Home alone....

For the next week, I'll be eating cold baked beans straight out of the tin, lounging in my underpants, and generally peering suspiciously out of the letterbox in the front door to make sure that nobody is approaching my property.

yes, it's holiday season, and Dawn and the kids have gone and left me home alone.

In truth, I'm not as useless as I might make out, and I can, and indeed do cook for myself (and Dawn when she's here).

I do still have reservations about approaching a washing machine or an iron, but the dishwasher is no problem, other than the fact that she only speaks Spanish..... just kidding, it's a Bosch and they only speak Chinese with a slight German twang.

The cats are looking at me like they are doubting my capacity for maintaining a regular feeding, watering, and de-crappifying routine.  They'd be right to eye me so.  Although Dawn did leave me with twenty pounds "spending money", muttering something about cat food as she went..... so the cats will probably have to make do with whatever beer and pizza doesn't get consumed this evening.

The dog's gone to Dawn's mum's house for the week, so that's one less thing to worry about - I say "worry", when what I really mean is "get out of bed to take for a walk".  And of course it's one less food and water bowl to replenish on an "oh my God, these animals look starving" basis.

So, the water's on, in order that I can have a relaxing leisurely bath (I might even leave the bathroom door open and have some radio on) when I finish the dreaded "ale trail" shift tonight.  My pyjamas are all aired and ironed, ready for curling up with my Celebrity Big Brother this evening.  Beers are in the fridge.

Now, if I can shake this "bad pint" headache that's been surgically grafted to my brain, and get this five hour shift behind the bar (during which time I will undoubtedly stare dumbfounded at the till wondering where a certain button is; wonder how a pint of Carling and a half of Strongbow can really add up to eight pounds forty on the till; not know what button to press to ring in a Tropicana; run out of clean glasses more than once; have to swap a dead lager glass at least four times to get one that "works"; have to bite my tongue on more than one occasion; look at the time about twenty times between half past seven and eight o' clock.  Then it's plain sailing all the way until fishing tomorrow!

Trail

The butterfly effect is kicking in....

I don't know why, but when I am getting ready to do the afternoon and early evening shift at the pub on a Saturday, I start to get nervous.

As soon as I pour the first drink and my eyes get accustomed to the gloom over the till and the fine print on the keys thereof, I'm fine......

It's the "Ale Trail" that does it!

It's a bit like the feeling of jumping out of a plane and hoping that you have a parachute strapped to your back but without being able to check until you're falling to earth.

It's unpredictable and a bit wild.....  you could crash in a heap on the floor with Carling lager all around you or you could float majestically to earth, landing on the big red cross amid raptures of applause with a finely poured pint of real ale clutched in your hand.

Who knows what the afternoon will bring....

I only hope it isn't a series of requests for "shooters" and "jagerbombs" and that everyone just wants Guinness and Carling - it would make life much simpler for us humble serving agents!

So there you go..... I'm up to date with the Tour De France..... nonplussed over the latest events in the Big Brother house...... and if I don't pour a drink for someone soon, well I might just break into a cold sweat!

See you all tomorrow for a Sunday Search perhaps?

Tempus....

Well, tempus really does fugit!

I've been trying to get back to my blog for a few days and write something but events in the non-virtual world have conspired to keep me otherwise engaged.

Jobs ranging from chauffering duty to dog walking..... from finishing a game on my Wii to collecting my weekly Pogo gaming badges...... from dining out to dining in.....  they all require time, effort and varying degrees of concentration.

Today marks a sort of special day, and this is partly the reason for my Saturday MORNING blogging activity.... I mean, who would write a blog on a Saturday morning?  Despite the fact that Dawn is working today (a rarity for a Saturday, but she is providing "cover" while her boss is away at the Isle of Wight mudbath festival) - The OTHER thing which marks this as a day to remember is that......

For the first time in almost six years, I am about to embark upon a day of paid, actual, real world work.

It's a fairly daunting prospect when one contemplates the water that has flowed beneath the bridges of Fox Towers....  Having had a trial run at this particular activity already on a quiet day..... I find, for one thing..... my eyes have indeed turned into apple pies!  That is to say, they are about as good for seeing through as apple pies might be..... they are old and tired, and I need to remember my crappy "reading glasses" that I got from a pound shop (for which Huddersfield is famed) - The concept of cheap "readers" is that they basically strap two cheap magnifying glasses over your ocular units in the vain premise that you gain a temporary ability to be able to read, before said lenses render your eyes completely useless!

I'd like to give more details about this particular "engagement" that I may be embarking upon, but it would be premature and foolhardy to do so at this point... rest assured, it will all be common knowledge soon enough and you'll all be welcome to come and press your noses against the glass to watch this fox gliding gracefully on the surface whilst flapping like a mad duck beneath the surface trying to maintain an air of competence!

Suffice to say, I think I would rather be returning to work after a self imposed absence of a term that on my curriculum vitae creates a gap which suggests I may have been detained at her Majesty's pleasure for something akin to murder, than sleeping on a ferry trying to get to the mud on the Isle of Wight..... not my cup of tea at all.

So, wave goodbye to the days of being a carefree, penniless, unemploy(ed/able) free agent of the past, and embrace the prospect of being an overworked, underpaid, wage slave of the future!

"Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!"

Excuses!

Lame excuse for not posting a blog entry on Friday.... but I was fishing AGAIN!

The fishing was poor.  I didn't feel that great.  Went out for a couple of pints, and tried to maintain a "don't drink and blog" policy!

Anyway.... here's a recap of the latest action....

I spent four quid on Euromillions lottery tickets (I so rarely play the lottery but am sometimes "talked into it" by Dawn - inevitably, I won three pounds.... so even though I won.... they still managed to take a quid off me which of course dulls the edge of my victory slightly.

Went to Slawit last evening to the Commercial.... and it was marred by the presence of some sort of weird underage stag-do.... where some decidedly young people were drunk and arm wrestling.....  it made for an uncomfortable experience and I'm tolerant to most things Slawit has to offer!!  Bloody comer-inners!

Went up to Holmfirth for the premier event of the third Holmfirth Film festival, which was a double bill of "Le Voyage Dans La Lune" (by Georges Melies) - a classic tale of a journey to the moon from as far back as 1901 - a long lost and rediscovered and painstakingly restored, hand coloured version with a cracking soundtrack by those French electro rockers, Air, and that was shown with Marting Scorsese's film Hugo.... which won a load of three dimensional plaudits, but was screened in two dimensions.... thankfully.  Unbeknownst to me, the two films were inexorably linked and it was a really pleasant surprise and experience to see both of them together.  Coupled with the fact that I sat at the back near the bar and managed a couple of pints of real ale during the films..... result!

Straight on from that it was into Huddersfield to the 88 Noodle Bar on Cross Church Street.... a favourite fast food haunt of both myself and Dawn's.  Sweet and sour king prawn... szechuan stylee!!  Boiled rice.  Salt and pepper chips and a pot of Chinese green tea,,,,, ACE!

Spent the remainder of the day/evening vegging out to the TV.  Watched some of The Walking Dead (a revisit for me, but it's new to Dawn and she's really enjoying it) and then the final two parts of the most excellent Swedish/Danish hybrid "The Bridge" - best bit of TV I've watched in ages..... well done BBC for running it in double bill sequences on a Saturday night.... it's been great!

Bath..... and bed..... knackered!

Introduction...

Rain, meet Manflu.... Manflu, this is rain.....

Now if I can only persuade them how good they are for each other they might just get it on and piss off into the sunset and leave me the hell alone!

A quick walk round the garden this morning reveals that the last week of continuous rain has rendered my normally slow growing lawn into a veritable green jungle.  Too wet to cut and too long to be of much use to anyone.

My daffodils have just about given up the ghost but my tulips are all starting to come out.... it's truly amazing how much this rain has brought things on in the past week....  I know the gardens really did need it.

I suppose I can thank small mercies in that I've been stuck inside brooding and stewing with a fevered brow and the weather really has not done anything that would suggest I could have been doing anything else but watching films anyway.....  I certainly wouldn't be walking or fishing in THIS stuff, or at least that's what I keep telling myself, knowing full well that I've done both in much worse!

I took a quick drive down Grimescar Road today which is a little back road through a lovely bluebell wood, and I always like to have a look at this time of year..... the sheer quantity of bluebells there does not and in this case DID not disappoint - a real local highlight.  I've even got some "bells" coming out in the garden although I'm inclined to think they are the foreign invaders - probably Spanish - and should be composted really but they add some colour for now!!

So, if this rain would just do one.... and I could shake the tail end of this man flu.... I might actually manage to get out of the house..... do some gardening..... get back onto shanks's pony...... and catch a few fish!

Give us a break, please.

Beer

Been a while since I went beer hunting or indeed "ticking" for that matter.

A "ticker" for those that don't know, isthe closest thing the world of beer gets to a train spotter or anorak.  Tickers drink beer for the benefit of having put a tick beside that beer and adding it to their ticked list.  I've seen tickers at beer festivals having a single sip, yes just one sip of a fresh glass of beer and then getting out their rucksack, funnel and plastic bottle and promptly decanting the foamy brew, and labelling the new plastic bottle before stashing it back in their knapsack of destruction for consumption at a later date.

It's a dog drink dog world!

Me?  I like beer.... I LOVE beer.... my only problem is that I HATE being drunk.... it's a real quandry.

So, for a change, today, we visited The Nook in Holmfirth (land of a million Summer Wine tours) for their "Madchester Spring Beer Festival" - and yes, rather obscurely for a Yorkshire pub, their main selection of beers on offer were sourced from Manchester and its surrounding districts.  The exception to the rule being the beers from The Nook's own brewery.

I tried a chilli beer, a chocolate cherry stout, a pale blonde ale, a brace of golden ales, a black stout, and a dark ruby beer.... a really nice variety of flavours, aromas, colours and strengths.  A Saturday afternoon treat.

I didn't tick any beers, I didn't make a single tasting note on the supplied beer information sheet, I didn't decant any beer to bring home with me.... I emptied each glass before venturing on to the next level.

so now you know....  beer is good... there's a lot of variety, you don't NEED to stick with mass produced alcoholic drinks..... and you can take your dog to the pub with you!

I should also mention - I think it's only fair and prudent - that it was ME who put "Remember You're a Womble" on the jukebox!!  Sorry, but, to the woman who sang the song the whole way through, I have to say I knew someone other than just me would appreciate it.

When  you drink beers of this variety and quality, it's fair to say that Britain really HAS got talent!!

It's a yes from me!

Getting there.

More by overexposure than by enjoyment, I'm finally succumbing to the lure of Big Brother. It's taken some bloody minded persistence thus far.

The fact that there is no live streaming in this series has meant that I record three hours of the live feed that plays between midnight and six am, and I watch it the next day, on occasion imagining I'm watching it live...... just draw the curtains and pretend it's late.... it's not hard to do.

The lengths I am going to, in order to enjoy the series, have made me realise I'm probably a bit beyond sensible help.

I'm still managing to get out and about (weather permitting) and with a lovely hot day, today, we had an adventure near Wakefield - a feat in its own right - We visited a castle and a country park, neither of which I knew about before today, and both of which were surprisingly enjoyable. I even found a pub for lunch with real ale. Sandal Castle and Newmillerdam country park and boat house.


Conker tree beside the dam at Newmillerdam. A verdant rhapsody.

Gittin'

Gittin' back into the swing of blogging. Still to fix the music thing, but I'm pleased with the way my bowling cam has turned out.

It's been a scorching couple of days, and not really wanting to harp on about it too much (in true Brit style), I'd go as far as to say it's too hot for me!! Just kidding, but I DO love saying that to people when they indulge in weather chat.

I'm trying to play Pokemon on my Nintendo DS. I'm trying to watch Dexter series 3. I'm trying to rewatch all the Mitchell and Webb stuff that I have. I've got blisters on my feet from walking the Colne Valley Circular (12.5 miles) and one leg is still longer than the other from all those lopsided hill paths.

I've been dogsitting for Stevie the wonder dog while Dawn has a string of potential purchasers viewing her house. We've got along pretty well, but I do tend to overindulge her in dog treats - muesli bones..... marrowbone snacks..... and even some burnt baked beans (don't ask) - Dogs make great waste disposal systems, but apparently you're not supposed to give them grapes!?!?

Note to self: Must get a job.

Excuses.

This blog entry is just an excuse for me to imitate Ron Jeremy and to blow my own trumpet a little. But then if I can't blow my own trumpet on my own blog, I'd like to know where else I might go to do it.

I've been on a "digital photography for beginners" course at Oakwell Hall near Birstall.

Now, based on the fact that I provide a digital photograph on my blog almost every day..... you might be wondering why I am going to a beginners class.... I must admit, I asked myself the same question.

It;s difficult sometimes to judge your own level of something. Alright, so I know I take lots of pictures, and I know that ninety nine percent of them never see the light of day, but it's all guesswork..... Sometimes it works for me and sometimes it doesn't.

Time to get back to basics.

Glad I went actually..... It's been a good day..... I think I've gained a little knowledge and a little confidence out of it....

The proof of the pudding, is of course, in the eating, and the photos I've taken today have actually been slightly better than my usual bunch.

A good source of inspiration.



Now, everyone today took photos of the snowdrops. I took snowdrop photos too. The course instructor admitted that he thought mine were the best ones.... and so, I give to you.... some blossom in a tree.... I don't even know what sort of blossom it is.... nice bokkeh though. I've booked on the next course that takes us a bit further into manual camera settings.

If you go down to the woods today....

... watch out for a group of people running round like maniacs looking for mushrooms, fungi, toadstools, whatever else you might like to call them. I have, of course, been on a fungal foray into Stocksmoor and into Lower Stone Wood.

I've never been on a guided walk or foray before, so wasn't quite sure what to expect. Turning up, I was surprised to find that about twenty five other people had the same idea!! For me, it was a little overcrowded and a little short on the fungual findings, but enjoyable nevertheless.

We found a few interesting things, but I didn't come away with the confidence to go and grab a basket of fresh food for my supper!!

Some of the finds were: Birch Polypore; Common Earthball; Sulphur Tuft; Honey Fungus; Turkeytail; Lots of types of Mycena; Candlesnuff Fungus - There were quite a few more species, but for the most part, they were very small and in such a big group it was difficult to see them properly or understand what was going on.



It's a Birch Polypore of course!!

Done and dusted.

Well, I've been to my cousin's wedding, and moreover, I've completed the reading that I was required to make. In the end it was based on a reading found on the internet and tinkered with to suit my own inimitable stylee. Apart from one Freudian slip where I muddled the words "devotion" and "divorce" it went well..... you can of course, without prompt, guess the disastrous context!! Laughter ensued and the officiant could only respond with the immortal words "I'm not sure I can follow that".


Continuing my "stunning church" series, I managed to snap this lovely pick of the twisty spire of Chesterfield Parish Church..... bloody hell maybe this second coming thing has had some sort of effect on me without me even realising it????

Old Salt.

Just because I probably won't get proper time on Saturday for real (it's just after midnight, so technically it really is Saturday), I thought I'd better at least try to keep up the posting.


Dawn, enjoying a drink of Weston's organic cider at Fanny's Ale House in Saltaire near Bradford, last weekend. For those that don't know Saltaire, it's a world heritage site which is made up of a mill and housing created by Titus Salt. It's worth a journey there to see some cool David Hockney works, and more importantly it's bloody free!!

With all the good will in the world.

I try to be a better blogger. I try to set time aside each day to read, write and comment on as many blogs as I can get through. In reality, I am just too frikking lazy or preoccupied to get on with it. I actually outprocrastinate myself by avoiding the tasks that used to keep me from doing other things by doing even more outlandish things like walking or drinking or gardening or heaven forbid.... shopping!!

And so it seems quite apt that I should continue my list of things to do when you can't be arsed to write a blog.....

2) A selection of "youtube" videos (Youtube videos in blogs is just about the laziest thing ever!!).

a) Simpsons are always a cheap shot. Here's every "couch" scene.....


b) In true Harry Hill style, here's some "you've been framed" type action.

Gutted.

Woke up this morning to bright, hot, white sunshine, streaming through the windows.

Fool's gold of course. The sun, albeit strong, was magnified tenfold by the couple of inches of snow that fell overnight.

I peered out into the garden and noticed a shrub that grows along my garden path, that climbs up the garden wall, and slightly over the top.... for the first time it's ever happened, had actually blown over into my garden. It's a variegated sort of thing, none too pretty, but it grows nicely and fills a big gap in the border.

Eventually I got out of bed (having exhausted my supply of Nintendo patience) and got dressed to go and deal with this weak willed shrub.... To my dismay, nestled amongst the broken debris of the shrub is a robin's nest complete with three baby blue speckled eggs in it.

These are DEFINITELY not the sort of eggs that I wished to receive for Easter!!

I've propped the shrub back up, and I've dug a garden fork in next to it and tied it for extra strength, but I am afraid that the robin may have already abandoned its station now.

It's a crying shame.

Banana? Vanilla!!

Nothing much to report.

I've applied for a job.....

I've been riding my bike......

I've been playing on the Nintendo Wii......

I've been baking bread, of which my latest creation is a date and pecan loaf.......

I've been playing my Nintendo DS......

I have requested another two job application packs (against my better judgement - I really don't want to find myself back behind a desk being a computer jockey again!!) for computer related jobs!!......

I am feeling curiously introspective......

Old.

Happy Saint David's day to you all.... daffodils and leeks indeed!!

Does anyone remember as far back as my experience with the humane rat trap that I bought from B&Q for about fifteen quid? It was back when I had a rat in my garden that was hoovering up the stray bird food. The trap didn't work. I stopped feeding the birds so much for a brief spell and the rat eventually buggered off to pastures greener.

Well, I can now confirm that the rat trap that failed for me has scored in its new location (under someone else's bird feeders!!). Today, near a hotel at Scapegoat Hill, I released my first ever humanely trapped wild rat, back into the wild!! Quite satisfying, and you could tell old ratty was relieved not to be having a spade smacked down on the back of his head!!

They do say "Feed the birds, feed the rats" but as long as those rats are on the outside and not on the inside of my house, then I won't be too angered by them.

My latest "fad" - I use this term loosely, as this is how anything I am remotely interested in gets labelled.... encouragement might be more appropriate than to habitually pour disdain on my interests. - Anyhow, my latest "fad" (even I refer to it as a fad now, I am so damaged!!) is bread making.

I have inherited the family bread making machine. It's not a Rolls Royce of machines, but it serves a purpose and it works. This week I've made two wholemeal granary loaves and I sort of invented a cinnamon and raisin loaf (not that I discovered it, just that I poured random amounts of stuff into the machine to see what would happen).

It was Friday night, about ten PM. I sat chuckling to myself, tucking into my latest dough-based excursion. I think when your Friday night's entertainment is bread related, then it's a sure fire sign that you're getting old!!

Did anyone notice I've spent some money on a new webcam? You now get a better picture when viewing the amaryllis cam!!

Bloody typical.

Since October 24th 2006 I've been a warm and clean little bunny, thanks in part to the boiler repairman and partly to the expensive crappy circuit board that he fitted, that in turn made the boiler work.

Sadly, as is totally typical of my life, I fix one thing and another breaks.....

Seems I am destined to never have things just go plain sailing.... As soon as my back is turned......
The boiler is not working AGAIN, and even more typically than that, it's gone on Saturday evening, when of course I will be without the boiler for two days before I can even ring the guy to come and look at it, before it takes him a couple of days to order and receive the no doubt, necessary part.......

Why me? I ask, as I shake a hand at the heavens and curse the God of central heating boilers!!

They tell me.....

... you should never let those bleeping bleepards grind you down!!

I have often said the same thing myself in advice to anyone who might be feeling slightly "under the cosh" at the mercy of "the man".

It's just bloody hard sometimes to keep smiling when everyone is trying to grind you down with electric orbital sanders turned up to number eleven.

The car saga rumbles on.....

They've had my car at the windscreen place for four days. This factor is unacceptable in its own right, when you consider that it should have been a mere twenty four hours.

Yesterday afternoon after three days, having not received the phone call they promised me, and against my better judgement, I phoned them..... the phone jockey goes to check... despite the fact that I know you can see out of the office window directly into the work area..... he comes back.... "yes, they're working on it now. It will be ready at four thirty".

Ok, so here's the catch.... they've got my car.... at the other side of Huddersfield.... what time do they close? Five o' clock!! I have a thirty minute window to get across Huddersfield in the rush hour, and it's snowing.

"Look, what time do you open tomorrow morning" I ask.....

"Eight thirty"

"I'll be there at nine"

"Ok see you in the morning".

I turn up this morning, and they move a car that's parked in front of mine, and then between them they push my car out of the garage. He comes in and says "Oh by the way, were you having trouble with the battery?".

"No"

"Well we came to start it yesterday and it was flat".

"Ok, so you've charged it then?"

"No, but we will bump it off the forecourt for you and you'll need to run it around a bit"

Then they open the boot and start cleaning out all the broken glass from the old piece that's all shattered inside.

Four frikking days.... you haven't even managed to tidy up after the job that you did yesterday afternoon and you've flattened my battery??

I get in the car and drive off.... with smoke billowing out of my ears.... I'm trying to stay calm.... honestly, but if one person..... just one person steps moderately over the line......

Kaboom!!

Saturday banana.

Two street urchins looking for somewhere to dance!!

I spent a good deal of last evening seeking dance music in the Huddersfield town centre. The promise of Wax:On at Tokyo had sounded like a good bet, but as we walked by, the club had a despondant air about it. It's quiet.... too damn quiet!!

The last few times I have had anything to do with drinking in towns, I've found them to be shadows of their former selves. Whether you put the drinking establishment downturn in the hands of the new no-smoking laws, or whether you believe that there is a CIA plot to flood the country with sub standard recreational drugs and euro-house music, then you still have to admit.... pubs and clubs are quieter than they ought to be.

That being said.... It was pissing down, and miserable in the middle of January.... the usual Huddersfield "hardmen" with their skin tight white t-shirts over their pumped up chests, with their hair all gelled up, are no match for these weather conditions!! Perhaps those girls often seen tottering around town on their high heels, with their gas-fire corned beef legs over exposed to the elements have REALLY decided they are far too cold in that outfit!!

Having sampled at least four nightclubs.... three ale pubs... and a couple of bars..... we ended up in a bar down the main street dancing till about 5am.

I wouldn't want to be in my head today.... oh, wait....

Have you....

Have you ever worried about the wrinkles in your "A" zone?

I can't honestly say that my wrinkled "A" has given me cause for concern, but then this is just symptomatic of the depth of knowledge I have about the cosmetics industry and their quasi-scientific claims.

There is now a cream that's called (at the risk of turning this into an advert):

Garnier ultralift Deep Wrinkle A.

Apparently "its precision applicator can help target deep wrinkles in your A zone".

They think of everything don't they!!