Just when I thought it was safe to go back to the water.... and sit down and do a bit of fishing......

I'm ill AGAIN!

The whole house in which I reside is in a state of free-falling illness...... everyone's coughing and spluttering.......

Sleep patterns have gone to the dogs.... one person seems to have gotten a bit better and then someone else gets a bit worse.......

I thought I'd had the bronchial thing.... I'd had the flu..... the abscesses at both ends of the scale........

Now, after approximately two whole days of feeling almost well...... the chronic taste of death in my trachea accompanied with a bucking bronchi that feels like a tongue that's been burned by molten cheese straight from a toasted sandwich.

Hot... cold..... dry, non productive wheezy cough.  What joy.

Illness is strange..... eventually when you've been ill for a period of time, you begin to forget what it's like to feel normal.  What it's like to go through a day without even noticing how you feel...... the luxury of being able to take your health for granted.

I've not been this run down for bloody years, and if it were just me on my own then I'd be getting worried about it by now....  it's nice to have some sickly company on this particular ride!

The plus side of this is that I've taken to making myself a rather nice Hot Toddy.... and here's my recipe:

(I usually use a nice big tumbler that measures about half a pint - a nice thick walled glass tumbler keeps the heat in best)

Put enough runny honey into the glass to cover the base.... a good teaspoon works for me.

Add a good dash of lemon juice... I'm using bottled but I am sure fresh would be much better and I'd try for about a quarter of a lemon's worth.

Add whisky/rum/brandy in desired quantity..... I don't overdo it but I've been using a nice 12 year old Tobermory single malt.  Probably a decent single measure.

In a plastic jug I put a teabag and enough water for the drinks I am making..... 1 teabag is usually enough for two glasses if you put enough water in and brew it well.

Pour the steaming hot tea into the glasses to fill them to the top....

Give a gentle stir but not too much..... it's really nice to have a final syrupy mouthful at the end of the glass with the last bit of honey.

And, as Father Jack might say....... Drink!

Introduction...

Rain, meet Manflu.... Manflu, this is rain.....

Now if I can only persuade them how good they are for each other they might just get it on and piss off into the sunset and leave me the hell alone!

A quick walk round the garden this morning reveals that the last week of continuous rain has rendered my normally slow growing lawn into a veritable green jungle.  Too wet to cut and too long to be of much use to anyone.

My daffodils have just about given up the ghost but my tulips are all starting to come out.... it's truly amazing how much this rain has brought things on in the past week....  I know the gardens really did need it.

I suppose I can thank small mercies in that I've been stuck inside brooding and stewing with a fevered brow and the weather really has not done anything that would suggest I could have been doing anything else but watching films anyway.....  I certainly wouldn't be walking or fishing in THIS stuff, or at least that's what I keep telling myself, knowing full well that I've done both in much worse!

I took a quick drive down Grimescar Road today which is a little back road through a lovely bluebell wood, and I always like to have a look at this time of year..... the sheer quantity of bluebells there does not and in this case DID not disappoint - a real local highlight.  I've even got some "bells" coming out in the garden although I'm inclined to think they are the foreign invaders - probably Spanish - and should be composted really but they add some colour for now!!

So, if this rain would just do one.... and I could shake the tail end of this man flu.... I might actually manage to get out of the house..... do some gardening..... get back onto shanks's pony...... and catch a few fish!

Give us a break, please.

Write-off

I get pissed off when chains of events conspire against me..... case in question......

A friend gave me a computer.  I want to plug the computer into my television so I can surf the internet, in large screen mode.... from the comfort of my sofa.  Not a difficult request really.

I installed Windows XP on the computer - a series of problems meant that this process in itself took a whole day!!  The computer has been working, but it has hiccoughed a couple of times, but I thought I had ironed these problems out.

I check my TV and it doesn't have a VGA connector on it to connect a PC.... groans..... the PC doesn't have an HDMI connector on it to connect it to the TV..... double groans...... there's got to be a way to do this..... I can't find the instruction book for the television.... I can't find the model number of the television to find an instruction manual for the television on the internet...... 

Reluctantly I lift the entire TV cabinet which holds (TV; Freeview HDR; Nintendo Wii; PS3; DVD Player; Wireless router; DJ hero controller; All the associated plugs, wires and bits and pieces that go with it) - I drag the unit out just far enough that all the cables and plugs get tangled up and just far enough that I can get a camera down the back to take some photographs......

I sift through a series of terrible photographs that I've blindly taken down the back of the TV and find one that when I zoom in close enough, I can read the model number of the television......

I look up the television on the internet and find an instruction booklet for the correct model.... it requires some software to be installed to read it though and I give up.....

I am just emailing my friend to see what he thinks..... when I remember I had bought a VGA to RGB H/V cable for my laptop, some time ago, and it's right here in the cupboard in front of me.... I dig it out.  It's the FIRST thing to go right today!!

I run all the cables through the right holes in the cabinet, thread this one here, pull that one through there - it's turning from a tidy, cable managed nirvana into the cable knitting fairy's hideout!!  Everything's hanging out.... bits here, bits there..... but everything's plugged in..... I switch it on...... 

Nothing.... blank screen......

I unplug everything, plug it all back in..... and..... a different shade of nothing..... a BLACK screen.......

I switch off and on again like a seasoned IT professional and......

beeeep..... beeeep....... beeeeeeep........ a motherboard sounds its last dying breaths........

I should...

a) go back to bed.

b) smash something.

c) put everything back the way it was before i started pissing about with it.

d) blame it on the dog.

e) all of the above)

delete as applicable!

I consult my download schedule and notice "Day of the Jackal" has just about arrived...... looks like that's the plan then.

Flu-nami!

Hurricane Mucus has reached land, somewhere around the Bay of Arctic Fox at 11:00hrs today.

Scientists predict high blood pressure, gusting sneezes in excess of 300 miles per hour with prolonged showers of snot.  Extreme periods of abject frustration and intense seismic activity are highly likely sometime around bedtime!

Local residents have been warned to stay out of the path of this flu-nami and to seek shelter at the earliest opportunity and start panic buying (amongst other things) petrol; Kleenex (mansize); beer; and Beecham's Powders.

The Met Office have issued a severe bad mood warning for the rest of the week.

Fiddlesticks!  Don't forget to see what films I am managing to stay awake to watch - and here's a picture of brighter, happier times!

Hand - floor - armour

As a child I was never much into the game of charades....  perhaps it was the thought of Lionel Bleurgh, Una Stubbs and their "jobbing" luvvie friends cavorting merrily on-screen with their secret handshake Da Vinci code style clues.....  i.e. They had a series of repeated actions that you would never find in any other game of charades, like when they touch their nose and point to the person who said the correct word that they had been miming to suggest that they had got it right.....  Twaddle of the highest calibre, and SO overly camp!

Anyhow......

I  DID say I was never much into it... but that doesn't mean we never played it.....

For one thing, as a child, how are you supposed to know if, let's say for instance, Lord of the Rings is a TV show, a film, a book, a play or a song or indeed any combination of the above!  I bet Lionel and Una never had to argue that there had never been a TV series of Lord of the Flies.......  ridiculous concept then.

I only have two memories (and they may well be clues as to why we didn't play it much).....

When someone tried to mime the hit TV show "Panorama" we managed to arrive unconvincingly at "hand-floor-armour" and I think the game was over shortly thereafter.....

Another game of equal success left us with a very firm suggestion that "Emu-gin soldiers" was actually a book and a film, only to be let down by the final answer of "Virgin Soldiers" - Again.... a decent "mimer" could really have given us kids something to think about with that one!!

And all this tomfoolery and shennanigoats leads me to the following......

Whilst in the Lake District recently, I took some photographs - I posted a link to this flickr set yesterday.... but today I've added something very special to that set......

A selection of hand-floor-armours!

wooo - OOO - ooo

Ok the ghost-posting has stopped - I'm home again!

Spent a feverish few days in the Lake District.

Snow on the hill tops.... warm sunshine..... rucksack.... t-shirt..... sweating.... freezing.....  a recipe for man flu if ever there was one and now I'm in a right old tangle!

I love it in the Lakes....  there's always something new to see.... somewhere new to visit..... a new hill to walk up.... and a whole range of chance and fortune with regards to what the weather will do.

It's been lovely weather as it happens.  The very second we sat down at a cafe for our first cup o' tea in the lakes, the heavens opened.... it hailed, it rained..... and it blew for an hour or so.... it was NOT a good omen, but as it turned out that was the first and last of the bad stuff.

The snowy hill tops gradually receded during our stay and we were treated to glorious spring-like displays with sumptuous green and golden hues contrasting with blue skies and fluffy white clouds.

Well, of course I've taken a few photos and we've done a "little " walk......

Langdale Pikes - A paltry 4.7 miles with a whopping 2439 feet of ascent - and conversely a knee shattering equal descent!!

A full flickr set is here!

Big moon.... big moon.....

Large moon (almost full) rises over a thawing horizon. No, wait, it's a freezing horizon... now it's a snowing horizon.... now it's a raining horizon......

Large moon skips and rises over an indecisive horizon.

I'm a bit whizzed off....

Dawn's now got the flu that I had and I hate it when I can't make things better for her.

I've been looking (in vain) for a contraption that allows me to cover the bath taps with some sort of bath pillow device. Let's call it a green initiative, but sharing a bath is good for the environment, and I'm fed up of burning my back on one side from the hot tap and freezing the other side from the cold tap...... and not being able to relax or lean back anywhere....

Seems like a fairly simple idea......

Perhaps I should take up sewing and set up a business.... anyone interested in a patented foxy tap cover?? Available in the exact colour of orange of your dreams.

In other news..... the screwdrivers I was waiting for from Hong Kong have arrived.... my Nintendo DS now requires professional attention to the tune of thirty quid to repair the damage I have inflicted on it!!



Can you imagine after approximately six hours of open heart surgery - fitting the final piece back onto my Nintendo..... thwarted by the snapping of this tiny piece of plastic!! The air was blue.... as you can well imagine. The little piece of plastic you can see is actually part of the power switch - I can buy a new switch unti for three quid but I cant solder things that small..... thirty quid to get it done.... I'm gutted.

What goes.....

White, red, blue, red, white???

Answer: Me, in the snow, walking, and then catching man flu!!

I'm officially dying of man flu.

My lungs feel like I have started smoking again.... my temperature is all over the place.... I have the most feeble broken glass cough..... sleep pattern's gone to the dogs..... can't even raise the enthusiasm to stay awake long enough to watch a film (that being said, I've managed to watch (with some cunning rewinding over the bits I fell asleep in) Horton Hears a Who (very good); Bee Movie (Very poor); and Ratatouille (OK)) = lovely nested parentheses!!

On the plus side of being so desperately ill, I've managed to spend some time organising the mountains of digital media that I manage to accumulate in such a haphazard fashion. Electronic spring cleaning, you can't beat it!!



Early morning New Hey Road - This was Tuesday morning, but it's a shot I like. The streetlight phosphor orange glow is quite tasty.

Depends.

It all depends on your perspective. Like Charlie Dickens once wrote - "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times".

And so it comes to pass that, what has been billed as the heaviest snowfall in nearly twenty years, has divided us into two distinct camps.....

For me, personally, I'm loving every minute of it - right up to the point where I am so run-down that my complexion has gone to pieces and I'm starting with a flu. I managed to walk six or seven miles today, and it was bloody hard, hot, sweaty, clammy work.

The other side of the coin is that I've never seen so many schools closed. I've never known anyone's work to be closed before (like Dawn's was today). It was good to see all the kids out sledging and enjoying themselves, but somewhere underneath it all, someone has claimed that the two days of disruption have cost the nation more than three and a half billion quid!!



The red ball rising over the Colne Valley - If you look real careful, you can just see Castle Hill on the extreme left horizon. A great walk and a lovely sunrise this morning.

Are we there yet?

Almost done.... just the piffling matter of New Year's Eve to get out of the way and soon, very soon, things can start to get back to normal.

So what's been occurring?

Christmas - spent recovering from flu. Had a few beers (on my own - not something I do very often) at the excellent Drop Inn in Elland - Treacle Stout makes for a great chrimbo tipple. The rest of the day I spent cooking up a storm for my own christmas dinner - A fake chicken roast thing, a sublime cauliflower cheese, cabbage, carrots, roast potatoes, stuffing, gravy, honey roast parsnips and the obligatory brussel sprouts - I am still trying to work out why my folks are so fixated with people eating or not eating brussel sprouts - I know my mum doesn't like pineapple so why would I force her (under peer pressure) to eat it?

Fell asleep in the afternoon with a bottle of excellent Leeds Pale Ale in my hand.

As for christmas gifts.... I wonder why I bother!! Dawn and I both agreed to only spend a tenner on each other and that worked quite well..... I got a keyring, a Woman's weekly cook book and a cowboy story (possibly the most costly postage of tat ever???) from the Australian relatives - A DVD from Dawn's kids..... Socks from my Aunty Jan..... chocolate coins, socks, liqueur chocolates and some love hearts from mum (presumably they ventured no further than Slaithwaite chocolate shop) and that's it!!

My flu has finally effed off..... Good old Cock o' the North have had a beer festival..... been for a walk around Scammonden Dam......

Much ado about naff all!!

Quickie.

Hello world.

I am alive.... just.... battling the flu!!

My boiler is fixed.... slurp.... now for a hot... cold... hot... cold.... feverish christmas!!

Argh.

It's now officially four days of being sofa ridden and house bound, struck down with a fatal dose of man flu.

Feverish. Uncontrollable temperature, soaring like and eagle and plunging into the icy depths, with all the grace of a three legged penguin.

Yesterday, beer was mentioned, and although I am in no fit state to entertain a lovely frothy pint at this moment, there is the chance that if I make a significant improvement, that I could visit the Drop Inn's winter beer festival (14th to 16th December in Elland). That's definitely something I will be trying to get to.

I've still got a hundred weight of Christmas and birthday shopping to do. My paperwork has all run away from me. My car needs booking on for a service and MOT. I have about two months of photography that needs sorting out!!! My whole life is collapsing around me.

I really could have done without the green lurgy this week.

Blech!

I'm dying.

... to the power of ten, coupled with a death-rattling bronchial chest infection. It's like coughing out oysters that carry flick-knives!! A sore throat that feels like I've swallowed a tennis ball made of razor wire. Every tendon, muscle, nerve and piece of connective tissue seem to be fused into a big lump, that is of course rolling down a rocky hill and I am feeling every jolt, knock, and scrape.

Yes, it's the annual onset of man flu.

You girls are SO lucky you never have to deal with man flu, I can tell you. You're just fortunate that we lie on the sofa and expect you to run around after us, and that you are immune to this specially mutated extreme winter virus.

I can't even enjoy lounging on my sofa, which has turned into a fire breathing bed of nails, covered with a blanket of Vesuvian lava or a dense sheet of permafrost, depending which way the virus is pedaling at the time.

Joy to the world!!

Bollocks and humbug!!

Oh dear.

Well, the day has come, and almost gone, in which my mum's heart has been broken by the departure of my sister, brother-in-law, and her two grandsons, all bound for the sunnier climes of Australia, mate!!

By Saturday morning they'll be starting a new adventure, and I wish them all luck.

The weather (oh god, it's turning into another weather blog, do I NEVER have anything interesting to discuss??) has been really nice today. It's been the first day in (what feels like) weeks that we haven't had intermittent monsoonesque squalls.

A perfect day for a perfect bike ride you might think?

Man flu over the cuckoo's nest!!

Piss...... I've got the sniffliest of snot laden dripping nostrils. A tickly sore throat. Toothache. A sort of mildly spaced out type feeling.

I am of course dying!! No human has endured this level of flu before, and everyone must stop what they are doing and bring me paracetamol laced citrus flavoured beverages. Immediately.

I'm going to get in the bath, pull up the drawbridge, make myself a sandwich and sweat this virus out of me.

aaaaa......chooooo

Eisteddfod said... What's carrot juice in Welsh?
Carrot juice in Welsh is, as everyone knows:
Sudd moron!!

Walking wounded.

Seems like the nearest and dearest are all falling foul of the dreaded winter lurgy. Strange flu like symptoms, coupled with bronchial madness, and phlegm, are flooring those around me with some ferocity.

I have picked up my stethoscope, and gladstone bag, and begun to administer all manner of treatments, ranging from champagne, right through to Nintendo. I think I was born to heal. Suffice to say, nobody is getting better, but they don't mind being ill so much when I have prescribed.

Frosty mornings and fog are the daily occurences now. I snapped this pretty sunrise during my inaugural cig break the other morning. Please enjoy this sunrise over Huddersfield.... Spice, don't get TOO homesick now, and don't be too mad that I only had my phone/camera to hand.



Christmas shopping is almost complete, and everything's neatly wrapped and under my lovely tree. I am almost set to enjoy christmas on my own (as everyone is going to be tucked up in bed drinking flu remedies). There is still the matter of a couple of birthdays inbetween now and the big day..... it never rains.... It damn well gets wet though!

I have even updated my seemingly unpopular "random shopping" blog, with a couple more choice items.... You REALLY should head on over and take a look.

I think I might go "all-out" and fully update my blog to a fancy blogger template, so you never know, I might lose everything.... if not, see you on the other side.... good luck!

On the other hand.... now that I've just snipped my finger with a pair of scissors, and I have an unhealthy addiction to Age of Empires III, perhaps I'll just sit here and cry for a while!!