Angry kid.
Woke up, bleary eyed.
Within ten minutes of waking up, my day's tranquility was broken.
In my house there is an unwritten rule. Well there are several unwritten rules, but one which comes into play each and every first day of every month.
Pinch and a punch for the first of the month.
You are allowed to pinch and punch someone today. You cannot pinch and punch once you have been pinched and punched.
I lost. Again!! Now I have to wait a whole month to get the chance for revenge.
Follow up my humiliation with the most brazen piece of televisual misrepresentation ever (and no I am not talking about Big Brother for a change) and you've got one grumpy fox on your hands.
The news. It's a simple thing. There are even channels now which show nothing BUT news. You switch on the news and you fairly well know what to expect. It's usually a collection of stories from around the world about what is happening. It rarely makes you feel good to be alive.
So, I always choose the BBC news. I always watch on BBC1 because you get local bulletins every half hour or so. The BBC news is generally of a better quality than the other news channels, and of course there are no adverts....... Or are there???
This morning's coming up stories.......
Will Bradley and Stacey ever get back together? - A bloody Eastenders expose, complete with interview with an associated actor!!
Serious Andes - A pierced teenager joins the news crew on the couch to discuss what it was like to climb part of the Andes for a BBC television programme.
Any dream will do - The latest from a BBC programme where Graham Norton and Andrew Lloyd Webber grace our living rooms with their tireless search for a new Joseph. Starring Graham Norton as Jesus and Andrew Lloyd Webber as God.
I am left cursing.... this isn't bloody news. This is advertising. I pay my licence fee so I don't have to watch adverts. Outrageous.
Then, just as we are settling back down to some news.....
It's June the first. We have one month (exactly) left in this country, before a total no smoking blanket settles itself over all our public places. I never thought I would say it, but I am quite looking forward to it.
Coupled with the fact that there is a new "stop smoking" drug available on prescription, which allegedly triples the chances of success.
So the BBC, in all its wisdom gathers three smokers, and promises to follow them in their quest to stop smoking. At this point my ears prick up, and I await the item with baited breath that no longer smells like an ashtray.
Meet our smokers - Between the three of them, they actually smoke less than I did. One of them smokes one cigarette a day, and only if they go out to a bar. Is this really the best you can do BBC? Absolutely insulting. It's going to be a riveting series of news items watching these people busting their balls with managing to stop.
I think I will watch GMTV in future, even if it means I would have to endure Jenni Falconer. Yes, she does actually spell it with an "i" instead of a "y" and I bet when she signs it, she uses a massive circle to dot the "i".
Grrrrrrr
Showing posts with label news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label news. Show all posts
Friday, June 01, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Smoke.....
.... and mirrors.
The news is full of the disappearance of a little girl in Portugal, whose parents thought it was more important to fill their bellies, than it was to be a parent.
I am not going to go into the whys and wherefores of it all.... It's already received enough attention. Just remember, next time you're tucking into your patatas bravas..... Where are YOUR children!!
What DOES concern me, is that the inordinate amount of media coverage lavished on this incident is detracting from other stories. Some of these other stories, that are sidelined, and shielded from our view, would under normal circumstances be headlining.
Take for instance the fact that a male nurse from Texas has managed to pocket a cool twenty five thousand pounds (50000 USD; 55000 CAD) by winning the US Rock Paper Scissors final.
How about the fact that a gardener from London has managed to break the furniture land speed record, by travelling at ninety two miles per hour on a sofa!!
Not tickled by either of those nuggets? Then how about taking part in the world's first underwater golf tournament, in a fifty foot deep aquarium in China??
As if that isn't enough.....
Tony Blair has decided he has had enough and picked a great week to announce it.... shhhh Tony, someone might notice!!
Prince Harry isn't going to go to war in Iraq?? Apparently, his very presence there would endanger the lives of the other soldiers in his squadron. Personally I think it's the presence of Iraqis that puts them at risk. Don't tell anyone though.
In other news, it would seem that the government have picked a lovely quiet week to u-turn over the issue of hybrid embryo research. Now, finally, I might get that monkey-man I have always dreamed of training as a butler!! It's ok though, because the embryos would only be 0.1 percent animal, and the rest is all human.
Watch out for a post office closing near you.... yes, of course, that old chestnut..... two and a half thousand post offices will be closed, but if we pick the right week to tell them, then nobody will mind. They're all too busy buying yellow ribbons. Perhaps if they sold those ribbons at post offices then they wouldn't have to close?
Can you tell I am a bit pissed off?
.... and mirrors.
The news is full of the disappearance of a little girl in Portugal, whose parents thought it was more important to fill their bellies, than it was to be a parent.
I am not going to go into the whys and wherefores of it all.... It's already received enough attention. Just remember, next time you're tucking into your patatas bravas..... Where are YOUR children!!
What DOES concern me, is that the inordinate amount of media coverage lavished on this incident is detracting from other stories. Some of these other stories, that are sidelined, and shielded from our view, would under normal circumstances be headlining.
Take for instance the fact that a male nurse from Texas has managed to pocket a cool twenty five thousand pounds (50000 USD; 55000 CAD) by winning the US Rock Paper Scissors final.
How about the fact that a gardener from London has managed to break the furniture land speed record, by travelling at ninety two miles per hour on a sofa!!
Not tickled by either of those nuggets? Then how about taking part in the world's first underwater golf tournament, in a fifty foot deep aquarium in China??
As if that isn't enough.....
Tony Blair has decided he has had enough and picked a great week to announce it.... shhhh Tony, someone might notice!!
Prince Harry isn't going to go to war in Iraq?? Apparently, his very presence there would endanger the lives of the other soldiers in his squadron. Personally I think it's the presence of Iraqis that puts them at risk. Don't tell anyone though.
In other news, it would seem that the government have picked a lovely quiet week to u-turn over the issue of hybrid embryo research. Now, finally, I might get that monkey-man I have always dreamed of training as a butler!! It's ok though, because the embryos would only be 0.1 percent animal, and the rest is all human.
Watch out for a post office closing near you.... yes, of course, that old chestnut..... two and a half thousand post offices will be closed, but if we pick the right week to tell them, then nobody will mind. They're all too busy buying yellow ribbons. Perhaps if they sold those ribbons at post offices then they wouldn't have to close?
Can you tell I am a bit pissed off?
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Crazy...
.... like a fox.
The world continues to astound me.
Oftentimes, I am reminded that I am simply an insignificant, taciturn cog, in some bloody screwball machinery. Today is no exception.
I've made reference in the past, to wondering whether my parents picked up the wrong baby when they left the hospital.... Sometimes, this feeling of being a misplaced entity, extends beyond family. Sometimes, I wonder whether I am actually of this world.
You only have to switch on the news, or read a paper, to get a taste of the madness.
Let's take this morning's news as a brief example...
Sandwiched together, and in no particular order, were the following "news" items.
Vicar, stabbed to death, died in his wife's arms.
Young girl hatched two ducklings from duck eggs!!
Olympics 2012 budget has quadrupled since the initial projection to 9.3 billion pounds (for the American friends, that's about 18 billion dollars).
After ten years research and development, a New York pizza chef has proudly unveiled a thousand dollar pizza. (for the English friends, that's about 516 pounds).
A 12 year old boy was arrested, after 17 pupils were shot with a ball-bearing gun, in a school playground.
Apart from anything else, I feel strangely disconnected from all of these worlds.
The presentation of these items does make me smile though. I always like to see a few fluffy animals mixed in with the death, murders, and political pontifications.
Perhaps Walt Disney was right about one thing, at least?
A spoonful of sugar really does help the medicine go down. I always find a handful of antacids, and a good dose of daytime TV help keep it down too!!!
At least we can rest assured now, that, as of the 15th March 2007, the following words are locked safely into the Oxford English Dictionary:
technopreneur,n.
scooby,n.
fuck-off,n.
pig-pile,v.
shit-eater,n.
Tae-Bo,n.
tighty-whities,n.
I don't even think I need to comment! In fact I think, without too much effort, I could make a fairly good sentence out of that little lot. In fact, there's a prize for any comment that can fit them all in!!
.... like a fox.
The world continues to astound me.
Oftentimes, I am reminded that I am simply an insignificant, taciturn cog, in some bloody screwball machinery. Today is no exception.
I've made reference in the past, to wondering whether my parents picked up the wrong baby when they left the hospital.... Sometimes, this feeling of being a misplaced entity, extends beyond family. Sometimes, I wonder whether I am actually of this world.
You only have to switch on the news, or read a paper, to get a taste of the madness.
Let's take this morning's news as a brief example...
Sandwiched together, and in no particular order, were the following "news" items.
Vicar, stabbed to death, died in his wife's arms.
Young girl hatched two ducklings from duck eggs!!
Olympics 2012 budget has quadrupled since the initial projection to 9.3 billion pounds (for the American friends, that's about 18 billion dollars).
After ten years research and development, a New York pizza chef has proudly unveiled a thousand dollar pizza. (for the English friends, that's about 516 pounds).
A 12 year old boy was arrested, after 17 pupils were shot with a ball-bearing gun, in a school playground.
Apart from anything else, I feel strangely disconnected from all of these worlds.
The presentation of these items does make me smile though. I always like to see a few fluffy animals mixed in with the death, murders, and political pontifications.
Perhaps Walt Disney was right about one thing, at least?
A spoonful of sugar really does help the medicine go down. I always find a handful of antacids, and a good dose of daytime TV help keep it down too!!!
At least we can rest assured now, that, as of the 15th March 2007, the following words are locked safely into the Oxford English Dictionary:
technopreneur,n.
scooby,n.
fuck-off,n.
pig-pile,v.
shit-eater,n.
Tae-Bo,n.
tighty-whities,n.
I don't even think I need to comment! In fact I think, without too much effort, I could make a fairly good sentence out of that little lot. In fact, there's a prize for any comment that can fit them all in!!
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