Ale to the Tsar!

I'm working again today.... from 3pm to 8pm.... it's what we call the "ale trail" shift, whereby a bunch of drunken drinking parties arrive in a series of villages to guzzle a drink or two before catching the next train out of there.

Between the drinking and train catching, they're usually urinating somewhere.....  the war memorial, the lamposts down the street.... etc etc.... you get the idea.... it's a drunken free-for-all that makes the cash registers sing in regular twenty minute bursts.

I can't complain..... I've got some work.

Anyway.... it means that you're not very likely to catch much of a blog update from me today, and I wanted to share the news that today.... is the local bowling club's "fun day".... which I am told will involve such frivolous activities as "target golf" and a "bouncy castle".........

In one previous "fun day" someone managed to throw something onto the roof of the extension at the back of my house and subsequently put their foot through several roof tiles in the process of retrieving it......

I give to you, today, the task of monitoring the "fun day" via the live(ish) webcam and email me any screen captures of the misdemeanours that may transpire throughout the course of another (expectedly) drunken day - you may also catch some gratuitous shots of someone grilling dead animals on an overturned oil drum.

Good luck with that..... I'll think about you while I am pouring a pint of Carling!

Live(ish) webcam (note: I've found that my Firefox prevents the auto-updating of this page so if yours does the same you can press F5 every ten seconds or so for the latest picture)

Tinker....

Tinkering with my widgets.

I know I shouldn't but I'll just do it until I need glasses!

After a rather late and stressful bar shift last night, I'm left feeling a little flat today.

I was hoping I might rise late, have a bite to eat, pack some fishing gear and head out to charm a fish or two out of a local fishing hole, known, rather imaginatively, as the "Duck Pond" at Lindley.

Of course the British summer has other ideas, and it's possibly the wettest morning I've seen since I lived in Outlane, some seven or eight years.

So, I've been tinkering.

I've changed the "chicken" tune to one the is more suited to our current situation, and I've uploaded a few couple more webcam highlights.  Don't forget to click on the arrow, on the right, under where it says "music player" to hear my latest selection.

There's a definite "weather" and "ducks" theme running through the air today!

The tune in question is dedicated to my late cousin Dan - It's a track by a band called Lemon Jelly and I'm pretty sure you'll be able to guess its name.  I remember the twinkle in Dan's eye when he told us about this track.  I'd heard it before but didn't know what the heck it was.  Anyway, this is an "unplugged" version of that tune and I'd give anything to be playing it to Dan and imagining him dragging out, not only this version, but every other version that has ever been released and quite a few that haven't as well.  He was an avid, obsessive compulsive, collector.

The stress at work was caused by a lack of customers......  between the hours of half past eight and ten o' clock, the pub was empty..... I cleaned and tidied, wiped and dried, mopped and stacked, rinsed and wrung..... until there wasn't a surface left that I could tackle.

Bored by the inactivity, I had a go on the quiz machine and was almost in "cash winning" mode when a single solitary customer walked in.....  rats!  I think he had half a lager and went to pick up some salt and pepper chips.  Lucky lad!

I got another seven or eight customers that came in and stayed until closing time.

I managed to clock up one complaint about my music choice in the pub (the trouble with "compilation" albums is that there's always one or two tracks that you don't like, and the landlandy happened to walk into the bar at one of those moments - even I don't like the track, but if you had a jukebox there'd always be someone who'd put the Wombles on or something right?).  I could write a bit more about this "music" thing.... perhaps another day?

At 2:30AM I woke up with more "window" fever!!  Did I check the windows?  Knowing full well that I did!

Fingers crossed

I got a fortune cookie last night and the fortune said......

Your big opportunity may be right where you are now.

.... and I like that.

I know all fortunes and astrology and stuff are just ambiguous claptrap......

BUT.....

When I went to find the aforementioned piece of paper to take a photograph.... it wasn't there......

I found it tucked down the side of the sofa along with a twenty pence piece!

Cool!

Brief blog, but I'm working tonight and it will be verging on tomorrow by the time I get home, so you'll just have to make do with that!

 

Arse!

Happy Full Moon to everyone!

It's a great time when the full moon's out.... I urge you all to take note.

I find the strangest things seem to happen, and although I recently watched a programme which dismissed the concept that alcohol related/fuelled crime increases at the full moon, I still firmly believe that people do act slightly oddly at this special time.

Recently watching a programme about alcohol related/fuelled behaviour does not constitute part of this mad cycle!

I can only begin to imagine the medium jinx that might appear on the "bowling cam" during the course of today!

I'd certainly be interested to hear from anyone who has an unexpected or genuinely uncharacteristic experience today.  I will have my eyes peeled for any such event..... and of course, in looking out for it, invariably this will be the reason I notice it, and probably nothing at all to do with the full moon, but it won't make it any less poignant.

Ok, full moon rant ..... done!

It's my mum's birthday, and of course, I'm totally unprepared for such an event.... i.e. I haven't bought a gift yet and I don't even have a decent card to present.  I am probably going to give her a call shortly and offer her a shopping trip to our local "cheap shop" Mecca, known as Pellon Lane.......

My mum has always been a "jumbler" - she can walk into the most innocuous looking shop and find hours of entertainment in the most unentertaining shelves.  As a child, and of the male persuasion, this is usually to be reciprocated with much showing of the bottom lip and standing around with a decidedly bored or grumpy expression.  Men are, after all, famed for being able to walk into a shop, pick up the first item inside the shop doorway, purchase it, and be back outside wearing said flip-flops, and be drinking a pint of lager, before the girls have put the car keys in their handbags. (Perhaps that's a trifle sexist?)

Dawn's love of them, and my self inflicted absence of money work, have forced me to become a connoisseur of the "bargain" shops - When I had a decent job, I can honestly say, I never had to shop around for anything.... but now I like a bargain as much as anyone.

So, mother's schedule permitting,  Pellon Lane it shall be..... Poundstretcher (which I very rarely visit - on account of it being quite expensive!); Pets at Home (which I sometimes visit for pink cat litter and any offers on fishy cat food); Halfords (What would I want to go there for?); Home Bargains (On a par with B&M - great bargain shopping); Aldi (the home of cheap).

I know mum appreciates a "run out" as the oldies like to call it!!

And if she's too busy, then at least it gives me chance to go and get a card and some bits and pieces.  The advantage of Dawn being at work today is that I wouldn't go with gifts until Dawn can come with me!!

(note: not sure that was very interesting reading for anyone at all..... it DOES however give you a small idea of how my mind thinks, or not as the case may be)

Oh yes, happy birthday mum!

More

More working at the bar.....

The day began with a list - I like lists because they are easy to follow.....

Sweep up outside....  check.

Polish tables...... check

Clean bar back and sink area..... check

Clean glass washer...... check

Take Euro 2012 decorations down..... check

A local chap's funeral was taking place at the church behind the pub today, so that brought a few punters through the door.....  managed to chat to a few of them, some making it much more difficult than others, and some even offering me little stories about the deceased..... 

I pulled some good pints today.  In fact I'd go as far as to say I pulled some bloody good pints today.

The nerves are settling.  I'm finding my way around the till a bit better.  I can enjoy it more now than at first and I'm starting to think I'll be quite good at this "pub" mallarkey after all.

So, I'm quite happy to offer up at this point..... I'm working in a pub in the village of Slaithwaite (That's pronounced "Slawit" - and don't forget it).

Was nice to see a pal drop in to the pub at tea-time and offer a little bit of support too..... always makes me feel better to serve someone I know..... and especially if they like what they get!!

I even stayed AFTER work to help my mate (who runs the pub) to try to fix up a new glass washing machine that we "acquired" - all to no avail unfortunately.

So, roll on Thursday, my next shift..... feel free to pop along for a snifter!

Could have... would have.....

I could have used this blank space to tell you all my latest bar room anecdotes, like the one about the guy who orders a beer called "Easy Rider" and as I am about to pour it asks, to seek confirmation that it is indeed a cider..... which of course it isn't, it's a bitter...... he looked at me blankly and asked "what's it like then?".....  "It's a bitter" came my informed response....... he had one anyway..... and I bet he didn't like it!

I COULD tell you that..... but I won't.

I could tell you about cleaning the lines through, about pulling eight pretty good pints of Leeds Pale in one single order.... I COULD, but I won't..... and do you know why?  Or maybe I'd tell you about a young chap that ordered a double vodka and Red Bull for almost six pounds, and I later found it almost intact on the table outside, but you don't want to hear that.

BECAUSE IT'S SUNDAY!!

b and q tri wing screwdriver

There's a definite pattern to these searches at the moment, and this is another one that's made its way into the "recent" list.  All I can tell you on this is that if you want a tri-wing screwdriver for the purpose of "modding" a Wii or an xbox..... then you won't find it at B&Q..... but you will find it at DealExtreme - or, like a fiend of mine did..... by "googling" tri-wing screwdrivers, he arrived at my blog and got in touch to borrow mine!

arctic fox ring

I can find plenty of rings featuring "foxes" but none that specifically have an arctic fox on them..... this one is my favourite!

there's nothing in the garden Spike Milligan

Thanks to a fellow blogging pal, Katherine, I have finally uncovered the mystery of this search.  Seems it's a Spike poem that goes a little something like this:

There's nothing in the Garden,
and unless I'm losing my sight,
there was nothing again this morning.
It must have been there all night.

It's hard to see a nothing
or even where its been.
This was the longest nothing
That I have ever seen.

I locked all the drink in the cellar
so nothing could get at the gin,
but by skwonkle o'clock in the evening
nothing had got in!

So I bolted the doors and windows
so nothing escape,
I called for the local policeman
who was armed with a helmet and cape.

'I hear there's been a break in
and you have lost something of worth.
Can you describe the intruder?
Yes he looks like nothing on earth!

arctic fox blog

Hello!

there was a cow from Huddersfield

Yes there was, in fact there are several, but the one you're referring to is the one that had difficulty producing her daily quota of milk....

There was a cow of Huddersfield,

Who said that her milk would not yield,

Unless she 'ad 'er 'udders feeled!

Getting....

Just getting ready to nip out for a swift Chinese meal, followed by a couple of beers in a local hostelry.... and preferably one where they know how to pull pints! (As it turns out the pints were not up to their usual and my exacting standards)

I DID work last night..... a decent shift and my pints are getting slightly better but you still get the stupid/awkward punters who test your resolve.

A guy nurses a pint of John Smiths Smooth for over an hour and then wonders why it's flat.  I'm drawn into this as if it's some kind of legitimate discussion.

The other annoying thing about last night, is just as I climbed into bed..... I began to wonder whether I'd turned the gas off checked that the windows were closed.  This is so infuriating because it reminds me of my Grandma who would go back to her front door a number of times to make sure she'd actually locked it,

So, at some ungodly.... after midnight anyway, I find myself driving back down to the pub to empty an ashtray and check the windows!  I slept better afterwards.

Lazy day - the calm before the storm of Saturday...... Full belly.... Big Brother to the max...... time for bed said Zebedee!

Cheryl....

Cheryl is dead..... long live The Henhouse Five plus Too (Also)!

No, Yorkshire Pudding..... remove your head from the cooker..... she's not actually dead.... I simply had to remove her particularly offensive brand of music from my web page and replace it with something more, well.... Foxy!

So, go on people, treat yourself by clicking the little arrow thing.... under the webcam.... over there.... look.... it's right there under where it says "music player".... click it..... with the mouse..... single click..... left mouse button.... no your other "left"!!!

I dedicate this track to John Gray and his collection of Fauna and flora.... if the rain doesn't stop, we'll have to change his name to Noah!

More bar work tonight.... wish me luck with those pesky pumps!

You would imagine, given the number of text messages and emails that I receive on a daily basis offering compensation for the "accident I had" or the "insurance I was sold" that I'd never have to work again!!  Sadly, this is not the case!

Rest assured, I'll be saving up some pennies to put towards some mosquito free fishing membership!

As a complete sidetrack - of which I am a consummate master - And I presume this will only work if you live in the UK..... try this!  It made me giggle.

Well, it's about a gajillion percent humidity today and it's dark enough to be the middle of winter, but with rain, and temperatures reminiscent of summer..... only one thing for it.... coffee and Judge Judy it is then!

A man....

A man walks into a bar....

And says "Hello, do you need help getting this thing going?"

"Have you any bar experience?" ask the licencees.

"Of course!" replies the man, "I drink in bars all the time!"

Several hours, and several badly poured drinks later, the licensees look at each other and begin to wonder what they've done!

Well, that's a brief summary of my new career as a bar-person!  A complete and utter U-turn in career terms from the world of compu-ting! that I have left...... and a return to work that I did some twenty years ago in order to prop up my meagre YTS (Anyone remember THAT ripoff scheme? - which was the second worst paid work I've ever done - the worst being the canal restoration scheme I did, paying a paltry ten quid a week on top of my dole money!).

So, nothing to get too excited about.....  I'm doing a few hours work.  I actually believe I can make a difference to the pub that have offered me the work, and I am hoping I pick it up as quickly as I know I am capable of doing.

So far the only drawback has been that pulling real ale on a hand-pump that DOESN'T have autovac system attached (meaning you have no margin for error) is "testing" to say the least, and I lie awake at night worrying about wasting beer, serving flat pints or people asking if I can "stick a flake in the top of it".

All I need to do now is to make sure I keep my hours secret from my mum so she doesn't decide to pay a visit!

Perhaps at some point I'll tell a few "character" based tales that this endeavour is easily capable of producing.

Right now, following a day of fishing at Tony Riley's Pond in Brighouse..... I'm suffering......

Picture this.....

I arrived at the pond yesterday morning at about half past seven in the morning..... as soon as I opened the car door, the mosquitoes were everywhere.....  I got all my tackle out of the car, loaded up my trolley and made my way down to where I was going to fish.

By the time I reached John, who was already fishing, he'd already been bitten, and I was going to take no chances.....  I got out my bottle of Autan and liberally applied it..... head, ears, neck, chin, hands, wrists..... everything uncovered, now covered in insect repellant.

So, I start to get my fishing gear set up..... seat, baits, rod rests......  As I put my rod together and start to thread the line through it, I'm crouching down behind my chair resting the rod on the chair back......  another rather sensitive part of my anatomy , where tshirt and jeans no longer meet, becomes dangerously exposed and of course......  

The mosquito bite on my arse is now so large and sore.....  it's actually making me sweat!!

Not a great start...... and over the course of the rest of the day I got a bite on my wrist and now I've had time to assess the damage, I've got nine more bites on my ankles..... I took the precaution of tucking my jeans into my socks, but they've actually bitten THROUGH the socks!!

OUCH!

I have to consider the possibility of finding somewhere easier to fish.

 

Where is it?

You all know the deal by now.... you go looking for something and inadvertently end up here..... and I, rather charitably point you in the direction you should have been heading in the first place.....

It's the Sunday searches!

hippopotamus um bongo

Well, there were a whole heap of characters in the "Um Bongo" adverts and song....  It was the hippo who took an apricot, a guava and a mango....  I've rattled off the lyrics to the song several times in my blog, it's my ONLY party trick, and I'm not about to do it again, but you can find a totally dope picture of your hippo here, and you can see the last time I sang the Um Bongo advert here.  (incidental note - seems Yorkshire Pudding was needling me all the way back in 2007!)

chuff a duck

Not bloody likely guv'nor!  Not sure why someone should be searching for such ill mannered phrases unless of course they are interested in the etymology (is that even a word?  wonder where THAT word came from!?!?) - well, I can only suggest that the term "chuff a duck" is a derivative of the previous rhyming term that involves doing unspeakable things to Donald and his nephews, Huey, Duey and Louie!  The interesting thing about hippopotami (see above) and the verb "to chuff" is that when you put them together, you would end up with a "chuffapotamus" which is a slang term for a minger with a big arse.... apparently!

there's nothing in the garden spike milligan

I've tried and tried and tried.... well I spent a couple of minutes with various search engines.... trying to understand what the "searchee" required with this term.... Usually I can find something that vaguely relates, whether it be a quote or a piece of writing or something.... but not in this case.  Please award yourself a gold star.... I've been "foxwhacked".

 

arctic fox soldier

Is that something like a Dog Soldier?  Which was a great film, especially when the cow fell off the cliff!  didn't half make me jump.  More likely you meant something like this.

the arctic fox blog

Hello...... you found it.  Unless you meant this imposter

I know I've gone a bit "linktastic" this week but perhaps someone, somewhere, will enjoy following a couple of them?

Tempus....

Well, tempus really does fugit!

I've been trying to get back to my blog for a few days and write something but events in the non-virtual world have conspired to keep me otherwise engaged.

Jobs ranging from chauffering duty to dog walking..... from finishing a game on my Wii to collecting my weekly Pogo gaming badges...... from dining out to dining in.....  they all require time, effort and varying degrees of concentration.

Today marks a sort of special day, and this is partly the reason for my Saturday MORNING blogging activity.... I mean, who would write a blog on a Saturday morning?  Despite the fact that Dawn is working today (a rarity for a Saturday, but she is providing "cover" while her boss is away at the Isle of Wight mudbath festival) - The OTHER thing which marks this as a day to remember is that......

For the first time in almost six years, I am about to embark upon a day of paid, actual, real world work.

It's a fairly daunting prospect when one contemplates the water that has flowed beneath the bridges of Fox Towers....  Having had a trial run at this particular activity already on a quiet day..... I find, for one thing..... my eyes have indeed turned into apple pies!  That is to say, they are about as good for seeing through as apple pies might be..... they are old and tired, and I need to remember my crappy "reading glasses" that I got from a pound shop (for which Huddersfield is famed) - The concept of cheap "readers" is that they basically strap two cheap magnifying glasses over your ocular units in the vain premise that you gain a temporary ability to be able to read, before said lenses render your eyes completely useless!

I'd like to give more details about this particular "engagement" that I may be embarking upon, but it would be premature and foolhardy to do so at this point... rest assured, it will all be common knowledge soon enough and you'll all be welcome to come and press your noses against the glass to watch this fox gliding gracefully on the surface whilst flapping like a mad duck beneath the surface trying to maintain an air of competence!

Suffice to say, I think I would rather be returning to work after a self imposed absence of a term that on my curriculum vitae creates a gap which suggests I may have been detained at her Majesty's pleasure for something akin to murder, than sleeping on a ferry trying to get to the mud on the Isle of Wight..... not my cup of tea at all.

So, wave goodbye to the days of being a carefree, penniless, unemploy(ed/able) free agent of the past, and embrace the prospect of being an overworked, underpaid, wage slave of the future!

"Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!"

They say....

Make hay while the sun shines is what they tell me, and whilst I have no fields, nor do I have grass quite long enough for the purpose of turning into animal feed, it did seem fitting to mow the lawn as the skies darken around me.

In true British fashion, I find myself blogging about weather!  Idiot!

I've mown the lawn and strimmed a little bit around the edges.  I've put a few more stones onto my little dry stone wall in the garden where the tree-that-used-to-be, used to be.  I've pulled up a few buttercups and puled out a load of daffodil and bluebell leaves that were going yellow and rotten.  I've weeded between a particularly overgrown patch of flagstones..... and then sat down and drunk coffee in my garden.

Following on from that..... I took a few photos, and organised some software so that I could make a Hockney-esque photo mosaic or "joiner" as he calls them.... and this small process has taken me the rest of the day - time flies when you're tinkering with computers!!

Anyhoo.......  without further ado..... here's my first effort at creating a joiner..... which also displays the fruits of my hard work in the garden....... see how nicely all that ties together now?

Castle Hill

If you know anything about Huddersfield, you'll know that above it looms the ancient monument and settlement site of Castle Hill.

It's believed that there have been settlements at the site for over 4000 years and is regarded as one of England's most important early iron age hill forts.  When you stand near the tower it becomes quite apparent why this might be.... it's such an obvious outpost location and would be easily defended.

I shan't go into any detail about the hill because all the information you would care to read about it has already been written and can be seen in all its spurious glory along with everything else anyone cares to write about anything at Wikipedia!  Here is the page for Castle Hill and here is a page that is obviously spurious.

(I believe the spurious pages on Wikipedia are called "mountweazels" which is very pleasing!)

Ok, so today we (Dawn, Ben and I) went walking round the iron age hill fort on a largely circular circuitous route of the hill.  The weather and company were all perfect and we three all had a good time.  The largest downer of the day was having to drive frantically around a series of pubs in bad traffic trying to find one that was open at 2:00pm on a Tuesday afternoon....... Black marks are given to The Lockwood and Rat and Ratchet for being closed!

Ah well, here's some statistics..... 5.7 miles with 892ft ascent.  A pleasant stroll!

Here are some delightful pictures including a map and elevation profile.

me-mail

I don't know what it is about my "xxxxxx@live.co.uk" email address that makes people use it!

(and before anyone (I'm looking in your direction Mr Pudding) gets smart - the xxxxx bit is merely a mask over the actual first part of the email to save it from further abuse)

Some time ago.... in a galaxy far far away.....

A lady named Jemma started placing orders with "next.co.uk" to buy clothes. She bought a whole series of items ranging from underwear to Peppa Pig clothes for very small children.

I only know this because the email address she used to register on the "next.co.uk" website was in fact MY email address.... and subsequently I received all her order confirmations, her delivery schedules, her requests for payment.... etc etc. Now, most of these emails are automated and as such, you can't reply to them.... so I emailed Next to tell them of the error.... no response..... I logged on to Next using Jemma's details and changed her password a zillion times to try to flag something up.... no response..... I ordered a thousand catalogues to be sent to Jemma's address..... no response......

Eventually (possibly two or three years) I tracked down Jemma on Facebook and got everything sorted, but it wasn't an easy process.

And now....... I'm getting others......

Joan used my email address to apply to Wonga.com for a "payday" type loan - i.e. short term at extortionate interest rates - Poor Joan only needed eighty quid (£80) to last her until pay day..... the thirty day loan would have to be repaid at one hundred and ten pounds and eighty pence (£110.80) - now, even I can see that that's a bit steep..... but as they say 360% per annum fixed or 5160% APR. Suffice to say, Joan's application was rejected anyway, so she's probably living rough by now.

And then there's James......

James wanted some.... well.....

To: info@drainlineservices.co.uk
Subject: request for quote
contact name = james xxxxx
contact number = 02xxxxx1323`
contact email = xxxxxx@live.co.uk
comments = hi, please could you provide a quote for cleaning 8 single road
gulleys/drains for our client in segensworth, hampshire.
many thanks,
james xxxxx.

A simple enough request you might think....... but......

Hi James
Unfortunately this is not a job that we are able to carry out.
Thanks for your enquiry.
Nick Ruxton
Drainline Services LTD

Bad luck James..... your drains truly floweth over.... and worse still, you'll never receive the email telling you that they cannot attend.  Perhaps you'll read about it here?

And then there's our mystery customer, with a mystery demand..... but rest assured, this email response to someone using my email address is NOT for me!!

Dear customer,
Please let us know the link of the dress you need so that we can contact our factory to see if we can make it arrive in time
Best regards ,u07

(I've done some snooping on this one and the "u07" really refers to Jane White at "dressesclearancesale@yahoo.co.uk" but we will never know what the offender's request was.... perhaps it was a prom dress or something for a cruise?)

And so dear customers, it would seem that my email address is being used and abused the world over..... please take more care when ordering or typing your email addresses otherwise you'll end up with a surplus of catalogues being delivered to your house with overflowing drains where you can no longer afford to live and your dress never arrived in time for the eviction party!

More of the same.

Sunday searches start here.....

I could go on, at great length, about the fact that my bowling cam is up and running again.  I could tell you how I was on the verge of going up into the loft to look for my webcam when I found it in a packing crate on my desk, just in the nick of time....  but I won't!

Where does the Arctic fox live

Apart from the lovely capitalisation contained within this particular search..... the answer is, of couse, glaringly obvious.... the Arctic you numbskull.

SKYMAN Bernard Kops

An old favourite of mine from my O level English Literature classes, was this crazy little poem, that goes a little something like this.....

My God I'm dead--
the young man said
when he saw his battered head
petalled on the crimson sand
--oh mother come and meet me now
and take my hand--
his body like a fountain played
along the empty esplanade
a coca-cola sign winked on
and when the moon came he was gone.

www.arctic fox.com

Oh where to begin??  Firstly, I have no idea why you would ever type a url into a search engine.  Secondly, I don't think a url should have a space in it..... so if you were looking for me.... you found me.... if you were looking for Arctic Fox cold weather products??.... it's over here - Instead of a space there's a hyphen in it...... i.e. arctic-fox.com

pete burns plastic surgery

The guy's had lots of it.... and I'm not really going to go into that.  Move along now.... nothing to see here!

www.articfox clothing.com

Oh no.... my pet hate..... first up, it's arCtic.... second up..... oh, it's you again isn't it from higher up this page..... typing urls into bloody search engines again......  there are no spaces in urls.....  if you want to search Google for "arCtic fox clothing" then that's all you have to type in, ok?  Well, me being generous and all, here's the link anyway!

Tinker.....

Tinker, tailor, soldier, procrastinator!

My car's broken......  not only is it broken, but the required part is not available until the seventeenth of July, and that's slightly over a month away..... when they said "one month next Sunday", I don't think anybody was laughing.

The particular part that's broken is a spring..... they make the wheels go up and down into the potholes that the council leave for us.

Now this spring is a special spring.....  you can only use a spring manufactured by the original car manufacturer because it's so rare that nobody else would want to make it.  The spring only fits my particular model and only those of that particular model that were made in that particular year!

It's a "one off" and I presume the original car manufacturer are manufacturing the part on that basis..... there is no stock of it.

So, I'm housebound..... which is less painful than it might originally sound in comparison to being egg-bound!

I'm wishing to be fishing!

So, I've spent a little bit of time getting back to my blogger template...... I've resurrected the "music player" featurette and also have paved the way for a future re-release of the ever popular "bowling cam" widget.... so keep your eyes peeled over on the right hand side of my page for when THAT goes live!

The "music player" function is a nice simple affair.... and I've (rather against my usual style) made sure that the player doesn't automatically start, which could result in heart failure for any number of blog visitors who have their sound turned up too high and have yet to be notified.... and it shouldn't piss you off too much because now YOU.... yes YOU....  You sat there in your vest and pants, slobbering your cornflakes all over the keyboard...... can start and stop the music at will...... I will probably change the tune weekly or so, in order to give you a chance to have a listen should you so wish.  If you look on the right hand side under the "bowling cam" there's a little arrow.... if you click that it will play some music.... if you click it again it won't play some music....  even YOU can manage that!

* [edit] - Apologies to those of a nervous disposition for my first choice of "music" - it sums up my dark mood and reminds me that if Armageddon were coming down the road, it would be accompanied by this excellent track..... one of the best gigs I ever went to blah blah blah.....
** [edit] - Cheryl Cole has now replaced my music of choice!  Blame Yorkshire Pudding for that one!

Bowling cam is another matter all together!

I've lost both of my webcams!  As soon as I find one of them, OR as soon as I find a really cheap, nasty, horrible, low quality piece of plastic that purports to be a webcam..... it will be up and running.

To make these little doo-hickeys do what they're intended to do..... I've had to install my own little web server..... so the stuff you'll see is actually coming to you live(ish) and sort of directly from the computer in my bedroom..... and of course if you're not seeing or hearing anything, then I've switched my computer off or my house has burnt down and you should call for a fire brigade or something......

And so, this merely proves that point that..... 

"one man's car part is another man's web server" - (Confucius)

Top ten - Sweets!

I make no bones about it... I am quite partial to sweets.

Ever since I stopped smoking it seems I've developed a bit of a sweet tooth.

And so I eat sweets......  Not the sweets as in Desserts, but sweets as in the ones you would find in your local shop's "penny tray" - Anyone remember "penny trays"?

Anyway, here, for the record, is a run down of my top ten sweets (which of course I couldn't do without acknowledging two people first - Rol for the inspirational top tens he produces and my Grandma who had a shop when I was a kid and she always had some "chocolate chewing nuts" or something to hand!!)

Ok, formalities done.... on with the countdown!

10 - Space Dust - Call it what you will: Pop Rocks; Moon Candy; Space Dust..... it's that sherbetty stuff that's loaded with carbon dioxide and it fizzes and pops on your tongue.... crack-a-lacking!

9 - Aniseed Imperials - I like Mint Imperials and I also like Aniseed Balls, but which is better?  There's only one way to find out.... F.... wait, what happens if you combine the two?  Aniseed Imperials.... that's exactly what would happen, and I totally love them.  One of my favourite fishing sweets.  They're soft inside like a mint imperial and hard outside like an aniseed ball.... it's win win.... except for the teeth!

8 - Riley's Chocolate Toffee Rolls - As a kid these sweets were considered to be far too "grown up" but the toffee and dark chocolate combination has left a lasting impression on me.  There were other sweets I'd put in the "grown up" category that I wouldn't buy but Chocolate Toffee Rolls?  Get some in!  Nt made in Halifax any more and not made by Riley's but I bet these are just as good.

7 - Mints - Chewy, hard, extra strong, extra strong with a hint of chilli, polo, imperial..... I love 'em all.

6 - Sweet Cigarettes - Although the red tip and "cigarette" nomenclature were long since removed.... they're now known as "candy sticks" - they're still substitute fags for me.... and I love them - I'm even quite fond of the temporary superhero tattoo that comes in the packet with them.

5 - Old Jamaica - A real old barnstorming chocolate smash hit that went away and has come back again.  Sure it doesn't have the old orange packaging with the pirate ship at full sail on the front, but it's still as rum-and-raisiny as it ever was, and although I normally ONLY eat high quality chocolate, this one makes it in to my top ten.

4 - Marzipan - Little marzipan fruits (those camp christmassy gifts) or chocolate covered slabs of the stuff..... we love a bit of marzipan!  Battenburg and Christmas cakes lathered with the stuff always get polished off with gusto.....  Get some Amaretto down you!!

3 - Coltsfoot Rock - We used to get these strange herbal sticks from the chemist.  I still love them.  They're such a strange thing, and when you eat them you can't help but imagine the machine that's extruding them, probably in mile long sections and then the blade that comes down and chops them before they set rock hard, with those fluted sides...... slurp!

2 - Reese's Peanut Butter Cups - Peanut butter?  And piss poor American chocolate??  WIN!  Salty and sweet and totally ace..... all lying there in their little paper cases just waiting to be scoffed...... drools!

1 - Liquorice - It's a smash hit at number one and it's a massive "catch all" - Black and White Mints; Liquorice Allsorts; Panda Liquorice Sticks; Cream Rock; Poor Bens; Catherine Wheels....... I love all things liquorice!  Probably with the exception of them horrible liquorice root things that you get that's like a bit of a twig that you chew until it falls into fibrous, stringy pieces in your mouth and leaves you gagging!

When no news isn't....

No news isn't necessarily good news.... but it's news nonetheless!  Or is it?

Ok so it's my usual Sunday cop out searches!

zarch archimede download

"Ere Wevz have you played Zarch on the Archimedes?"

"Ave I f@%£k"

So goes the infamous story of how a friend introduced me to a game that is largely, to the best of my recollection, a sort of version of Virus on the Atari ST, which I actually HAD played and would have illicited a much more friendly response.  So you want a rom of Zarch for the Archimedes do you?  Well look no further!  #in fairness it's a really difficult game to track down and I think this is largely down to the fact that the Archimedes has been relatively impossible to emulate??

artctic fox blog

Usually someone misses out the "C" in arCtic fox and spells it thusly.... "artic".... and THAT makes me angry, and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!  In this instance, notable only by the fact that I've never seen this particular mistake in my search criteria before.... they've added an extra "T".... well, it's a new one on me... and rather strangely, despite the odd spelling, I do rank number one in Google's list given that particular search!!  So, rather than have to point someone in the right direction..... you've actually, despite your poor spelling, found the right place.... well done.... sort of!

 

white phase arctic fox

Blue in summer; White in winter.... that's the Arctic fox way of life.... it's all about the camouflage innit!

folk off 

Same to you with knobs on!

jimi hendrix long hair

Yes he did. So did Noel Redding!!

Salty slug racing on a boring rainy afternoon!  come on lane 2!!!!

Perhaps....

Watching the rain streaming down the windows in my lounge and the distorted image behind it.....

Harry Potter's later years in Lego Hogwarts, and my deftly flicking wand wiimote that conjures the "cruciatus curse" resulting in a cascade of multicoloured virtual bricks......

Playing gin rummy against a great-grandma from Georgia with Oklahoma rules in force......

Destroying my brain with a daily double dose of Big Brother entertainment shows.......

Car, half packed, ready for a fishing trip that has yet to materialise, weather too wet and too windy to make the effort......

Not one of these things makes for an interesting blog.... or at least I should say, not one of these things makes for an interesting blog Or a blog that I haven't written before!

In truth, I'm feeling far too flat and far too demotivated to summon up the energy.

Here's a link to the planning application for the destruction of Cupwith Reservoir - there's a prize for the first person who makes it through the "documents" section without falling asleep, and there's an additional award for the first person that can actually find out a valid reason for the reservoir being drained!

See: Previous blog about Cupwith & My Flickr Cupwith pictures.

Hiatus

Insert Big Brother sized pregnant blogging pause!

Normal service will be resumed as soon as I can tear myself away from the tellybox!