Are we there yet?

Almost done.... just the piffling matter of New Year's Eve to get out of the way and soon, very soon, things can start to get back to normal.

So what's been occurring?

Christmas - spent recovering from flu. Had a few beers (on my own - not something I do very often) at the excellent Drop Inn in Elland - Treacle Stout makes for a great chrimbo tipple. The rest of the day I spent cooking up a storm for my own christmas dinner - A fake chicken roast thing, a sublime cauliflower cheese, cabbage, carrots, roast potatoes, stuffing, gravy, honey roast parsnips and the obligatory brussel sprouts - I am still trying to work out why my folks are so fixated with people eating or not eating brussel sprouts - I know my mum doesn't like pineapple so why would I force her (under peer pressure) to eat it?

Fell asleep in the afternoon with a bottle of excellent Leeds Pale Ale in my hand.

As for christmas gifts.... I wonder why I bother!! Dawn and I both agreed to only spend a tenner on each other and that worked quite well..... I got a keyring, a Woman's weekly cook book and a cowboy story (possibly the most costly postage of tat ever???) from the Australian relatives - A DVD from Dawn's kids..... Socks from my Aunty Jan..... chocolate coins, socks, liqueur chocolates and some love hearts from mum (presumably they ventured no further than Slaithwaite chocolate shop) and that's it!!

My flu has finally effed off..... Good old Cock o' the North have had a beer festival..... been for a walk around Scammonden Dam......

Much ado about naff all!!

Quickie.

Hello world.

I am alive.... just.... battling the flu!!

My boiler is fixed.... slurp.... now for a hot... cold... hot... cold.... feverish christmas!!

Shopping.

Well, I've sort of knuckled down to some serious christmas shopping. I always find the task very depressing.

I hate crowds of people that amble along with no sense of purpose or intent, like zombies in the shopping mall of a George A. Romero flick.

I hate buying things for people based on the fact that it's bad form not to, even when you know that in a couple of weeks time you could get twice as much "crud" for your money.

I'm not religious in any way, shape or form, and even if I was then I'm unsure that christmas shopping would form any part of my beliefs.

I hate seeing the same old crap that was on display at this time last year being wheeled back out onto the shelves for us to have another crack at.

Christmas socks, mugs, hats, shirts, cardigans, jumpers, decorations, in fact anything christmas "branded" that will never see the light of day until the same time next year.

I always see loads of stuff that I'd want to buy for myself, but I know nobody else will see those things and unless I DO buy them for myself, then I'll never receive them (examples of this, today, were: Electric toothbrush heads; Deodorant; Clothes; Shoes; Walking boots).

Even a dose of Michael Caine in Muppet Christmas Carol has failed to thaw my icy mood.

HUMBUGGERY!!



Not a great photo, but a nice example of a spider in my living room. I love spiders because they eat flies.... and I HATE flies!! There are also some good examples of dust bunnies in this photo, the kind that blow across my floor like tumbleweeds in Dead Man's Gulch.

The boiler man cometh.....

... and invariably he faileth to fixeth my boiler.

The boiler repair man has suffered a severe defeat at the hands of my obsolete Gloworm Fuelsaver F 55F broken down machine. Parts were replaced, earths were restrapped, connections remade, circuits tested, voltages measured..... we even tried turning it off and on again!! For all intents and purpose, the boiler should be working... it goes through its routine and the final step is the spark which ignites it... and that's where it fails.... all other preliminary stages are present and correct.

Upshot, it's still f-f-f-freezing.... my boiler repairman has suffered a devastating cost in spare parts which he can't return or charge for.... I think it's new boiler time..... insert groan here.

We are all very disappointed but only one of us is cold.



Manchester Eye and the Arndale Centre - After a few beers and a trawl around the festive markets in the city centre on Saturday afternoon and evening. Spent some time in the Marble Arch (my first but not last visit there) and the Briton's Protection (where I struggled to get through a very fine pint of "hung, drawn and portered").

Just...

Just a quick update to say how pleased I have been with my Christmas presents this year. The spirit of giving is well and truly alive, and those near and dear that have taken the time to choose something for me from my "boxedup" wishlist, have come up trumps!!

I strongly advise anyone and everyone to find an online wishlist creator like "boxedup" and to create a list. You never know who will buy you something off the list, and it GUARANTEES satisfaction.

A list also makes it much easier for those around you to choose for you.... and makes their lives easier.... it's win win!!!

Big thanks to anyone and everyone who has managed to make this a thoroughly enjoyable festive season.

Tra-la-la-la-laaaaaa la-la-la-laaaaaaa Merry Christmas one and all.

While we are on.....

While we are on the subject of throwing burning coals at passing Christmas carollers.....

The local hoodies and chavs were out in force last evening.

There was a knock at the door. Not just any old rat-a-tat-tat, but the sound of some ham fisted teenage girl with the social skills of a walrus trying to remove the door from its very frame.

I jumped up from my usual position... horizontal on the couch... sending the gamut of assembled remote controls and mobile phones crashing to the floor from whence they were perched upon my belly.

At the top of the stairs, leading down to my ill fitting, draughty front door, I could already hear the foul tongued harpies effing and jeffing, in a manner that might make the most ardent of tap-room attendees blush.

I decided that opening the door, to part with any amount of money, for a single line of any given carol... usually.... "we wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year" followed by them all looking like they are going to throw eggs at my house while supping cans of Heineken... was simply more than I was prepared to endure. Perhaps if they took the time to study a full yuletide song, and the intricacies of harmony, I might be tempted??

I picked up the remote controls and resumed the position.

I wouldn't even waste flaming lumps of coal on the silver tongued angels that came hammering for cash.

Bah humbuggery indeed!

One week ago....

One week ago today, I was sitting at the laptop, suffering a terrible man-flu relapse, trying to muster the enthusiasm and energy to write another "Sunday Search" article...... When suddenly, out of nowhere, I was bathed in the brightest, whitest light you could never imagine.

I lie, of course.

I boiled the kettle and dosed myself up on decongestant painkilling simulated fruit flavour saccharine cold remedies.

I shivered, and huddled deep beneath a spare quilt on my sofa.

In and out of a restless sleep. Uncontrollable temperature. Day became night, and night might as well have been day. Sleep came when the medicines kicked in and I woke up when I got too hot or too cold, or too thirsty or too hungry.

Since then, I've pretty much shaken off the funk.

I still have a bit of a chesty cough that's annoying and a runny nose, but it's nearly gone.

In the last week.....

I have shopped until I quite literally dropped from the pains in my feet.

I have drunk plenty of liquids... as per the instructions... and sometimes I have managed to drink quite a bit more liquid than one should really consume in a single sitting!!

I've tried to keep warm, and to stay out of draughts.

Thankfully it's been a prime opportunity for some film viewing. A blessing in disguise.

I've wrapped more Christmas presents than is necessary.

I haven't had time to even write or read any blogs..... it's a shocking state of affairs.

Am I the only person, who, at this time of year, would like to lock the door, take the phone off the hook, and shut out the whole world until January, when "sales" aside, everything might well be returning to "normal".

Perma.

It's like an Arctic Fox's homecoming.

Frost covers the ground. A frost, the likes of which I do not remember. For three consecutive days, I have woken to a glistening white slick of shimmering crystals. Then, when I have taken my Lemsip (boom boom) and look out of the window... everything is frozen over.

The low rise, boot cut sun, which doesn't rise above fifteen degrees over the horizon, does not help the struggling temperatures which don't rise more than a couple of degrees above the cold night's attempts. It does, however, look pretty, filtered through a misty haze, so as to appear as a perfect bright white ball, gently bouncing across the hilltops.

A hard frost. Frost of the roads, the paving, the grass, the trees. Everything covered, in what has not melted for three consecutive days. The start of an ice age. Thank God for the temperate climate control. Winter is such a beautiful time, I would hate to miss it.

My man flu is on the mend, and I have finally joined, rank and file, into the procession of lemming shoppers, queueing up to throw ourselves off the Disney Store rooftop. It's depressing. I get depressed at buying people "things" for things' sake. I get even more depressed at the idea that I might forget to buy someone something for something's sake!! It's catch 22, and the chemists are all sold out of the tablets to counteract it... I noticed whilst stocking up on sore throat remedies.

Seems I am never happy unless I have something to moan about these days.

I like the frost though.

Please wait.....

Searching......

It's the weekly rundown on those lost souls that stumbled into my blog, and what they might have been looking for.

BEST BEDSORE CREAM (Google)
Ouch, my research into the world of bedsores on behalf of this errant Googler have not been pleasant. Some of the images have turned my stomach over!! It would seem that treatment of bedsores with creams is not necessarily the best course of action. There are a range of treatments that must be used in a multidisciplined approach. If you want a cream, then perhaps try: Vasogen or Sudocrem antiseptic healing cream.

shadow stone Fold by Andy Goldsworthy (Google)
Everyone knows I love the Goldsworthy. I have been lucky enough to visit the Yorkshire Sculpture Park 2007 exhibition on two occasions this year. The "shadow stone fold" is a sheep fold at the park, with a large "shadow stone" at the heart of it. You are supposed to lie on the stone and create rain shadows, but it's never rained when I have visited.


has anyone used digitalfirst (Google)
Yes, I have. I bought my camera from them after EGears let me down, badly. Digitalfirst were actually very good. They did exactly what they said they would do, they did it when they said they would do it, and it was a lovely experience. I would not hesitate to recommend them.

magical eleves, cadburys (Google)
Now, I am assuming here, that you were actually looking for the magical chocolate making elves that work at Cadburys? Well, I'm disappointed to tell you that the real magical elves that work in a chocolate factory are actually employed by Willy Wonka!!! If you MUST pursue the Cadburys inferior variety, then they're here.

hot water bottle tummy fetish (Google)
I can honestly say, hand on heart, I don't know what the heck you are. What the hell were you looking for, really? This? Or this? I don't know.

megadrive game fox pig (Google)
Interesting one. The only game I can think of for the Megadrive that involves a fox, would be Psycho Fox, but it doesn't seem very "pig" oriented at the other end of the spectrum. The only other thing that I can think of, is a game called Pooyan which involved pigs and a fox and a bow and arrow. A real arcade classic.

Monologue of an arctic fox (Google)
You're reading it, right here!!

do arctic foxes eat people (Google)
Nobody that ever saw one lived to tell the tale. I guess that's a bit like shutting your head in the fridge door to see of the light goes out when you close it?

find me a slut in blackpool (Google)
Find your own slut in Blackpool you lazy bugger!!

wessenden cam (Google)
I don't think there's a Wessenden webcam. There are plenty of pictures of Wessenden though. If you actually meant to type Wessenden Dam, then you're sadly mistaken, because Wessenden is a reservoir. You can see it here.

Trying to get in the mood...

This week, I will be mostly trying to get in the christmas mood.

The vast majority of my christmas shopping is done.... only a final foray into the world of shopper's heaven, tomorrow, can lay this beast to rest.

I've watched Polar Express (pass the puke bucket), and It's a Wonderful Life (to which I sobbed loudly). It would appear that my trusty copy of "The Muppets' Christmas Carol" has long since vanished, and I am sad about this.

I've downloaded Nat King Cole's christmas numbers, and listened to some of them.

The presents I HAVE bought, are all wrapped and labelled, neath the festive tree that I have assembled.

The bits to "make and do" are mostly made and done, and I've completely bust my back assembling a specific item today, which I obviously cannot name.

I've eaten christmas cake, and mince pies with brandy butter.

Rather than feeling like St. Nick himself, I am still not getting the joy of christmas. It's just not working. My bank balance is dwindling, and the back spasms are really not helping. I am still feeling like Uncle Ebeneezer.

This year, I have coins in the oven, ready for unsuspecting carol singers.... Oh the joy!!

Every day.....

...... in every way, I am getting better and better.

Managed a sleep-in this morning. Got up at about 8:30ish.

Bit of a Baileys induced hangover.

Am going out dancing tonight.... The weather is a bit cruel, and there are only buses back from Manchester, so I might have to take the option of driving it. Never something I enjoy on a night out, but it's probably the best option, and I am sure my head will thank me in the morning.

I bought a christmas tree yesterday. An artificial one, and it was a bit of a bargain. I am usually a total humbug at christmas, but thought I would make the effort.

Tried putting the tree together today, and lo and behold, it comes in forty.... yes four zero.... parts. Bloody hell. I wrestled it for an hour or more, and called in the reinforcements. My mum came round and helped me finish off. It looks quite good, but now there's artificial snow and fake pine needles all over the house. Makes me realise I need to go out and buy a few more decorations.... looks a bit isolated as the only festive item in the house.


My sebaceous cyst is flaring up again. This is a long running story, and it's about two years since I had it cut out of my face, by what can only be described as the "butcher of Huddersfield". I knew he had made a mess of it.... and now.... bloody hell it is well sore!!

I am (predictably) on a Pogo bender!! I am badging like crazy this week.

I finished a 1000 piece jigsaw this week.... Snow White and the seven dwarves.... Not sure what to make of jigsaws, there's something unholy about them, but I can honestly say it's been a comulsive mix of pleasure and pain.... as my back can testify.


Spice - How are you fixed in January for me to come and see you? Would it be ok? Let me know if it would be alright please.

Have you looked in my guestbook lately? Who the heck is "aaa" - They leave a lot of comments in there, but I can't decipher them.... there's a prize for anyone that can.

Post update update: New polling booth - New music - Updated my "This season I will be mostly" section - Updated polling archive.