Arctic Fox

2009-06-26T17:37:00.008+01:00

Chamone Michael.

The one gloved, plastic surgery experimenting one, is no more. Fifty years of age is pretty damn young for the king of pop to pop his clogs.... I hope someone has the good sense to let the Big Brother contestants know this sad news!!!!!

As for me.... well. I've been taking LOADS of photos..... been walking a bit..... beat the blind, old aged pensioners, to a pulp on the crown green bowling surface.... got drunk..... and today, I've been baking, and baking, and then baking a bit more.

I've made chocolate brownies, hokey pokey coffee cake, and some sundried tomato and parmesan bread. I still need to ice my cake and sort out the walnut praline for it, but other than that it's a wrap!!

Going out for some noodles tonight. Big Brother eviction night too - woohoo!!

The view across Foxstone Moss - Ironically, I never even knew of our foxy connection. I would have normally referred to this location as Buckstones, but am much happier now I've actually looked it up. It's just more cotton grass.

2009-06-23T23:38:00.004+01:00

Say it a bit louder.....

.... make you feel a little bit better.

What a hot day it's been.

I spent the morning practicing a few things that I've recently learned about my camera. Having spent a day on an "improver's" camera course, I've been inspired to point my camera in every direction at every opportunity. Lots of bad photos and a very few decent ones.

This all ties in with the fact that I didn't manage to win a spot on the Colne Valley calendar competition with any of the six shots I sent them!!!! (insert sad smiley here) There were 58 entrants, each submitting six photos and they only could pick thirteen of them, so I guess the odds were against me...... All entries will be exhibited though in September and October, so at least that's something.

I gave up walking and taking pictures when it got too hot. I retreated to the relative comfort of my local bowling club (see bowling cam) for refreshment, and indulged in a couple of handpulled Webster's Best Bitter.

Buzz buzz buzz buzz honey bee, honey bee, do what you like but don't sting me. A piece of clover with a waxy legged bumble bee near Ringstone Edge Reservoir. Just one of a series of shots taken using "manual" camera settings - I'm finally venturing away from the "auto" stuff and getting a bit more creative - twenty two quid well spent on the course then!!

2009-06-17T14:39:00.005+01:00

52 Minutes.

It has some very poignant meanings.

Firstly, 52 minutes is a short film about the growing epidemic of knife crime in London. When last I was in London, there were actually mobile metal detecting arches set up on pavements for people to walk through.

Secondly, it's the name of a Canadian rock band. Part of the hardcore/emo scene, whatever that means!!?!? Of course we all know that it means "emotional hardcore" on account of its' "oh so sensitive" lyricism. Those crafty punk wordsmiths.

Thirdly, it was the amount of time it took Barack Obama to deliver two speeches (exactly 26 minutes each) in Europe, which spelled out his desire to rid the world of nuclear weapons and his intention to launch a drive on nuclear disarmament - possibly bigger than any ever attempted - well, it would have to be Mister Obama - We've still got them, so that tells you the level of success of previous "drives" - besides:

Homer: It's pronounced 'nucular'. Nucular.

Fourthly, and most importantly, it was the amount of footage that I recorded last night, of the Big Brother "live" schedule..... during which time, the housemates were getting ready for bed. 52 minutes into my three hour recording schedule, and of course the lights were off and everyone was snoring. They are, without a doubt, the most sleepy bunch of housemates EVER!!!

Snow in summer. A whole heap of Eriophorum near Deer Hill, under a fluffy clouded sky. I could not choose which of the photos to post here, but chose this one just for the sky. That's cotton grass to you and me, dumbo!! You would not believe the difference in weather between yesterday and today.... my birdhouse has blown out of the tree this morning.... now where will I live!!

2009-06-16T21:19:00.004+01:00

Force.

Well it started a bit chilly this morning, but by ten o clock it was turning into another scorcher.

Sadly, I'd recorded a few hours of the live Big Brother that went out at one in the morning, and found that it featured three hours of sleeping housemates. A more pointless six hour broadcast I can not imagine.

I fast forward through three hours of sleeping and reach a stage of complete disgust at what a waste of time it's turning into.

I put my boots in the car and grab a bottle of water. I put my camera back together and grab my car keys. I drive out to Blackmoorfoot and embark on a six mile walk in the sweltering sun. It's not long before the sweat is quite literally dripping off me. I find that carrying a rucksack ALWAYS makes me hotter and before long all my clothes are clinging and clammy.

I combine two of my favourite walks into one. I walk round Blackmoorfoot, through Helme, and out to the shooting lodge at Deer Hill. I have so many good photographs from today that I can't imagine I'll ever get round to choosing a suitable selection.

Later this afternoon I spotted an accident on the motorway outside my house. I took a few photos from my bedroom window and managed to get the local newspaper to publish one on the website. I don't know how long this link'll work.

This season's chick. The first real feathers are appearing on this young fuzzy duck. A lovely glassy surface on Blackmoorfoot Reservoir. (I'm always guilty of (badly) photographing wildlife but I like the water surface and first coloured feathers on this little darling, so you have my apologies for yet another duck pic).

2009-06-15T23:10:00.005+01:00

Limbo.

For some reason I feel like I'm in limbo.... I think I need to get out of my funk and go and do something..... it's the half life of a Big Brother addict but without the usual companionship of the live feed from the house. Perhaps I'll watch bowling-cam instead??

I am starting to think about camping?? Is that right?? There just seems to be no end to the internet bargains in the camping department, and I get a step closer to indulging with each discount email that manages to resist my spam filter.

Perhaps I'll just swap my quilt for a sleeping bag and kip on the floor instead, and I will still get to drink a decent cup of coffee on demand.

New music to accompany your visit.... and a new photo too.... what more could you ask for?

A skylark rests atop St George's day commemorative stone at Wholestone Hill - part of the White Rose Forest walk.

2009-06-13T22:22:00.004+01:00

Getting there.

More by overexposure than by enjoyment, I'm finally succumbing to the lure of Big Brother. It's taken some bloody minded persistence thus far.

The fact that there is no live streaming in this series has meant that I record three hours of the live feed that plays between midnight and six am, and I watch it the next day, on occasion imagining I'm watching it live...... just draw the curtains and pretend it's late.... it's not hard to do.

The lengths I am going to, in order to enjoy the series, have made me realise I'm probably a bit beyond sensible help.

I'm still managing to get out and about (weather permitting) and with a lovely hot day, today, we had an adventure near Wakefield - a feat in its own right - We visited a castle and a country park, neither of which I knew about before today, and both of which were surprisingly enjoyable. I even found a pub for lunch with real ale. Sandal Castle and Newmillerdam country park and boat house.

Conker tree beside the dam at Newmillerdam. A verdant rhapsody.

2009-06-09T18:15:00.002+01:00

Careful.

Spent the most part of the day trying to care about Big Brother. It's very difficult to get involved in it without the live feed. Come on Channel 4, bring it back.

Tried to watch Fistful of Dollars... fell asleep.

Ended up caring about my Pokemon far more than I ought to.

Let me just say.....

Be careful what you wish for!!

2009-06-09T00:06:00.003+01:00

Would you....

... credit it?

The great British voting public have only gone and elected hatemongers Nick Griffin and Andrew Brons to the European Parliament. Well, let me tell you this, they can have their seats, and their supporters of diminished mental capacity, but they'll never represent me.

If you can be arsed to sign the petition against them, then you probably would have voted against them, but it's not too late to have a say. Sign here against racism and hatred.

We're a bunch of apathetic voters in this country, and the recent expenses row has meant not enough people could be arsed to vote..... Apparently the whole turnout to the European elections has dropped every year since it started thirty years ago, so it's not just us.

There's a lesson in here somewhere and it's not just that we will all get to see, first hand, what a twat Nick Griffin is, although that may well be the case. Shame on us all!!

2009-06-07T23:38:00.003+01:00

Wet firework.

Well, razzmatazz it ain't.

The latest series of Big Brother is a complete damp squib. We're just a few days in and.... I've already lost the will to view.

The episode tonight was embarrassingly bad.

I've even lost the will to write down or explore all the failings of the current show.

You've been saved from a real diatribe then!!

I've resorted to downloading a whole heap of Clint Eastwood films to keep me company through the dark hours where I'd normally be watching the Big Brother live feed and making my own mind up about what's really going on in the house.

I suppose I should be paying more attention to the local elections and the European elections......

.... or maybe not!?

2009-06-07T00:59:00.003+01:00

Strange....

Let me first announce that, after a gallon of Huddersfield's finest ale.... the blog might not make sense.....

A bunch of "blokes" at the taxi rank, with a bunch of innuendos, as I approach a gentleman that may be "going my way", with a view to making the journey cheaper.

Three pints in, and I notice the strength of a Cornish porter measuring up to a staggering 6% abv which phases me much less than the dogs that like to lick the landlady's face.

Halifax Steam Brewery - Dark Side - Immensely chocolate/coffee dark beer, despite the fact that I'd have really liked to drink the "Shirley Crabtree" at 5.2% abv. Biggest flavoured beer of the night.

I love the beer!!

Despite my promise to not drink and blog..... see above!!!

2009-06-05T21:33:00.003+01:00

A game.

It's been a game of two halves.... well to be fair, it's actually been a week of two halves, not really that much of a game.

First half, baking hot, dry, sunburned, and dogsitting.

Second half, in true British style, grey, raining, foggy, cold, and Big Brother.

A strange phenomena that I thoroughly enjoyed today was the first drops of rain falling onto the hot road, causing steam to rise and swirl about at shin height. Like dry ice at a crazy rock gig, swirling and eddying before the road cooled enough for it to stop.

A strange phenomena that I thoroughly didn't enjoy is that:

Big Brother has no live feed this year. This, presumably, is to encourage us to watch the actual Big Brother show and its spin-off counterparts that have, of course, been falling flat on their arses in recent years. The live feeds have been less manipulated, and we've enjoyed being able to make our minds up about the events as they occur rather than the way the editors wish to portray them.

I need a bath and a shave!!! Iced ink!!

2009-06-04T18:58:00.003+01:00

Subliminal.

Adverts are not my favourite aspect of existence. Bad adverts are REALLY bad. Adverts that have to carry small print are even worse - Just watch any mascara advert and spot the "filmed with lash inserts" disclaimer to see the pointlessness of it all.

I make no secret that I enjoyed the Smash adverts with the martians. There HAVE been a few that have been worth seeing, but for no more than their intrinsic entertainment purposes. The thought that any of them have made me buy anything is too sorry a conclusion to reach.

Sat, today, as I often do, with the TV blurting into the ether of my living room while I do something completely different..... two adverts dragged my attention away from whatever I was doing, and they compelled me to write:

In jeopardy style, give me the product to the advert:

a) Just pop it up your nose for a couple of minutes, two or three times a day, and start making the most of your summer!!

b) This isn't just music - This is [blank] (A blatant M&S rip off on behalf of Asda - hint: the blank is the name of the band!!)

PS: Big Brother kicks off tonight - I've heard there will be no "live stream" this series and that means I might actually get time to write/eat/wash/sleep during the course of this series.

2009-06-02T21:36:00.003+01:00

Too hot for me.

I actually got a chance to say, in live weather oriented conversation, to my neighbour and the free weekly paper delivery man.....

"Oh, it's too hot for my liking"

I nearly shouted "bingo" just after the words had left my mouth and jumped into passing conversation.

At least I have managed to solve the music playing, picture hosting and webcam issues that have been making a mockery of my blog. I nearly, and almost did, set up my own web server so I don't have to rely on them third party freebies to achieve the level of service you've all come to know and love.

I'm hungry and I need to get summat to eat..... and a cold beer!!

I'll be back to posting more pictures as soon as this hot weather subsides and I come back indoors.

2009-05-31T19:16:00.005+01:00

Golden oldies.

A Sunday super search spectacular, just for old time's sake. For those that don't know, I used to pick my favourite search entries that brought people to my blog, and to point them in the right direction for the best answers.

Here goes.....

1) jenni falconer smoking (Google) - I am still amazed at the number of people that come to this site by this search. I think some time back I worked out that Jenni Falconer had something to do with some anti-smoking campaign or something.... anyway.... Smoking fetishists everywhere... enjoy!!

2) diving sparth reservoir (Google) - Diving?? In Sparth Reservoir??? Are you mad??? Now, I do know a bit about Sparth Reservoir as it's on my regular walking routes. It lies at the edge of Marsden and it's a hotspot for kids to swim in when the weather's as hot as it has been for the last few days. The only diving I know that happened there was last year when some kids found clothes dumped next to the reservoir and the search teams went in.... nothing was found. Here's a picture or two of Sparth though.

3) tri wing b&q (Google) - Look, you're just not going to find a tri-wing screwdriver at B&Q. Well, I tell a small lie there, you may well find a tri-wing bit in one of those driver bit packs that you can buy, but if you're looking for a tri-wing driver, I can probably guess it's for console modding!! Have a look here for the cheapest deal I found when I was looking for mine. They don't even charge for postage!!

4) what is the difference between an arctic fox and a fox? (Google) - About 2000 miles!!! Boom boom!!

5) j s q d u a o t t (Google) - Incredible that someone should search for this, and I had to research it myself to realise why they ended up here whilst looking for it. Those are the letters of the final Countdown selection when Carol "thinking man's crumpet" Vordermann was "retired" from the show. For further information purposes..... and an extra nerd point.... both contestants formed the word "quotas".... Carol wept, and so did the nation when we were left with the annoying replacement, Rachel Riley.

6) do artic foxes use water for anything other than drinking (Google) - In short, yes. Cooking, bathing, washing the car, watering the garden, filling the birdbath.... you know, all the regular watery type stuff. PS: Pet hate - it's "arCtic", not "artic"!!!!!

7) concede a frame in "virtual pool" 3 (Google) - I played it a lot and would never concede a frame!! I don't think there's a quick key command that correlates to conceding a frame, and I can't find the instructions either.... you could look here though. The full instructions are here. The keyboard shortcuts are here.

8) hot water bottle tummy fetish (Google) - Say what now?

9) wallpaper girls (AltaVista) - I'm just amazed that anyone still uses altavista!! Just move across to Google and marvel at the results!!

10) haikus for arctic fox (Google) - I imagine you could give any haiku you like to an arctic fox. If, however, you were looking for haiku ABOUT arctic foxes, then they are few and far between.... My gift to you:

In winter, in white.
Changing coats with the season.
In summer, in blue.
(Arctic Fox May 2009)

2009-05-30T23:07:00.002+01:00

Gittin'

Gittin' back into the swing of blogging. Still to fix the music thing, but I'm pleased with the way my bowling cam has turned out.

It's been a scorching couple of days, and not really wanting to harp on about it too much (in true Brit style), I'd go as far as to say it's too hot for me!! Just kidding, but I DO love saying that to people when they indulge in weather chat.

I'm trying to play Pokemon on my Nintendo DS. I'm trying to watch Dexter series 3. I'm trying to rewatch all the Mitchell and Webb stuff that I have. I've got blisters on my feet from walking the Colne Valley Circular (12.5 miles) and one leg is still longer than the other from all those lopsided hill paths.

I've been dogsitting for Stevie the wonder dog while Dawn has a string of potential purchasers viewing her house. We've got along pretty well, but I do tend to overindulge her in dog treats - muesli bones..... marrowbone snacks..... and even some burnt baked beans (don't ask) - Dogs make great waste disposal systems, but apparently you're not supposed to give them grapes!?!?

Note to self: Must get a job.

2009-05-29T18:04:00.003+01:00

Only...

Just a two DAY absence this time.... beats the previous record of two months by a country mile!!

Been farting about with my crappy webcam, and have now managed, without the assistance of any crappy third party and their crappy free webspace, to get a bowling green webcam back up and running. Simple things and all that. There's possibly too much crap and farting in that last sentence to be very healthy really. I'm sure that Dr. John Harvey Kellogg would approve quite heartily.

My crappy webcam now has some unbeatable refresh rates.

Next thing to fix is the music......

I'm disappointed that nobody was arsed, or had a relevant sign-in ID to comment on my Scotland photos..... boo hoo..... Saying that, even when emailed to my relatives, they never even acknowledged that they had looked at the pictures either!! You have to wonder why you bother sometimes.

Cheerie-bye-the-noo.

2009-05-27T19:13:00.002+01:00

Ahem.

Well, you probably haven't even noticed, but I haven't been here for quite some time.

I haven't been doing all that much in the interim period, but I have been simply too busy doing nothing to get round to "tweaking" my blog.....

It all started when I cancelled my domains and then the picture links stopped working and so it goes on..... and before you know it there are so many little things that need looking at and fixing and generally pissing about with that I get overfaced and consequently..... do nothing!!

So now......

I've fixed my profile picture.... I've still to fix my crappy webcam, which will probably involve just deleting it........

I have managed to put a little photo gallery together of a recent trip that I went on to Scotland. You can view a slideshow of it here or jump directly to the photo album here.

2009-03-25T23:15:00.003Z

Following....

Following on from a spate of recent beer festival action that would make a Trappist Monk blush, I'm currently to be found engaged in the noble art of roofing.

I'm at my Aunty and Uncle's house near Lincoln, surrounded by fields and a veritable cornucopia of wildlife.

More to follow.

Fairly plain, but I think effective photograph of the road by Blackmoorfoot Reservoir. Possibly, in fact, an unnamed road!! Taking whilst walking there on Sunday or Monday... I'm old and I forget.

2009-03-12T19:27:00.004Z

Earwig.

Earwig oh again......

Here we go again .... geddit??

It's like a dingbat but more moronic.....

That's what you get when you get a drunken fox blog......

Yesterday's Examiner dingbat was:

O _ e r _ t _ o _

I came up with several ideas but the most serious one I could come up with was "painless operation" and if that's the case, whoever thinks these things up needs sacking!! Is "painless operation" a well known phrase or saying?? If so.... here is my response, in dingbat form:

abracadabra o_er_t_o_ not your posterior!!

Translated - spoiler (highlight it to see it): magic painless operation my arse!

Idiots.

The Old Ship Inn's first beer festival in Brighouse today... I'm glad to say that I made it there to sample their fine array of ales..... not all of them good, but then not all of them ordered by me.... miraculously - most of the ones I ordered were brilliant..... highlights:

Golcar - Dark Mild.
Elland - 1872 Porter.
Marble - Chocolate.
Marble - Ginger.
Brass Monkey - Silverback.
Brass Monkey - Monkey Pooh.

At a paltry two quid a pint on all the festival beers.... g'wan and fill thee boots.

Just a quick note to Emma - I love it when someone enjoys a punchline as much as I do..... magic cock my arse!!

I have lost count of the number of photos I've taken at Cupwith Reservoir, but here it is.... ANOTHER and one unlike any other.... melting snow and ice on some lovely colourful moss at the side of the water. Suck it up.

2009-03-10T11:59:00.004Z

By the light....

By the light of the silvery moon.

They don't half seem to come round fast, but it's full moon time again. I'm going to try and get out and do a bit of walking in the moonlight tonight, so if you're driving anywhere near Outlane, at about midnight, try not to run me over please.

Well, thanks to Tony... I've been tagged for a meme.... it's a nice easy one so bear with me.....

The Rules are such:

1) Put the link of the person who tagged you on your blog - Tony's blog - check!
2) Write the rules - you're already reading 'em - check!
3) Mention 6 things or habits of no real importance about you - see below - check!
4) Tag 6 persons adding their links directly - see below - check!
5) Alert the persons that you tagged them - check!

I laugh to myself as I nominate spice-the-cat; Rol; Worcester Dan; Maxxo; Yorkshire Pudding; Sophia

1= I often kiss or lick useful pieces of technology (cables; computers; phones; televisions; all fall under this heading).

2= I don't have a favourite colour or a lucky number.

3= I have no pets.

4= I love beer and I love cheese but I'm not that keen on tomatoes.

5= I watch too many "antiques" shows (Bargain Hunt; Dickinson's Real Deal; Antiques Roadshow; Cash in the Attic; all fall under this heading).

6= My eyes are a bit rubbish and I couldn't even tell you what colour they are.

Tada!!

I did promise to post my better snowdrop picture at some point.... and here it is!! I think this is a nice sense of spring.... Wish I'd tidied up the frame a bit.... picked up a bit of the dead twigs and stuff that are lying about in it. Oakwell Hall photography class on the 28th February.

2009-03-08T22:06:00.004Z

Starting....

I'm starting to annoy myself.

Firstly, I'm beginning to think my house may be haunted. Strange bumps, creaks, moans and groans abound in this place. Sitting on the sofa tonight it actually felt like an animal of some sort jumped up on the sofa and sat beside me.... I don't believe in ghosts..... this is an old house though and the more time I spend here, the more it takes on its own character.

Secondly, I can't stop slaying zombies!!

Having recently (Thanks to Al) got my Nintendo Wii "chipped" with a Wiikey V2 - I've discovered a whole raft of new games to play.... for the most part I'm desperately trying to scramble over the finishing line of Resident Evil 4. Other titles that are gracing my living room are "Onechanbara - Bikini Zombie Slayers" and "Dead Rising - Chop Till You Drop" - I frequently dream about being a Japanese schoolgirl armed with a samurai sword and whipping the heads off people out walking in the park.

Just in case I might tire of zombie slaying or go a bit too psychopathic..... I've lined up Rapala's Fishing Frenzy (I bloody love a good fishing game), Samba De Amigo (a game that allows you to skillfully follow the career path of the maraca shaking Bez from the happy Mondays), and last but not least Tiger Woods 09 (web enabled multiplayer golf game).

Between the Wii and my laptop-enabled TV for watching movies (via that lovely 2m (6ft) Atlona VGA to RGBHV (BNC/RCA) breakout HDTV cable from San Jose) and sorting out all my photographs and files and managing the bloody computers that house everything.... well, it's almost a full time job aint it??

Getting a good photo on the canal is literally like "shooting fish in a barrel" or indeed relates firmly to "sitting ducks". I just liked this photo.... looks like the duck's actually laughing at us. You decide.

2009-03-04T13:36:00.005Z

Refreshing change.

It's not often I blow someone else's trumpet. I make an odd exception today.

Today marks the launch of a new website called Freeze Frame. It's a collection of digitised images of polar expeditions between 1845-1982. Some of the images are so rare (on glass plate negatives for example, and purchased with a lottery grant to preserve them) that we would otherwise never get to see them.

There are some great pictures on there and it's a great archive of historic images - some great images from the Scott expeditions. As you can imagine, on the day of launch, it's very difficult to get anywhere near the website.... I'm sure it'll settle down and we'll all get to view these great images.

Go and have a look for yourself, but don't get too frustrated with the speed of it!!

As for me.... well I've been out with my own camera (again) and taken some almost "passable" shots today... a good thing.

One of two.... a snowdrop shot from the recent photography class that I went to. This is the image that was billed as the "snowdrop shot of the day". I quite like it, but there's a little bit of fault in the focus to my eyes.... Personally I prefer the second shot of the two, which you'll see at some point soon. Spring springing.

2009-03-01T18:00:00.004Z

Bloody Sunday.

A depressing day is Sunday. I used to think it was a depressing day because it's the weekend wind-down back into work mode, but as I currently don't work, then that can't be the case. What a crappy day it is.

For some reason, my blogger wasn't working today.... and that's annoyed me a bit.

Just stopping by to give a list of things I've been watching lately.....

Currently viewing: Prisoner Cell Block H season 1 - A great Antipodean blast from the past. Actually I noticed that the date stamp on the episodes is 1979 which of course makes it thirty years old. I bloody love it.... Vinegar tits, Lizzie Birdsworth, Bea, Doreen and the gang..... Fabulous and stands the test of time, despite the wobbly walls and decidedly dodgy wallpaper!!

Recently viewed: Early Doors - Seasons 1 & 2 - A not very widely viewed comedy when it first aired. I think it was during my "quiz night" period with spice-the-cat and Lenny..... it's fabulously funny, dry, grim, and extremely northern!!

Currently viewing: The Complete Goofy 1939 - 1961 - Worth watching just for the Motor Mania episode featuring the Jekyll and Hide type Mister Walker and Mister Wheeler characters.

Cued up for viewing: Futurama - Bender's Game; Futurama - Into the Wild Green Yonder.

Recently viewed: Extras seasons 1 & 2 - Extremely rib tickling Ricky Gervais and Steven Merchant (who I actually prefer to Ricky Gervais) Bafta award winning sitcom - it ticks all the boxes before you even start watching and continues to do so all the way to the end - I (guiltily) managed to get through the 12 episodes over two days.

Recently viewed: Lipstick on Your Collar - Ewan McGregor's first "major" role in this Dennis Potter made-for-tv suez crisis based war office serial. I can imagine you've already switched over by now.... but stick with it.... I remembered it from being on the tellybox in 1993 and decided to look it up again - I'm not sorry I did. Quirky and pretty unpredictable rock-n-roll extravaganza.

Don't feed the animals - they'll end up stuffed!! A distant cousin on the recent photography course.

2009-02-28T18:10:00.003Z

Excuses.

This blog entry is just an excuse for me to imitate Ron Jeremy and to blow my own trumpet a little. But then if I can't blow my own trumpet on my own blog, I'd like to know where else I might go to do it.

I've been on a "digital photography for beginners" course at Oakwell Hall near Birstall.

Now, based on the fact that I provide a digital photograph on my blog almost every day..... you might be wondering why I am going to a beginners class.... I must admit, I asked myself the same question.

It;s difficult sometimes to judge your own level of something. Alright, so I know I take lots of pictures, and I know that ninety nine percent of them never see the light of day, but it's all guesswork..... Sometimes it works for me and sometimes it doesn't.

Time to get back to basics.

Glad I went actually..... It's been a good day..... I think I've gained a little knowledge and a little confidence out of it....

The proof of the pudding, is of course, in the eating, and the photos I've taken today have actually been slightly better than my usual bunch.

A good source of inspiration.

Now, everyone today took photos of the snowdrops. I took snowdrop photos too. The course instructor admitted that he thought mine were the best ones.... and so, I give to you.... some blossom in a tree.... I don't even know what sort of blossom it is.... nice bokkeh though. I've booked on the next course that takes us a bit further into manual camera settings.

2009-02-27T12:03:00.005Z

Stripped and ready for action.

That's the current state my Nintendo Wii is in..... Just waiting for the solder meister to put his electrostatic discharged wellies on and head on over with his wheels of flux cored lead.

What this means, is that I have taken a deep breath and pulled apart my lovely Nintendo using lots of brute ignorance and triwing screwdriverness. It looks a damn sight sorrier than it did half an hour ago!!

I am sure everyone will be able to imagine the VERY harassed fox when it comes time to put it back together!!

Other things that are pissing me off include.....

B&Q for generally not stocking any equipment for working on anything smaller than a patio or a radiator.

My eyes.... failing, and generally rubbish at doing things smaller than patios or radiators.

The Slanket!!! Not just the concept of a blanket with sleeves that I find annoying, nor is it the couch potatoes that might use them that annoy me.... I find the idea of inventing a word to describe a product, to be quite simply, sickening. In defence of the marketing team, I DO appreciate that they've identified their target market quite well......

QUOTE:
Traditional blankets have one downfall - you have to keep popping your arms in and out from under the blanket when you want to do something... what a chore!

This ingenious invention frees up your arms so you can keep all warm and snug as you do important stuff - like reaching for the remote control... or ordering a pizza on the phone.
END QUOTE.

Apparently blankets have a downfall have they?? Why didn't anyone tell me this before?

What a chore!! I have to keep moving my arms now to do things.... oh, the humanity.

Important things like reaching the remote control, or ordering a pizza.... I think we know where this is going....

The lightbulb goes on!

How about one with a colostomy bag pocket in it so you never need to leave the sofa again?

Slanket? It's a right load of fullocks!!

Sixteen screws, six rubber sticky feet and pads, eight parts, three cables, ten fat fingers and two cheap screwdrivers.... that's all it takes. Mix them all nicely with one lovely nylon electrostatically charged rug, and you've got a nice white lump of useless plastic..... time will tell.

2009-02-24T10:10:00.005Z

My little stick....

With my little stick of Geekpool rock (to be sung in a George Formby stylee).

I am reassured this week that I am still (despite my attempts to become a tree hugging, earth mother) a confirmed geek, and the lettering runs through my core, so whichever way up you choose to view me, you should still be able to read it (although in theory from underneath it would say "keeg" but mirrored??).

I refer of course to my love of technology.

I found myself ordering, receiving and subsequently curled up on the settee hugging and kissing an RGBH/V Dsub to BNC/RCA cable. My only regret is that I wish it were slightly longer, but in the world of American cablery, beggars can't be choosers.... it's lovely and gold plated and that!!

I've order a 3.5mm to phono cable, and am actually excited about it arriving.

I've ordered a Wiikey V2 chip for my Nintendo Wii - Having finally managed to sort out the Nintendo DS, I now feel I have the courage to strip down the somewhat larger white games box and get my hands on some of that free game love.

My only bit of misguided tom-geekery this week was purchasing a database book which actually spends more time explaining how to open files in windows (Windows Vista I hasten to add, and I am still only on XP after my recent laptop disaster) than it does about how to construct a database.... Access databases are my weakest of the martial arts of Office-jitsu.

Mmmmm Marmite and cables everywhere......

A really great Ozzy Osbourne toy that I picked up for forty-nine pence.... includes remote control!! I can't find batteries small enough to fit the remote yet though!!

2009-02-22T11:11:00.005Z

About turn.

Blog entry take two.

Having previously decided to blog about a successful purchase of Marmite - a measly 250g jar which worked out cheaper than any of the other sizes, larger ones included.... I've changed my mind, and that's my frikking perogative, so back off!!

It's Nintendo DS time.

Having spent approximately six hours swapping the case, only to fail at the final hurdle by snapping the power switch...... that's where I left off. I had been quoted thirty quids to repair it....

Having shopped around, I managed to buy a couple (one for emergencies/disasters) of said power switches from a company in Leeds for just ninety eight pence each.... yes that's nine-eight 98 whole pence!!

Good old RBK came round and desoldered the old switch and soldered on a new one for me - cheers Rich - GREATLY appreciated - some people have skills and although they don't prize them very highly, others certainly do.

I put the whole thing back together and settled down tonight to stick on the rubber feet and screw covers and all those other bollocksy bits that finish the job. The rubber feet weren't self adhesive so I superglued 'em on for good luck...... can you guess what happens next??

I turn on the completely reassembled machine and the top screen is blank.

Back to the drawing board - screw heads are starting to strip away and rubber feet are now cut out and thrown in the bin - back to the fiddly gold connector ribbon and it's working again.... reassembly - seriously those screws won't take another undoing....

Hey presto - a bit of bodging and lots of determination and assistance into the bargain and:

Before - all set out for a very organised afternoon. When the switch snapped it all ended up being chucked into a bag and the screws got mixed up and.... well you know how it goes.... everything I touch turns to shite!!

During - A picture I took during the operation - this one was supposed to help me remember the wire routings. See the little black wire that runs under that big silver block thing..... oh my.... it nearly didn't get reconnected. Also spot my Hong Kong screwdriver propping it all up.

After - Sexy metallic red - all revved up and ready to go.... if I can just finish this effing blog then I might be able to play some!!

2009-02-18T20:06:00.004Z

Notable.

Notable by their absences today are:

Large jar of Marmite.

A new broom head.

A rat poison bait box.

Peanut Butter.

Microsoft Autoroute.

Memory Map navigation software.

It's funny how such a random list of unconnected items can all be united by the very fact that I have noticed the lack of them all on this very day.

I have tried to resolve some of these shortcomings, and am afraid to say that the only ones I have satisfied are those that relate to computer software.

Geek I am.

Marmite on toast I am not.

Here (for your enjoyment) is a scaled down version of the faulty Nelson's Column print. I've stuck a couple of vertizontal bars over the top to give you the exact scale of my error. I put this failing down to all those hours spent running round the moors hunting for magic mushrooms - It's simply resulted in the Pole Moor condition of having one leg slightly longer than the other. I estimate (and usually correct with) a measurement of 2 degree rotation.

2009-02-16T21:00:00.005Z

Straightening it out.

Well, my laptop died and for the best part of two days I tried to revive it. Eventually, against my better judgement (as is always the case in the untimely death of a computer) I decided to start from scratch - formatted and installed a brand, spanky, fancy, clean, new operating system, which is about as brand, spanky, fancy, clean and new as any Microsoft operating system could be... which isn't very!!

I'm back, of a fashion.

One good thing to come out of the recent laptop related disaster is that I've now installed a new art package (the newest version - obviously illegally downloaded and hacked, cracked and packed) which is a more up-to-date version of the package I used to use. The most immediate thing I notice is that there is now a "straighten photo" option - I've tried it and it's very good. Hopefully I will be able to combat my patented two degree slant on all my photos now!!!

They say every cloud has a silver lining.....

They also say that it's an ill wind that blows no good......

They can't both be right!!

Well, an old photo from a trip to London that we took some time last year. Nelson's column was so badly tilted that this photo was never likely to see the light of day - well I couldn't be bothered to manually rotate the thing and then crop out the picture and so on, to get rid of the white corners that creep in whilst rotating. So here it is - my perfectly straightened column for you all to feast your eyes upon.

2009-02-13T20:29:00.001Z

Double blow

bloody technology - now my laptop is cream crackered as well.
Not sure how many blog entries I can manage through the discomfort of my wiimote!!

rbk - drop me an email to wevzyboy_@_msn_._com (remove the undie-scores)

2009-02-11T22:11:00.006Z

Big moon.... big moon.....

Large moon (almost full) rises over a thawing horizon. No, wait, it's a freezing horizon... now it's a snowing horizon.... now it's a raining horizon......

Large moon skips and rises over an indecisive horizon.

I'm a bit whizzed off....

Dawn's now got the flu that I had and I hate it when I can't make things better for her.

I've been looking (in vain) for a contraption that allows me to cover the bath taps with some sort of bath pillow device. Let's call it a green initiative, but sharing a bath is good for the environment, and I'm fed up of burning my back on one side from the hot tap and freezing the other side from the cold tap...... and not being able to relax or lean back anywhere....

Seems like a fairly simple idea......

Perhaps I should take up sewing and set up a business.... anyone interested in a patented foxy tap cover?? Available in the exact colour of orange of your dreams.

In other news..... the screwdrivers I was waiting for from Hong Kong have arrived.... my Nintendo DS now requires professional attention to the tune of thirty quid to repair the damage I have inflicted on it!!

Can you imagine after approximately six hours of open heart surgery - fitting the final piece back onto my Nintendo..... thwarted by the snapping of this tiny piece of plastic!! The air was blue.... as you can well imagine. The little piece of plastic you can see is actually part of the power switch - I can buy a new switch unti for three quid but I cant solder things that small..... thirty quid to get it done.... I'm gutted.

2009-02-09T20:21:00.004Z

On t'up.

Seems my man flu has finally turned the corner and begun to eff off. I'm now left with a slightly charred bronchial effect that goes nicely with the curtains.

Bloody weather isn't helping things.... one minute it's freezing cold... the next it's sunny and snow melty and wet..... right now, when I should be out doing my Julie Andrews impersonation, singing "The hills are alive with the sound of badgers" across the fields of Nettleton Hill whilst adoring a beautiful full moon, we are (predictably) treated to fog and vertizontal sleet whipping up New Hey Road.

My gob's all chapped and I've borrowed Dawn's inhaler, so let's hope things get better soon.

Still waiting for my tri-wing screwdriver to arrive from Hong Kong so that I can finally kill my Nintendo DS whilst pretending to be fixing it. I DID get a package from Hong Kong today which turns out to be something else for the DS but it's a bit crap until I get the case swapped out.

One advantage of the recent snow is that a pied wagtail has found its way into my garden every day. Unfortunately this picture was taken through some really mucky windows in my kitchen and was a bit zoomed in, so naturally it's not the best quality. S'a lovely likkle bird though. Having spent a great deal of time and effort keeping the feathered friends fed and watered in this recent white spell, I can say it's been very rewarding to see all the action on and around the feeders.

2009-02-05T23:59:00.002Z

What goes.....

White, red, blue, red, white???

Answer: Me, in the snow, walking, and then catching man flu!!

I'm officially dying of man flu.

My lungs feel like I have started smoking again.... my temperature is all over the place.... I have the most feeble broken glass cough..... sleep pattern's gone to the dogs..... can't even raise the enthusiasm to stay awake long enough to watch a film (that being said, I've managed to watch (with some cunning rewinding over the bits I fell asleep in) Horton Hears a Who (very good); Bee Movie (Very poor); and Ratatouille (OK)) = lovely nested parentheses!!

On the plus side of being so desperately ill, I've managed to spend some time organising the mountains of digital media that I manage to accumulate in such a haphazard fashion. Electronic spring cleaning, you can't beat it!!

Early morning New Hey Road - This was Tuesday morning, but it's a shot I like. The streetlight phosphor orange glow is quite tasty.

2009-02-03T18:58:00.004Z

Depends.

It all depends on your perspective. Like Charlie Dickens once wrote - "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times".

And so it comes to pass that, what has been billed as the heaviest snowfall in nearly twenty years, has divided us into two distinct camps.....

For me, personally, I'm loving every minute of it - right up to the point where I am so run-down that my complexion has gone to pieces and I'm starting with a flu. I managed to walk six or seven miles today, and it was bloody hard, hot, sweaty, clammy work.

The other side of the coin is that I've never seen so many schools closed. I've never known anyone's work to be closed before (like Dawn's was today). It was good to see all the kids out sledging and enjoying themselves, but somewhere underneath it all, someone has claimed that the two days of disruption have cost the nation more than three and a half billion quid!!

The red ball rising over the Colne Valley - If you look real careful, you can just see Castle Hill on the extreme left horizon. A great walk and a lovely sunrise this morning.

2009-02-02T19:49:00.003Z

Bolder....

... and decidedly colder.

Snow came.... and then some more.... and then some more.... and another foot of snow is forecast for this evening.... hooray!!

I know if you've got kids that need to get to a school that's been closed, or if you need to brave the M62 to fight your way to work, that this weather might not be too thrilling..... I don't, and it is.

Today was a great chance to test my full winter outfit. Hat, gloves, buff, coat, boots, gaiters, thermals..... fully kitted for a walk to Dawn's house. By the time I got there, the sweat was dripping off me...... I think I might have gone a bit overboard - I'm possibly ready for an arctic expedition rather than a five mile walk!!

Turley Cote Lane between Outlane and Old Lindley. A favourite local walking spot en route to Dawn's house.... Despite the greyness of the photo, this was taken at about noon, today, and about two minutes before the blizzard descended and I couldn't see where I was going!! Boots fully blooded by virtue of going nearly shin deep in mud.

2009-02-01T17:34:00.004Z

Christened.

We finally got around to christening our new walking boots today. Having worn them around the house for a few hours, they were itching to get some mud on them, and that's just what they got.

Be careful what you wish for.

A loop around Scammonden Dam and Deanhead Reservoir, on a cold and frosty morning, where the mud was tempered slightly by only a thin icy crust. Probably the best part of four or five miles. It WAS trying to snow, and the wind was icy cold. We were so weatherproofed that it made for a slightly slower walking pace, but that suited our new "bombproof" heavy mountain boots!!

The dog didn't mind the cold, and managed to brave the icy black waters along the way, several times!! Brrrr.

I'm so lucky to have someone like Dawn to go walking with.

I MUST keep walking - my feet are in such bad shape, and I am praying that I can walk them back to life.... hoping also that the boots will hold the mangled bones together in the process. I have a fancy idea that I'd like to walk up Ben Nevis in September, so watch this space.

There is now another layer of snow outside!! Apparently it came from Russia?!? It certainly makes a change to see the snow blowing to the west along New Hey Road.

Admittedly (due to my lazy approach to image storage) this photo is from the walk last weekend. As a spice-the-cat homage - Canada geese on the canal near Cellars Clough Mill.

2009-01-29T20:01:00.003Z

Patience!!

I am not a patient person...

The above statement suitably encapsulates the feeling of severe despair that is currently hanging over my head like a big grey cloud, brought on by the disintegration of my Nintendo DS.

New parts ordered.

New parts arrived.

Tri-wing screwdriver...... of course missed off my original order.

In a concerted effort to get my project underway - immediately - I set off to find a suitable screwdriver....

DIY store in Marsh - never heard of them.

B&Q in town - "Have you tried Screwfix Direct?"

Screwfix direct - Confirm for me that they are indeed called tri-wing screwdrivers but don't have one.

End of the line......

Back to the internet shopping.....

Choice 1 : $1 but comes from Hong Kong with free postage 10 -12 working days?.....

Choice 2: Same place I got the case from - £6 + £2.50 postage - 1 -2 days.....

Normally I'd have gone for the fastest. Call it credit crunch, or a lesson in patience and thrift, but I went for the cheap Hong Kong one!!

I miss my Nintendo.

Smashed.... bloody design faults!!! Cue weeping fox.

2009-01-28T11:05:00.004Z

What a difference...

... a week (and a bit) makes!

A week punctuated sparingly with medium jinx.

Highlights (and lowlights) have included:

My Nintendo DS falling in half - played to death, RIP little buddy.

New walking boots finally purchased, arrived, and totally loved.

Cooking a good curry (low fat, meat free, slimming world friendly) for the lovely Dawn.

Getting my car MOT'ed (not by my usual choice of the Honda dealer - the credit crunch is upon us - sorry, "global economic downturn").

Walking through Merrydale (above Slawit) with a pair of stupid dogs, and finding the last of last week's snow hiding under a wall at Cop Hill (see picture).

Beer - The King's Head in town is rapidly becoming one of my chosen few, purely for their beer - certainly not for the ambiance!!

Gardening.

Mario Kart Wii - finally smashing the time trial records and unlocking the last few elements of the game - right down to the point where there is just one record that remains..... untouchable thus far!!

Celebrity Big Brother final - Abject disappointment - Despite myself, I wanted Terry Christian, Verne Troyer or Coolio to win...... defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory, and for some strange, unsavoury reason, Ulrika "bloody" Jonsson won it!! Who saw that one coming??

The memory fades beyond that lot.....

A veritable small continent of snow nestled in the bilberry bushes above Marsden. Freezing cold winds whistle across Cop Hill. Hats pulled down hard, in direct contrast to the still, breathless, sticky climb up Merrydale packhorse road that led us here.

2009-01-19T19:01:00.004Z

Cool, wet grass.

Apparently, or so I am led to believe.... Monday the 19th of January is the most depressing day of the year.

As for me, well it's been a pretty good day.

Apparently, or so I am led to believe.... the fire walker's mantra is "cool, wet grass.... cool, wet grass...." - We've got no shortage of cool, wet grass today. It's been snowing, and it's come damn cold again.... scuppering my walking plans along the way. If I could figure out how to get my "bowling cam" back up and running then I wouldn't have to write weather blogs all the time!!

Love me, love my canal. Anyone who knows me or knows the canal between Marsden and Slawit, will know this particular stretch very well indeed. It's a place I pass often whilst walking and it's also the most photogenic part of the route.... the light was lovely on this day when the canal was frozen over.

2009-01-15T09:26:00.003Z

Peril.

The perils of pressing shift-delete.

For those of you that don't already know, you can avoid your files making their final shuffle into the Recycle Bin by holding down the shift key while you press the delete key. This deletes the files instantly, thus bypassing the security net of the bin.

For those that don't know, I've spent 310 hours playing Pokemon Diamond (since October 18th to this morning). It's been a real labour of love and my creatures were just starting to really like me... I mean REALLY like me!!

For those that don't know - I am a complete idiot and accidentally shift-deleted both the Pokemon game and my progress save file.

D'OH!

2009-01-13T17:13:00.007Z

Struggle.....

I ALWAYS say I should never drink and blog.....

I ALWAYS find material that I consider to be bloggable whilst drinking.......

Quandary.....

Is it the fact that I am drinking that makes life more bloggable, or is it that drinking makes me more perceptive to bloggable material..... or is it, as I suspect, that drinking simply makes me consider the mundane to be hilarious blog matter?

Cases in question.....

Drinking in the Jug and Bottle AKA "Drug and Brothel" with the rastas trying to sell me weed - I thought he said "do you want a wee?" to which I replied.... "No I'm off for a shit!!" - only joking!!

A young girl on the back seat of the bus, perturbed that I dare to sit there, moves her sprawled legs from the seat and proceeds to pretend that the bus is her office and her friends are her business clients on her mobile phone - "and if Jody asks, tell her I arranged it last Saturday and I didn't tell you 'til today!!" thereby incriminating her accomplices in the lie. I did particularly enjoy the ten minutes she spent pressing buttons and pretending to be texting or doing something with her phone when nobody was bothered about her.

Watching a young lady flicking through a book of guitar tabulations.... she was reading the classic Oasis hit - Don't look back in anger ..... she then flicked through to Simon and Garfunkel's Bridge over troubled waters - as she closed the book, I noticed, with immense kudos, that she was reading "Ukelele Chart Hits".........

Judge for yassen!!

Although this duck appeared outside the Riverhead in Marsden, my mum swears blind she saw it in Slawit..... I think it was a cuckoo!!!

2009-01-06T19:07:00.004Z

C C C C Cold......

Apparently, and these are not my words, but apparently last night was the coldest night in Yorkshire.... ever, or at least since the recording of data was established, a trifling forty some years ago. Ironically, I couldn't tell you what that temperature was!!

Crisp day, crunchy, a bit frosty, a bit snowy, very icy.

Went for a walk down the canal from Slawit to Marsden.... Mum's just started walking as a new year resolution, so given the tricky conditions underfoot and inadequate walking equipment we did quite well to make it to the Riverhead public house for a stunning pint of American Pale Ale with its staggeringly good alcohol level - a fitting reward for the journey.

Spent the rest of the afternoon taking care of those twelfth night logistics.... ripping up christmas cards and burning down the christmas decorations..... saves on the loft space!!!

Self portrait at Scapegoat Hill!!

2009-01-05T23:59:00.002Z

Rather randomly....

... and even more trivially......

Whilst catching up on some Pogo badges in "Trivial Pursuit Daily", I have come across some interesting but entirely useless information....

Hitler's favourite film was King Kong.

Winston Churchill smoked two cigars a day.

The kookaburra is the largest of all the kingfishers.

150 years ago, Reuters began as a line of carrier pigeons, carrying banking information between Aachen and Brussels (a two hour flight).

Orville Wright flew for 43 years without a pilot's licence.

Go figure...... It snowed last night and it's bloody cold now - The peak temperature for the rest of the whole week is four degrees (C)!!!

2009-01-04T19:44:00.003Z

Magnetic.

It's been said that I have a magnetic personality.... not just any old magnetic personality, but a very special one that only attracts bloody weirdos!! Case in question, in the time it took Dawn to pay a little visit to the ladies' room, I'd attracted conversation with three Belgian beer fans, one of whom proceeded to tell me about the specific dose of antibiotics it had taken to clear up a leg infection he contracted whist swimming in Samoa!?!?! Try as I might, I simply could not get out of the door fast enough....

Anyhoo.....

Managed to get out walking today, and that's something that pleases me very much. We walked a section of the Pennine Way up to Black Moss Reservoir and back down into Marsden. It was so cold out there on top of the moors that we actually managed to walk out onto the surface of the frozen Black Moss itself - Don't try this at home, we're both highly trained idiots, and the dog looked funny skidding about out there!!!

A few weeks ago, sitting stupidly, as I so often do, on the floor, with my feet and legs screwed up underneath me...... The upshot of this is that my feet end up going completely dead.... When I stood up and walked, my foot sort of folded up beneath me so that instead of pointing forwards, it pointed backwards, with the sole facing up....... ouch!

I am sure I've broken something, and today's walk has highlighted this very fact. Like a typical bloke, rather that going to a doctor or hospital casualty department, I'll try and walk it off!!

2009-01-02T17:16:00.004Z

Warming up.

Well the thaw has arrived and the sun's been out. Everything back to normal.... or is it?? I've still got roses that are blooming in my garden and the frost certainly hasn't stopped their unseasonal display!!

They say simple thing please simple minds, and if that's the case then I must be very stupid.... case in question:

Whilst playing Tiger Woods 2008 on my Wii today, I suddenly found myself laughing out loud as the commentator announced "Aphrodite Papadapolus looking for a birdie". It's most certainly not the kind of sentence that you hear uttered every day. Suffice to say I eventually won the tournament and had the last laugh as I was declared player of the month!!

I need a life/beer (delete as applicable).

2009-01-01T11:11:00.002Z

Cold....

It's so cold (by dear old Blighty standards at least). Yesterday, for the first time ever, I witnessed freezing fog. A veil of icing sugar drifted down across the misty slopes of Huddersfield for the entire day. On the local weather last night I heard that the peak temperature during the day had been a chilling minus four degrees (centigrade) which is fairly rare in this place!!

Dry cold is nicer than wet cold, and cold weather is not so bad when your central heating is working and you've just gotten shut of a nasty strain of flu. All this being said, I enjoy the scenery when it's all coated with a deep, hard frost.

As for the rest of it, we went and got a bit pickled at the faithful Barge and Barrel - I was drinking a couple of really excellent beers - Phoenix's Black Bee and Durham's White Amarillo - very nice indeed - Dawn managed to stay off the cider bus for a night and got a bit merry on Leffe (a giant killer of a brew!!). We came home for just after 11 o' clock and I cooked a few snacks and we saw the new year in with a cuppa and a game on the Wii.

White rabbits..... pinch and a punch..... happy new year...... apparently Alaska and Hawaii are the last to experience the turning of the page? correct me if I'm wrong.

2008-12-30T17:31:00.002Z

Are we there yet?

Almost done.... just the piffling matter of New Year's Eve to get out of the way and soon, very soon, things can start to get back to normal.

So what's been occurring?

Christmas - spent recovering from flu. Had a few beers (on my own - not something I do very often) at the excellent Drop Inn in Elland - Treacle Stout makes for a great chrimbo tipple. The rest of the day I spent cooking up a storm for my own christmas dinner - A fake chicken roast thing, a sublime cauliflower cheese, cabbage, carrots, roast potatoes, stuffing, gravy, honey roast parsnips and the obligatory brussel sprouts - I am still trying to work out why my folks are so fixated with people eating or not eating brussel sprouts - I know my mum doesn't like pineapple so why would I force her (under peer pressure) to eat it?

Fell asleep in the afternoon with a bottle of excellent Leeds Pale Ale in my hand.

As for christmas gifts.... I wonder why I bother!! Dawn and I both agreed to only spend a tenner on each other and that worked quite well..... I got a keyring, a Woman's weekly cook book and a cowboy story (possibly the most costly postage of tat ever???) from the Australian relatives - A DVD from Dawn's kids..... Socks from my Aunty Jan..... chocolate coins, socks, liqueur chocolates and some love hearts from mum (presumably they ventured no further than Slaithwaite chocolate shop) and that's it!!

My flu has finally effed off..... Good old Cock o' the North have had a beer festival..... been for a walk around Scammonden Dam......

Much ado about naff all!!

2008-12-24T17:52:00.004Z

Quickie.

Hello world.

I am alive.... just.... battling the flu!!

My boiler is fixed.... slurp.... now for a hot... cold... hot... cold.... feverish christmas!!

2008-12-14T20:28:00.004Z

Shopping.

Well, I've sort of knuckled down to some serious christmas shopping. I always find the task very depressing.

I hate crowds of people that amble along with no sense of purpose or intent, like zombies in the shopping mall of a George A. Romero flick.

I hate buying things for people based on the fact that it's bad form not to, even when you know that in a couple of weeks time you could get twice as much "crud" for your money.

I'm not religious in any way, shape or form, and even if I was then I'm unsure that christmas shopping would form any part of my beliefs.

I hate seeing the same old crap that was on display at this time last year being wheeled back out onto the shelves for us to have another crack at.

Christmas socks, mugs, hats, shirts, cardigans, jumpers, decorations, in fact anything christmas "branded" that will never see the light of day until the same time next year.

I always see loads of stuff that I'd want to buy for myself, but I know nobody else will see those things and unless I DO buy them for myself, then I'll never receive them (examples of this, today, were: Electric toothbrush heads; Deodorant; Clothes; Shoes; Walking boots).

Even a dose of Michael Caine in Muppet Christmas Carol has failed to thaw my icy mood.

HUMBUGGERY!!

Not a great photo, but a nice example of a spider in my living room. I love spiders because they eat flies.... and I HATE flies!! There are also some good examples of dust bunnies in this photo, the kind that blow across my floor like tumbleweeds in Dead Man's Gulch.

2008-12-12T17:02:00.005Z

JSQDUAOTT.

I'm upset.

I'm not sure what upsets me more:

The fact that, after twenty six years uninterrupted service, Carol Vorderman, the thinking man's crumpet and all round letters and numbers queen, has been forced to step down from her job on the popular, old ladies' favourite game show - Countdown.

Or.....

The fact that I can only make a six letter word out of the final letters selection of the final game.... I'd have liked to send Carol off with a nine letter salute at least, but ADJUST will have to do.

At tea time tonight, Des O'Connor and Carol Vorderman aired their final show. A sad time for telly, and me. The early evening slot will never be the same again.

RIP Countdown. God bless Carol Vorderman and all those that sail in her.

Proof indeed that the old ones are the best. A dog just after it had fallen in, crossing the famous stepping stones at Bolton Abbey, during warmer sunnier months, earlier this year. I watched this dog all the way across, it struggled to reach across some of the gaps, but it didn't panic as much as Dawn did when it was her time to cross. I kinda like the rippled reflections on this one and the skinny wet dog's legs.

Let me just say: With reference to tonight's full moon..... Let someone else say it, but DO take a look here.

2008-12-10T23:59:00.005Z

Dark night.

It's a dark night, and a good night to watch the Dark Knight.....

I've been up to my elbows in films again. Spent a bit of time watching some old black and whites, watched a few episodes of John Shuttleworth's 500 Bus Stops, and crowned it all off with a viewing of the Dark Knight movie.... the one with Heath Ledger as a crazy arsed Joker and Christian Bale as a Batman with a Samuel Tweetesque speech impediment!!?? (anyone remember Thamuel Thweeth?)

At two and a half hours long it's a bit beyond my standard concentration levels and there were a couple of moments where I felt it was going on a bit but I stuck it out and thought it was a good film, albeit quite brutal and much too harsh for the younger eyes that I might have liked to lend it to under normal circumstances.

As for the rest of the day..... well.... gas fires were quite important..... Pictureka (a game like "Where's Wally") played a large part.... waiting in my car playing Pokemon while my mum attended various health centres..... ginger wine.... parkin pigs..... cherry scones..... usual stuff.

Perhaps I've got room for a beer tomorrow?

Perplexing: 3:38pm (last Saturday afternoon) in Albert Square..... I thought it was Coronation Street in Manchester, not Eastenders!! A very busy European Christmas Market and a giant illuminated santa.... what more could you ask for? The more eagle eyed amongst you may spot Sally Webster wandering about like she's just been discharged from a mental hospital complete with straightjacket (or perhaps you won't?)!! I might be wrong about this being Albert Square.... Sally Webster may not be in this picture.... I've still got that one-leg-shorter-than-the-other trademark tilt!!

2008-12-08T23:03:00.004Z

Never return.

Never return to a firework that's gone out. Even if the firework never properly ignited, it's not the best solution to go and stick your eye over the top of it to see what happened. We all learn these little rules of life, and they go along just fine until......

Even a broken boiler can burn you.

Having thwarted my usual boiler repair man and having soured our relationship by him having to back away from the deal seriously out of pocket..... I contacted the boiler manufacturer......

Here follows their reply:

As your appliance is now out of warranty, should you wish for our engineer to visit your property, we can do so for a fixed charge of £215 which includes most parts, labour and VAT. The only parts not included in this fixed price are the heat exchangers and expansion vessel, therefore should we find that any of these parts are required, our engineer will quote separately on site for the completion of the repair.

I would advise however that we do reserve the right to charge an abortive call out fee of £82.25, should our engineer be unable to gain access to the appliance, where parking is not available, where the appliance is deemed beyond economical repair or find the fault to be external to the appliance. This may also apply if the visit is cancelled by yourself with less than 24 hours notice.

Ouch..... burned again. What happened to my eyebrows??

My recent trip to Manchester. Not only did Sally Webster from Coronation Street try to buy some amaryllis bulbs from me in the market, but my good friend Shaun Ryder bought me a pint in the Marble Arch. If you look carefully you might just spot the lovely ~~Wally~~ Dawn in this picture.... Sally Webster's phone number goes to the first correct guess.

2008-12-07T17:13:00.005Z

The boiler man cometh.....

... and invariably he faileth to fixeth my boiler.

The boiler repair man has suffered a severe defeat at the hands of my obsolete Gloworm Fuelsaver F 55F broken down machine. Parts were replaced, earths were restrapped, connections remade, circuits tested, voltages measured..... we even tried turning it off and on again!! For all intents and purpose, the boiler should be working... it goes through its routine and the final step is the spark which ignites it... and that's where it fails.... all other preliminary stages are present and correct.

Upshot, it's still f-f-f-freezing.... my boiler repairman has suffered a devastating cost in spare parts which he can't return or charge for.... I think it's new boiler time..... insert groan here.

We are all very disappointed but only one of us is cold.

Manchester Eye and the Arndale Centre - After a few beers and a trawl around the festive markets in the city centre on Saturday afternoon and evening. Spent some time in the Marble Arch (my first but not last visit there) and the Briton's Protection (where I struggled to get through a very fine pint of "hung, drawn and portered").

2008-12-03T00:12:00.004Z

Jack Frost.

Man, it's officially VERY cold.

Update: Bath - fixed; Shower - new one installed; Boiler - waiting spare parts (possibly a week and I am not convinced that it will fix the problem when it arrives!!).

The gas fire is working overtime, and I am cuddled up with a quilt and a carbon monoxide alarm in case my quest to live in a draft free, superheated, micro-climate, should end anywhere near the wrong end of the disaster scale.

Snow came.... I got up for the customary post drinking, forgot to turn my electric blanket off, five AM whizz!! The ground outside was frosty.... the ground inside wasn't much better!! I went back to bed with a tshirt wrapped round my head like some sort of turban. Woke up at seven thirty.... lo and behold, it's been snowing.

I took an eight AM ride across town to get a new shower with my uncle.... the normally congested journey, was of course simply exacerbated by Joe Public's complete disregard of common sense and highway code.... when snow falls, it's motoring anarchy... It took a while!!

I'm not holding my breath that I'll have central heating again before Christmas now.

Quite literally - Up the garden path at seven thirty in the morning. A snowscape of small proportions. This here bunch of white stuff probably added thirty minutes onto our five mile trip this morning. Not the sort of thing you really want to wake up to when your central heating boiler's acting the lemon!!

2008-11-30T17:26:00.004Z

Send three and fourpence.....

... we're going to a dance!!

Bloody hell it's cold in my house without a boiler. Corned beef legs and sore throats are the result of sitting too near the dreadful gas fire that I am reliant upon.

On the plus side, my uncle (the cavalry) arrives tomorrow lunchtime to remedy any number of "household maintenance" items.

By my reckoning, today is Saint Andrew's day - To any Scots that know me, don't get too drunk the neet!! Enjoy your "new" bank holiday tomorrow - NB: We still don't have a Saint George's day bank holiday in England!!

I've watched a lot of films lately...... Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium; Kung Fu Panda; Indiana Jones; Prince Caspian; Iron Man, to name just a few that currently reside in my "rewriteable" dvd collection!?! I totally loved Kung Fu Panda - Didn't expect to, but it contains some great kung fu elements and serves as a great tribute/homage to some films I have loved over the years.

A weekend of dog-sitting culminated in an early Sunday morning frosty walk around Pighill Wood - A place I love. I take this same picture from below Nettleton Hill in all manner of weather and all times of day just because it's a good view across to Castle Hill. What you get here is (fore to back) Golcar, Milnsbridge, Crosland Moor, Newsome, Hall Bower, Castle Hill - All in one go...

If I could only learn to hold the camera horizontal.

Get well soon Dawn X.

2008-11-28T14:05:00.004Z

Victor!

As I get older, I am constantly reminded by those around me that I have an increasingly similar disposition to that of Victor Meldrew. I have an alarmingly shortening fuse, terminal bad luck, and an immeasurable amount of bile which seems to spout forth from my vocal chords under its own angry volition.

Things happen to me and I have no tolerance for it to simply wash over the top. I used to be quite laid back.... I was one of those horizontal people.... If I laid back any further you'd have called it a cartwheel.

So what's my gripe today?

I took the plunge and ordered some carefully researched walking boots from an online store. The delivery went fine, the communications were acceptable, the product is in good working order....... they are just a whole size too small for my feet. I look at my trainers.... size 11.... I look at the boots.... size 11..... I look under my feet.... size 11...... ah well, I'll just roll over, accept that not everyone's definition of size 11 is the same, return them (at my own expense) and get the next size up.......

Insert blue air here!!

So, there's a size 11...... and the next size up is...... 12.5!!!!

Oh crimminy!!

Need Assistance? Live Chat - Offline.

Say no frinking more!!

(I also payed for them using PayPal so the refund won't be simple either)

Why do you think he removes their skins, Agent Starling? - I love the blue skies that we get as we head towards winter. Clear, crisp, low slung, powder blue. I also have a fascination with power lines and pylons. When you really take time to look at things like this (the picture) it makes you realise we're a funny species on this planet! Nettleton Hill power lines and a starling.

2008-11-23T17:18:00.005Z

I've said it before.

It never pays to drunken blog... drunken phone.... or indeed drunken text message. I generally fall foul of all three even though I try not to do any of them.

Suffice to say my drunken antics that meant I didn't spend the night with Dawn as per our previous "sober" planning, have not had any serious or long lasting repercussions other than to make me look like the idiot that I so often can be.

I conclude.... I love eating food, and often wish I didn't get full because the food tastes so nice and I could eat it all day if I didn't fill up. I also love drinking beer but am rarely happy with the end result.... I honestly don't drink beer to get drunk, or at least not to get as drunk as I do!!

We've had a good weekend though and enjoyed a little outing to the Huddersfield Festival of Light which ran on Friday and Saturday nights in town. I don't think it was as good a spectacle as last year, but the cold winter evening followed by a quick pint at the Grove in town was a rare pleasure.

This season I have been mostly pissed off at O2 broadband's DNS problems that have kept me off the web all weekend!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR

Slightly out of sharpness due to the crazy long exposure and no tripod - nice example of the light and fireworks though. Somewhere in there is a soldier with some sort of firearm that was dangerously spewing fire and brimstone. We were (rather hilariously to me) warned at the start of the show that "these are real fireworks and real Spanish people".

2008-11-21T00:10:00.003Z

Dog house!

I'm in the frikking dog house for going out drinking.

You know the score.... one of them afternoon sessions turns into one of them evening sessions .... turns into one of them playing on the Nintendo Wii sessions.... and I promised to sleep over but it's too late and there's no way I can drive anywhere and I bit my tongue eating a Nik-Nak crisp sarnie..... etc etc.

There were surely something much wittier and humorous than this to write, but you also got the bum rush.

Sorry!!

If you leave me now!! - Still life or a landscape.... whatever the frik you want to call it. It's a bunch of leaves in the woods at Upper Greetland - Let's call it art - the glossy finish on them makes it all the worthwhile of course!!

2008-11-19T20:52:00.004Z

Kelp?

Apparently we should be more bothered about kelp!!

It's been a pretty rubbish day in the most part. Was thinking about going out for a walk this morning, but when I woke up and my boiler was working, I felt obliged to stay in and reap the rewards of the fuzzy, glowing productivity that it exuded. Having been out walking on Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday, I can't really grumble too much.

Short lived it was, and it hasn't worked for the rest of the day.... back to the skanky gas fire then!!

Managed to watch "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" this afternoon... hmmm... not the best afternoon I've ever had and I have to admit to having to rewind a couple of times where I nodded off during the first hour.

Of course by the time the afternoon and evening arrived it was grey and rainy and the wind is picking up. Just the kind of weather you're glad you have central heating..... Doh!!

You don't see as many pigs around here as you used to!! I was pleased to find this friendly porker on Moor Bottom Lane, which of course runs along the bottom of Norland Moor and is at the top of Greetland. We had a nice chat together while I reorganised my rucksack.... very vocal and sociable animal.... and the pig was quite friendly too!!

2008-11-18T23:46:00.004Z

Crud.

Well, my boiler has gone a bit screwy. It seems to be an annual occurrence and always seems to happen at roughly this time of year... i.e. when I might actually need it!! I called "the boiler man" and he came and took it apart, gave himself a full scale electric shock, told me it's knackered, and left it in a worse state than when he arrived.... charming.... the boiler now doesn't work at all!!

I now get to choose whether to pay for a new circuit board (about two hundred quid) or to replace the boiler (just over a grand!!).

I need a job!!

I am cuddled up on my sofa with a furry blanket and a bloody gas fire (which I hate). I have a carbon monoxide alarm on standby just in case the gas fire misbehaves - I've never trusted them.

Yesterday was cold, wet, foggy and miserable and full of boiler related unhappiness.

Today was so much better that I decided to go up to Norland Moor for a nice walk. I have only done this walk once before and it went a little bit wrong last time, so I was determined to do it right. It was muddier than anticipated, which I can only put down to yesterday's crappy weather.

The rest of the day was spent catching Pokemon... cooking.... taking Lemsip round to soothe Dawn's fevered brow.... watching "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here" - which I'm finding strangely watchable this year, where three days into the show in previous years I had already lost interest.

I could've picked a dozen photos to commemorate my day, but I find this one equally pleasing and frustrating. This is one of many views across Norland Moor, looking directly North East and over the Calder Valley. You can just make out Wainhouse Tower poking above the horizon above Sowerby Bridge.

2008-11-16T17:15:00.005Z

Back to black!

No, don't worry, I haven't softened and started to like Amy Winehouse.... I still think she's a waste of space and ought to relinquish her grip on oxygen for someone who might use with more gusto.

I have in fact returned to Black Moss reservoir for the first time September 16th 2007 - I know this is the date because I took photographic evidence of my journey there and the maintenance work that was going on at that time. I am pleased to say that on this particular occasion, the weather was better, my camera was better, and the reservoir was all fixed and full of water.

We managed a really lovely seven mile stretch of the Pennine Way, which of course wound up in Marsden at the Riverhead brewery tap..... and after a walk around Black Moss, what better finish than to find that they had Black Moss Stout on tap.... delicious!

I know Dawn will kill me for uploading this picture - it's not the most flattering picture I have ever taken of her!!! What this picture DOES manage to convey (on my behalf) is: This was taken moments before I realised that I had left my bottle of water on my kitchen table; Dawn and Stevie both enjoyed the walk with me; This is where we sat to eat our lunch on the sandy bank of Black Moss Reservoir; Blue skies; Black water; Autumnal shades of peaty moorland; Note the hat, it was deceptively chilly in the breeze.

You can of course read about my original trip and see the photos here!

2008-11-13T20:40:00.004Z

Smash it.

Watching "Celebrity Come Dine With Me" tonight on TV.... I am treated to Caprice (Vacuous model type), Nicky Clarke (Foofy hairdresser type), Nancy Sorrell (Wannabe celebrity type that sounds like a man) and Jimmy Osmond (Long haired lover from Liverpool type) all enjoying a series of dinner parties together.

The time has truly come to smash TV. To kill it. Those rockstars of days gone by that hurled TV from hotel windows surely had the right idea.

I did watch it until it made me so mad that I plucked out my eyeballs with a corkscrew.

There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, it's probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on ... shame on you. It fool me. We can't get fooled again. - G W Bush!

A very oldie, but still one of my favourite pics that I have snapped. Using my old Samsung camera when I used to live in Birky, I caught a humble-bumble on my sage plant. A memory of summers past.

2008-11-12T15:54:00.005Z

Careful what you wish for.

Yesterday I was bemoaning our indecisive weather patterns. Today in a reversal of barometric pressure, we've had sunshine (and lollipops) and rather mild weather.

Woken with sun screaming around my curtain, directly into my eyes, where it would take until the afternoon to reach in summer, it now reaches by nine in the morning. I'm not complaining, but I notice how far round and how low in the sky, the old orange ball has really managed to let itself go.

I leapt out of bed (in my own inimitable fashion) and set off to buy myself some serious wet weather walking equipment. Although the weather's better today, you just know that underfoot it's going to be.... soggy, to say the least. I buy some nice wellington boots and some gaiters - I pay too much for them and say a little prayer that I might be able to persuade someone to contribute towards them by way of a christmas gift??

I can't remember the last time I wore wellington boots.... they take some getting used to and they're very tiring to walk in, but I manage a little outing to Pighill Woods and Nettleton Hill, from where I can see Drax power station (some thirty five miles away) whilst standing in thick leaf mould with dry feet!! Lovely clear, sunny conditions.

I'm very pleased with my attempt at putting the leaves back on the trees in this picture. I hope that this makes up for posting a picture of some scary trees yesterday. Pighill Woods walking in wellies!! This is one of those images that you really need to click and view at full scale to appreciate the colours, details and depth.

2008-11-11T18:46:00.006Z

Gotta catch 'em all!

Hazy, lazy, Nintendo time days.

I keep meaning to get out on my bike or go out for a walk, but the weather..... oh the weather!! I wish it would make its mind up as to whether it's autumn or winter. Broadly speaking, we're supposed to have at least a couple more weeks of autumn left.... the hail storms and random storm force winds and fog and rain (torrential rain) are not really defining our season too well.

Some might say it's a typical Yorkshire autumn..... and even more so it's a typical Outlane autumn!! The wide main road here is a real open artery through which the weather truly gushes.
Roll on the winter beer festival season (There'll be loads of really strong dark beers)..... Of note:

The Star at Folly Hall - 26th November to 30th November 2008
Drop Inn at Elland - 4th December to 7th December 2008

So make sure you come and burgle my house over those dates - if I'm out then you'll have no worries otherwise I'll be the drunk one asleep on the sofa.... try not to wake me.

Be they alive or be they dead.... I'm just an old tree hugger at heart and I love this pair of dead trees in a field near the (very beautiful) village of Helme. A walk when the weather knew what it was doing.

2008-11-09T20:46:00.006Z

Quite amazingly.

No matter how hard I try to keep up with my blog, it just seems to run away from me. I can't believe I didn't make a post since Thursday already!!

What have I been doing that's been so exciting?

Drinking beer mostly.

Took a trip into York yesterday and even managed a trip to the splendid and very friendly York Brewery. Took the tour and drank the splendid beer. Very enjoyable. You can't beat a drop of Yorkshire Terrier or a pint of Guzzler!!

Oystercatchers in Anglesey. Having never seen an oystercatcher up close before, I was pleased to grab a snap of this one, even though I had to squelch out into the mud of a low tide to get near enough to them. Lovely orange beak and I love the seaweed covered rock behind it too.

2008-11-06T18:57:00.004Z

Sensible in principle.

I love to give positive feedback. All too often we are miserably and predictably disappointed by customer service experiences. For that reason, I am always happy to write about the better experiences and to promote the businesses that offer them.

I bought a crappy multi-card memory reader for my laptop. Increasingly these days, I find myself dealing with a mindboggling array of memory cards for an even more mindbogglingly array of devices around the house. It seemed sensible therefore that I might have a device that I could just plug them into without having to have a host of adapters and cables and software in order to read the information contained amongst them.

I've been using the reader for a while and now I find that it has caused physical damage to a memory card for my camera.... first it buckled the little plastic teeth that separate the gold contacts..... next the teeth fell out..... next the whole card kind of split in two.

It's a Staples branded card... I don't have a receipt and I don't know when I bought it.... How sensible then that they should choose to replace the memory card for me free of charge under the warranty, simply because it's a Staples branded item!!

It's far too sensible and simple.

I won't pretend to be any good at that exposure, aperture, and any of that other photographing jazz-a-ma-tazz, so most of these sort of things are experiments that go right or wrong.... this one's almost there. Bonfire night at the Jack o' Mitre, Scammonden 2008. They tell me the three days of fog that we've endured may end tomorrow in sunshine!!

2008-11-05T22:04:00.005Z

Well I never....

I never thought I would see the day when I saw the literal translation of fireworks being a case of money going up in smoke.

Tonight was bonfire night, and we generally send a lot of money into the sky amid oohs and aahs and smoke and fire. Today was so foggy that anything that flew more than a few feet above the ground was lost in the grime. Anything that stayed less than a few feet above the ground was generally lost in a cloud of fog and choking smoke.

Rockets? A total waste of time tonight.

We went to the Jack O' Mitre's annual bonfire and firework display. It's a well attended event and usually it's accompanied by horizontal rain and force nine gales. It was just foggy tonight and a bit cold.

What IS predictable about this photo is a long exposure with kids playing with sparklers. What may not be so obvious about this photo is the instruction.... Me to kids: "right make some big shapes" - taking photo - looking at photo - laughing at photo - One of them makes big circles..... and bloody loads of them..... the other?? Random!! Two opposites. One structured and active.... the other random and wild. Two very different interpretations of the same instruction.

2008-11-04T18:06:00.004Z

Fogging hell.

I've (quite rightly) spent the day at home behind closed doors keeping out of the dank.

A day when the fog came down and it never went back up. A day when the bare branches of newly shorn trees dripped relentlessly. Muffled sights and deadened sounds sucked up into piles of leaves in the gutters.

Getting ready for the fire service's most busy night of the year!!

Landscape two - Looking into Llyn Llydaw - crystal clear, freezing cold, sunshine on water. Halfway up Yr Wyddfa (Snowdon to me and you!!)

2008-11-02T10:41:00.005Z

Foot off....

Foot off the pedal and onto the leaf litter.

I've had a couple of walking days. These starkly contrast with the couple of drinking days/nights that preceded. A sojourn into the boozy boundaries of Brighouse and a lighthearted look at Elland's finest hostelries, complete with the Barge and Barrel's beer festival have left me with a desire to walk some of it off.

Saturday night and for a change we stayed in and had a curry. Having taken Stevie the wonder dog out on a suitably strenuous hike during the day, I was neither in the mood nor were my paws of sound quality to make a hike out to yet another establishment to sample more beery wares.

An indigestion inspiring vegetable madras and a peshwari naan (and potatoes and peas.... pilau rice.... chapattis.... onion bhajis..... you get the idea!!) with Harry Hill's TV Burp and The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, made for a classically Novemberish night in on the sofa.

I love Autumn.

The playground of my childhood - Rocking Stones Quarry - used to be on the left on this picture, but since work resumed and has ceased again, is now on the right of this picture. You can see on the left where they have flattened over their workings and nature is gradually reclaiming the scoured earth. Nice gatepost, and a fine illustration for Maxxo that it was in fact a lovely day here yesterday - sorry buddy!!

2008-10-31T16:17:00.006Z

Snappy Samhain!!

Well, happy Samhain to you non-believers of the imported and vastly inferior trick-or-treat based shoddy version of our celebration of the dead.

It's our old new year.

It's a celebration of the dead.... of the change between life and death.... autumn.... winter....

You can't beat those four seasons in one day sort of days, and that's what we had on a guided walk around Castle Hill.

A guided walk... followed by a beer festival.... imagine!!!

A view over Honley.... warm and sunny after a brief cold snowy shower. No pumpkins, skeletons, or trick-or-treating!!

2008-10-29T17:36:00.003Z

My name....

My name's Jason, and I'm a Pokemon addict!!

Don't ask me how it came to be that I have waited until my fortieth year to investigate the photosensitive epileptic phenomena that put young children on the floor, all those years ago back in ninety seven.

We all grew up with top trumps, and essentially Pokemon's the same game, but with some adventurey role playing type game stapled on the front of it.

I can't even explain why I am finding such a simple game to be so addictive.

I only know that before long, I'll have played it to death and can get on with my life again!!!

Curse you, you crazy Japanese anime creators.

Irony: Seeing as we had our first hard overnight frost last night, and I spent most of the day in bed keeping warm, playing Pokemon, and subsequently didn't get out with my camera.... here's one I took earlier. I have a strange fascination with these old gateposts. This is somewhere between Slawit and Marsden.... somewhere between river and canal.

2008-10-28T18:13:00.010Z

Happy Diwali.

Regardless of the mythological explanation one prefers, what the festival of lights really stands for today is a reaffirmation of hope, a renewed commitment to friendship and goodwill, and a religiously sanctioned celebration of the simple - and some not so simple - joys of life. - Times of India editorial.

..... The festival of light is upon us. Lights, fireworks and sweets!! Every kids dream come true!! Forget your Halloween and your trick-or-treat nonsense.

Effing technology!! I tried to upload this very photograph a squillion and odd times, but for some bloody reason it kept rotating the image (anti-clockwise) by ninety degrees or 270 degrees (clockwise) whichever you prefer!!

Anyhow, this is an image I shot at the Huddersfield Festival of Lights last year during a performance by the Plasticiens Volants group. Catch a short video of it here (it's not my video).

2008-10-26T18:05:00.005Z

Like I need an excuse.

Having spent last evening in Wakefield, at the lovely hostelry known simply as Fernandes - an Ossett brewery tap, Dawn spent the night being sick in my bathroom (accompanied by one of many power cuts that we seem to be experiencing lately). I think we're both fairly sure that the meat from the smorgasbord that we ordered, had, sadly, disagreed with her.

The upshot of Dawn's nocturnal stomach churning adventures meant that, today while my central heating refused to cooperate, she slept while I played Pokemon Diamond on my Nintendo DS. I think we eventually surfaced at about two in the afternoon and Dawn started to feel a little better, and the central heating kicked in, and we managed to settle on the sofa and relax for a while watching a bit of TV.

Poor lass..... hope she feels better soon!!

Just one of a series of "landscapes" that I have in my collection - A Bolton Abbey waterscape. I love the sunshine, the motion, the weed on the rocks..... You get the idea... I'm fond of it, you make your own mind up!

2008-10-25T18:19:00.003+01:00

If you go down to the woods today....

... watch out for a group of people running round like maniacs looking for mushrooms, fungi, toadstools, whatever else you might like to call them. I have, of course, been on a fungal foray into Stocksmoor and into Lower Stone Wood.

I've never been on a guided walk or foray before, so wasn't quite sure what to expect. Turning up, I was surprised to find that about twenty five other people had the same idea!! For me, it was a little overcrowded and a little short on the fungual findings, but enjoyable nevertheless.

We found a few interesting things, but I didn't come away with the confidence to go and grab a basket of fresh food for my supper!!

Some of the finds were: Birch Polypore; Common Earthball; Sulphur Tuft; Honey Fungus; Turkeytail; Lots of types of Mycena; Candlesnuff Fungus - There were quite a few more species, but for the most part, they were very small and in such a big group it was difficult to see them properly or understand what was going on.

It's a Birch Polypore of course!!

2008-10-24T15:37:00.004+01:00

Glory.

Having a lie in. Playing some games. Watching some films. Drinking some beer. Going for a walk. Taking some photos. Writing a blog. Going to bed when I want. Eating food when I am hungry. Unlimited coffee.

I know that at some point I'll be back at work, perhaps even in full time permanent employment. I know there will come a time when I will be getting up in the morning or sitting behind a desk wishing I had the time to do the things listed above. For now, I'll settle for just living the dream..... every single day!!

For now, I'd better get back to my Pogo badges!!

Oh to be in Pighill Woods now that Autumn is here!! A rather "artsy" bark profile with bokkeh boughs beyond. Lovely textures in't it? Deep dark black cracks in the tree bark look like they could be bottomless pits.

2008-10-22T18:25:00.008+01:00

Full speed ahead!

Seems the season of beer festivals is upon us. I have to be careful not to drink too much too often!! Having gotten myself a little bit blootered last weekend has made me slightly wary!!

Well I've been quite busy with one thing and another.... mainly Pokemon Diamond!! I DID manage to get my job application handed in on time though, so you never know..... Everything now remains crossed up to the point where interviews begin in the week commencing third November, and to hope that I get an invite!!

Shows how busy doing nothing I have been when I haven't even had a chance to look at my Pogo badges this week and they've been available for me for four hours or more!! Unheard of!!

Finding Nemo? A very lucky picture - indeed the one that DIDN'T get away!! A day at "The Deep" in Hull yielded some pretty crappy photos, and this is the best of a bad bunch. Shame the fish aren't bigger in the frame, but lovely colours and stuff.

2008-10-20T17:31:00.004+01:00

A little bit deeper.

Yes, put off by the complicated "work history" that I seem to have accumulated, my enthusiasm to apply for a job has waned to the point that I managed to stay in bed until three o'clock this afternoon playing Pokemon Diamond on my Nintendo DS.

So far I've reached Pikachu procrastination level nineteen.

Bearing in mind that the application deadline is Wednesday and it's already Monday evening and I've only filled in my name and address..... if I had to ask a magic eight ball I am sure it would say something like "Outlook not so good".

I wish I had stayed in permanent employment and never turned to contracting now because the idea of references and work history would have been so much simpler.

Having played some Pogo and updated my blog, I guess I ought to go and at least try to fill in a few more postage stamp sized boxes with my patented "spider-crawling-across-the-page" style calligraphy.

Bolton Abbey 20th September 2008 - What can only be described as a lovely day out - we went walking near Menwith Hill around Fewston and Timble Ings Woods (walking route supplied by the excellent Yorkshire Water website) - A day filled with sightings of red kites, enormous dragonflies, and sunshine - Called at Bolton abbey on the way home.

2008-10-19T18:43:00.006+01:00

Groggy.

A groggy Sunday, in a state of alcohol recovery.

Neither "self scanning" my own supermarket shopping at Tescos nor watching Bear Grylls (Born Survivor) drinking his own piss out of a rattlesnake skin have actually made me feel much better.

Brain swelling and puffy, tired eyes.

Effervescent vitamin tablets - extra B vitamins!!

Toad-in-the-hole with broccoli, mashed carrots and swede, new potatoes, savoy cabbage and lashings of gravy has more or less saved my life today.

Beaumaris, Anglesey - Portrait of a gull. Ironically, Beaumaris is a very picturesque place - so of course one of the best pictures I took there didn't actually feature any single view of the town itself - could have been anywhere!! Still, it's a nice picture (in my humble opinion).

2008-10-18T18:56:00.003+01:00

The first fence.

Bloody hell. Although I am TRYING to make myself be more productive and even to apply for a job..... I am liable to fall at the first fence for the following reason(s)....

a) My employment history is quite complicated. I've been contracting for quite a while and this means a lot of jobs and not many job references.

b) My qualifications aren't what you would recognise as modern.

c) I find it hard to represent myself in a stiff, fill-in-the-box type application form, especially when it happens to be printed onto A4 sheets and the boxes you have to use aren't lined, nor are they bigger than a postage stamp..... so when it comes to filling in a small box with information relating to my personal characteristics (giving some information about myself, including my main characteristics and why I think I might be good in this role) - the box actually measures all of 16.5cm by 4.5cm!!!

d) My handwriting is pretty sucky!!

Before I went out tonight I selected this picture from a whole heap of other images. How apt that indeed, you would not want to encounter me on dark night inbetween me pressing "publish" and me getting home and typing the commentary to this photo - it somehow seems appropriate now, a bit like a premonition!! Puffin Island promontory at Black Point, Anglesey (two quid toll road).

2008-10-17T09:22:00.003+01:00

Kickstart.

I have started the transformation from a lazy arse into a mildly interested lazy arse.

I attended (along with The Turtle) a countryside volunteering meeting last evening. All I gotta do now is make sure I attend a some of the guided walks and "task" days over the next few weeks and to find out whether I fancy it or not. I've left my contact details and I think there's room for an Arctic Fox and a Turtle amongst their ranks.

Shock, horror, I even phoned up a company to send me out a job application too!! As anyone who knows me knows.... I am quite particular about which jobs to apply for - in truth I've applied for three jobs in the last two years!! This job is a nice one, and it's very local, and it seems pretty interesting, so fingers crossed on that.

For no other reason that I actually think this photo is as good as any "calendar" shot I've ever taken, this colourful shot of Conwy Bowling Club in North Wales has managed to find a place on my blog. I love the deep colours and the hint of an approaching autumn that are hanging in the frame.

2008-10-15T23:59:00.002+01:00

Trying.

I am trying, or so it's been said!!

In fact I am trying to be a better citizen. I'm trying to be more active, more sociable, more productive. I've even started using a diary!!

This week alone I've registered to attend a couple of guided walks, and tried (unsuccesfully) to enroll on a day of coppicing.... alas, it's oversubscribed, and I made it onto the standby list. I am planning on attending an open meeting of countryside voolunteers tomorrow night to see if there is a way I can be of ome use. I am also contemplating some dry stone walling courses.

Let's hope my flush of enthusiasm stretches to me applying for two jobs that I've noticed this week.

I like the spontaneous aspect of this photograph - I guess I was reading a bit about the macro function of the camera and trying it out at the same time....... and that's what you get. It's an oldie, but a goodie in my book - 5th December 2007. slightly out of focus but a valiant test shot - I also like the overexposed fade to complete whiteout at the top.

2008-10-14T20:08:00.003+01:00

Full moon.

Hurray..... I am unable to contain my excitement at the coming of the Harvest Moon of 2008 - At least that's what we call it here in England!!

It is, of course, too cloudy, too rainy, too blustery, too wet, too miserable to be able to SEE the moon, but trust me, it's up there somewhere. I saw it last night and it was already VERY bright.

Hello to my mum, who landed in Australia today - I got a text at about midday to say she'd arrived and all was well.

Been out walking in Beaumont Park today - never been there before but it's a nice enough place with scope for adventure. Two strange things that attracted my attention whilst there: A young lad walking across the park removing a pair of latex gloves and discarding them in a flower bed (Possible solvent abuser?) - Two young Asian lads watching each other's backs while one of them sauntered up to the main steps and jumped into a car (no doubt trading in some sort of substance or other) - I am such a sceptic!!

Walking in dogshit was the downside of my day.

Eating Dixons ice cream - the world's finest!!

Autumnal bounty - grid ref SE 11475 05025 - walking around Riding Wood and Ramsden reservoirs. A nice circular walk through the village of Holme. There's a bit of something for everyone on this ramble - woodlands, open moorland, streams, reservoirs, a great little village with a pub and a hobbit house underground with a round hobbit door.

2008-10-13T18:47:00.003+01:00

Best foot forward.

I've been walking... A LOT. Aged forty, with middle age spread (which is presumably beer inflicted) making its presence well and truly known, I am trying to be a little bit more active inbetween the pint glass raising sessions. I've lost count of the number of walks that I have done recently, but if you'll bear with me while I post a few pictures from some of them, then we can recall some of my footsteps together.

Grid reference SE 00565 10990 - A brief moment of elation and enjoyment, sadly punctuated a few minutes later by me missing the right hand fork in the track, ending up on the Oldham Way (instead of the Pennine Way), taking a "shortcut" across some open moorland, and inevitably, and ever so predictably, falling thigh deep into a bog!! The final six miles of this 14 mile walk were completed with my stinking, muddy trousers stuck to my legs and a severe amount of chafing!!

2008-10-12T16:42:00.005+01:00

Partly to blame.

Well, another month has passed since my last post - I'm really getting rather bad at this "blogging" lark. I once heard that the road to something was paved with good intentions or something or other. Perhaps, in order to catch up with what has been going on, and indeed to provide someone who might stumble upon my blog with something to look at, I'll try, over the next few days, to post some "catch up" pictures.

Friday October 3rd - Irish Centre, Huddersfield - Oktoberfest. The campaign for real ale's annual beer festival. Attended this year by myself and my uncle's brother John, who used to actually be a teacher at the school I went to. Needless to say, I got a bit pissed!!

2008-09-03T19:32:00.003+01:00

It never....

... rains, but it bloody well pours!!!

The story of the last couple of days has been that of trudging through thick mud in the pouring rain. Wet walking boots, wet shirts, wet rucksack, trying not to get my camera wet, and trying to stay on my feet as the soles of my boots are filled with thick, black, gungy, Yorkshire mud. It's grim up north!!

Just managed a circuit of Scammonden Dam today, probably four miles or so, and in all fairness I'd say the weather really did get the better of me. The walk actually took twice as long as it should because of the horrible conditions underfoot.

I like this wall. A concrete wall at the end of Deanhead Reservoir... and undeniably man-made structure in a largely natural environment. I love the way that the mosses and lichens are slowly, but very steadily, breaking the concrete back down.

2008-09-02T23:26:00.007+01:00

An ill wind.

In a few weeks I will be forty. We are booked to go off to Wales for a few days to celebrate by walking up Mount Snowdon. I like to try some sort of active pursuit to celebrate my birthdays, and last year was a Lake District walk from Keswick to the top of Catbells. With this in mind, I thought I had better get back into my walking shoes and get some miles under my belt so I don't end up breaking myself over the course of the weekend that we are away. I found a book of local walks that was written by one of my old school teachers and decided to get out there and crack a few Colne Valley circular walks.... I managed a three mile ramble around Blackmoorfoot Reservoir and into the village of Helme and then I walked a four mile route around Deer Hill Reservoir. Today is the first time I've had to use my new waterproofs in anger!!

I had a great walk and the book that took me there was very good too.

Deer Hill End Road..... a self portrait that made me laugh. Wearing my VERY unfashionable walking hat under my hood, complete with waterproof pants..... you can see the rain clouds that passed overhead as they disappear into the distance behind me.

2008-08-28T19:53:00.004+01:00

Turtle.

A few beers with my cousin and the infamous Turtle of Huddersfield town, yielded a bag of home grown veg, the likes of which I have not experienced since I was a kidd-a-lee-dack. The turtle furnished me with courgettes (the size of marrows), spuds, onions, and a jalapeno - in return I gave some bottles of the Turtle's favourite brew, Batemans XXXB.

If you're in the vicinity of the Rat and Ratchet, they have some delicious Golcar Dark Mild on the go at the moment!! Fill your boots!! Also in fine fettle is the Phoenix White Monk - the perfect lunchtime tipple.

A quick shot from the beach at Formby. A young seagull in flight - I am really fond of the blankness of the sky behind..... it's not great photography but I like it.

2008-08-27T18:51:00.005+01:00

Nearly there....

It's nearly the end of this current series of Big Brother.... it's been a long one, and I'm not overly sad that we are nearing the final week. I think I've done quite well to avoid discussing it here in my blog..... my original blog was very heavily influenced at this time of year by the reality show's goings on and off.

Well, today's not been much of a day.... crumby weather and catching up with paperwork and generally doing a few of those put-off jobs that have reached the end of their shelf lives.

Continuing with another Yorkshire Sculpture Park image (despite belligerent protestations from those who should know better!!) - this is a Sophie Ryder sculpture - her stuff is "interesting" and this is probably one of the saner examples on display.

2008-08-26T15:57:00.005+01:00

Turned out.....

... nice again.

A trip to Formby, a place I knew little about, yielded an empty, sandy, windswept day by the sea. Usual stuff.... eating sand with sandwiches, picking over the myriad of tide-strewn detritus, getting wet, windswept, and generally just plain old sandy.

I heartily recommend the beach at Formby (near Liverpool) for anyone looking for a quiet place for romantic walks..... dog walking...... shell scavenging..... and even (squirrel pox permitting) the spotting of red squirrels.

Just a sample of the seabirds that you can buy in Formby. This one comes with its on sand dunes and includes delivery anywhere within a ten miles radius.

2008-08-25T23:59:00.003+01:00

Grim up north.

Spent a day in Hebden Bridge being chased by a goose and scrutinising the local camera club's work. Hebden's a pleasant enough place, but it's overrun by touristy types (of which I am one) and overenthusiastic geese!!

That there is me, looking out over downtown Cairo. A crazy place to cross the road or to smoke a big bubbling pipe.... how bazaar?

2008-08-24T15:35:00.005+01:00

Sunday schmunday.

When I used to have a job (a couple of years ago!!) I used to hate Sunday because I knew it meant that I'd have to go to work on the very next day, and the Sunday evening always seemed a bit sombre and depressing. Now I just hate Sunday because my lovely girlfriend has to go home and carry on with her life while I get back on with mine..... bah!!

A lovely Henry Moore sculpture courtesy of the fantastic Yorkshire Sculpture Park which I took my Canadian family members to see last week. Rain fell heavily but our spirits were not dampened.

2008-08-23T20:58:00.004+01:00

Done and dusted.

Well, I've been to my cousin's wedding, and moreover, I've completed the reading that I was required to make. In the end it was based on a reading found on the internet and tinkered with to suit my own inimitable stylee. Apart from one Freudian slip where I muddled the words "devotion" and "divorce" it went well..... you can of course, without prompt, guess the disastrous context!! Laughter ensued and the officiant could only respond with the immortal words "I'm not sure I can follow that".

Continuing my "stunning church" series, I managed to snap this lovely pick of the twisty spire of Chesterfield Parish Church..... bloody hell maybe this second coming thing has had some sort of effect on me without me even realising it????

2008-08-21T09:07:00.006+01:00

Knock knock....

Who's there?

A man clutching jump leads and a pregnant sobbing wife.

A man clutching jump leads and a pregnant sobbing wife, who?

It's not a joke, it's the modern day biblical tale of what happened at my house last night, or rather this morning at one thirty AM.

They wanted a lift to their car out on the dark moors to see if I could manage to help them get it started...... are you mad? Suffice to say, as much as I'd like to have helped them out in their predicament, I'm not about to go riding out into the moors with strangers offering money at any time of day!!

Bad times.

Deanhead church, in the area of Scammonden Dam near where I go riding my mountain bike. A truly lovely little part olf the world.

2008-08-19T15:00:00.004+01:00

Moving along....

.... at the pace of.... well, of course a picture speaks a thousand words, or so they say!!

I'm trying to write a "reading" for my cousin's wedding.... unsuccessfully, I hasten to add!! This is made doubly difficult by having submitted a first draft for approval and now completely changing my mind!!

A simple close-up of a snail in my garden that appeared in the middle of the lawn while I hacked a few trees to bits earlier this "summer".

2008-08-18T12:29:00.006+01:00

Failing and falling.

Flat on my face, I've already failed to make a daily post for three days straight. I think that's a fair reflection of my current level of commitment!! I blame beer, a stag night, and the impending sense of dealing with stuff.

It's just a nice example of a sculpted stone lion.... guardian of the College of Shipley College in Saltaire. Just an excuse to continue my rash of photo blog updates.

2008-08-16T00:21:00.005+01:00

Old Salt.

Just because I probably won't get proper time on Saturday for real (it's just after midnight, so technically it really is Saturday), I thought I'd better at least try to keep up the posting.

Dawn, enjoying a drink of Weston's organic cider at Fanny's Ale House in Saltaire near Bradford, last weekend. For those that don't know Saltaire, it's a world heritage site which is made up of a mill and housing created by Titus Salt. It's worth a journey there to see some cool David Hockney works, and more importantly it's bloody free!!

2008-08-15T09:06:00.008+01:00

More?? MORE??

You know it's the real Arctic Fox just as much as you ever did!!

Some might say "eyesore" others might say "treasure" - Blackley Brickworks (sadly disused), above Elland, viewed from Jagger Green. I can only imagine it will be turned into more unaffordable "luxury" shoebox apartments. They'd certainly get a good view from there. I took this photo when I went out for a walk one day on the 1st of July. I like the blank expressionless glassless windows.

2008-08-12T14:59:00.003+01:00

Neglect!

I'm still here..... I'm still alive......

In retrospect, I figured I ought to at least add a little commentary to accompany my photograph.... outside Buckingham Palace (London) when I took Dawn down there for the weekend to see Justice play an open air gig at Somerset House in July - it was wet - read a review here.

2008-06-03T23:59:00.000+01:00

Bam!!

Kicking it up a notch with the spice weazle.

What a crap day. Foggy, rainy, cold, miserable..... woke up to the distant sound of a recycling wagon making its way along my street. It's a long street and the house numbers go well over a thousand.

The fact that I could hear the wagon could mean any of the following:
a) I slept very late.
b) The wagon was early.
c) I had already missed it.
d) I had to get up and check which way it was going and whether I could get my bin out in time.
e) I would not be able to find anything to pull on to go out in the rain.

In golfing pants and flip flops I trundle out with my bin, relieved that I haven't missed another monthly collection.

I like recycling. I like the fact that my rubbish bin, which is collected weekly, rarely has enough in it to warrant collecting it more than monthly. I'm in the process of ordering a compost bin to further reduce my landfill footprint.

I DO have issues with the way our recycling is done......

a) We have co-mingled collection, which means that paper, cardboard, tin cans and plastic bottles are all mixed together in a big green bin.
b) We currently have no glass collection service.

The problems with co-mingled recyclables is that they are actually fairly worthless. Most local councils that opt for co-mingled are just embarking on a number crunching exercise to obtain the relevant targets with no regard for what happens to our rubbish, other than the fact that it's less in our conventional grey bins.

Take for example plastic bottles..... from co-mingled waste, it's not cost effective enough to get someone to sort it all out so we ship it out to china, and thirty miles away from the place that is shipping it out there, there's a place that's importing plastic bottles from Germany.

The councils that do collect glass and mix it all up are effectively destroying the value..... co-mingled glass is broken up and used for creating roads (i.e. another form of landfill) - Those glass bins at the supermarket are much better when you separate your own colours of glass.... one bin for green... one brown.... one white.... the value of glass collected in this manner is much higher and can be put to good use.

There is actually no substitute for finding a good recycler..... there's no real lazy solution.

What to do when you can't be arsed to blog?

4) Widget!!

Invest some time in a crappy widget that will inevitably slow down your page loading times..... I've got loads of 'em over there on the right hand side if you don't believe me.... one plays music.... one is my (sporadically updated) bowling cam..... one for the moon phase.... one for the weather.... an Iraqi civilian death counter..... and even a defunct polling booth.... and here's another for good measure!!

My blog is worth $6,774.48.
How much is your blog worth?

2008-06-02T16:49:00.003+01:00

Drunken idiot.

Well I may or may not have mentioned that I wanted to take a trip to Wakefield (of all places) to find the Fernandes brewery tap. Last Saturday night we finally decided to make the pilgrimage.

Well, it all started out quite nicely as we caught the train from Slawit into Huddersfield, and had a twenty minute wait on the platform before the connection to Wakefield. Following the twenty minute wait (and a pint in the King's Head pub), it transpired that the train conductor had been assaulted at the station before Huddersfield, and the train was subsequently cancelled.

Well, there are two pubs at Huddersfield station, so to while away the hour until the next train, we visited the Head of Steam for a couple more jars.

Now, it's probably best to avoid drinking BEFORE you go in search of a brewery!! That's all I am going to say on the matter. I was pissed, and the brewery tap was VERY good indeed. Let's leave it there.......

If you were the train spotter on Wakefield Kirkgate train station that tried to explain to me why the train comes into this platform or the other one.... then I apologise for my state of inebriation and lack of concern at your fascinating railway knowledge.

What to do when you can't be arsed to blog?

3) Regurgitate quirky news items from BBC or Ananova.

a) Only in Germany - A bunch of snails walking across a road caused a six-car pile up!! Police closed the road while they scraped up the slimy remains of both living and crushed migrating snails on the B14 near Stuttgart. "Cars were crushing the snails and the slime was making the road so slippery that people started skidding all over the place, said one driver. Motorists had to stop and try to pick their way through the snails. It was like something from a horror film."

b) Paul Gascoigne has been sectioned under the mental health act for a second time.... what only twice?? Apparently the teary-eyed soccer has-been was reported as "acting strangely in Hemel Hempstead" - well, that explains it then, break out the straightjackets!!