'appen!

 So, yesterday was my four week hospital visit....

Four weeks ago, i had a maximum of thirty degrees to bend my knee.... fixed by the settings on the knee brace.  I could not put any weight on the leg and i couldn't even bend the leg enough to be able to put my own socks on.

Yesterday, on visiting the hospital, i arrived (and left) with ninety degrees bend in the knee.....  i managed to put my own socks on, and i even managed to get some shoes on.....  i walked into hospital with my foot barely touching the ground.  Supported by a pair of crutches whose rubber feet, having pounded the floors for eleven weeks, looking as ropey and tired as you'd expect.

quick Xray.. long wait to see the doc..... what a lovely doctor she was.... calm, informative, knowledgeable, gentle, humorous, professional, empathic, all the things you'd want.... but sadly aren't always given!  She advised me i can now transfer full weight onto the leg..... i can keep the knee brace on but turn off the restrictions (maybe turn the ninety degrees back on when i leave the house for safety reasons).... explained my x-rays..  pushed and pulled my leg about a bit.... gave me a fit note (to give it the modern parlance.... we used to call them sick notes)..... tells me physio will be in touch, and come back in four weeks.

I walk out of there in the same way i walked in, foot skimming the floor, supported by crutches.

Once i get home i turn up the brace to the maximum one-hundred-twenty degrees of bend, knowing that i'll not reach that level of extension for over a week.

I practice walking about, balancing the weight onto the foot and the weight going through the crutches.... easing myself into it.....

I can go up and down stairs almost normally now..... i can walk about with one crutch if i have to...... i can carry a cup of coffee, although the stairs and carrying things are still tricky.

For supper, last evening, i managed a walk up the road a hundred yards or so, mostly on two feet, though still using crutches for stability and moral support.

Today, just as i was typing this, one of the grapes i was holding in my hand, fell to the floor and rolled across the carpet, onto the laminate flooring and came to rest a full three metres away..... i looked at the crutches, and back at the grape..... we all know grapes are poison to dogs so i'm not going to leave it there.....  i look at the crutches again and ignore them....

I stand up, stumble the three steps, pick up the grape, stumble back to the sofa..... eat the grape, stick two fingers up at the crutches, and slump back down to write a blog.....

it's a small step for man.... a giant stumble for a fox.

Here's a little picture that sums up the last three months of my life...... knee (now at one-twenty), dog, crutches, and sofa!  Note... the two "dots" on my knee were where they put the camera in to see the other side where they were putting the screws and plate.....

fonda

 Absence makes me Henry Fonda!

Or so the saying goes......

Been away in Lincolnshire for a couple of days.  I don't like to advertise holidays too much for fear of being "turned over", to give it its vernacular!

Went to see my Aunty and Uncle, and their cat Purdy.... Purdy had a hard upbringing and came to my folks following a load of surgery and whatnot.....  he has definitely fallen on his paws with the life he has now though.... A cat would struggle to find more caring and compassionate adopters than Purdy has.  Despite losing one of his nine lives previously, i am sure he is now living his best eight.

My cousin and her husband visited us while we were there, and i always love catching up with Jo.  She's a bundle of energy and madcap antics, and her contact during my illness and the care packages i've received from her, have definitely made this last three months all the more bearable.

Coupled with the fact that i am now trying to run four distinct, consecutive iterations of Forge Of Empires, and three separate Pokémon Go accounts across three different mobile phones.....  i am pretty much tied up.

I'll tell the tale of my hospital visit in a subsequent post... mebbe tomorrow.....

rang

 Nobody said it and nobody uttered

but Meta says "national poetry day", i feel gutted.

If i knew it was coming or that it was near

i'd have thought this thing through, capital of Zaire!

I head off and google it, get all the "gen",

the search results stop me with what, why and when,

Facebook's fake news made me look like a jackass

Poetry day's in October, for bleep's sake, Kinshas-a.

hop

 One small step for man.... one giant hop for a fox!

I ventured into the kitchen last evening for the purpose of seeking nutrition.

Another milestone was reached.

With the aid of a zimmer frame, two crutches, and a very supportive partner, i mostly managed to cook our evening meal.

It was one of my signature dishes, which mostly has me stood at a countertop chopping and prepping a few things before, at regular intervals, chucking them all in the same pan.....

To give it its full and proper name.... Bibimbap!

To you and me, that's a Korean dish of fried rice with kimchi.

A nice piece of fresh ginger, a little garlic, and spring onions (we were lucky enough to receive some homegrown leeks which are small enough to use instead), some purple sprouting broccoli...... fried up for a few minutes until i've had enough.....

Then i chuck on a good spoonful of my (homemade, i hasten to add) kimchi and fry until until my attention span wanes.

Throw some carrots at it..... and some rice (for this recipe it's fine to just chuck a bag of microwave rice in - do not microwave beforehand though)....  break the rice up cos it's always in a solid lump and tends to congeal into one big lump if you add microwaves to it!

When everything seems like it's probably cooked.... move the whole lot over to one side of the pan and in the space you create, fry a couple of eggs......  while the eggs cook, (we had to get eggs from my mum's chickens as our two chickens have decided they're on strike)  squeeze a lime over the top of everything...... By which, i realise the pedants amongst you may take exception to my use of the term "everything".... try to keep the squeezed lime juice within the confines of whatever is in the pan.

Once the eggs are to yours or my liking or burned, then spoon the rice into two bowls..... chuck the fried egg on top of each one..... wang a bit of chopped coriander on top like a chef would,,,,,, a few more chopped spring onions (in this case baby leeks), add a little hot sauce if required...... i like to use a really spicy sort of ketchup.....

And voila.....

Your foot feels like it's going to drop off.... the kitchen looks like a bomb landed in it..... and you can't even carry your plate of food from one room to another.....

And that's progress!

power

 With great power comes great responsibility.... i think someone once said that?  Mebbe it was Spiderman?

Well, so it is that with mobility comes opportunity......

We ventured out to Brighouse... it's a short walk (thankfully) from the carpark to the Wetherspoons (for them that don't know, the Wetherspoons is a pub chain, and the one in Brighouse is a fine example in a preserved Methodist chapel building).

We managed some lunch and i even drank a couple of pints of ale.

Had a walk around a charity shop and a supermarket.

Returned home, pretty tired and with a swollen foot......

But to sit in the passenger seat of a normal car instead of lying, helplessly, across the length of the back seat with my leg elevated, was a revelation and a step towards....

Feeling almost human again!

Walking upright with two feet on the floor, albeit with two crutches so i don't transfer full weight through my knee, yet.

Sitting in the front seat of a car.

Going to a pub.

Visiting a shop.

Calling round at my mum's house.

They may all seem like very small things and pretty mundane...... but in the world of mobility, these things are pretty eye opening.

I particularly enjoyed the chap leaving the pub who told Dawn to take me round to the ramp to reach the front door, instead of me making my way up the six steps......  almost like i didn't exist.....

Makes you think..... dunnit?

Well, here's a video of my dog with her nose buried in a blanket, snoring......  watch her cheeks going in and out, it's quite mesmerising!

snap

 There's nothing quite like failure to snap me out of my trance.

Usual sketch.... had a long lie in today..... didn't get up till half nine.

Hobble downstairs with my semi-human gait.... augmented by crutches and knee brace, but trying to plant my foot on the floor even though i'm not putting much weight through the leg/knee.....

Sit down on the sofa.

Open my idoku and make a start.... one small error that i trapped as i went along..... think i ended up with two sixes in a column at one point but i soon rectified it.....  difficulty was moderate today as there was a real deficit of ones, sixes, and sevens..... but once the pieces started fitting, it all came together for a quick finish.... circa twenty two minutes?  I lie, it was thirty three.... but, given that i used to take "days" to complete it, it's a demonstration of brain training.

Onto Wordle.....  Less said about that, the better..... once i had the first 4 letters, i had three guesses at the final letter, and of course it could have been any number of them nd i just ran out of guesses - most annoying, and a drop back down to ninety-five percent and a zero win streak.... groans.

Second cup of coffee kicks in and i am enraged at the builders across the road.... there's a little beeping noise, like when the washing machine insists that it's finished washing your clothes and keeps reminding you......  they've also got a fire going.... like it's not hot enough already, and they're burning broken pallets.... which is not a wise thing to do as most pallets are treated to phytosanitary levels, sometimes with nasty chemicals.  I close the windows and curse them on the hottest day of the week.

Even Radio 3 Unwind isn't cooling my biryani today!

I'm going to try and go out for some lunch if the leg holds up.....

Watch this space....

I'm off to get some proper "outside" clothes on.....

done

 i've done some things.....

before breakfast, i'd played boardgames with our little granddaughter..... she's five years old, so the choice of games has to be sympathetic to what i can explain to her..... we played:

• Cobra Paw - A sort of match-em kinda game where you chuck two dice (die?) and then find the tile that corresponds to the faces of the two symbols rolled..... first to get six tiles wins, and of course you can steal the opponents tiles if they don't grab them when the dice matches.
• Rhino Hero - Remember building those pyramids out of playing cards..... well it's sort of like that but infinitely better - it's one of my favourite boardgames with minimal setup and so easy to play.  Stack some walls, put a roof on, move the rhino character up the building... dead easy and of course when it all falls over.... raucous fun.
• Dobble - We played a rule-less selection of matching games where you just shout out the matching symbols on cards you turn over and the first to get all the cards or get rid of their cards depending which way you play it, obviously has bragging rights for the rest of the day.

We also played a little Pokemon Go on the phones, until the battery went dead on the spare phone i'd set up for her.

I adjusted my knee brace to a full ninety degrees.... from sixty.... straight up to ninety.... given that it took me almost a week for me knee to adjust from thirty to sixty, i am already encouraged that i'll hit ninety before .... let's arbitrarily say.... i'll be there in two days?

Played some Forge of Empires.

Ate half a mouldy sandwich before seeing the blue mould on the second half of it......

Scowled at some unskilled builders who seem intent on burning a load of shit pallets.

Joined an online gaming site to play some cribbage with Debra of She Who Seeks fame - and surprisingly, we managed to get a couple of games and it was good fun!!  Feel free to join the site (it's free and search for me for a game).

Didn't watch any telly or films..... until teatime when everything had calmed down and all the ducks were in a row.....

Time for a snooze!

Yea, but this one goes up to eleven!!

random

So, this was quite odd.....

Wordle 1,513 2/6*

⬜🟨⬜⬜⬜

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

cards

 Mate come round today.... and between the nattering.... we had a game of cairds.

When i was a kid, there was a guy called Banjo Bob.

Banjo Bob claimed not to be of this world.

Amongst other things, Banjo Bob claimed to be a werewolf and/or an alien.

Mostly, I think Banjo Bob was a hardened drinker, gambler, and i suspect he had something to do with computer systems design, mostly working abroad.

He came and went like the wind.

Banjo Bob used to come and pick me up and take me swimming every Sunday morning.....  I don't know what his end of the deal was, i suspect he might have fancied my mum or summat, but he was a good guy and I liked his aloof and complex backstory.

At a time when i didn't much have a father figure or male role model, Banjo Bob was a pretty good stand-in.

Banjo Bob taught our small family.... me, my mum, and my sister, to play a couple of card games... they were typical boozer/club card games.... Brag.... and more importantly, cribbage.

If you've never played cribbage, then you're missing out.... it's a fascinating game.

It's a proper old fashioned card game that usually only sees the light of day in the pubs and clubs and is mostly out of fashion these days...... and in America it's largely seen as a bit of a hillbilly or redneck kinda game.....

Anyhow.... we played cribbage today..... it proper cheered me up.

Anyone else know how to play?

Here's a stock image of the exact cribbage scoring board that i own.... if i could be arsed to climb over everything and get it and take a photo, i would, but i can't be bothered.

determined

 Got up with a bit of a plan.....

Struggled with this morning's Idoku.... think it took me almost forty five minutes.

Wordle.... strange word today.... not that any word is any stranger than another word but the guessing pattern was quite hard and it took me five attempts.

Emailed the Dept. of Work and Pensions to see what happens next week when my current claim for Jobseekers' Allowance expires, and i'm still not fit to work.......  I've found this one lady there, also called Dawn, that's been SO very helpful and she guided me through the process.

Made an application for Employment and Support Allowance, so i may still qualify for some benefit, and if not then at least they might pay my National Insurance contributions for me.

Emailed the health trust to get access to my newest x-rays.  i'll post a picture of the post-op x-rays of my knee when i can get hold of them but it'll probably take a few weeks..... red tape, innit?

Did a few rows of crochet.

Played some Forge of Empires.

Binged the remaining episodes of Murderbot..... highly recommended if you like a bit of sci-fi..... and how refreshing to have a modern series with episodes short enough to watch without falling asleep..... although one of the ten episodes had me making three or four attempts.

Enough fun for one day.

Here's a photo of my lovely John Shuttleworth mug, in front of my Forge of Empires screen....

action

 Cut my hair....

Trimmed the beard.....

Had a shower......

Almost back to the land of the living......

Apart from a really crappy Ealing comedy i endured today, that's enough action for one day!

Here, as a world premiere, is my first piece of crochet.....  i only learned this week, so this is literally my learning, sample, first piece..... i know it looks a bit ropey but you get the idea.......  it's not meant to be anything other than learning how to do the stitches.....

yawn

 Feeling too tired to do anything today.

Felt cold in the night....

Dawn woke up with a migraine and i gingerly schlepped around the house trying not to disturb her while she had a little lie in, while she tried to shift the demon from behind her eyes.

Stumbling round the kitchen, trying to make a flask full of fresh coffee for the very reason that i can't carry a cup whilst wielding a pair of crutches)..... i grab a bread bag and stick a couple of slices of toast into the grill.....

Woof..... woof woof...... woof woof woof.... woooof wooof wooofowoofoo foewofoow fofeoowofowofo wfowofwofowof wowfowofwoofwo

I look out of the window to see one of our "neighbours" leaning over the garden gate talking to my rabid hound......  It's not quite eight o clock in the morning and if that dog lived next door to me i'd be reaching for the voodoo doll!

Oblivious to the early hour and the incessant barking, our neighbour continues to bemuse the animal....  i'm shouting the dog, trying to grab the crutches. balance the coffee, the toast..... get things under control......

By the time i get to the threshold, Roy's already disappearing down the road after winding the dog up for five minutes....  i scold the dog and she immediately climbs into her crate and looks at me with sad eyes.

I bag up my marmite on toast..... my flask of coffee, and a mug.....  put the bag round my neck and hop across to the stairs to head for the lounge.....

Here's a throwback picture of Dawn..... we'd climbed the path at Grey Mare's Tail near Moffat in Scotland, to swim in Loch Skeen..... it was very windy and the swimming was tough, but it was extremely memorable..... this was in-between bloody covid lockdowns, so holidays were thin on the ground..... we loved Moffat by the way..... Sep 23rd 2020 - this was taken post-swim, hence all the clothing and stuff.... trying to warm back up for the descent.

motivated

 Been watching a lot of telly.

Ironically, today, i watched a film about a satanic television set that brought initial joy to its viewers, but subsequently brought misery and sadness to them.

The TV set in question  was passed around like a hot potato as people tried to shake off the bad juju that it had attracted.

And so it was..... simply watching loads of telly, while being absorbing and engaging at the time, generally leaves me feeling a little bit cheated out of a chunk of time where i could have been doing something more..... what's the term...... interactive?

TV is such a passive experience, isn't it.

So.... amongst the other things i've done the last couple of days:

Watched:

Wednesday (an Addams Family spinoff about their daughter, Wednesday Addams)

Murderbot (started watching this series about a security robot that overrides its own safety protocols)

Bosch (continuing to watch series 3 out of 7... plus there are at least two spinoffs to watch after)

Ealing comedies (i've exorcised the demon and am back on the bus....)

Played:

Worms WMD (on the Switch)

Forge of Empires (laptop)

Pokemon Go (on me mobile phones)

Done:

Learned to crochet.... sort of!

Been to the doctors for a prostate examination.... made another doctors appointment about statins.... it's never ending!

Reading:

Gathering Moss - A natural and cultural history of mosses - R.W.Kimmerer.

.....

And that's about all you can do when you're pinned to the sofa......

I was gonna post a pic of some crochet i was practicing but my mum hijacked it and did a few straight rows in the middle of it and it looks too "professional;" now!

Instead, you'll have to suffice with a lovely example of packaging.... this is the wrapper off a Tunnock's Teacake.... a chocolate coated marshmallow and biscuit.... delicious and very pretty.

ernie

 Not bragging, but i won three hundred and fifty quid on the premium bonds this month.

Anyone else still bother with the archaic National Savings and Investment scheme?

On a system devised by the Bletchley Park codebreakers, a seemingly random set of numbers can be plucked out of thin air and the corresponding "bond" numbers can be ascertained to tell you whether your ticket was  winner.

It's very much like the lottery, only your ticket never runs out..... it just keeps going and going.... forever..... devalued only by inflation, i guess.

I was taught that there's no such thing as a random number generator, but i'd have to bow to the superior knowledge of those that test such things.... the premium bond machine, or ERNIE as he is affectionately known, has been subject to test of character over the years by various bodies.....

Originally tested by PEGASUS, a system designed by Dame Shirley Bassey Stephanie Shirley, who became one of our most eminent British computer engineers.

Currently tested by GAD,  the Government Actuary’s Department.

And they say.... ERNIE has never failed to be anything but random in every test carried out.

Seems like a lot of work for three hundred and fifty quid.....

Still, unlike the lottery, i can always get my pound back for my ticket (or leave it in for next month's draw)

* ERNIE = Electronic Random Number Indicator Equipment.

** There have been 5 iterations of Ernie since that first incarnation.  The current version of Ernie now uses light rather than thermal noise to generate massive amounts of random numbers..... i think it said there were eighty-billion numbers to pick from in Ernie 4's final draw of 2019.

The photo, following, is what happened when i listened to a voice note from the dog walker.....

tha' whet?

 Ey up.... sithiiiiii!

It's Yorkshire day apparently, so i am hamming it up and making my broad Yorkshire accent even more Yorkshirey than normal.

I don't know where Yorkshire day comes from and i am not even sure how to celebrate it.... short of donning t'flat cap and tekkin' whippet out fo' t' walk..... i've no idea.

I know when it St. Patrick's day, i've been inclined to to a pub and drink stout.....

I don't even know when St. George's day is.....

Suffice to say, let's luxuriate in just being Yorkshire..... 

Let's eat Yorkshire puddings.... they don't have to be with a full roast dinner.... we always had Yorkshires with gravy as a precursor to a roast dinner..... it's not exclusively savoury, either..... they're nice with jam or a bit of golden syrup!!

Drink a Yorkshire bitter..... in my opinion the finest Yorkshire brewery is Mallinsons.... if you like good beer, i recommend you head over there and buy some!!

Speak Yorkshire....  here's a few sayings to get your laughing tackle around:

• Ey up = Hello
• Tha'/Thee = You
• Nowt = Nothing
• Owt = Anything
• Reet = Right
• Lug 'oles = Ears
• Ginnel - Narrow alleyway
• Chuffed = Happy
• Sithiii = (See Thee Later) Goodbye

Bake some Fat Rascals?  Parkin? Curd Tart?  (all available at good Yorkshire bakeries)

Get thissen a Yorkshire made bottle of gin?

Go support your local, independent shops!

And that, as they say in Yorkshire, is job done!

Here's a (NSFW) look at what the world would look like if Yorkshire 'ad of won t' world war 2:

SITHIIIIIIIIIII!

(sorry (not sorry) if you're offended by the language in the video)