Partly

Partly on account of the fact that:
Yesterday I worked a fourteen and half hour straight shift behind the bar.
Yesterday I drank (it's a guess) a gallon of Easy Rider during the above premise.
I've pulled a piece of skin off one of my toes, and it turns out that it's the bit that touches the floor when I walk and it's stinging and pretty uncomfortable.
I have headache.
Having got to bed at sometime around three o' clock this morning and being back at the pub for line cleaning at nine thirty, I'm quite tired.

For those reasons alone.....

Thank God it's Super Searching Sunday......

dose anyone know if i can buy rileys choclate toffee rolls
As featured in my "Top 10 Sweets" list.  Rileys no longer exist as far as I'm aware.... And I believe they were based in Halifax?  I could be wrong.... but it's highly unlikely!!  Anyway, you can get these, which are, apparently, quite similar.  Also, I think you mean "does" and "chocolate".

"the harlot's room" melissa
What can I say?  It's a book about an autistic hooker.  I've read it and can't remember it.  Here's more information on it.

"i now smoke daily"
Well you should stop.  It's bad for you and it's very antisocial..... here preaches an ex-smoker!!

disney on ice let's celebrate pinocchio
Did someone really come here looking for this?  They should be looking for this!

sapnas curry
Now here's a blast from my past.... on Venn St. (a street famed in Huddersfield for its "ladies of the night") there was a taxi rank (that contained an arcade in the back with great games like Burnin' Rubber) and there was a little late night curry house called Sapnas.  It was really grotty and grubby but the food was rather good and the people that ran it were always nice and friendly despite being permanently troubled by inebriated clientèle (a common curry house complaint).  I am convinced that a friend and I once went there and woke up resting on each other across the table.... surrounded by empty curry dishes, the previous contents of which we promptly paid for.... and to this day I am not aware that we even ate a curry.... I hope this is true.  It was also the last place that I ordered a meal that contained meat.

More of the same.

Sunday searches start here.....

I could go on, at great length, about the fact that my bowling cam is up and running again.  I could tell you how I was on the verge of going up into the loft to look for my webcam when I found it in a packing crate on my desk, just in the nick of time....  but I won't!

Where does the Arctic fox live

Apart from the lovely capitalisation contained within this particular search..... the answer is, of couse, glaringly obvious.... the Arctic you numbskull.

SKYMAN Bernard Kops

An old favourite of mine from my O level English Literature classes, was this crazy little poem, that goes a little something like this.....

My God I'm dead--
the young man said
when he saw his battered head
petalled on the crimson sand
--oh mother come and meet me now
and take my hand--
his body like a fountain played
along the empty esplanade
a coca-cola sign winked on
and when the moon came he was gone.

www.arctic fox.com

Oh where to begin??  Firstly, I have no idea why you would ever type a url into a search engine.  Secondly, I don't think a url should have a space in it..... so if you were looking for me.... you found me.... if you were looking for Arctic Fox cold weather products??.... it's over here - Instead of a space there's a hyphen in it...... i.e. arctic-fox.com

pete burns plastic surgery

The guy's had lots of it.... and I'm not really going to go into that.  Move along now.... nothing to see here!

www.articfox clothing.com

Oh no.... my pet hate..... first up, it's arCtic.... second up..... oh, it's you again isn't it from higher up this page..... typing urls into bloody search engines again......  there are no spaces in urls.....  if you want to search Google for "arCtic fox clothing" then that's all you have to type in, ok?  Well, me being generous and all, here's the link anyway!

Excuses

"Arctic Fox, where are your blog entries for the last three days?" Asked a mustachioed, unkempt school teacher.  "Sorry Sir, the cat ate them and then the dog ate the cat" came my smart-arsed, well rehearsed response.  A hundred lines and one hour of detention were my reward.

I wake up, cold sweat.  Pounding headache.  Must be Monday I think to myself and sitting bolt upright notice it's actually Tuesday.

Well, I've had a rough few days.

I've finished my antibiotics and am starting to feel like I dare loosen the bond between myself and the nearest toilet.

I've deleted the complex series of alarms that I'd created to remind me when to take this, take that, or even eat food.

With a little research and an old carrier bag, to plug the holes in my sieve-like memory, I've managed to fix up my Nintendo 3DS so that it (once again) agrees that it can play games from my "very special" card.  Thank heavens I still have my old Nintendo DS otherwise I don't know how I would have done it!

Apart from feeling like I'm sitting on an infected timebomb..... and my head feels like I drank about fifteen pints of real ale last evening..... everything's coming up roses..... or is it?

In some fevered fit of sleep last night..... I remember hearing, and wishing I had been dreaming..... that ISPs are being told to block access to Pirate Bay!  I mean, you're frikking kidding me right?  Didn't we all get a bit antsy because China blocked Google?  Isn't this just the bloody same?  Can someone tell us what we can and can't look at?  I tell you what.... I'm SO bloody furious that I'm going to watch snooker all day!  Stuff your internet up your arse! 

(but don't, please.... I beg you, bring it anywhere near mine!)

Groggy.

A groggy Sunday, in a state of alcohol recovery.

Neither "self scanning" my own supermarket shopping at Tescos nor watching Bear Grylls (Born Survivor) drinking his own piss out of a rattlesnake skin have actually made me feel much better.

Brain swelling and puffy, tired eyes.

Effervescent vitamin tablets - extra B vitamins!!

Toad-in-the-hole with broccoli, mashed carrots and swede, new potatoes, savoy cabbage and lashings of gravy has more or less saved my life today.



Beaumaris, Anglesey - Portrait of a gull. Ironically, Beaumaris is a very picturesque place - so of course one of the best pictures I took there didn't actually feature any single view of the town itself - could have been anywhere!! Still, it's a nice picture (in my humble opinion).

Wasted.

I'm glad that at least a couple of folks enjoyed my poetic answer to the doggerel artist's cheeky query about my grossly supersized frame. My only defence is that I piled on some weight when I stopped smoking (just eating sweets all day eventually has an effect).... Once I stopped smoking I also developed a liking for a nice pint. I don't drink large quantities of beer (except for the odd festival or two), but I do enjoy a tipple, and of course that also has a detrimental effect on ones waistline.

Truth be know.... my poetry was in fact written whilst I was a bit drunk on Friday night. I know I shouldn't drink and blog, but no harm done.... THIS time!!

And so.... wasted......

We went out last night to meet some of my old work colleagues.... Adam, Don, Emma, Gary, and Stu (and a couple of Emma's friends too) painted a bit of Huddersfield a dazzling shade of crimson. I think it's fair to say that everyone was a bit worse for wear (except Stu, who was driving) and none more so than Dawn, whom I had to nurse back to health during today after what can only be described as a "rough night".

So, today's been a wasted day. Perhaps that's where the term "wasted" originates?

Ironically, everyone last evening that I haven't seen for quite a long time now commented on the fact that they thought I'd lost weight.... how odd?? I haven't actually lost any weight (I don't think) - I'm somewhere around 14 and a quarter stones!! What I have noticed though, is how much better I carry myself since I started training on Wii Fit. It's all about posture!

On that note, an image of an applauding taxi driver flashes back into my mind as he observed my attempt at the "king of the dance" yoga pose on the street corner last evening.

Note to self.... drink + yoga = silly idea!!

Saturday banana.

Two street urchins looking for somewhere to dance!!

I spent a good deal of last evening seeking dance music in the Huddersfield town centre. The promise of Wax:On at Tokyo had sounded like a good bet, but as we walked by, the club had a despondant air about it. It's quiet.... too damn quiet!!

The last few times I have had anything to do with drinking in towns, I've found them to be shadows of their former selves. Whether you put the drinking establishment downturn in the hands of the new no-smoking laws, or whether you believe that there is a CIA plot to flood the country with sub standard recreational drugs and euro-house music, then you still have to admit.... pubs and clubs are quieter than they ought to be.

That being said.... It was pissing down, and miserable in the middle of January.... the usual Huddersfield "hardmen" with their skin tight white t-shirts over their pumped up chests, with their hair all gelled up, are no match for these weather conditions!! Perhaps those girls often seen tottering around town on their high heels, with their gas-fire corned beef legs over exposed to the elements have REALLY decided they are far too cold in that outfit!!

Having sampled at least four nightclubs.... three ale pubs... and a couple of bars..... we ended up in a bar down the main street dancing till about 5am.

I wouldn't want to be in my head today.... oh, wait....

Please wait.....

Searching......

It's the weekly rundown on those lost souls that stumbled into my blog, and what they might have been looking for.

BEST BEDSORE CREAM (Google)
Ouch, my research into the world of bedsores on behalf of this errant Googler have not been pleasant. Some of the images have turned my stomach over!! It would seem that treatment of bedsores with creams is not necessarily the best course of action. There are a range of treatments that must be used in a multidisciplined approach. If you want a cream, then perhaps try: Vasogen or Sudocrem antiseptic healing cream.

shadow stone Fold by Andy Goldsworthy (Google)
Everyone knows I love the Goldsworthy. I have been lucky enough to visit the Yorkshire Sculpture Park 2007 exhibition on two occasions this year. The "shadow stone fold" is a sheep fold at the park, with a large "shadow stone" at the heart of it. You are supposed to lie on the stone and create rain shadows, but it's never rained when I have visited.


has anyone used digitalfirst (Google)
Yes, I have. I bought my camera from them after EGears let me down, badly. Digitalfirst were actually very good. They did exactly what they said they would do, they did it when they said they would do it, and it was a lovely experience. I would not hesitate to recommend them.

magical eleves, cadburys (Google)
Now, I am assuming here, that you were actually looking for the magical chocolate making elves that work at Cadburys? Well, I'm disappointed to tell you that the real magical elves that work in a chocolate factory are actually employed by Willy Wonka!!! If you MUST pursue the Cadburys inferior variety, then they're here.

hot water bottle tummy fetish (Google)
I can honestly say, hand on heart, I don't know what the heck you are. What the hell were you looking for, really? This? Or this? I don't know.

megadrive game fox pig (Google)
Interesting one. The only game I can think of for the Megadrive that involves a fox, would be Psycho Fox, but it doesn't seem very "pig" oriented at the other end of the spectrum. The only other thing that I can think of, is a game called Pooyan which involved pigs and a fox and a bow and arrow. A real arcade classic.

Monologue of an arctic fox (Google)
You're reading it, right here!!

do arctic foxes eat people (Google)
Nobody that ever saw one lived to tell the tale. I guess that's a bit like shutting your head in the fridge door to see of the light goes out when you close it?

find me a slut in blackpool (Google)
Find your own slut in Blackpool you lazy bugger!!

wessenden cam (Google)
I don't think there's a Wessenden webcam. There are plenty of pictures of Wessenden though. If you actually meant to type Wessenden Dam, then you're sadly mistaken, because Wessenden is a reservoir. You can see it here.

Groan.

Sunday, and I have the mother of all hangovers. I think I qualified for a degree in mixology last night by sampling a range of drinks that certainly should not be within three feet of each other. Every high really does have a corresponding low.

I have struggled to bring you a Sunday search engine selection though, and I hope you jolly well appreciate it. Actually it was quite good fun today, and there were some amusing searches to pick from.

so, without further ado, I give to you..... ten of the best......

Marissa Miller (MSN)
Two people came looking for Marissa Miller this week. I don't even know who she is, or why, for that matter a search engine would turn me up as a possible source of this information. Oh, wait, this is MSN search so it's something to do with Microsoft... that would explain this seemingly random correlation. So, it turns out she's a model, and bang tidy at that!! Go see for yourself!!

jonah barrington squash download (Google)
Yes, it was my favourite ZX Spectrum game. I loved it. Not sure where you can download it from or what platform you require, but here's a link that might help (you will need a Spectrum emulator to play the images you can download). It was published by New Generation and cost the princely sum of seven pounds and ninety five pence!! The game also featured the "voice" of Jonah Barrington through your lovely Spectrum.

hairy women huddersfield (Google)
Yoink!! It takes a braver man than me to pass comment on this one!!

Is chocotate fatal to mice (Google)
Yes, especially when it is placed on my "Lucifer" French mousetrap!! You can see the (be warned sensitive readers) results of chocolate induced death here.

Where the name Arctic Fox come from? (Google)
a) It is a fox.
b) It lives in the Arctic region.

geordie slut getting shagged (Google)
Erm..... try Youtube!! Second thoughts try Shufuni (Don't try shufuni if you're under the age of consent and/or yyou are at work - Be warned it is VERY rude!!).

elvis rubik's cube (Google)
Not sure this exists as a product, but look what I DID find while researching this. Come to think of it, there might be a market for an Elvis Rubik's cube!!

arctic platypus (Google)
You're pulling my leg, surely? someone tell me that this is a joke? There's no such thing, surely?? Am I wrong??

biddendens (Google)
I suggest, if you want to remember your evening, that you stay well away from the Biddendens Dry - Which is a very strong cider, and contrary to its popular name, I found it to be more medium than dry... very pleasant, and possibly only to be drunk as the LAST drink of the night!!

devastatin' dave t-shirt (Google)
Don't say I never give you anything. Here, in all their glory, are the Devastatin' Dave products.

Just take five.

I am feeling relaxed today. Despite waking up with a banging headache and no internet connection.... some things are going my way.

First: Spice, yes your suggestion of "Chicken Rhythm" was duly noted and fulfilled. You know what? I like it!! Let's not think this means I am now playing requests though!! You've all got your own bloody blogs to fill with nonsense!! Hope everyone enjoys the new tune and spares a thought for me while I am "mucking out" this week!!

Second: Part of the reason behind today's headache was a few pints at the Barge and Barrel in Elland last evening. I think the "Bargee" was not quite up to scratch and may account for the thick head. What I did taste there, however, was something that launched me into beery heaven. Black Bee - A honey porter. I have recently discovered that (as a life long devotee of Chestnut Mild) I like mild and I like Guinness.... imagine my surprise to find a drink that falls inbetween the two.... and then to find a very nice honey brewed version of said drink..... paradise!!

Third: I am taking Dawn out tonight for a meal. She has been working really hard lately, and we don't always get the time together that she deserves... especially since I am confined to the chicken coop m0st nights..... It's not so much that I can't go out, as much as how bad I would feel if anything happened when I WAS out. We are going for noodles to Leeds... to Fuji Hiro.... one of our all time favourites.

Fourth: The bowling club at the back of my house has finally erected a smoking shelter!!!! It has been a constant source of disgruntlement to me, but amusing to webcam viewers, that the smokers congregate outside the door of the club, just outside my bedroom window. It gets quite noisy with the window open at night. Well, if you've been glued to "bowling cam" today, you'd have seen them putting up a smoking shelter at the other side of the club. Hooray!! It also means that anyone wishing to go to the club, will now (hopefully) no longer have to walk through a group of smokers blowing their wares in your face! I sound like a sanctimonious ex-smoker already!!

Fifth: It's a beeee-yooo-teeeee-ful day!! I've been "twitching" in the garden at Pole Moor. Not as a side effect of copious amounts of real-ale, and subsequent lack of it..... but in the fashion of bird-watching. There's some lovely birds out there. A similar bunch to the ones I get at home, but with a few differences...... Out there: Regular visits by pairs of blackbirds. The kestrel is never far away and is a delightful sight hovering over the fields. Thrushes.... I've seen quite a few of them, and it's not uncommon to see two or three chasing each other round the vegetable patches - Not sure if they are song or mistle. Wren, the little wren, my favourite bird.

Five and a halfth: I know this was supposed to be a Saturday Sample blog, but I forgot!! I thought it was Friday!! I've been Pole Moored!!

Me noggin's.....

... took a floggin'!

Went out and got a bit pissed last night. A standard Huddersfield drinking session, which was quite enjoyable. Good company always helps, so those around me can't fail to have a good time!!

I am paying the price today.

It's actually the first night that I have managed to be able to stick it out in pubs and bars without even thinking about having a cig. I'm quite pleased with myself in this respect, but disappointed in my headache.

Yesterday I saw the rat. I saw the rat eating bird food in my garden. I went out to examine the trap, and of course, as predicted, the bait from the trap has all been eaten and the trap remains empty.

Gary Ford's voice is echoing in my ears, "Buy cheap, buy twice". Bollocks.

It's about this point, where I start lurker-bashing. Having looked at my webstats, it seems that, out of the last 100 visitors, nobody has left me a comment - I could be talking bollocks of course, but I am amazed that so many people don't leave an imprint. I don't bite..... often.

Oh well, it's time for some soluble painkillers....... Must..... reduce..... brain...... swelling.

Mutha's day!

Happy mothering Sunday to all you muthas.

Happy post Saint Patrick's day hangover to all the children.

Managed a few pints of the black stuff last night. Enough to earn me this year's Guinness hat and a clutch of badges.

Two noticeable changes to previous years' hats, are: This one proudly states that Guinness is brewed in Dublin, where before, the stout was in fact brewed all over the place. I guess this is a step forward in terms of consistency at least. The second thing, is that this year's hats carry the year marked on them. This surely means you can sneer down your nose at those poor scrotters who wheel out last year's hat in a vain attempt to make you think they've drunk a lot of Guinness already.

The badges also carry the year on them...

Four pints for a hat and a few badges... not a bad haul.

Then, on to Vox, for copious amounts of "Pirates of the Caribbean" pinball, and some long island iced tea. Slurp.

Home again, home again, jiggety jig, poached eggs on toast, and a mug of coffee, and a healthy slice of the fantastic Harry Hill's TV Burp.

I love Harry Hill. He is a very funny chap. His enthusiasm for mundane televisual experiences is charismatically infectious. I could cut out all the television in the week, and watch a lot more of Mr. Hill's dissection.

This morning rudely arrived, complete with heat induced dehydration, and cigarette induced hangover. Not a great start to the day, but then again, when was a day after Guinness a good one?

Surveyed the carnage that used to be my house.

Wrapped a few gifts for my mum, and took them round. The folks had their hands full with my two nephews. They both look tired and need a bloody break!!

Came home and did some washing up whilst listening to Jo Brand's Desert Island discs. It got me to wondering... what would my discs be? You get eight discs, the Bible, and the complete works of Shakespeare, one book you can choose yourself, and a luxury item.... I am still amazed that nobody has picked a speedboat as their luxury item!!

I think my choice will have to be another blog, another day.

For Fox sake.

Drinking last night... paying the price today.

It's a little before 5pm when I have finally sat down to the computer.

Woken at 8:30am by Connor requesting Xbox time. Not the ideal start. Hungover, probably still drunk, still smelling of Subway sandwich and pickled chillies. Unable to resume sleep.

Got up... felt bad.

Dropped The Kirsty at work, and Dawn in town to collect her car from last evening's revelry.

Flashes of the evening before slowly coming back. Too many long island iced teas. A light layer of snow on the cars when we got home. A conversation, in Subway, which made me laugh:

Me (in boisterous mood) addressing the bemused young sandwich attendant: "Now then, what particular vegetarian delight can you tempt me with this evening?"
Vacant faced employee: "veggie delite?"
Me: "Ah yes, of course!!"

I had answered my own question I guess.

Anyway, we had to take Tom shopping for a winter coat that he can wear, for walking to school and such. He is a hard customer to please, and I previously documented his search for trainers. Tom only wears sports clothes. He won't wear the wrong labels, or anything vaguely "unsporty", like jeans for instance.

We opted for a retail outlet village, as there were a fair number of shops that should stock a could for this discerning bargain hunter. Primarily, there's a Nike shop there, and it would seem sensible that this shop should yield fruit of a sensibly warm and weatherproofed variety.

Cutting the long story short here.... First shop, first coat, finally purchased after three hours and two full circuits of the entire retail park. I still feel like death. Thankfully it came cold enough during our second circuit, that Tom's hand was forced, and he needed to get warm. Result.

Now I am home. It's finally started snowing. Our first snow of the winter, and the robin in my garden is gorging itself and singing merrily. The house is warm, the snooker final is on telly, and I lie on the floor, drifting in and out of dreamy consciousness. Bliss.

It's official....

I drank more than I intended, or indeed wanted to.

Last vivid memory was standing at the bar, ordering the demon drink "After Shock" - For those that don't know about this unpleasant drink.... you're missing nothing.

I always end up in a tangle after drinking it.

Consequently, ten minutes later, and I felt myself swaying. I made an early exit.

Woke up this morning with the mother of all hangovers, and in fact still reeling drunk. Not a good start to the day. A full 6 hours after getting out of bed, and I am just starting to come round. I have looked at two glasses of water, a cup of coffee, and the kitchen sink. I've finally managed to drink a cup of tea and ate some nice brown toast.

I am on the mend. Mostly attributed to the use of my lovely retro ice pack for my terminally swolen brain!

Bugger.

I've got such a headache today.

Went out with the folks from work last evening for a few sherbets.

Think I managed some bacardi, some beer, some mojitos, some long island iced tea, and some Baileys and Amaretto. Is it any wonder my head hurts?

Spent most of today in "sorry" mode.

Picked my mum up at about 11am and we went to the local Christmas Craft fair at the parish church. Was quite a mellow experience, and it's always nice to feel like part of a community. I heard somewhere this week, that being a part of a group actually prolongs life expectancy... There ya go!!

Spent this aft, with my mum, tidying up my house. I am planning a chilled evening watching telly, and a duvet morning tomorrow. There's absolutely no rush to get up. Thanks mum, you're great.

URGENT APPEAL: I am searching for a toy for my nephew's christmas present. The toy seems, to all intent and purpose, to have vanished from the face of the earth. I appeal to all bloggers, and readers, for their assistance in trying to locate: From the "Take Along Thomas" range of die-cast metal trains, the train known as Oliver. If you can find me one to buy, then I will award you a special Foxy prize. Deal?

In other news.... my "brokeback mountain" cowboy hat arrived today.... I love it.... but don't know if it's too big or not.... Having never owned a stetson before, how would I tell? My cowboy boots arrived too and I have been stomping round in them all day. The downside, is that my royal flush cowboy shirt is too small, and has to be returned from whence it came. YeeHaw!

Have a go at this.... A friend sent me this website... It's a search engine, but this is slightly different... Try "search with guide"!!

The unanswerable....

Woke up this morning, not knowing what day it was, or what planet I was on for that matter!! I got a bit drunk last night.

The eternal unanswerable question entered my mind: "What must I have been thinking to get so silly drunk?".

Well, to my surprise, the answer was in my back pocket.

And I quote:

"3 Pints of Guinness, 1 double gin and tonic, and a Baileys and amaretto. Three slices of toast with Marmite, 1 Marmite sandwich, and a chocolate mouse, I mean moose.... no definitely a mousse."

I effing well hope it wasn't a moose or a mouse, although it could defnitely explain the furry sensation in my mouth this morning.

Now, and I am not bragging about my drinking capabilities, this amount of alcohol wouldn't leave me feeling so bad, save for the fact that I managed it all in about a single hour!!

I am once again, waiting for the man.... with the van.... this time he is taking my TV away!!

Spice - I wish you were here too for that L.I.I.T. in Vox!!

Perhaps I will update later, but for now, coffee and Pogo are singing my name, very, VERY loudly!!

Evening update (in verse of some sort?!?):

i am, waiting for the man.
staying at home,
the man with a van.
wait by the phone.

he'll call me to say
but you know that he won't
that he's on his way
he could, but he don't

the AM arival goes past
and you know you'll be last
on the list
makes me pissed

eventually he's there
without worry or care
pick up or drop
my day's been a flop

finally the hangover's gone
and the telly's off to amazon!

would have saved lots of worries,
had I bought it from Currys!