unhook and return it to the depths from which i enticed it.

A linear mirror carp of about eight pounds, a significant fish.

I bend down to unhook the fish, and fuelled by the adrenalin from the battle, and the drama of the shattered net handle..... crunch, pop, grind, as i absent-mindedly kneel on the grass......

A sickening feeling in my left knee......  bent to the full extent to which it could manage and crunched three clicks further.....   i have no idea what made the sound. 

I manage to get the fish back in the water, and i feel "ok".....

Later, at home, in an epsom salt loaded bath, the swelling knee and thigh pains suggest it's all muscular or tendular (what do you call something relating to tendons?)...

A bit of a reminder that even when you think it's going well..... vigilance is still required.

I am not yet recovered!!

Here's a photo of a lightbulb in my kitchen..... it had gone a bit dusty and grimy, so i cleaned it.... it's quite big and i really wish i had a banana for scale, but alas there were only pears in the rotting fruit bowl.....  i really loved the reflections of the windows and garden, beyond.

cat

 Nar then veterinary.... could ya 'ave a look at mi cat?

Is it a tom?

Nay lad i've browt it wi' mi!

(if you have a go at saying the above in as Yorkshire an accent as you can muster, then it probably works better)

I think i've always liked word and pronunciation jokes..... or puns, if you prefer.....

Take for example. i guess in a Somerset kind of accent..... whale, oil beef hooked!

Iced ink!

Hoof hearted?

oh wah tar nar Siam!

childish but simple word jokes that i've lived and loved for many years......

Anyways....

Yesterday i was at the horse-piddle for another check up on my leg..... 

Half ten appointment..... and i'm still waiting to see the doctor at half eleven......

Get called in, sit down, hello, hello, yes, everything looks fine.... i think we can sign you off now.....  

"Wait... that x-ray you are showing me of my own leg is over a month old and was taken before i started walking on my leg"

"Are you worried about it?"

"no i'm not worried but perhaps we ought to have an up to date x-ray to see if putting any weight on the thing has caused anything to change?"

"ok, go get an x-ray and come back"

I could have done this while i was sat waiting for the last hour couldn't i?

Suffice to say.... none of it took too long and the x-ray looked ok from where i was sitting..... not that i am a trained medical professional or anything.....

They signed me off from orthopaedics and now i am solely in the hands of the physio department.....

One small step for a man, a giant leap for an arctic fox?

Bang!