saturday banana

 i am sure i used to watch a TV programme called Saturday Banana.... it was probably shite.... they usually were.

Completely unrelated to Saturday.... it's Friday, so I've no idea where Saturday came from but.... let's assume my grasp of what day of the week we are on has almost gone now.

Haven't done right much today...

Took the dog for a walk up on Wholestone Moor.... the wind was icy and cut through my clothing with ease.  Carry in bag of dog poo and a dog lead as the hound tore around in circles around me, i looked at my hands and they were purple and blue.  It was bitter.

Went to talk to a "ranger" about doing some volunteer work out on the moorland around my local vicinity.

The meeting, unlike the job hunting, was both positive and constructive.  Not that I should be surprised, because.... who wouldn't think they were getting a bargain when they were getting ME for FREE?

I am off on a work party on Tuesday and i look forward to learning some new skills..... meeting some good people who care about things that don't necessarily exist in the here and now.... they are working towards a future, a legacy..... and yeah, i could be part of that..... gotta try and make it pay, somehow.

Mebbe I'll crowdfund some shares in me?

I WAS going to go down to Tunnel End and thrill you with a photo and some stats about a big hole in the ground.... but when i got there it was all "no parking" and stuff..... so i turned round and you'll have that treat another day.  Here's Marsden train station, holding its breath until the summer hordes of revellers land on it.  By 'eck it were freezin' on t'bridge.

rattus rattus

After the "excitement" of the last couple of days, it's time for something more sedate.

Spent the day "socialising" which as most of you will know, is WAY out of my comfort zone!

Woke up to the phone ringing with someone more or less questioning my motives as to why i'd applied for their job - i'm far too qualified but you can't really say "i just applied cos it's a 5 minute drive from my house, mate" but i think i offered words to that effect, given that it was 8am.

So it begs the question.... what do you wanna be when you grow up..... and for as long as i can remember, my stock answer has been..... a dolphin or a baker..... i mean, a baker's day is usually over by early afternoon, and i reckon i'd make a pretty good friend to all those dolphin friendly tuna out there......

And that brings me onto my new ambition....

I want to become a philosopher.....  i mean, i've always thought stamps are very interesting.

Good bye

Here's what i'd probably be supping if i weren't doing vegan/dry Feb....

Lumch today was excellent at the Wild Cafe near Marsden

bit stressy

 yesterday tings started to get a bit stressy.

Went for a walk with the dog - it rained sideways.

Signed on to receive the "new" jobseekers allowance - whatever that means?

Got a greedy burn on my gob from a vegan cheese and onion toastie that was consumed too eagerly.

Had a heart attack...

you know the sort of thing.... 

I lie about the heart attack bit, obviously.... but in all seriousness, i had a bit of a scare.

Upon returning from the dog walk, i towel-dried the mutt, hang all my gear up to dry, got changed into some fresh threads, made a bit of lunch.

Sat down to eat my lunch and my watch started beeping.... i looked at the thing and it was telling me..... heart alarm!!  Never seen this before, so grabbed my phone and looked at the numbers..... sitting there at rest, 130-140 beats.... hmmmm .... feeling a bit hot..... hmmmm.

I munched a couple of carrots and the heart rate didn't seem to be changing.

Eventually after over an hour it settled but still quite high.

Now, i;ve had a few aches and pains down me left hand side, pass the dutchie pon etc.  Aching arm, pins and needles, a bit of a throb in me gullet......  so i phoned 111.

Long story short.....  ended up in A&E and had some blood tests and and an ECG... all routine stuff..... blood tests come back and i am ushered into a room...... basically the numbers were suggesting i might have had a heart attack but then again i might not..... it's all about the numbers and the timing and stuff.  Anyway, turns out i probably didn't have a heart attack and the other symptoms don't point exactly in that direction either.  So they let me go..... it seemed like a fifty fifty until the final minute as to whether i was gonna have to stay in.....

I left with the words in my ear.... "we're much happier if you come in early and it's this result than coming in too late with another ending"..... so i felt ok.  I think we all tend to feel like we're wasting everyone's time when we have niggles, right?

So.... i looked around me at all the stress.... and it's a difficult time just now to be sure.

They tell me that mindfulness is good to cope with stress, so today, i took it easy, did one of them mindful colouring books and drew a mandala.... perfect relaxation.

the dog

between stopping writing my blog and restarting the process, we lost our faithful dog Stevie, and gained our unfaithful dog, Sookie.

Anyone who claims that a dog is man's best friend, has obviously never meet Sookie.

Now, before any of my Russian speaking friends start jumping up and down... yes, i know what Sookie means.  I've also had my eyes opened by the definitions available to us in the Urban Dictionary.

To give our dog her full Sunday name, she's Sookie Agnes Pinchington.  The name was a mash-up of various suggestions, all boiled down into a gelatinous gloop and thrown at her.  Poor dog.

I think, in my head, Sookie came from the TV series True Blood..... The female lead character was called Sookie Stackhouse, and i kind of liked it.

The rest you can blame my cousin, Jo, and a work colleague, Ryan, for their inputs.

Anyone who has met Sookie will know, she's a dog very much, of two halves.

She's nervous, and barky, and timid, and highly strung.  She growls, and snarls and appears like a rabid animal.

She's muscular, robust, fast, bony, warm, sleepy.

On a lead she's a nightmare to walk.  You always have to keep your wits about you in case there are any other people, dogs, cats, squirrels, motorbikes......

Off the lead, in a pack, she's playful and funny, and dangerously fast.

She can sleep for England, once spent.  Don't be fooled, no matter how deep the sleep, the moment you move, she'll know.  I always suggest she sleeps with an eye open.

A lurcher.... black and tan, with amazing eyebrows, short haired, and a warm pigskin belly that hypnotizes her when tickled.

She's a hotpotch of breeds.... we are assured there's saluki, greyhound and whippet......  and her moods are as reliable and predictable as her confused breed would suggest.

She comes when she wants.  We regularly have stand-offs where she obstinately looks at us defying any and every request or command.

She is tough as old boots, but incredibly sensitive.

She's incredibly clever, and inestimably dopey.

She likes sheep, deer, squirrels,,,,,,

Yet, at home she is fine with our cat and our chickens..... I haven't introduced the chickens yet, either!

Confused?  Yes, we all are!!

Need to give two shout outs:

Lurcher Link - The charity from whence we got Sookie.

The Dog Father Huddersfield - our trusty dog walker (top marks for being brave with her)

tip run

 Since finishing at work and rehoming the best part of a decade of office based tat that i managed to accumulate.... when i say "tat" i am referring to the usual desk toys that you end up with....

items retrieved:

• A "this is fine" plush doll.
• A hydroponic kitchen garden.
• A dog crate.
• Some special paint.
• Assorted dog toys.
• A blue plastic nose flute.
• Screws, nails, bits of hardware that fell off stuff but you hung onto them in case you find something in desperate need of a bit of plastic that fell off a while ago.

You get the idea.

And so, having inherited a load of old office tat... i.e. new house tat..... something has to give, and to that end....

Since being at home more and spending more time "looking for work" (i am not playing "forge of empires" ten hours a day, honest), i've rescued the corner of our bedroom that i once called an office, and have decided it's time to swap my old computer chair for one of the two spare office chairs that reside in the "back room of doom".

So i duly chose the chair.... moved it upstairs to the office (it's bloody heavy, i can tell you that much) and i brought the old chair down with a view to wanging it unceremoniously in the garden, to die.

"let's have a quick trip down the tip" I offered to Dawn by way of midday amusement, and surprisingly, she accepted.  Took me ten minutes to remember my council login to check that the car was still registered with a "tip permit", and off we strode, on four wheels, down the tip.

Fifteen minutes to get there.  Twenty minutes queueing to get in.  Twenty seconds to junk the dismantled chair and a knackered old microwave. Twenty minutes drive home.

Now, call me a cynic, but THIS.... THIS is why people go fly-tipping, innit?

Over an hour to chuck some shit in a skip?

The feeling of satisfaction and a job well done was .... minor.

Here's an example of "office tat" that i retrieved.  A one eyed teddy bear that was rescued from a nearby street.  We always suspected that this thing was a corporate nanny-cam, and whenever we had anything confidential to discuss we'd turn this thing to face the wall.

weak end

I am starting to lose my frame of reference.

As Dawn doesn't work Mondays, and currently, neither do I..... well, Sunday has lost its grip.

I used to be clinging to the last vestiges of daylight, hoping that Sunday wouldn't slide over the horizon, into the Sun-night.... or should that be Moon-night?

Well.... now it doesn't matter..... the days all have equal value or lack of, depending on which side of the balance sheet you're rooted to.

Vegan and dry February though.... that's something.

I know I fell off the wagon yesterday with a post-walk brace of pints..... but largely this month represents something for me....

First - it's about getting back in touch with what we do - about shedding the passive consumerism that I/we tend to slip into, and focusing a little on what we buy/eat/drink.

Second, I kind of enjoy the challenge.

I'm gonna stop numbering things.....

I will be less heavy at the end of the month - i usually lose half a stone without trying.

Strangely - i've recently had a bad blood test and my cholesterol is too high, as is my risk of heart disease - i bet they say that to all the boys!  So, this month.... i have to have a "fasting" blood test which also includes a couple of days without alcohol.... easy!

Yin/Yang, karma, balance, black and white, good and evil..... if i had chakras they'd probably be realigning with every rice cake i consume this month.  It's all about balance.  I used to be a bit of a wrong-un and i always felt like i needed to balance bad things with good things and this is one small step for man.....

So.... I spent the day cooking.... you know.... cooking things entirely from scratch.

Roasting sweet potatoes for my chilli.

Baking potatoes.

Milking my mushrooms (almond milk of course)

Picking and chopping the stalks of an entire bunch of coriander. what a ballache.

But that's just it.... i feel a bit more intimate with the food already, and look, we're only two days in.

How do you know when your friend's a vegan?  They've already told you!

Sorry.

Here's a little picture of Dawn and Sookie, framed by a lovely holly bush and a drystone wall, on the Calderdale Way....

remember remember...

 .... the first of ... February.

Vegan and dry February to be precise.

To mark the end of January i drank the last draught from a post-holiday bottle of 7* Metaxa - it's been pretty glorious, but had to be finished before midnight, or i'd turn into a vegan or something....

I scoffed the last lump of stilton before veg-ebruary..... and had some pretty nice cheese dreams.

And now it's Feb.... and we've done a walk.

The tradition with these walks is that we have a pint, and as i don't drink in February i didn't have a drink, i had two.

The walk took us from Brighouse, along the canal to Red Brook, up into the fields and along Cromwell Wood to Southowram, before we descended back to the end of today's route.  It wasn't a long leg at about five and a half miles, but there was a hill and we went up it and came down it.....

a pylon in a field

A road

a different road

probably the same road but without a finger?

A car

another car and the ubiquitous carpet beater

The end... or the start, depending on which day it is.

423rd of January

 We made it.....

The end of a very l  o  n  g  month.  A very long month indeed.

It's been a month of Mondays.

Today has been a bit of a non-runner.

Need to give my head a shake and start getting on with stuff.

I updated my CV, went for a catch-up with some lovely people at a company that used to look after the goods we shipped out, got an appointment to meet a guy about a volunteering post I applied for, fed the dog, fell asleep...... wished it wasn't January.

Looking forward to walking the penultimate leg of the Calderdale Way (it's a 50 mile circular that's taken us far too long to complete) which is the first long(ish) circular I've ever attempted..... it's taken us months to get the right dates to meet up and complete, but we're near the end now....

As a wise man once said..... "It won't be long......"

I am sure it will clear my head when i get some lovely fresh air - we're doing Brighouse.... through to West Vale tomorrow.

Here's a little picture of the way marker of the Calderdale Way - we thought, for a period that was far too long, that the emblem was a carpet beater..... I am sure it's a tree with a carefully embedded C and W in it.... very clever.

out in t'cold

Today I went for a walk.

It's not difficult, you put one foot in front of the other and repeat.... and before you know it, you're back where you started.

Took the dog, and my recently estranged work colleagues.

Walked around a reservoir.  Past a sailing club.  Through the churchyard, between the graves.

Ice on the floor, water in front of us, fire in the sky, earth between our toes.  Elemental my dear Watson!

During such a time of flux when the carpet of work has been whipped squarely from under our feet, it's good to see the guys I called my "family", in a social environment.   We've shared some times together, and one of the things that hurt me the most about the whole disappearing carpet trick, was the thought of not seeing these lads any more.

I don't think I need worry.

Anyway....

The walk was pleasant, as was the company, apart from my snarling, reactive, slobbering hound, whenever someone or something approached us.

I'll introduce you to the dog at a later date.

I omitted to take photos - and for this, you have my sincere apologies..... I will try harder in the future.

I thank you.

(here's a pic from a few days ago when ice crystals formed horizontally on the branches - taken at Wholestone Quarry looking towards my old stomping ground of Worts Hill - which we referred to as Cornish Pasty)

end of an error

one door closes, another door opens.....

Or so they tell me.

I've been meaning to resurrect the old "blog" for quite some time.  A lot has happened, and of course, in the grand scheme of things, nothing has happened.

I'm still here, you're still there.... even if you're not.

There isn't an easy way to re-start something like this.  For enough time, I used this space for getting things off my chest, for pouring my thoughts out of my head and onto the screen.  It WAS cathartic.  I am sure in the future it will, again, provide some comfort and joy to me, but not today.

Let's just get this thing back on track.

I recently lost my job.

Not through any fault of my own, just because business is business.  What used to be a "family business" model was acquired, and although they took the "family" bit out of it, they were quite touchy-feely for a while.... and then it was acquired again, and it was reduced to the more formal "business" aspect, and the owner(s) were not good business-people.

They drove it into the ground.

We all saw it coming, but the thing that made us believe in the "family business" model gave us a weird sense of "community" and the belief that, having built it once, we could rebuild it again......

I don't think we ever had a chance.  The real competitor was within, and when you can shed your debts and keep buying your own business(es) back for a song, then you're gonna keep on doing that.

They don't see people.

It's too much to unpack.  It would make very boring reading.  Perhaps over the coming days/weeks i'll eventually start to explore some of the smaller eddies that are all playing out this year, and perhaps you'll be here to read about it..... or not.

Welcome back.... ish?

Whole

Thankfully a day off.... I mean a whole day off.... nothing to do but sit around and think..... so I thunk and I thunk, and here is the kink......

Struggled through the four hours at the pub last evening and even managed to get through a little bit of work..... a bit of tidying here, a bit of cleaning there, spreading my germs almost everywhere.

I even stayed behind after work for a couple of pints of Guinness..... a drink I used to consume in rather startlingly large quantity before I discovered the joy of real ale.  They say Guinness is good for you, and while I did sleep rather soundly for the first part of last night. I did have to retrieve Dawn from the sofa in the lounge at about four o' clock to apologise for what must have been unbearable snoring.....  I spent the rest of the night on the sofa and went back to bed when Dawn got up...... complicated stuff.

I'd like to think that the copious quantity of snot pouring out of me is a sign that I've broken the back of this particular bug!!

I've just been up the road to the postbox to post a rather pleasant birthday card (a delightful little scene of Berwick) to my Aunty and I noticed some rather wonderful things along the way.....

Firstly, I am always amazed at how active your brain can be......  it just never shuts up!!

Did I lock the door?  I'm sure I did!

BT Openreach van..... you can bet he's not making my broadband go faster can't you!!

A funny looking metal disc on the pavement.... looks like a bit of a petrol cap?

The small piece of land for sale/rent - must look it up.

No chickens in Peter's field this morning..... and I never noticed the gateway that's been bricked up in Peter's garden wall before..... and his wall looks a bit lopsided, might need looking at.

Logs.....  a massive stack of logs at a house that's been built but never quite finished..... been going on for a couple of years now..... we could use them logs at the pub.

Jet black elderberries.   Must be nearly Autumn.

Gravestones..... and some tiger lillies growing around them......

Garish gold painted stone lions.....

Post collection 4:45pm but 11:30am on Saturdays.... typically useless to me.

I cough up some phlegm and head back down the road.

Ruby red rosehips.  Autumn's not far off.

 

Ah, there are Peter's chickens.... I cluck at one plucky soul which has made its way right up to the wall at the side of the garden..... and I wonder how you could turn Peter's field into a little fishing pond..... how would you stop it leaking?  surely you don't just dig a big hole?  What kind of features would I put in if I were making my own fishing pond?

I kick the weird metal disc and it scoots off, rolling down the road.... it seems to be some sort of rubbery metal disc thing and I have no idea what it is..... it veers slightly to the right and rolls round the back of the BT van.

Crab apples.  Must be Autumn.... wonder how 'Udders Orchard's apple pick went?

As I pass the BT van I realise I've forgotten to take notice of the piece of land I wanted to look at.....  I turn back round to look and notice the estate agent's name and think to look it up when I get home.  I also notice the BT van is wide open and looks stuffed full of equipment in little drawers...... at that point the BT man appears in front of me, as I'm looking backwards into his van...... he probably thinks I was thinking about pinching his gear......  

A tiny, adorable ginger and white kitten standing in the lounge window of a cottage I passed, looking out, probably wondering where all the balls of wool have gone.  The cottage, once owned by a driving instructor and his wife..... we refer to them as "Aspire" and "Tilpey" based on their cars and registrations.... I think they split up and moved out so the kitten must belong to the new owner(s) - can't remember if it's rented or sold.  Remember to tell Dawn about the kitten.

I squash some greenfly on my rose bush.

It's not far to our postbox!

driftwood shelter at Cheswick

Nothing

Lungs like toast.

Tight cough with a sore throat.

Head, on the verge of exploding through unprecedented internal sinus pressure.

Still, we men don't like to complain about our illnesses.... we just quietly go about our daily lives and continue to fulfil our roles in society as best we can.

And so it comes to be, that despite all common sense, I'm heading down to the pub for a short, sharp four hour stint at the coalface of refreshment provision.

I dare say that nobody will even notice I'm ill nor ask me how I am feeling, so well do I cope with such adversity.

What a trooper I am!

Harebell amongst the sand dunes

Groans

I've got a tickly throat... in fact I've had this annoying, steadily increasingly annoying, tickly throat for a week now and it's JUST starting to get the better of me..... Strepsils and Beechams Powders at the ready.

(hot toddy made with rum and I'm off to bed)

I've just been reminded of a story.... reminded by my own inability to spot a joke when it slaps me across my dumbfounded face.

Well, as a kid, I was a real gag machine.... a veritable joke magnet.  I was always buying, digesting and regurgitating joke books.  I had a good memory for jokes and I'm sorry to say that my ability to spin a yarn or remember any funny jokes really has deserted me as I get older.

A few that I do remember are the silly childish ones like.....

Shall I tell you the joke about the pack of butter?  Oh no, you'll only spread it.

Want to hear the joke about the wheelie bin?  Oh no, it's rubbish.

Shall I tell you the joke about the broken pencil?  Oh no, there's no point.

you get the idea, right?

Well, there was a kid at our school, and to protect his identity, I'll just refer to him as "Ian"..... he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer and as kids do, we royally took the piss.

Well Ian always liked to hear a joke.... and it was a fair certainty that he'd laugh at any joke you told him, whether he understood it, or got it, or not.

In order to test this particular theory... someone, and I forget who, came up with a nonsensical joke to tell to Ian and see if he laughed.......

I can confirm that Ian did indeed laugh, and the joke was not in the least bit funny......  Sadly, I still remember the nonsense joke, and it does make me laugh.....

A boy walks into a baker's shop and asks "Have you got a blue loaf please?"  The baker replies "I'm sorry we've only got green loaves left" and the boy says "It's ok I've got my bike outside".

HAHAHAHA who's laughing now Mr. Haigh.... oops!

What

What a difference a day (or two) makes.

In true British style, I'm about to start some gentle weather discourse.

At the weekend it were boiling..... and now..... it's feeling like deep, dark autumn.

A ten degree temperature drop and some rather chilly winds have meant that my shorts and sunglasses are making way for socks and woolly hat.

It's decidedly cooler, and though there are promises that it'll pick up again by the weekend.... I'm not convinced.

I DID have fun at the weekend discussing the fact that it was "too hot" and bemoaning the scorching weather - in a very tongue-in-cheek manner with the overheated punters at the pub.  I knew that all too soon we'd be able to have a further conversation about the lack of summer and the bad weather we always have.... that's the advantage of working with drunk people.

So, I've tried to be a good boy.  I've tried to get back to my blog on several occasions, each time to be thwarted by such events as computers that refuse to work or a stomach that needs to be filled.

Just now, as an example, I received an email that wasn't really intended for me.... I had to forward it to someone else, and in order to do that I had to log in to a different mail account, find some mail with that person's email address , copy and paste between one email client and another, forward the mail..... it all takes time and provides endless opportunity for being sidetracked..... I rest my case, and I rest my feet on my case while I get my book out.

Point in question - one minute I'm typing my blog.... the next minute I'm reading and commenting on another blog..... then I hear the front door opening and I'm making a cup of tea for my mum..... time passes.... and passes......

And so, it comes to be that at some point I was hoping to post a few more pictures from THIS last trip to the borders area of Northumberland..... and of course, I end up posting pictures of fish and a previous trip to Northumberland....  it's more complicated than it needs to be.

In honour of a recent competitor on "Celebrity" Big Brother, I've made my very own internet based "wishlist" and you're all free to pick off as many items as you wish to send to me in exchange for, well, how about some gratuitously bad holiday snaps?

Here's my wishlist, and remember it's my birthday on the 24th September!!

Success

I caught a good fish!

Down at Riley's Pond on Friday last week, I caught a rather splendid seven and a half pound common carp, which is only about a half a pound short of the pond record.... and I have to say, it was an exciting time for me and the chap in this picture who held the fish for me......  he was as thrilled with this perfect specimen as I was!!

As a rule, during match days, any fish that weighs OVER five pounds is removed from this pond and placed into the bigger pond, so a fish of this size and in such good condition, seemingly never caught before, is VERY rare!

Suffice to say, as soon as this fish had gone back into the water, I packed up my gear and went home..... there wasn't going to be a better way to finish the day.

Partly

Partly on account of the fact that:
Yesterday I worked a fourteen and half hour straight shift behind the bar.
Yesterday I drank (it's a guess) a gallon of Easy Rider during the above premise.
I've pulled a piece of skin off one of my toes, and it turns out that it's the bit that touches the floor when I walk and it's stinging and pretty uncomfortable.
I have headache.
Having got to bed at sometime around three o' clock this morning and being back at the pub for line cleaning at nine thirty, I'm quite tired.

For those reasons alone.....

Thank God it's Super Searching Sunday......

dose anyone know if i can buy rileys choclate toffee rolls
As featured in my "Top 10 Sweets" list.  Rileys no longer exist as far as I'm aware.... And I believe they were based in Halifax?  I could be wrong.... but it's highly unlikely!!  Anyway, you can get these, which are, apparently, quite similar.  Also, I think you mean "does" and "chocolate".

"the harlot's room" melissa
What can I say?  It's a book about an autistic hooker.  I've read it and can't remember it.  Here's more information on it.

"i now smoke daily"
Well you should stop.  It's bad for you and it's very antisocial..... here preaches an ex-smoker!!

disney on ice let's celebrate pinocchio
Did someone really come here looking for this?  They should be looking for this!

sapnas curry
Now here's a blast from my past.... on Venn St. (a street famed in Huddersfield for its "ladies of the night") there was a taxi rank (that contained an arcade in the back with great games like Burnin' Rubber) and there was a little late night curry house called Sapnas.  It was really grotty and grubby but the food was rather good and the people that ran it were always nice and friendly despite being permanently troubled by inebriated clientèle (a common curry house complaint).  I am convinced that a friend and I once went there and woke up resting on each other across the table.... surrounded by empty curry dishes, the previous contents of which we promptly paid for.... and to this day I am not aware that we even ate a curry.... I hope this is true.  It was also the last place that I ordered a meal that contained meat.

Aye eye

Sunday morning on holiday..... first full day in Scremerston.

Early start.... out of the door by half past ten (AM before you get any smart ideas) and fancying a stroll around Berwick.....

We drove the couple of miles to town, and upon reaching one of the three bridges that cross the Tweed, it was patently obvious that, this being bank holiday Sunday..... there was a football match on.

Now, for those as ignorant of all things football related as me, there's an interesting fact about Berwick Rangers football club, and that is, although geographically located in England, the team play in the Scottish league.  They are currently languishing in the Scottish third division, which incidentally also includes one of the two Scottish teams that I regularly check on, those two being Montrose (in the third division) and Arbroath (in the Scottish second division).

So, normally, what sort of attendance would one expect to find at a sleepy border town, third division club, bank holiday match?

Well, given the fact that last season's highest home attendance had peaked at a paltry 486 when they played against Alloa Athletic, you might imagine that Berwick had naught to fear.... you'd be wrong.....

On this particular day..... the big bank holiday game was against Glasgow Rangers - a team that have been "demoted" from the heady heights of Premier League football, on the grounds of financial "discrepancies" - a claim for which I stand to be corrected.  They were, in fairness, lucky to be allowed to continue playing.... but the impact of one of Great Britain's most successful teams being sent so far down the ranks will have some big knock on effects in the coming seasons..... a lot of money's just fallen out of football.

Alas, I digress.....   so, with Berwick Rangers fans raising the roof off the town at eleven AM and kick off a good hour away..... all the shops (wisely) closed..... there wasn't much reason to stay in Berwick at all..... so we headed off to Eyemouth..... it's the first little seaside town over the border into Scotland - A place I really like.

On the way to Eyemouth there were dozens of coaches of Glaswegian fans queued up waiting to be escorted into town.  Herded and shepherded like lager swigging sheep so as to not cause bother in the wee town of Berwick.

As it turns out, we had an ace day in Eyemouth..... we had a lovely lunch at a cafe/bar called Oblo, on the outside balcony, in glorious sunshine, where we dined on fresh mussels, haddock, crab, prawns, nachos, olives, and generous helpings of Tennents lager..... all washed down with some rum and raisin ice cream.  Magic.

Surprisingly..... Berwick nearly won the game but had a late goal disallowed..... and were quite happy with a draw at one apiece.... Ally McCoist on the other hand was not so happy on his way back to Glasgow!!

Unfortunately, as we had only planned to stroll round Berwick, I'd neglected to bring along my camera.......  I DO have some photos of Eyemouth from a previous visit if I can dig them out..... (to compensate for the crappy uneducated view of football (above) I give you a series of photos - AND I've put bowling cam back on and put a new tune for you to listen to)

the two of us on the beach in Eyemouth (on a previous visit)

just outside Eyemouth harbour (on a previous visit)

Eyemouth harbour (on a previous visit)

grey seals in the harbour at Eyemouth (on a previous visit)

Is it...

Is it because I is back?

Home - and back into the routine as quickly as I dropped it like the hot potato it was rapidly becoming.

I've already done a shift at the pub..... I've already drunk beer in the pub..... I've already been fishing..... considered mowing the lawn...... wondered when it is right to harvest a chilli pepper from the plant.... hunted down an old frenemy on facebook..... got up late..... watched my local news..... spent too much time on a computer..... tried desperately to catch up on all the blogging activities that have taken place since my last showing (and given up on the two or three hundred unread posts)...... forgotten to hang the washing out (just checked and the washing machine's still going so I can rest easy on this score).... Lost my photos..... found my photos.......

The things we do that define us in our own spaces, eh?

Well, I'm pleased to say that I had a totally ace time in Northumberland with Dawn.

We rented a house from a friend of a friend for a particularly reasonable rate in the "village" of Scremerston.

Scremerston:

Pop - 300?

Shops - none

Pubs - none

Facilities - Berwick RUFC

              - St. Peter's Anglican Church

              - Jehova's Kingdom Hall

              - A roundabout

              - 2 swings
              - A postbox
              - A roundabout

It's such a strange little village..... you can walk around the entire place in ten minutes and there's every possibility that you will not see another living soul in that time, or indeed on that day.

The advantage that Scremerston DOES have is that it's only a five minute drve to Cocklawburn Beach and a five minute drive into Berwick Upon Tweed.  Scremerston is, of course, VERY quiet..... and that's something I appreciate.  The beaches of Northumberland are also equally quiet, and that is something I also appreciate.

The beaches are stunningly beautiful..... geologically interesting.... steeped in history...... and mostly deserted.

I can heartily recommend that anyone who likes walking and solitude, should get their act together and get up there...... get up early or go out late and you'll most likely feel like you have the whole county to yourself.

Treading

Wake up.... do some jobs.... go to the pub..... come home..... be tired.... repeat as necessary.

Trying to enjoy my week of solitude but not really finding much time to relax and do nothing....

This morning I've brought some washing in and folded a few pieces before unceremoniously dumping it on one of the kids' beds.  I've cleaned out the cat litter tray and fed and watered the cats (outside today) while I cleaned the cat feeding area in the kitchen.  I've repacked all my fishing gear that's been strewn around the kitchen in various states of wetness due to downpours on the last two successive fishing trips to Tatty Watter.  I've re-tensioned the sagging washing line and washed it down.  I've cleaned my scruffy coffee jar that had a crust of melting coffee granules all around the top of the lid.  I've bleached all the cleaning cloths, brushes and scourers.  I've made a cup of coffee and somehow managed to lose it.

It's now time to start on the lounge (which after last night's activities - i.e. me being late home and slightly drunk looks like I had a party in there) and then I can start thinking about some lunch and a late shift at the pub (tea time until closing time - on a Tuesday, which is renowned for being, well let's just say quiet).

So, this week of "home alone" despite me eating prawn crackers from the bin and finding some crumbs of what appeared to be biscuit(?) that had gathered in a fold in my jeans......  I'm living on vegetable curry that I managed to make and when I don't have the inclination or time.... it's cheese and crackers all the way.

I've just noticed that my bedroom looks a mess now too..... groans..... right... no time to say "hello, goodbye" I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.......

Time to hit the lounge!

Home alone....

For the next week, I'll be eating cold baked beans straight out of the tin, lounging in my underpants, and generally peering suspiciously out of the letterbox in the front door to make sure that nobody is approaching my property.

yes, it's holiday season, and Dawn and the kids have gone and left me home alone.

In truth, I'm not as useless as I might make out, and I can, and indeed do cook for myself (and Dawn when she's here).

I do still have reservations about approaching a washing machine or an iron, but the dishwasher is no problem, other than the fact that she only speaks Spanish..... just kidding, it's a Bosch and they only speak Chinese with a slight German twang.

The cats are looking at me like they are doubting my capacity for maintaining a regular feeding, watering, and de-crappifying routine.  They'd be right to eye me so.  Although Dawn did leave me with twenty pounds "spending money", muttering something about cat food as she went..... so the cats will probably have to make do with whatever beer and pizza doesn't get consumed this evening.

The dog's gone to Dawn's mum's house for the week, so that's one less thing to worry about - I say "worry", when what I really mean is "get out of bed to take for a walk".  And of course it's one less food and water bowl to replenish on an "oh my God, these animals look starving" basis.

So, the water's on, in order that I can have a relaxing leisurely bath (I might even leave the bathroom door open and have some radio on) when I finish the dreaded "ale trail" shift tonight.  My pyjamas are all aired and ironed, ready for curling up with my Celebrity Big Brother this evening.  Beers are in the fridge.

Now, if I can shake this "bad pint" headache that's been surgically grafted to my brain, and get this five hour shift behind the bar (during which time I will undoubtedly stare dumbfounded at the till wondering where a certain button is; wonder how a pint of Carling and a half of Strongbow can really add up to eight pounds forty on the till; not know what button to press to ring in a Tropicana; run out of clean glasses more than once; have to swap a dead lager glass at least four times to get one that "works"; have to bite my tongue on more than one occasion; look at the time about twenty times between half past seven and eight o' clock.  Then it's plain sailing all the way until fishing tomorrow!

Trying not...

I'm trying not to say "Oh blimey, it's Thursday already" but oh blimey, it's Thursday already!

I took a friend of mine out fishing yesterday - to give him an Arctic Fox style introduction to the noble art.....  and although it rained....and it rained.... and we were alright until the wind changed direction and the two of us impersonating drowned rats had to hang onto one of the umbrellas to keep one of us from going all Mary Poppins.......  He loved it!

We had a good day, but it's taken a very hot day and the hours until just now to dry my gear out.

We've pencilled in another trip for Sunday.

Now, back to my gardening.... having just spent a half hour in the company of grass trimming equipment in the exact colour of orange of your dreams....  I do still maintain that I'm a lazy gardener.

My garden's wildlife-centric or so I tell anyone who would care to comment on the strands of sticky willie and buttercups gone to seed.  The crops that grow beneath the bird feeders.  The borders that were once pin sharp are now beyond blurred.... they're positively overflowing.

Occasionally I walk round my garden with some secateurs..... sometimes with a kitchen knife..... I poke at this plant or prod this weed.... in fact, I even go as far as to not call my weeds weeds, because everyone knows weeds are just wild flowers in places they're not meant to be.  I pull something up that looks like it might be choking a more desirable thing..... and I generally just show the living rectangle out front of my house who's boss!

I find it therapeutic right up until the point it starts to resemble work.... and then I go and play computer games or something.

Anyway..... the reason why I'm motivated to write another bloody boring garden blog, is that today, during one of my fist shaking type garden rants, where I am trying to tell it to behave but it's not listening..... I noticed something which simply enforces my "laid back" approach to gardening.....

Now, bearing in mind it's August, and in fact, having just consulted my calender realised it's MID August.....  I noticed a couple of pots in the garden that still have winter bedding plants in them..... and not only are the plants STILL alive..... they're actually starting to do quite well.....  just goes to show.... if you hang onto something for long enough it DOES eventually come back into fashion..... now where's my sheepskin waistcoat?

some sort of pansy or summat

a primula

Tricks

As I get older I begin to wonder at what point a dog becomes too old to be taught new tricks, and in learning new tricks, does this enforce the fact that I'm possibly not TOO old?

It's not something that troubles me a great deal (the thinking about the above statement) but I do love learning things, and unfortunately for those around me (taking after my mother) I am all too keen to share any new found knowledge with anyone who is too afraid to tell me to shut up.

OK, so, I don't know where this came from, but hear me out......

I have some rather scrappy looking rose bushes (I hesitated before typing the word "bushes" because they are far too spindly and scrappy to be given such grand nomenclature) - so I have rose plants in my garden.  I only have a few of these roses, and generally I'm not much of a fan of their gaudy, temperamental and fragile blooms...... but.....

Somewhere down the line, perhaps in an article I might have read in a magazine or a newspaper or from a TV programme or something.... I have it in my head, that, when dead-heading the roses, you shouldn't just take off the failing bloom, but should go back down the stem to the nearest "knuckle" and snap it off there.

Now, I don't do much gardening.... I prefer the garden to be full, even if that means letting the weeds run rampant.... the majority of my gardening is just keeping things moderately in check..... I DO however prune the roses every year, and since I moved in here they have definitely improved with the annual secateur based attention that they receive.

So.....

This year.... apart from cutting a few "suckers" from the roses (a term which loosely refers to "blind" shoots that come from the plant - i.e. non flowering), I've made the effort to apply this new piece of knowledge, about snapping the dying heads off at the first knuckle, to encourage multiplied growth.... 

Snapping the flower heads has been quite simple.... a bit like breaking the woody part of an asparagus spear at its base.....  grab the dead flower head and feel for where the stem wants to break and simply snap it off.....

(note to my cousin Jo - the snapping of the heads from the roses is in no way comparable to the unbridled whacking of red hot poker blooms)

The results.... well.....  I think it's a bit early in their first season to properly call it a success, but look at this:

an example of the "knuckle" at which the heads freely snap off

Even an untidily snapped head has promoted ruby red new growth

Goodbye

Goodbye Olympic flame.... you'll be off on your way back to Greece or Rio or wherever it is that you rest inbetween games.

In fairness, I have to admit, that in the run-up to the games, and during the torch procession..... I was decidedly in a state of "meh" about the whole thing.

As it's turned out, I've thoroughly enjoyed the games, and not just our success, either as Great Britain OR as our great state of Yorkshire, but it's been a really great games.

Well done Great Britain..... now let's forget about the games and on Monday morning we can get back to remembering how the bankers are screwing us and we're all frikking skint, and the price of petrol will be going up again.

Ok, that's my Sunday morning rant over.......

Super Sunday Closing Ceremony Searches.

does the 2006 artic fox 19 b have an alumimun frame

I can confirm that the Arctic Fox 19b does have an aluminium superstructure.  I can actually go one step further than telling you that this is a fact, and actually prove it to you.  Click here for the evidence, and what could possibly be deemed as the most awful video I could ever imagine!  If this was a video on youtube I'd be UN-favouriting it.  Also note, aluminium is spelt A L U M I N I U M and there's a C in Arctic..... like ArCtic dammit!

litres to us gallons

Well this is interesting.... I would convert in this manner:

1 US Gallon = 3.8 litres = 0.83 Imperial Gallons

silverbacked earwig

Now I don't know one earwig from another.  I DO however know that Dawn is terrified of earwigs, based simply on the old wives' tale that they crawl into your ears and eat your eardrums and lay eggs in your brain.  Stupid really, but it's still making me queasy typing it.

confused face

The emoticon (internationally recognised) for a confused face is.....

:S

the bait kitchen huddersfield

That'll be my mate Mark's shop then.... he has a facebook page and a website.

Weeks

Flying through space and time at a rapid rate of knots.

This week, Curiosity landed on Mars and presumably it landed on the Martian cat that was having a crap in the giant litter tray (or crater as we prefer to call it).

Oh dear..... and therein lies the power of the internet..... one minute I am happily tootling along writing a blog, and the next minute I am watching videos of ducks accompanied by techno music....

Sidetracked.....

Here's where I got up to:

Curiosity confirms that there was indeed in the not so distant past, life on Mars

Mars landing plan of Curiosity

And then I started looking at ducks, foxes, Olympics... a whole heap of other sidetracking things..... and that's my point really....

Where do these weeks go?

One minute I'm breathing a sigh of relief that I've survived another Saturday scrumdown at the pub.... then there's the tranquility of line-cleaning on a Sunday morning.  Monday I do a little afternoon evening shift and I have two days off on Tuesday and Wednesday.  This week, on Tuesday, I have absolutely no idea what I did with my day.....  oh wait, yes I remember, I've been researching glasswashers (of the mechanical kind, not the two pound an hour spotty kind) and how we might successfully lease or hire one that performs better than the one we already have.

Ok, so that's most of the week so far accounted for..... and yesterday......  I went fishing.... I fished a little bit of the canal near Elland and had a few perch and a nice bream - was very slow going, but I sat out in the sun and had a nice relaxing day - must do it again sometime - not only because my fridge now has the customary remnants of a pint of maggots in it!

And that's where weeks go.....  add into the mixer that this week I had vowed not to drink, and have so far managed to drink every single day...... plenty of  Facebook.... Olympics..... curry..... blog reading.... pogo playing..... the list goes on....

Fox takes a deep breath.......  waiting for a call from a man about a glasswasher and then..... a bit of gardening and a shift at the pub tonight.

Oops

I don't know where all this time goes to.....

One minute it seems I am resolving to get around the blog circuit and catch up with whatever everyone else has been up to, and the next minute it seems I've not only not done that but I haven't even kept up with my own blog(s).

These are the inherent challenges of being a lazy blogger..

I'll tell you a little about my day yesterday then.....

I went to the pub in the morning and cleaned the lines - it's one of my favourite jobs of the week, and because it's carried out whilst the pub is shut (for obvious reasons - obvious to me but I'll explain later) it's a task with no serious distractions.

On Sunday mornings the pub (rather like the Landlord/lady) is suffering from the effects of the night before - and in this instance, much to my chagrin, that involved a "disco" of all things.  There were plastic shot glasses, sticky surfaces, and empty fridges to contend with.

Because line cleaning involves a certain element of "waiting" time - whilst the line cleaner does its job in the line system, I always get chance to tidy the bar area so it's ready for the next person to take over control at high noon.

I always pour myself half a pint of cider (which would normally go down the drain) as a sort of pub tradition that I drink whilst carrying out the work..... cider DOES actually count as one of my five a day..... usually crisps count as another of those, and if they're cheese and onion flavour..... well, double bonus.

The first Slawit drunk stumbled through the unlocked door at exactly 10:17am to ask whether we were open or not!!  We were not!!  The second one was not far behind him, and it did take some time to work out exactly where this chap could get a drink from at "silly o' clock" on a Sunday morning.

Beer line cleaner is an extremely caustic mix of chemicals that is flushed through the beer system, allowed to stand for a while, then pulled through and flushed out with water..... the caustic nature of it makes it a dangerous substance.  For this reason, it's advisable not to do this when the pub is open.... and to do the task when you're not being distracted.

Lines cleaned - beer all looking perfect - off out to Huddersfield for a bite to eat and a nice cup of coffee.

In the afternoon we returned to the pub and had a few beers and a game of "rock n roll bingo" and caught up with a few friends.

In the evening we went down to Greenhead Park to witness the end of the Jamaican Independence Day Festival and we watched the men's 100m final of the Olympics on a "jumbotron" TV screen, and the atmosphere was terrific.  Wish we'd gone down there earlier, it looked like a great day out and it was totally topped off by a Jamaican one-two in the race...... great stuff.

Quote: "Now Paulette, what is it that we are drawing this raffle for?"..... Paulette presumably says something "off microphone" and the man with the mic says "Yes my love I know it's for the first prize but what is that prize?".... and you know what, I don't think we ever found out.

Quote: "And the winner is Mister XXXX from North Birkby...... Blacker Road...... well it couldn't be Whitey Road now could it?" - cue hilarity in the park.

Edna!

Once upon a time there was a tea-time quiz show.... I forget the name of the show in particular, based on the fact that it was quite a long time ago and my memory does tend to ignore such trivialities (sometimes!).

Anyhoo.....

This particular quiz show shall, in our household at least, be remembered for a particular contestant that appeared on it, and I believe her name was Edna, or Ethel, or Edith or something along those lines (not that I am suggesting in my generalisation that there are similarities in any of those names or the people who possess them, and of course, other girl's names are available)......

Ok, so to recap..... there was a Tea-time TV quiz show (name forgotten) and they had a contestant called (for argument's sake) Edna, and Edna had a strange affliction that rendered her incapable of turning her head to look at the screens and/or quiz show host.  In order that Edna COULD see what was going on she had to turn her whole upper body whilst keeping her neck rigid, and at each turn her shoulders moved with her head..... we found the whole thing quite amusing.

The reason I mention this?

Of course.... in the world of Karma it is said that "My Name is Earl Arctic Fox" - and for the last week, I've had a similar affliction to that of poor, dear, possibly for all I know, departed Edna!

It's not in the slightest bit funny now, is it?

"Question... Which fox now looks like an idiot?

buzz....

"Yes, Arctic Fox for the School of Hard Knocks.... what's the answer?"

The Arctic Fox turns his whole body, stiffly, and painfully sideways, to look down the lens of the camera with a red light on top of it, and looking like a public information film about the effects of whiplash speaks softly to the viewers.....

"Erm..... that'll be me then!"

"Yes, Arctic Fox, you're quite right...... ten points to Gryffindor"

checks

The Arctic Fox looks nervously over his shoulder to see if anyone is watching.

At the same moment, he tries to remove the gun from its holster and promptly shoots himself in the left foot whilst simultaneously putting his right foot in his own mouth.

You didn't know i was a contortionist did you?

Well those were the thoughts that swum lazily through my tired little mind early this morning when the landlord/lady confessed to having found my blog.........

"Arctic Fox" she laughed "nice photograph" and my feeble brain swung from thoughts of balance sheets and profit and loss calculations to whatever I might have divulged within these pages that may be incriminating / insulting / unprofessional / stupid.

It's the age-old blogging quandary - should I blog anonymously? should I be more careful with what I say?  I can't decide what's for the best.  I always hated it when my mum used to quote back things to me that she'd read on my blog....

Always when someone discovers my blog that i spend time with in a "real-world" scenario it makes me question whether i should be doing this at all.

I guess the difficult part about blogging is that you quickly realise that not everyone who reads blogs is familiar with the spirit in which some of the items are written.....

Some blog entries are written in the heat of the moment or in a state of emotion that might easily be taken out of context when read by the uninitiated.  A blog entry that might have been written a year ago in a tongue-in-cheek style may well not stand up to the scrutiny of the eyes of a relative who discovers my blog today.

I  hate looking over my shoulder and I hate not having the freedom to blog as i feel......  perhaps anonymous is the future?

The spirit of blogging MUST prevail!