Shoot me now....

Dreary.... dull, wet, and extremely windy..... and the weather is just as bad!

I've got an abscess, and I have to take this staggering amount of antibiotics.  It took me a few hours just to work out the schedule to take these antibiotics.

I'm going into no gory detail about said abscess, suffice to say, if monkeys WERE to shove bad nuts there, they'd find that they would quite quickly become ex-monkeys quicker than they could say "Davy Jones".

For example:-

Flucloxacillin (a whopping 500mg variety) - Take ONE four times a day, an hour before food or on an empty stomach (which means one hour before food or at least two hours after food) and to take them with plenty of water.

Metronidazole (200mg) - Take ONE three times a day, with or after food.  Avoid alcohol like the plague.

So I have had to set up a series of alarms on my phone that tell me when to eat, when to breathe and most importantly which tablet to take at which point in the day.... it gets to be awfully confusing.  Coupled with the fact that I don't, as a rule eat "normal" meals in the day time, and I like a drink or three...... it's hard work.

Side effects of such large doses of antibiotics are "unpredictable" to say the least....  They tend to go in one end and come out of the other in very quick succession.

So I'm stuck in a loop.... timer goes beep, I respond like Pavlov's incontinent dog!  They tell me it's all in a good cause..... let's bloody hope so because the alternative path of having the abscess excised or drained and the subsequent round of daily dressing changes is not an option I wish to consider.

Magnetic.

It's been said that I have a magnetic personality.... not just any old magnetic personality, but a very special one that only attracts bloody weirdos!! Case in question, in the time it took Dawn to pay a little visit to the ladies' room, I'd attracted conversation with three Belgian beer fans, one of whom proceeded to tell me about the specific dose of antibiotics it had taken to clear up a leg infection he contracted whist swimming in Samoa!?!?! Try as I might, I simply could not get out of the door fast enough....

Anyhoo.....

Managed to get out walking today, and that's something that pleases me very much. We walked a section of the Pennine Way up to Black Moss Reservoir and back down into Marsden. It was so cold out there on top of the moors that we actually managed to walk out onto the surface of the frozen Black Moss itself - Don't try this at home, we're both highly trained idiots, and the dog looked funny skidding about out there!!!

A few weeks ago, sitting stupidly, as I so often do, on the floor, with my feet and legs screwed up underneath me...... The upshot of this is that my feet end up going completely dead.... When I stood up and walked, my foot sort of folded up beneath me so that instead of pointing forwards, it pointed backwards, with the sole facing up....... ouch!

I am sure I've broken something, and today's walk has highlighted this very fact. Like a typical bloke, rather that going to a doctor or hospital casualty department, I'll try and walk it off!!

Groans.

Well it started like any other day....

My mum texted me to ask me to report a problem with her landline phone. I sarcastically reply to ask why, if her mobile phone is working, she doesn't report her own phone being out of order!! It takes a further ten minutes and a phone call to actually explain the error of her ways!!

I got out of bed, and assembled the last piece of the job application jigsaw puzzle and headed out to the post office. Job done, the application is now in the postal system, and I must keep my fingers crossed that:

a) It doesn't get lost in the post.
b) The effort I have put into it will at least reap an interview.

I choked at the fact that I forgot to scan the documents in before I posted them all off.... A silly mistake, but one I will hopefully not come to regret!!

I came home, had beans on toast and a lovely baked apple for my lunch.

Went out for a pleasant post-luncheon stroll.... noticing how out of shape I have managed to become since the hardcore hiking of last summer..... Winter and plantar fasciitis have a lot to answer for. My heel is still very painful and gets tired very easily, but it's not so bad over the shorter walks that I manage these days.

Played some Nintendo, nodded in and out of sleep, watched a little TV.

Assembled a rustic tea-time snack of crusty bread, pasta salad and houmous. Delicious..... until.... I actually heard the gristly crunch as I bit down on the side of my tongue.

Gaaaaak!!

Spitting blood and garlic infused chickpeas, and stuffing my mouth with cotton wool.....

Ten minutes later, it's stopped bleeding, but the lump that's emerged, just underneath and directly at the side of my tongue is making life very uncomfortable. Bonjela, Anbesol and clove oil have all been applied, but I am still like a lolling, drooling, dribbling, panting dog.

Dammmit.l

Please sir....

I want some more!!

More?

You got it Mr. Bumble, my good man... more, and what's more, I'd like to supersize it, and get a frikking drink with it too.

More of the same.

That's what you get.

The pain is subsiding quite nicely now, but the swelling.... oh, the swelling!!

I know I should have the offending teeth removed in order to avoid repeat outbreaks, but the thought of having to have false teeth, and of spending so much time/money at a bloody dentist's is really not one I would choose lightly.

Note to Hodgy..... Bloody hell, for all these years I thought I was missing out on something, and then you go and spoil it all by pointing out that: Not only have I seen Zarch on the Archimedes before.... I've bloody well played it.... it was called "Virus" on the Atari ST, and I still have a copy of it somewhere!!

A day of video gaming... of stormy weather.... of keeping warm.... of painkilling drudgery.....

Marlon Brando.

Well, I can honestly say, in my worst case scenario, hinted at yesterday, I don't deserve a prize for the accuracy of my predictions. My peridontal abscess is wreaking havoc.

I've spent the last twenty four hours in a state of feverish clock watching. Painkiller countdown.

I've been taking sleep where it has presented itself, and this is usually about an hour in the middle of each tablet.

The swelling has come out now, and my chin and lower jaw are causing the skin on my face to tighten up. Throbbing veins and nerves in my face, creating a nuclear reaction, combined with the toxic build up, sending my temperature soaring like a very much unwelcome eagle.

Every abscess I have ever had has taken this same course to a lesser or greater extent. I know I will live, but at four thirty AM with an hour and a half until the next painkiller, you sometimes begin to wonder.

I've turned the corner now, and although it's still sore, and I am struggling to hold a conversation, I think I might get a decent night's sleep tonight. I am even contemplating cooking something to eat...... Risky.

Thank the lord for my Nintendo DS Lite, and a whole bunch of Christmas gifted DVDs.... something to focus on really helps.

This season....

I arrr been mostly writhing about in agony at the mercy of my peridontal abscess(es).

It started yesterday, and has gradually increased in pain and swelling, to the point today where I have been out and stocked up on Cuprofen, Cocodamol, and clove oil.

I now have a freezer full of ice, and a series of alarms that tell me when I am allowed another painkiller. I learnt the hard way when I had the same problem a few years ago, that unless you track your dosages, it's very easy to doze off and forget how many you've taken or when you can take more. I remember counting down the minutes in the very small, feverish hours of the morning.

Such a shame, because the pain today, has pretty much discoloured what had otherwise been a perfect weekend.

I haven't done this for a while, so here are the Sunday searches:

chartbuster board game (Google)
My all-time favourite boardgame. I was introduced to this gem, by an old friend that I grew up with called Gareth. Gareth and Ruth (brother and sister) were deeply woven into my childhood. Ruth was with me when I got run over and it was their neighbour who ran me over, for one example. Anyhow, Gareth bequeathed me his copy of this seventies hip and swinging record chart based game. I, naturally, used and abused the game, and subsequently had to pay over a hundred quid for a replacement a couple of years ago. I was sad to find that the earlier version (which I bought) didn't have the goofy Tony Blackburn endorsement, with his cheesy mug staring out from the game box.

ZARCH archimede download (Google)
Hodgy: "Wevz, have you seen Zarch on the Archimedes?"
Wevz: "Have I F**K!!"

22 foot arctic fox (Google)
What the hell? If there is such a thing, you don't want to go searching for it.... run, dammit, run!

photographs pole moor (Google)
Ok, don't make me do this. Look here:
Here are some of mine.
Here are everyone else's.

"shop dropper", (Google)
I was alerted to the practice of "shop dropping" a few years ago. Rather than try to explain the concept of reverse shoplifting, you can read about it here.

MIRFIELD WEST YORKSHIRE HOME MAID PORN (Google)
Now, I'm interested in this VERY specific search term. I also like the exclusive use of capital letters, as if the searcher were shouting it at Google. So, it's a cleaning lady in Mirfield, that supplements her income through the making of skin flicks.... or it's a generic request (albeit incorrectly spelt as well) for any amateur rude footage which was shot in Mirfield? Either way, I expect it to be a bit grim, but if you ever find it, come back and share.

foxes biscuits mahjongg (Google)
I fail to see the connection.

cow poem huddersfield (Google)
There was a cow of Huddersfield,
Who said that her milk would not yield,
Unless she had her udders feeled!!

will an electric fence kill a mouse (Google)
Depends on a few factors:
What is the current flowing through the electric fence?
Can the mouse reach the electric fence?
Is the mouse that can reach a sufficiently charged electric fence wearing any rubber soled footwear?
Answer those questions, and I will gladly provide further information.

arctic porn (Google)
Chilly Willy?

Fifteen.

It is a brief update for today. I'm not wearing any!!

I jest of course....

Fifteen is a fascinating number and commonly refers to those little sliding puzzle things..... you know...... Like this one!

I've got a lot of pain in my right hand wrist, and my right leg heel. I am starting to think that there is some element of nerve damage going on, but I know a trip to the doctor will yield nothing more than a cursory examination followed by a prescription for which I could buy the same product over the counter at a much more reasonable price. I am simply going to rest them both for a few days and see if there is any change...... What a pain!! Literally. It does of course mean, I get to sit on my arse all day watching films with no real guilty conscience.

Cats: Well behaved today.
Chickens: No further losses to report.
I'm a celebrity: Really dreadfu.... BANG!....... uhhhhh.