Now....

I wouldn't say my farts are really smelly....... They are, but I wouldn't say it, and certainly not in mixed company!! As long as there were pets on hand, on which to blame the offensive stench, then I would never have to say it anyway.

So why is it......

My sister, brother-in-law, and two nephews have buggered off to Australia to live.

My mum and Fred have naffed off to Scotland for an undisclosed period of time to stay with my Aunty and Uncle.

Dawn and the kids are beggaring off to Wales for a week.

I find myself on housewatch. Confined to "bleak house" at Pole Moor - About which I have actually blogged before. I will spare you a repeat performance. Suffice to say it's foggy and pissing down with moor grime and rain.

Bugger it, I've just farted again.

I have, in my sweaty palms, a copy of the new (and final) Harry Potter book..... I have a week of solitude in which to indulge in all things Hogwarty. I seem to remember that someone posted the punchline to the previous book in my comments before I'd finished it!! Rotten buggers!!

Right, it's bloody late. This house is spooky. Five channels of television are not enough to stop me from going to bed. Note to self: Bring freeview USB thing along tomorrow!!

Expeliarmus!!