Partly

Partly on account of the fact that:
Yesterday I worked a fourteen and half hour straight shift behind the bar.
Yesterday I drank (it's a guess) a gallon of Easy Rider during the above premise.
I've pulled a piece of skin off one of my toes, and it turns out that it's the bit that touches the floor when I walk and it's stinging and pretty uncomfortable.
I have headache.
Having got to bed at sometime around three o' clock this morning and being back at the pub for line cleaning at nine thirty, I'm quite tired.

For those reasons alone.....

Thank God it's Super Searching Sunday......

dose anyone know if i can buy rileys choclate toffee rolls
As featured in my "Top 10 Sweets" list.  Rileys no longer exist as far as I'm aware.... And I believe they were based in Halifax?  I could be wrong.... but it's highly unlikely!!  Anyway, you can get these, which are, apparently, quite similar.  Also, I think you mean "does" and "chocolate".

"the harlot's room" melissa
What can I say?  It's a book about an autistic hooker.  I've read it and can't remember it.  Here's more information on it.

"i now smoke daily"
Well you should stop.  It's bad for you and it's very antisocial..... here preaches an ex-smoker!!

disney on ice let's celebrate pinocchio
Did someone really come here looking for this?  They should be looking for this!

sapnas curry
Now here's a blast from my past.... on Venn St. (a street famed in Huddersfield for its "ladies of the night") there was a taxi rank (that contained an arcade in the back with great games like Burnin' Rubber) and there was a little late night curry house called Sapnas.  It was really grotty and grubby but the food was rather good and the people that ran it were always nice and friendly despite being permanently troubled by inebriated clientèle (a common curry house complaint).  I am convinced that a friend and I once went there and woke up resting on each other across the table.... surrounded by empty curry dishes, the previous contents of which we promptly paid for.... and to this day I am not aware that we even ate a curry.... I hope this is true.  It was also the last place that I ordered a meal that contained meat.

Aye eye

Sunday morning on holiday..... first full day in Scremerston.

Early start.... out of the door by half past ten (AM before you get any smart ideas) and fancying a stroll around Berwick.....

We drove the couple of miles to town, and upon reaching one of the three bridges that cross the Tweed, it was patently obvious that, this being bank holiday Sunday..... there was a football match on.

Now, for those as ignorant of all things football related as me, there's an interesting fact about Berwick Rangers football club, and that is, although geographically located in England, the team play in the Scottish league.  They are currently languishing in the Scottish third division, which incidentally also includes one of the two Scottish teams that I regularly check on, those two being Montrose (in the third division) and Arbroath (in the Scottish second division).

So, normally, what sort of attendance would one expect to find at a sleepy border town, third division club, bank holiday match?

Well, given the fact that last season's highest home attendance had peaked at a paltry 486 when they played against Alloa Athletic, you might imagine that Berwick had naught to fear.... you'd be wrong.....

On this particular day..... the big bank holiday game was against Glasgow Rangers - a team that have been "demoted" from the heady heights of Premier League football, on the grounds of financial "discrepancies" - a claim for which I stand to be corrected.  They were, in fairness, lucky to be allowed to continue playing.... but the impact of one of Great Britain's most successful teams being sent so far down the ranks will have some big knock on effects in the coming seasons..... a lot of money's just fallen out of football.

Alas, I digress.....   so, with Berwick Rangers fans raising the roof off the town at eleven AM and kick off a good hour away..... all the shops (wisely) closed..... there wasn't much reason to stay in Berwick at all..... so we headed off to Eyemouth..... it's the first little seaside town over the border into Scotland - A place I really like.

On the way to Eyemouth there were dozens of coaches of Glaswegian fans queued up waiting to be escorted into town.  Herded and shepherded like lager swigging sheep so as to not cause bother in the wee town of Berwick.

As it turns out, we had an ace day in Eyemouth..... we had a lovely lunch at a cafe/bar called Oblo, on the outside balcony, in glorious sunshine, where we dined on fresh mussels, haddock, crab, prawns, nachos, olives, and generous helpings of Tennents lager..... all washed down with some rum and raisin ice cream.  Magic.

Surprisingly..... Berwick nearly won the game but had a late goal disallowed..... and were quite happy with a draw at one apiece.... Ally McCoist on the other hand was not so happy on his way back to Glasgow!!

Unfortunately, as we had only planned to stroll round Berwick, I'd neglected to bring along my camera.......  I DO have some photos of Eyemouth from a previous visit if I can dig them out..... (to compensate for the crappy uneducated view of football (above) I give you a series of photos - AND I've put bowling cam back on and put a new tune for you to listen to)

the two of us on the beach in Eyemouth (on a previous visit)

just outside Eyemouth harbour (on a previous visit)

Eyemouth harbour (on a previous visit)

grey seals in the harbour at Eyemouth (on a previous visit)

Trying not...

I'm trying not to say "Oh blimey, it's Thursday already" but oh blimey, it's Thursday already!

I took a friend of mine out fishing yesterday - to give him an Arctic Fox style introduction to the noble art.....  and although it rained....and it rained.... and we were alright until the wind changed direction and the two of us impersonating drowned rats had to hang onto one of the umbrellas to keep one of us from going all Mary Poppins.......  He loved it!

We had a good day, but it's taken a very hot day and the hours until just now to dry my gear out.

We've pencilled in another trip for Sunday.

Now, back to my gardening.... having just spent a half hour in the company of grass trimming equipment in the exact colour of orange of your dreams....  I do still maintain that I'm a lazy gardener.

My garden's wildlife-centric or so I tell anyone who would care to comment on the strands of sticky willie and buttercups gone to seed.  The crops that grow beneath the bird feeders.  The borders that were once pin sharp are now beyond blurred.... they're positively overflowing.

Occasionally I walk round my garden with some secateurs..... sometimes with a kitchen knife..... I poke at this plant or prod this weed.... in fact, I even go as far as to not call my weeds weeds, because everyone knows weeds are just wild flowers in places they're not meant to be.  I pull something up that looks like it might be choking a more desirable thing..... and I generally just show the living rectangle out front of my house who's boss!

I find it therapeutic right up until the point it starts to resemble work.... and then I go and play computer games or something.

Anyway..... the reason why I'm motivated to write another bloody boring garden blog, is that today, during one of my fist shaking type garden rants, where I am trying to tell it to behave but it's not listening..... I noticed something which simply enforces my "laid back" approach to gardening.....

Now, bearing in mind it's August, and in fact, having just consulted my calender realised it's MID August.....  I noticed a couple of pots in the garden that still have winter bedding plants in them..... and not only are the plants STILL alive..... they're actually starting to do quite well.....  just goes to show.... if you hang onto something for long enough it DOES eventually come back into fashion..... now where's my sheepskin waistcoat?

some sort of pansy or summat

a primula

Weeks

Flying through space and time at a rapid rate of knots.

This week, Curiosity landed on Mars and presumably it landed on the Martian cat that was having a crap in the giant litter tray (or crater as we prefer to call it).

Oh dear..... and therein lies the power of the internet..... one minute I am happily tootling along writing a blog, and the next minute I am watching videos of ducks accompanied by techno music....

Sidetracked.....

Here's where I got up to:

Curiosity confirms that there was indeed in the not so distant past, life on Mars

Mars landing plan of Curiosity

And then I started looking at ducks, foxes, Olympics... a whole heap of other sidetracking things..... and that's my point really....

Where do these weeks go?

One minute I'm breathing a sigh of relief that I've survived another Saturday scrumdown at the pub.... then there's the tranquility of line-cleaning on a Sunday morning.  Monday I do a little afternoon evening shift and I have two days off on Tuesday and Wednesday.  This week, on Tuesday, I have absolutely no idea what I did with my day.....  oh wait, yes I remember, I've been researching glasswashers (of the mechanical kind, not the two pound an hour spotty kind) and how we might successfully lease or hire one that performs better than the one we already have.

Ok, so that's most of the week so far accounted for..... and yesterday......  I went fishing.... I fished a little bit of the canal near Elland and had a few perch and a nice bream - was very slow going, but I sat out in the sun and had a nice relaxing day - must do it again sometime - not only because my fridge now has the customary remnants of a pint of maggots in it!

And that's where weeks go.....  add into the mixer that this week I had vowed not to drink, and have so far managed to drink every single day...... plenty of  Facebook.... Olympics..... curry..... blog reading.... pogo playing..... the list goes on....

Fox takes a deep breath.......  waiting for a call from a man about a glasswasher and then..... a bit of gardening and a shift at the pub tonight.

Oops

I don't know where all this time goes to.....

One minute it seems I am resolving to get around the blog circuit and catch up with whatever everyone else has been up to, and the next minute it seems I've not only not done that but I haven't even kept up with my own blog(s).

These are the inherent challenges of being a lazy blogger..

I'll tell you a little about my day yesterday then.....

I went to the pub in the morning and cleaned the lines - it's one of my favourite jobs of the week, and because it's carried out whilst the pub is shut (for obvious reasons - obvious to me but I'll explain later) it's a task with no serious distractions.

On Sunday mornings the pub (rather like the Landlord/lady) is suffering from the effects of the night before - and in this instance, much to my chagrin, that involved a "disco" of all things.  There were plastic shot glasses, sticky surfaces, and empty fridges to contend with.

Because line cleaning involves a certain element of "waiting" time - whilst the line cleaner does its job in the line system, I always get chance to tidy the bar area so it's ready for the next person to take over control at high noon.

I always pour myself half a pint of cider (which would normally go down the drain) as a sort of pub tradition that I drink whilst carrying out the work..... cider DOES actually count as one of my five a day..... usually crisps count as another of those, and if they're cheese and onion flavour..... well, double bonus.

The first Slawit drunk stumbled through the unlocked door at exactly 10:17am to ask whether we were open or not!!  We were not!!  The second one was not far behind him, and it did take some time to work out exactly where this chap could get a drink from at "silly o' clock" on a Sunday morning.

Beer line cleaner is an extremely caustic mix of chemicals that is flushed through the beer system, allowed to stand for a while, then pulled through and flushed out with water..... the caustic nature of it makes it a dangerous substance.  For this reason, it's advisable not to do this when the pub is open.... and to do the task when you're not being distracted.

Lines cleaned - beer all looking perfect - off out to Huddersfield for a bite to eat and a nice cup of coffee.

In the afternoon we returned to the pub and had a few beers and a game of "rock n roll bingo" and caught up with a few friends.

In the evening we went down to Greenhead Park to witness the end of the Jamaican Independence Day Festival and we watched the men's 100m final of the Olympics on a "jumbotron" TV screen, and the atmosphere was terrific.  Wish we'd gone down there earlier, it looked like a great day out and it was totally topped off by a Jamaican one-two in the race...... great stuff.

Quote: "Now Paulette, what is it that we are drawing this raffle for?"..... Paulette presumably says something "off microphone" and the man with the mic says "Yes my love I know it's for the first prize but what is that prize?".... and you know what, I don't think we ever found out.

Quote: "And the winner is Mister XXXX from North Birkby...... Blacker Road...... well it couldn't be Whitey Road now could it?" - cue hilarity in the park.

They say....

Make hay while the sun shines is what they tell me, and whilst I have no fields, nor do I have grass quite long enough for the purpose of turning into animal feed, it did seem fitting to mow the lawn as the skies darken around me.

In true British fashion, I find myself blogging about weather!  Idiot!

I've mown the lawn and strimmed a little bit around the edges.  I've put a few more stones onto my little dry stone wall in the garden where the tree-that-used-to-be, used to be.  I've pulled up a few buttercups and puled out a load of daffodil and bluebell leaves that were going yellow and rotten.  I've weeded between a particularly overgrown patch of flagstones..... and then sat down and drunk coffee in my garden.

Following on from that..... I took a few photos, and organised some software so that I could make a Hockney-esque photo mosaic or "joiner" as he calls them.... and this small process has taken me the rest of the day - time flies when you're tinkering with computers!!

Anyhoo.......  without further ado..... here's my first effort at creating a joiner..... which also displays the fruits of my hard work in the garden....... see how nicely all that ties together now?

Castle Hill

If you know anything about Huddersfield, you'll know that above it looms the ancient monument and settlement site of Castle Hill.

It's believed that there have been settlements at the site for over 4000 years and is regarded as one of England's most important early iron age hill forts.  When you stand near the tower it becomes quite apparent why this might be.... it's such an obvious outpost location and would be easily defended.

I shan't go into any detail about the hill because all the information you would care to read about it has already been written and can be seen in all its spurious glory along with everything else anyone cares to write about anything at Wikipedia!  Here is the page for Castle Hill and here is a page that is obviously spurious.

(I believe the spurious pages on Wikipedia are called "mountweazels" which is very pleasing!)

Ok, so today we (Dawn, Ben and I) went walking round the iron age hill fort on a largely circular circuitous route of the hill.  The weather and company were all perfect and we three all had a good time.  The largest downer of the day was having to drive frantically around a series of pubs in bad traffic trying to find one that was open at 2:00pm on a Tuesday afternoon....... Black marks are given to The Lockwood and Rat and Ratchet for being closed!

Ah well, here's some statistics..... 5.7 miles with 892ft ascent.  A pleasant stroll!

Here are some delightful pictures including a map and elevation profile.

Naff off....

To quote the late, great Ronnie Barker as the ever present Norman Stanley Fletcher in Porridge.....  Naff off!

That's what I find myself saying quite a lot during these hot, sunny, summer days.  Or words to that effect at least, that possibly are too crude to be published herein.

Naff off temporary traffic lights.  There's a set just up the road from me that have been inching closer and closer to my domain over the last month or so.... at one point they were "three way" and then back to standard "straight line" or "two way" and now they've reached the end of Gosport Lane.... one of my regular short cuts, they're back to three way and the traffic backs up along Gosport.... and the traffic backs up through Outlane past my house....

Because it's sunny, when cars are stuck at traffic lights, they tend to have their windows down and their shitty stereos spewing crappy music out all over my garden, where I am inclined to be on and incline with a book clutched in one hand... pretending to read, while I am really trying to snooze!  Alternatively, I'm stuck in one of the three directions of traffic signals with the t-shirt sticking to my back.... just hundreds of metres from my home but unable to get there.

NAFF OFF!

Naff off to people who don't thank me for letting them out of a junction or to come through a narrow piece of road, flanked by the myriad of parked vehicles.

Naff off to people who, travelling downhill, with parked cars on their side, advance against me as I am travelling uphill with the technical right of way, and then fail to acknowledge that this is unreasonable and/or deserves at least some sort of recognition.

NAFF OFF

Whether it's the weather, or whether it's just technology that's railing against me but every piece of vaguely pseudo intelligent equipment I touch seems to malfunction.....  I sat waiting for my laptop to reboot tonight..... lights flashing, but undoubtedly there was nobody home.....  I waited.... Thorin sat down and started singing about gold......  Eventually, by some strange quirk of chance and or sense of frustration, I unplugged the USB hub and the laptop sprang to life.

NAFF OFF

Road tax..... car insurance.... MOT..... petrol prices......

NAFF OFF

Nosey neighbours.... bored out of their minds in their retirement.... pretending to be doing things so they can find out what's going on.... leaning over the wall....  eyeing up the missus while pretending to be planting their "summer bedding" in regimented rows around their hard-standings.......  "What's that".... "What are you doing?"...... "How does that work?"......  I don't expect to spend my day in the garden with neighbours, and their neighbours, and their neighbours and so ad infinitum.

Rant, rage, rail......  eyes bulging..... temperature rising......

Smoking

This hot weather is too much!

Imagine if you would, a film named "Some like it quite warm" and you'll be somewhere near my thoughts.

I need variety.

Too much sun makes everyone go crazy.

For some reason it also brings out the boy racers and motorbikes that see the sun as an excuse for tear-arsing past my house.

I've spent the entire day, out in the garden, surrounded by a positive plethora of piscatorial paraphernalia!

I've washed and oiled, tidied and reorganised, unpacked and re-stowed all my worldly tackle!

Rods, reels, bait, weights, floats, hooks, cloths, wheels, handles, nets, boxes, bags, tubs, sticks, arms, heads, catapults, wallets, tubes, tools, they've all been spread round the grassy area I laughingly refer to as a "lawn", like an explosion in a fishing tackle factory!

And so, just like when I fish, it would appear that one side of me has seen more of the sun today than the other.....  my right arm's slightly singed and tingling and a bit crimson, and the left hand side is fine..... no doubt I also have "sunglasses" lines round my panda eyes and lines where the arms have gone over my ears!!  This is what happens when you sit for too long in the sun without actually thinking about being sat in the sun!!

I spent the final hour or two of the afternoon reading a book and nodding off, safe in the knowledge that both arms were being equally toasted, and that my next fishing trip will be quite pleasantly organised - it's so much easier when everything is where it should be.... Part of the "art" of fishing is that once you get sat down and fishing, you should have everything readily to hand without getting up and stomping up and down the bank looking for this or that, or indeed the other!!

So I've got a red neck.... a red arm..... some tidy fishing gear..... and a shed with a roof......

On the subject of "the shed" - as is so often the case, when I asked my friend, John, to come and help me fix the roof.... it soon became apparent that:

a) The floor fell out of the shed!

b) Half the back fell off the shed!

c) Lots of other bits fell off the shed!

Thanks to John we managed to get it all done..... we put a new lower frame into the shed, a new floor, a new panel at the back, a new frame for the roof, new felt on the roof, and some extra bracing and structural suppor..... it's good to go, and we put a little base down to raise the shed off the floor so it doesn't sit in it's own pool of piss, quietly rotting away any more!

Don't get me started on "shed envy"! (caution contains gratuitous shed shots)

Poorly shed......

Poorlier shed.... John surveying the rotten floor - shed on side propped up :(

Shed on the mend!

Shed looking better!

Shed best!

between...

Stuck between a rock and a hard place is where you will currently find me.

On the one hand, I should have posted a blog yesterday that was all about me fixing my shed and getting SEVERELY sunburnt into the bargain.

I had also planned a little blog about an exhibit at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park that was a series of bee boxes made out of bee related books.

When you consider that it's Sunday and it's red hot and I'm less than cheerful, you'll forgive me for sinking back into a blog about ..... Search Engine Sunday!

there was a cow from huddersfield

A poem once taught to me by a distant relative of the Peaker clan... possibly my mum's cousin David or some such person, that goes a little something like this.... (sound of fox clearing throat)......

There was a cow of 'Uddersfield,

Who said tha' 'er milk would no' yield,

Unless she 'ad 'er udders feeled!

fashion girls cool KART

Now, I'm as puzzled by somebody landing on my page as a result of asking a search engine this specific query.  I've tried desperately to understand what/why.where/who this was all about and in what direction I should gently "shove" them, and the best thing I can come up with is this VERY disappointing (loosely called) video game!!  Click here to play it!  I have to admit to having one go at it and was waiting for something to happen, when I realised.... that's it.... I mean that is literally all it does!!  Piss poor!

mission impossible and line burn

Are you suggesting that little Tom Cruise singed his pinkies by throwing himself off a building, tethered only by a little piece of rope and subsequently ended up say "ouch that really chafes"?  I can actually imagine that.  I don't, however, know anything about the Mission Impossible franchise.... don't recall having seen ANY of them..... perhaps Rol might have some information on this (he knows about movies and that)?  Or IMDB and their Movie Trivia!?!

death traps for arctic fox's

Good grief internet searcher.... where's your grandma?  I mean grammar!!  fox plural = foxes, something belong to a fox = fox's.  However, much more alarming is the fact that you're looking for a death trap for an arctic fox.... I can only hope that you are looking for this in order to ensure that no such things are present in your local fox friendly environment and not that you are planning a foxy genocidal mission!!  As an example... DON'T use these!

slug

Hang on... that's not even a valid search.  I hope the search engine spat you out in a semi-digested state suggesting that there is far from enough information to compute your request.  Do you want a fancy dress outfit for a slog?  A way to trap slugs in the garden?  A picture of a slug?  A slug of whisky?  It's too vague and you're making my head hurt, now go away!!

Saddle

Hooray.......

After a brief spell of incapacity.... amounting to a series of complaints and mutations of various germs and infections..... I've made it back outside and back to walking.

Managed a rather warm but deliciously breezy four miles (give or take) on a circuitous route around our local water of Scammonden Dam, which motorists will know as the water that the M62 motorway crosses on the dam wall between junctions twenty two and twenty three, and which is quite close to the spot where the motorway is divided by a farmhouse that stood defiantly against the construction project, allegedly through the farmer sitting on the roof of his house.

Dazzling blue skies, bright yellow cowslip, and dark peaty water.  A new path, stark, bright, white hot.  windblown waves lapping across the water and murky edges where the silt is being stirred.

I'm pleased to say that my legs haven't gone back to their old sloppy ways, and rather than feeling fatigued or tested by the route, I felt like I could have walked a fair bit farther.  Good sign, and one that I'll be acting upon in the not so distant future.

The rest of the day has been spent in darkness..... blinds shut tight, keeping the sun out of the house, and the few windows that can be opened are indeed open and all the doors are propped open to avoid the characteristic slamming that occurs when the breeze catches them!!

The house is now reasonably and quite comfortably cool, if rather dark!

Tomorrow I have plans to mend my garden shed....  I laughingly refer to it as a shed..... it's got to be the smallest shed in town and provides JUST enough room to house a pair of folding lawnmowers and a few pots of old chemicals that you usually find in sheds and garages.

The shed roof has collapsed and I've got plans that, with the assistance of my mate, John, we'll replace the roof and re-felt it so that my electric mowers don't kill me next time I need to use them.  Perhaps I'll post a picture or two for you..... depends if it goes OK or not I guess!

s.... h.... o.... pp.... i.... n.... g!

I like shopping, I do!

Rare as it is for "real" men to feel the need or desire for retail therapy.... I have a hankering for more stuff!

I like gadgets and kitchen implements (not appliances).  I like gizmos and fishing tackle.  I even like shopping for fruit and vegetables!

I HATE shopping for clothes.  I don't like shopping for cars, for birthday presents, christmas presents or mobile phones.  Thank heavens for internet shopping where these items are concerned.

This brings me on to the subject of our trip to the Sculpture Park, yesterday....  My cousin and aunt, who both live in Canadia both loved the Sculpture Park when I took them there and gave them a Foxified guided tour - I'm no expert but I've been a few times and I know nice paths to the L:ongsight Gallery and back again, taking in my favourite pieces along the way - and I like to send them something from there whenever I visit.....

So, shopping at Yorkshire Sculpture Park.....

I wanted something relating to the Miro exhibition to send to Canadia....  a card or some postcards perhaps.... alas, there were none on sale.... not a single Miro product that weighed less than a fridge magnet (a pointless item if ever there was one - except perhaps the magnetic poetry set and the magnetic ransom note set) and nothing much less fragile than glassware and china cups..... a poor show, and I left the gift shop without spending a proverbial penny!

What a shame.

And now, I've been given a green light to buy myself some fishing tackle.... so that's a bonus and scratches the itch that needs an unresoved scratching from yesterday.  for the record, I'm buying some Guru X-Safe spare elastic and tubes; Korum bait stops; Korum baiting needle; three new spools of Drennan Series 7 monofilament (4.6lb; 5.6lb; 6.9lb); and some Guru four inch method hair rigs (size 14 to 9lb line) - great stuff.

I can only imagine the state of coldness that the above list will have left you all feeling!

Itch scratched!

Miro miro on the wall

I like modern art I do......

I believe anything can be art.... and depending how you look at it.... it might as well be!  That's just me.

Recently my mum passed me an article, which of course she was goading me with.  The item was about a new exhibition at the Hayward's Gallery in London.  The exhibition is comprised entirely of "invisible" pieces.

Examples: A movie shot with no film; invisible ink drawings; a plinth once stood on by Andy Warhol; a piece of art paper that an artist stared at for one thousand hours (over a five year period).

I read the article and remark that I would go to look at it.... "I thought YOU might" offers my usual discouraging, disparaging mother.  She paints watercolours with several local art "groups" and has no time for the frivolities of modern art.  "I could have done that" is her almost perpetual response..... "yes you could mother, but you didn't" my only reply.

Look, this modern art isn't just about throwing things about.... there's a thought process and a reason why it happens the way it does.  The "invisible" art pieces are all about their concepts....  The ideas behind the "works" are not hindered by the presence of an image... simple..... I'd go to see it... why not, it would amuse me and I'd enjoy it.

Today I've spent the day at Yorkshire Sculpture Park amongst some great examples of work of many types and in fantastic surroundings.  The very place at Bretton Hall, the pieces in their places, the walks through, the trees, the whole ambience.... it's a symphony of art.

I've stroked pieces by Henry Moore, Barbara Hepworth, Joan Miro, Andy Goldsworthy, Winter and Horbelt, David Nash and many others besides.... real, solid pieces that you can actually interact with.  It's a great place and I always find it soothes my soul.  I love it.

The current "main" exhibition is a bunch of Catalan, Joan Miro's work and it's really stunning.  Lots of great paintings and some crazy sculptures.  Lots of information about Miro and his work....  like living monsters!

If you are lucky enough, like me, to live within striking distance of the Sculpture Park and you've never been, then what are you waiting for?  If you have to travel further to get there, then I suggest you pick a day and make the effort at least once...... despite the (in my opinion) rather pricey car parking charges which have gone up from four quid a day to seven pounds fifty a day.... there are no other entrance fees to pay.

So rather than pay eight quid each to see a bunch of invisible art.... why not pay a bit less or a full carload of you to see some REAL pieces!

A little knowledge

A little knowledge is not only a dangerous thing.... it's downright annoying!

Me and my mum rub the wrong way at times.  She doesn't see why and I have a short fuse as far as it goes.

Take for example our conversation earlier today about some flag stones in the garden..... she wants the flag stones lifting up and putting back down again so that all the edges join up and there are no toe-stubbable steps between them.  The area where the flags are is on a slope and the flags at the bottom of the slope are to stay where they are.

She INSISTS.... positively INSISTS that she wants the flags levelling off.... which to me suggests making the flags level.... i.e. lift them all up and put a spirit level across them... i.e. make them level, hence the process of levelling.... she INSISTS she is still correct in that simply making them join up irrispective of their pitch... i.e. so the edges are level with the next flag and so on is actually "levelling" them....

Further to this she suggests that the flags can be lifted and then bedded on some sand (which of course is also a half arsed measure and the sand will wash away in the first rain and leave wobbly unLEVEL flags).

It's not.... it never will be.... and you'll never convince me otherwise..... unlevelled paving stones whether their edges meet up or not are not level!

It goes on for some time and my voice becomes raised.... I firmly believe that if somebody is stupid enough, that all you have to do is shout the correct information into their mind to make them smarter.

Rant over......

I leave you with this little conversation that ended without me responding.....

Mum had some mail for me... It's an old legacy mail shot from a bank that I used to deal with when I lived at home with my folks.... some twenty plus years ago..... junk mail.

I give the items for mum to recycle.....  I tear off my name and address and any information that is personal and say "I'd normally shred that bit", to which mum replies "well I'll just burn it." - I miss having an open fire.

Mum then goes on to point out that rather than recycle half of the letter and burn the bit with details on......

"well it all gets recycled into ash even if it burns doesn't it".

I roll my eyes, bite my tongue and refuse to rise to the bait!

I'm not sure she grasps the concept of recycling!!

Folk off!

Just a quick trip out today to Holmfirth for their annual folk festival weekend.

For those that don't know, Holmfirth is a "village" that seems to hang quite firmly from the coat tails of "Last of the Summer Wine" which is a British sitcom that you watch once you've retired (because you recognise your friends in the various characters).

Holmfirth is awash with references to the show.  Wrinkled Stockings tea rooms.... Sid's Cafe..... Compo's fish and chip restaurant......

A friend once told me that (after Bill Owen the actor that played the character of Compo in LotSW) they were renaming Compo's Cafe...... to De-Compo's Cafe!!  Boom boom!

I've never been a fan of the show, nor have I embarked on any themed ride or event that goes with it.  I suppose it's alright for the comers-in and the old folks....

They DO have some cool things that happen in and around Holmfirth though that don't tip a nod to this heinous sitcom.  One such event is the annual folk festival that's been running this weekend....

Really it was just a chance to head on up there.... and drink a couple of local ales.... watch a few street performances (all the free stuff for my shallow pockets) and have something to eat.  All of which happened in glorious sunshine.

We saw some samba drummers.... a few troops of morris dancers..... some street theatre about St. George and some crazy battles and a strange horse creature..... and a sketch involving two chubby guys dressed as Olympic athletes doing some sort of routine that was actually much more amusing than it sounds.....

Good clean fun for all the family.

Ring ring....

I'm out in the garden cleaning the bird feeders.... the phone rings.....  not unusual you might think, but I NEVER use the land line.... and it's ringing......

I jump down out of the tree where I hang my bird feeders (honestly you'd fall for anything.... of course I took the bird feeders down BEFORE cleaning them).... and go inside and answer the phone, fully expecting... "Congratulations, you've won"....click!

"Hello" I inquire, sounding remarkably like a person who has never seen a phone before and wonders why this white bone that hangs on cave wall should suddenly make loud noise......

A REAL PERSON on the other end of the phone.... the novelty throws me slightly.....

"Could I speak to Mr. Weaver" she asks, and switching immediately to business mode "Speaking!" comes my standard reply.....

"Hello Mr. Weaver, I'm just calling from your bank" - She does go on to verify that it is indeed my bank and I'm happy to spend a couple of minutes talking to her.... fully aware, even before she, that this is a fruitless conversation for both of us.

"i wonder whether I could book an appointment for you to come in and for us to review your bank accounts so we can make sure you have the best deal?" she offers optimistically.....  "I see you have a current account, a mortgage, and savings accounts with us....".

I interrupt her mid flow and state, quite clearly "No, that's ok thanks, I'm not interested."  Which to me would signal the end of the conversation, but I'm not "target driven" like this poor lady and I certainly don't have anything to sell......

She goes on to ask me a few questions about my mortgage like "Are you on a fixed term variable rate tracking deal?".... it might as well be in Chinese... for one, she's looking at my details on a computer screen so she knows EXACTLY what I have...... for another..... I don't have a clue what kind of mortgage they handed to me on a plate back when I had money and before the banks had none.

"I don't know" I claim.

"Well we could sort this out for you and get you on a better rate of interest" she begins......

"I don't have a job" I cheerily chime in....

She continues.......

"Look!" I start to become agitated, I don't suffer fools gladly.  "Look.... how can you offer me a new mortgage when I don't have a job?" I ask of her.

"We can't" she concedes, starting to realise she is not making a sale. "How about your household insurance?  We guarantee to beat any quote you might have for that,"  She is clutching at straws now, and the birds in my garden will not feed themselves.

"I tell you what" I counter-offer "How about when my household insurance is due for renewal, I'll let you know".... which I thought was a fair "out" for her, she could hang up without totally losing face at this point and make a note on my file that I'd let them know.... a dont-call-us if you like.....

"Well it does make sense to sort these things out BEFORE they are due" she begins and my left eye begins to twitch......

"That's ok.... thank you, I'm still not interested... thanks for the offer though" and I hang up the phone.

The punchline to this story.... and one which I would not dare to admit to my mortgage holder.... is that my house and contents are currently uninsured..... and if she could beat THAT quote, then I'd love to hear it!!

geo-nut!

I'm turning into a geo-nut.

Been out hunting geocaches again today.  Sought five and found only three.... one of the ones I didn't find is actually starting to drive me Miss Daisy!

So, you're unfamiliar with the geocaching thing?  It's like following a treasure hunt, with no map, and usually no treasure at the end of it all.  Still interested?  Read on MacDuff!

You will need....  one GPS enabled device (I use my mobile phone) with a piece of software called "Viewranger"; One account on Geocaching ; Several crappy plastic things; and Ikea pencils!; Optional - A pencil sharpener or penknife!

So you head over to Geocaching website and set your account up.... you look the the maps of where you want to go for a walk and see what caches are located in the vicinity and you input the co-ordinates to your GPS enabled device (I use my mobile phone).

Then you go for a walk, using your GPS enabled device (I use my mobile phone) to home in on the co-ordinates you've picked out.

You reach the right area and turn over a few stones, get stung by a few nettles, scratch your head, have a drink, get ready to leave then at the last minute stumble on the correct location and get hold of the cache.... note this is caCHE which is in no way related to caSH!!

Note:  Before digging out the cache - please ensure you are not seen by "muggles" - the non-geocaching community!

Usually the cache is a Tupperware box with a book, a blunt Ikea pencil, and some *crappy plastic toys in it.... half of the time it will be waterlogged.  You laugh at how silly this all seems... You sign the (usually) soggy log-book to say what fun you've had, put everything back in the container and stash it back wherever you found it..... and continue on your walk! 

*If you want to keep any of the plastic crap in there you must replace it with item of similar or greater value!

Whe n you get home you simply update the website to say if you did or didn't find the cache.

It's free - it's harmless, it's global and it's a good way of enhancing any walk.

As my old meerkat friend would say "squeak squeak" because meerkats actually can't talk

My latest Flickr set is here!.

And now you want to bust my balls?

What a scorcher of a day!

It's not even the end of March and once again spring has become this season's summer.  To sunny to take photographs, too hot to go walking, and fishing?  Well according to my "fishing weather" website the "bite" forecast is "terrible" and it was never that bad when the ponds were frozen solid.  It's a write-off.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind a bit of sunshine.  I can potter round me garden, water me fruit trees, turn the compost in my wormery over.... no end of diversions to be enjoyed at a leisurely pace with a cold glass of pop, but today is different.... today I have an appointment.... a "revised" appointment that replaces the appointment I managed to miss last week.... with my osteopath!!  Time to get snapped, cracking and popped.

She's a lovely lady my osteopath - She's polish, short of stature, but immensely powerful.  She throws me round the room and jumps on me in ways that would see any other lady thrown across the room with the sheer recoil from my gargantuan frame!  Not so for Agnieszka.  Over a period of a few months she has rendered my spine as supple as a rattlesnake.

Whilst manipulating my skeleton we chat about this and that - it's usually a diversionary tactic on her behalf so you don't tense up at those crucial moments.  We talk about websites, about Poland, about fishing, about my blogs (she is VERY interested in the concept of Random Shopping Mr. Bertram!) and so on and so forth.... we chat and crack and bend and natter for a good hour and then it's time to go.

I've had both knees done and my back done first to the left and then to the right and then the big one - right down the middle!!  I'm pleased to see that simply moving into position these days for the "pops" my spine is so free it readily submits before hardly any pressure is used - I'm free!

Out to reception.... so that's thirty eight quid for today and seventeen and a half for missing your last appointment!!  Hang on.... I went in there and she tried to break my back.... and I come out here and .... well, read the title Anne!

Say it a bit louder.....

.... make you feel a little bit better.

What a hot day it's been.

I spent the morning practicing a few things that I've recently learned about my camera. Having spent a day on an "improver's" camera course, I've been inspired to point my camera in every direction at every opportunity. Lots of bad photos and a very few decent ones.

This all ties in with the fact that I didn't manage to win a spot on the Colne Valley calendar competition with any of the six shots I sent them!!!! (insert sad smiley here) There were 58 entrants, each submitting six photos and they only could pick thirteen of them, so I guess the odds were against me...... All entries will be exhibited though in September and October, so at least that's something.

I gave up walking and taking pictures when it got too hot. I retreated to the relative comfort of my local bowling club (see bowling cam) for refreshment, and indulged in a couple of handpulled Webster's Best Bitter.


Buzz buzz buzz buzz honey bee, honey bee, do what you like but don't sting me. A piece of clover with a waxy legged bumble bee near Ringstone Edge Reservoir. Just one of a series of shots taken using "manual" camera settings - I'm finally venturing away from the "auto" stuff and getting a bit more creative - twenty two quid well spent on the course then!!

52 Minutes.

It has some very poignant meanings.

Firstly, 52 minutes is a short film about the growing epidemic of knife crime in London. When last I was in London, there were actually mobile metal detecting arches set up on pavements for people to walk through.

Secondly, it's the name of a Canadian rock band. Part of the hardcore/emo scene, whatever that means!!?!? Of course we all know that it means "emotional hardcore" on account of its' "oh so sensitive" lyricism. Those crafty punk wordsmiths.

Thirdly, it was the amount of time it took Barack Obama to deliver two speeches (exactly 26 minutes each) in Europe, which spelled out his desire to rid the world of nuclear weapons and his intention to launch a drive on nuclear disarmament - possibly bigger than any ever attempted - well, it would have to be Mister Obama - We've still got them, so that tells you the level of success of previous "drives" - besides:

Homer: It's pronounced 'nucular'. Nucular.

Fourthly, and most importantly, it was the amount of footage that I recorded last night, of the Big Brother "live" schedule..... during which time, the housemates were getting ready for bed. 52 minutes into my three hour recording schedule, and of course the lights were off and everyone was snoring. They are, without a doubt, the most sleepy bunch of housemates EVER!!!

Snow in summer. A whole heap of Eriophorum near Deer Hill, under a fluffy clouded sky. I could not choose which of the photos to post here, but chose this one just for the sky. That's cotton grass to you and me, dumbo!! You would not believe the difference in weather between yesterday and today.... my birdhouse has blown out of the tree this morning.... now where will I live!!