Knock knock....

Who's there?

A man clutching jump leads and a pregnant sobbing wife.

A man clutching jump leads and a pregnant sobbing wife, who?

It's not a joke, it's the modern day biblical tale of what happened at my house last night, or rather this morning at one thirty AM.

They wanted a lift to their car out on the dark moors to see if I could manage to help them get it started...... are you mad? Suffice to say, as much as I'd like to have helped them out in their predicament, I'm not about to go riding out into the moors with strangers offering money at any time of day!!

Bad times.


Deanhead church, in the area of Scammonden Dam near where I go riding my mountain bike. A truly lovely little part olf the world.

Ahhhhh.

Rarely do I spend a more relaxing weekend than the one that has just elapsed. It's been really busy, but thoroughly relaxing and enjoyable at the same time.

In beer terms, it was a joy!!

Managed a few pints at the Three Pigeons in Halifax, and was pleased to taste my first drop of "Silver Fox" which is the Ossett Brewery's ale for March. Very very nice and a beer that I have been waiting to come round. Can't wait to sup another!!

Beer festival? Brilliant. The success of a beer festival is truly measured by the fact that we had to wait for two people to stagger out before we were allowed to take our turn at selecting our poisons. Me, I jumped straight into the "mild trail" and supped a goodly selection before being rewarded, bang on the end of session bell, with a free glass of the mild of my choice. I chose the Midnight Bell from the Leeds Brewery (sponsors of this particular festival) and I was not disappointed. Top mild!!

My only beery regret is that I didn't have time or the constitution required to sample some of the porters on offer at the festival...... I will make up for that neglect at the Star's beer festival later this week.

Other than drinking beer, I've been....

Riding my bike. I managed to talk the lovely Dawn into getting on the spare bike and coming for a bike ride. Dawn was apprehensive, but once we got going, and we went along at Dawn's pace and chatted as we rode and managed to stay warm, there was no stopping her..... I was really impressed how well we managed do.

Shopping. A Sunday trip to Wilko's!! Hurray, I love the Wilkinsons.

Cooking. Baking bread and food for the most part of the weekend.

Now I'm relaxed.... chilling with my CycloDS.... more on that later!!

Ouch.

None of us is as young as we used to be.

The symptoms of this aging disease appear to be:

a) I think I may well now be unemployable!?!
b) A bike ride now leaves me with aching bones in my wrists!!
c) Where I used to take weed and hash pipes round to my mates, I now take freshly cooked warm loaves of bread.

I went on a bike ride yesterday evening, and it was hard work. The muddy bits were just difficult to pedal through. The bumpy bits were just hard on the bones and the body. The road bits were just hard on my arse 'cos I have a saddle like a razor blade. So, all in all it was a good bike ride!! Here are a couple of pictures that I managed to take during the breathers we took.


A view towards Norland Moor from Turley Cote Lane.


Disused brickworks at Blackley.

As for employment.... I've now applied for a grand total of two jobs, and haven't been invited to interview for either of them!! Anyone got a job for me?

As far as the loaves go, perhaps I am over procrastinating to compensate for my lack of desire to complete an online job application, but I've spent the whole day cooking. I've made two Parmesan and sun-dried tomato loaves. I've cooked enough spicy bean stew to feed an army, and enough brown rice to feed anyone else that still feels hungry. The kitchen (as a procrastination positive side-effect) is now quite clean and tidy!!

Every cloud has a silver lining I guess.... back to Tangram-mania for me!!

Whistle and ride.

If you manage to achieve the impossible, and actually be able to do two things at the same time, then you're "whistling and riding", apparently!! Sounds unfeasible, I know, but we all need hopes and dreams.

For me, the possibility of doing more than one thing in a day is a daunting task, never mind trying to do them both at the same time.

This morning I went for a bike ride, and this afternoon I took advantage of the hazy, frost lifting sunshine, and headed out to Deer Hill Reservoir for a picnic lunch, complete with brandy laced coffee in a Thermos flask!!

This morning was definitely a case of "wheezing and riding" as there was no whistling to be heard. Perhaps there might have been the odd squeal, as I realised I was going too fast down a frozen, muddy, rutted track, with the back wheel skidding on ice and the brakes providing no respite.... barrelling ever faster and ever more uncontrollable...... My feet bounced clear off the pedals a couple of times, and at one point I even wished I had worn my cycling helmet!! By the time I reached the deer farm in the bottom of the valley, I was pleased to still be in a single piece.

The walk around Deer Hill was lovely today, and although I prefer to walk without meeting other people, it was nice to see so many jolly people out and about and enjoying the sunshine.... it DOES put people in a good mood.







I have also fixed the "Amaryllis cam" which has been freaking out a bit..... for some reason, my webcam doesn't like working off a USB hub, even though the hub is of the powered flavour. I don't get it, and rather than try to find out why it has suddenly started to whinge about it, I've swapped the camera over to its own USB port. You will, of course, be pleased to know, that in the four days since starting "Amaryllis cam", the plant has grown from six and a half centimetres to thirteen!! I will need a fish eye webcam before this experiment is over, just to fit the triffid like plant in!!

Further to this, I am working on a new update for the "Man VS Mouse" section, as I've scored yet another hit!!

I've given you a nice new Underworld tune to play too.... one of my all-time favourite tunes... I am so good to you.

I also have a bit of random shopping to update, so I'm gonna be busy with blogging for the rest of the day.

From massive bulbs, mental amaryllises grow!!

Every day....

... in every way, I'm getting better and better.

Flapping and panicking are left behind, and a new sea of tranquility has washed over me.

The boiler man came and cleaned out my boiler.... he hoovered it out and disassembled bits of it and generally fettled it. It's burning clean and bright now.

The so-called windscreen place were less than courteous, but more than ruthlessly efficient in tackling the de-fog-ifier and its unconnected connections. The very fact that I had to drive twenty minutes there and twenty minutes back to have a sixty second procedure carried out, when it should have been done in the first four day experience was just too much.

Get it right first time, was a business mantra when I was a young lad.... seems it went over some folks' heads!!

Today has passed (thus far at least) without breakdown of an appliance, without injury, without expensive or time consuming diversion......

I even managed to get out and do a few miles on my bike in some unseasonably hot February weather.... it's been glorious for a few days. I even managed to sit out in the garden and drink a cup of coffee.

Pleasant.

Hillyness.

Wednesday morning. The suspense is too much for me. I can't wait until this afternoon for Pogo to release this week's challenge badges!!

I go out and buy a new bottle cage and water bottle for my bike. A shop I don't use much but he's a friendly chap and we have a chat about "monkey - Journey to the West" because he has recognised my t-shirt. I fix the new cage, fill up both bottles with some "corporation pop" and set off.

Twenty four miles later and I am struggling to make the twenty three steps back to my bedroom to write a blog about it, even if I get off the bike first!!

Here's some lovely accompanying photographs.

In other news:

You all think you're so bloody funny don't you!!

I have a tooth that's started to crumble and I can't get to see a dentist for a week.... brilliant!!

The salt from my sweat has burnt my face to shreds.

I need a snooze.

Stir crazy.

They say that the first step toward recovery, is admitting that you've got a problem.

My Sims2 confessional has perhaps triggered some sort of turnaround.

Last night, I had two strange dreams. The first dream was about the late, great, Tommy Cooper, and how I had somehow managed to get hold of this really brilliant joke of his, and actually improved upon it. I woke myself up laughing, but alas could not remember the joke, nor the cunning revision of it.

The second dream was a bit more odd.

I once spent a few weeks in France, and by the end of it was actually dreaming in French. I guess that's significant, as last night I dreamt in Simspeak!! It's a nonsensical language, and to wake oneself up by speaking "in tongues" is decidedly unsavoury.

I went for a twenty mile bike ride today instead!! I only fell off four times. My back aches, my head aches, my legs ache, my stomach aches, and of course..... the old derriere, it goes without saying!!

Believe it or not, I found a feature on my phone that lets me take three pictures, and then the phone turns them into a panorama... my first effort is here!



Update: This is not Black Moss Reservoir. This is the feeder reservoir above Scammonden Dam - the one that the M62 is built on. This is Deanhead Reservoir. Black moss is four miles due south of here!!

Spice: Who the hell is Who Flung Dung?

Re: Phone's ability to produce a panorama - I can spot a couple of glaring errors!!

I've been..........

...... very stupid.

Woke up this morning, my dog was dead...... No, wait that's a Nazareth song or something. Let me try again.

Woke up this morning, and the sunshine was streaming in through the windows. Glorious blue sky and a slight nip in the air, but one of those days you just knew was going to warm up.

By half past nine I was cycling up the road. A really great ride of about thirteen miles followed by a creatine and HMB based chocolate flavour muscle recovery bar. Exhilarating.

Early this afternoon I decided to have a stroll up to mum's house, and to sit in the garden there and read my book. The sun was high now, and it was indeed a scorcher. I put on my flip flops, a big floppy pink shirt and my cowboy hat. I picked up my walking staff, and set off.

Flip flops for a mile and a half?? What the hell was I thinking? About a half a mile into the journey, the first blisters broke forth. By the time I reached mum's house I could no longer walk, and had the biggest blisters I have ever seen/had.

Feet of fire or feat of stupidity?

I sat and read my book a while and mum gave me a lift home.

Now I am stranded, crippled and very miserable. I can't even put my feet on the floor.

Repeat after me.......

owah..... tarnar......siam!!

Stair rods.

Yesterday was a farewell party for my sister, brother-in-law and two nephews, who later this week set sail for a life down under.

I was drunk (of course).

It was raining (of course).

It was cold (of course).

It is July after all.... what else would you expect?

And so, this morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, it's bright and warm.

I spend the day reassembling the debris that I used to call my house. This exercise culminates in the clearing out of my wardrobe.... a great deal of "trying on" of clothes..... bagging up my scrap.... letting go all those "sentimental", scruffy, misshapen, discoloured rags. Really, I just say yes or no, as Dawn does all the hard work.

Tidied and wardrobed, we both collapse onto the bed for half an hour... A well earned rest, in a warm, sunny bedroom.

Out at the back there's a funeral wake at the bowling club.... some poor beggar's bowled his last jack.

A friend calls me to go for a bike ride. I agree to go. I hang up the phone, and of course it starts to rain. He comes round, and we set off for the ride, wrapped in waterproofs. A couple of miles up the road, and I am sweating under a bright blue sky. The waterproofs come off. A mix of road, and moorland, and maybe twelve miles later..... I'm happy and coated in mud and sand.

Half an hour later, I've been in the shower, I've a cup of coffee in front of me, and the rain is coming down with vengeance. Lightning isn't far behind. I thank my lucky stars for the hour and a half of perfect weather, where the salt stung my forehead, and sweat dripped off my nose.

Let the detox commence!!!

Same again....

.... please landlord!!

My old bike ride - I used to cycle five miles in one direction (mostly uphill), turn around, and cycle back.

I used to do it for fun.

The first time I did it when I got my mountain bike, it probably took me a couple of hours. At peak, it probably used to take forty minutes.

It's a relentless slog, all the way out there to that car park on top of the moors.

It's not a steep hill.... but it's a five mile long hill!!

This morning, the sun was so bright and hot, I thought I would take the challenge.

I've only been back on my bike for a week (after a gap of about a year), and the weather keeps putting me off, so you have to build back up slowly right.

Sun beating down on my head......

Three miles in, and the heavens open. Flimsy t-shirt.... shorts..... soaked. Sunglasses, rendered positively dangerous.

I reach the car park. I stop and look out across the valley, gulp down some water, turn around and head back.

The sun comes out, and in the 10 minutes it takes me to get home, I am dry. Literally spun dry.



It would have looked like that in the sunshine!!

Gibb-on!!

I've got a right old gibb-on.

For those that don't know the Doncaster dialect, that means I am sweating a bit.

Actually I don't think it has anything to do with Doncaster, or indeed anywhere else for that matter. It was a term used by an old friend of mine, and one which stuck with those of us that retained the work ethic of our simian cousins.

Pay 'em peanuts, and you'll get monkeys.

Pay 'em lots, and you'll get expensive monkeys.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a unnaturally sweaty person, nor have I been working too hard. I have just returned from a few miles on the old bike. Feeling great.... my quads are starting to firm up again, and that's fantastic.

My breathing's actually pretty good. I was puffing and blowing for a while today, but it's been quite warm and I did a couple of hill climbs, so it's only to be expected I guess. It feels great to open my lungs up again.

That's what you get when you are a non-smoker I guess!!

I didn't really want to mention yesterday, it somehow seemed too poignant..... I think I dare mention today, that yesterday would have been my cousin Dan's birthday. God bless him. I was thinking about my cousins and my aunty and uncle, but somehow I didn't want to jangle anyone's emotions by letting them know how I felt. I love them all very much!!

Anyhoo.....

Got to go get myself something to eat, and get my act together.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

Shush.

Don't tell Kirsty.....

I've been back on my bike!!

Since I stopping smoking, I have been wanting to get back on the old push-iron. It's about a year since I was last on it, and that makes me a bit sad.

There was a little bit of maintenance to do, and there's still a frayed gear cable that needs replacing, but I've done it, I've been out there.

I have a little circuit that starts with a bit of a hill climb, and then cuts across the moors and a quarry, before planting me firmly back on a downhill road stretch to my house.

I notched up 30mph as I reached my little village today... very pleasant.

I rode it yesterday, and again today. Apart from the customary saddle-soreness, I actually felt a lot better doing it today than I did yesterday.

I promised Kirsty that I would take her out for a bike ride, but the weather has been so foul.... So don't tell her that I have been without her.

I think I will have a ride down to the bike shop tomorrow and get the gear cable sorted.

A few miles today........ From tiny acorns and all that bollocks!!