Tuesday, September 18, 2012


Thankfully a day off.... I mean a whole day off.... nothing to do but sit around and think..... so I thunk and I thunk, and here is the kink......

Struggled through the four hours at the pub last evening and even managed to get through a little bit of work..... a bit of tidying here, a bit of cleaning there, spreading my germs almost everywhere.

I even stayed behind after work for a couple of pints of Guinness..... a drink I used to consume in rather startlingly large quantity before I discovered the joy of real ale.  They say Guinness is good for you, and while I did sleep rather soundly for the first part of last night. I did have to retrieve Dawn from the sofa in the lounge at about four o' clock to apologise for what must have been unbearable snoring.....  I spent the rest of the night on the sofa and went back to bed when Dawn got up...... complicated stuff.

I'd like to think that the copious quantity of snot pouring out of me is a sign that I've broken the back of this particular bug!!

I've just been up the road to the postbox to post a rather pleasant birthday card (a delightful little scene of Berwick) to my Aunty and I noticed some rather wonderful things along the way.....

Firstly, I am always amazed at how active your brain can be......  it just never shuts up!!

Did I lock the door?  I'm sure I did!

BT Openreach van..... you can bet he's not making my broadband go faster can't you!!

A funny looking metal disc on the pavement.... looks like a bit of a petrol cap?

The small piece of land for sale/rent - must look it up.

No chickens in Peter's field this morning..... and I never noticed the gateway that's been bricked up in Peter's garden wall before..... and his wall looks a bit lopsided, might need looking at.

Logs.....  a massive stack of logs at a house that's been built but never quite finished..... been going on for a couple of years now..... we could use them logs at the pub.

Jet black elderberries.   Must be nearly Autumn.

Gravestones..... and some tiger lillies growing around them......

Garish gold painted stone lions.....

Post collection 4:45pm but 11:30am on Saturdays.... typically useless to me.

I cough up some phlegm and head back down the road.

Ruby red rosehips.  Autumn's not far off.
Ah, there are Peter's chickens.... I cluck at one plucky soul which has made its way right up to the wall at the side of the garden..... and I wonder how you could turn Peter's field into a little fishing pond..... how would you stop it leaking?  surely you don't just dig a big hole?  What kind of features would I put in if I were making my own fishing pond?

I kick the weird metal disc and it scoots off, rolling down the road.... it seems to be some sort of rubbery metal disc thing and I have no idea what it is..... it veers slightly to the right and rolls round the back of the BT van.

Crab apples.  Must be Autumn.... wonder how 'Udders Orchard's apple pick went?

As I pass the BT van I realise I've forgotten to take notice of the piece of land I wanted to look at.....  I turn back round to look and notice the estate agent's name and think to look it up when I get home.  I also notice the BT van is wide open and looks stuffed full of equipment in little drawers...... at that point the BT man appears in front of me, as I'm looking backwards into his van...... he probably thinks I was thinking about pinching his gear......  

A tiny, adorable ginger and white kitten standing in the lounge window of a cottage I passed, looking out, probably wondering where all the balls of wool have gone.  The cottage, once owned by a driving instructor and his wife..... we refer to them as "Aspire" and "Tilpey" based on their cars and registrations.... I think they split up and moved out so the kitten must belong to the new owner(s) - can't remember if it's rented or sold.  Remember to tell Dawn about the kitten.

I squash some greenfly on my rose bush.

It's not far to our postbox!

driftwood shelter at Cheswick

Monday, September 17, 2012


Lungs like toast.

Tight cough with a sore throat.

Head, on the verge of exploding through unprecedented internal sinus pressure.

Still, we men don't like to complain about our illnesses.... we just quietly go about our daily lives and continue to fulfil our roles in society as best we can.

And so it comes to be, that despite all common sense, I'm heading down to the pub for a short, sharp four hour stint at the coalface of refreshment provision.

I dare say that nobody will even notice I'm ill nor ask me how I am feeling, so well do I cope with such adversity.

What a trooper I am!

Harebell amongst the sand dunes

Friday, September 14, 2012


I've got a tickly throat... in fact I've had this annoying, steadily increasingly annoying, tickly throat for a week now and it's JUST starting to get the better of me..... Strepsils and Beechams Powders at the ready.

(hot toddy made with rum and I'm off to bed)

I've just been reminded of a story.... reminded by my own inability to spot a joke when it slaps me across my dumbfounded face.

Well, as a kid, I was a real gag machine.... a veritable joke magnet.  I was always buying, digesting and regurgitating joke books.  I had a good memory for jokes and I'm sorry to say that my ability to spin a yarn or remember any funny jokes really has deserted me as I get older.

A few that I do remember are the silly childish ones like.....

Shall I tell you the joke about the pack of butter?  Oh no, you'll only spread it.

Want to hear the joke about the wheelie bin?  Oh no, it's rubbish.

Shall I tell you the joke about the broken pencil?  Oh no, there's no point.

you get the idea, right?

Well, there was a kid at our school, and to protect his identity, I'll just refer to him as "Ian"..... he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer and as kids do, we royally took the piss.

Well Ian always liked to hear a joke.... and it was a fair certainty that he'd laugh at any joke you told him, whether he understood it, or got it, or not.

In order to test this particular theory... someone, and I forget who, came up with a nonsensical joke to tell to Ian and see if he laughed.......

I can confirm that Ian did indeed laugh, and the joke was not in the least bit funny......  Sadly, I still remember the nonsense joke, and it does make me laugh.....

A boy walks into a baker's shop and asks "Have you got a blue loaf please?"  The baker replies "I'm sorry we've only got green loaves left" and the boy says "It's ok I've got my bike outside".

HAHAHAHA who's laughing now Mr. Haigh.... oops!

Thursday, September 13, 2012


What a difference a day (or two) makes.

In true British style, I'm about to start some gentle weather discourse.

At the weekend it were boiling..... and now..... it's feeling like deep, dark autumn.

A ten degree temperature drop and some rather chilly winds have meant that my shorts and sunglasses are making way for socks and woolly hat.

It's decidedly cooler, and though there are promises that it'll pick up again by the weekend.... I'm not convinced.

I DID have fun at the weekend discussing the fact that it was "too hot" and bemoaning the scorching weather - in a very tongue-in-cheek manner with the overheated punters at the pub.  I knew that all too soon we'd be able to have a further conversation about the lack of summer and the bad weather we always have.... that's the advantage of working with drunk people.

So, I've tried to be a good boy.  I've tried to get back to my blog on several occasions, each time to be thwarted by such events as computers that refuse to work or a stomach that needs to be filled.

Just now, as an example, I received an email that wasn't really intended for me.... I had to forward it to someone else, and in order to do that I had to log in to a different mail account, find some mail with that person's email address , copy and paste between one email client and another, forward the mail..... it all takes time and provides endless opportunity for being sidetracked..... I rest my case, and I rest my feet on my case while I get my book out.

Point in question - one minute I'm typing my blog.... the next minute I'm reading and commenting on another blog..... then I hear the front door opening and I'm making a cup of tea for my mum..... time passes.... and passes......

And so, it comes to be that at some point I was hoping to post a few more pictures from THIS last trip to the borders area of Northumberland..... and of course, I end up posting pictures of fish and a previous trip to Northumberland....  it's more complicated than it needs to be.

In honour of a recent competitor on "Celebrity" Big Brother, I've made my very own internet based "wishlist" and you're all free to pick off as many items as you wish to send to me in exchange for, well, how about some gratuitously bad holiday snaps?

Here's my wishlist, and remember it's my birthday on the 24th September!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


I caught a good fish!

Down at Riley's Pond on Friday last week, I caught a rather splendid seven and a half pound common carp, which is only about a half a pound short of the pond record.... and I have to say, it was an exciting time for me and the chap in this picture who held the fish for me......  he was as thrilled with this perfect specimen as I was!!

As a rule, during match days, any fish that weighs OVER five pounds is removed from this pond and placed into the bigger pond, so a fish of this size and in such good condition, seemingly never caught before, is VERY rare!

Suffice to say, as soon as this fish had gone back into the water, I packed up my gear and went home..... there wasn't going to be a better way to finish the day.

Sunday, September 09, 2012


Partly on account of the fact that:
Yesterday I worked a fourteen and half hour straight shift behind the bar.
Yesterday I drank (it's a guess) a gallon of Easy Rider during the above premise.
I've pulled a piece of skin off one of my toes, and it turns out that it's the bit that touches the floor when I walk and it's stinging and pretty uncomfortable.
I have headache.
Having got to bed at sometime around three o' clock this morning and being back at the pub for line cleaning at nine thirty, I'm quite tired.

For those reasons alone.....

Thank God it's Super Searching Sunday......

dose anyone know if i can buy rileys choclate toffee rolls
As featured in my "Top 10 Sweets" list.  Rileys no longer exist as far as I'm aware.... And I believe they were based in Halifax?  I could be wrong.... but it's highly unlikely!!  Anyway, you can get these, which are, apparently, quite similar.  Also, I think you mean "does" and "chocolate".

"the harlot's room" melissa
What can I say?  It's a book about an autistic hooker.  I've read it and can't remember it.  Here's more information on it.

"i now smoke daily"
Well you should stop.  It's bad for you and it's very antisocial..... here preaches an ex-smoker!!

disney on ice let's celebrate pinocchio
Did someone really come here looking for this?  They should be looking for this!

sapnas curry
Now here's a blast from my past.... on Venn St. (a street famed in Huddersfield for its "ladies of the night") there was a taxi rank (that contained an arcade in the back with great games like Burnin' Rubber) and there was a little late night curry house called Sapnas.  It was really grotty and grubby but the food was rather good and the people that ran it were always nice and friendly despite being permanently troubled by inebriated clientèle (a common curry house complaint).  I am convinced that a friend and I once went there and woke up resting on each other across the table.... surrounded by empty curry dishes, the previous contents of which we promptly paid for.... and to this day I am not aware that we even ate a curry.... I hope this is true.  It was also the last place that I ordered a meal that contained meat.

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Aye eye

Sunday morning on holiday..... first full day in Scremerston.

Early start.... out of the door by half past ten (AM before you get any smart ideas) and fancying a stroll around Berwick.....

We drove the couple of miles to town, and upon reaching one of the three bridges that cross the Tweed, it was patently obvious that, this being bank holiday Sunday..... there was a football match on.

Now, for those as ignorant of all things football related as me, there's an interesting fact about Berwick Rangers football club, and that is, although geographically located in England, the team play in the Scottish league.  They are currently languishing in the Scottish third division, which incidentally also includes one of the two Scottish teams that I regularly check on, those two being Montrose (in the third division) and Arbroath (in the Scottish second division).

So, normally, what sort of attendance would one expect to find at a sleepy border town, third division club, bank holiday match?

Well, given the fact that last season's highest home attendance had peaked at a paltry 486 when they played against Alloa Athletic, you might imagine that Berwick had naught to fear.... you'd be wrong.....

On this particular day..... the big bank holiday game was against Glasgow Rangers - a team that have been "demoted" from the heady heights of Premier League football, on the grounds of financial "discrepancies" - a claim for which I stand to be corrected.  They were, in fairness, lucky to be allowed to continue playing.... but the impact of one of Great Britain's most successful teams being sent so far down the ranks will have some big knock on effects in the coming seasons..... a lot of money's just fallen out of football.

Alas, I digress.....   so, with Berwick Rangers fans raising the roof off the town at eleven AM and kick off a good hour away..... all the shops (wisely) closed..... there wasn't much reason to stay in Berwick at all..... so we headed off to Eyemouth..... it's the first little seaside town over the border into Scotland - A place I really like.

On the way to Eyemouth there were dozens of coaches of Glaswegian fans queued up waiting to be escorted into town.  Herded and shepherded like lager swigging sheep so as to not cause bother in the wee town of Berwick.

As it turns out, we had an ace day in Eyemouth..... we had a lovely lunch at a cafe/bar called Oblo, on the outside balcony, in glorious sunshine, where we dined on fresh mussels, haddock, crab, prawns, nachos, olives, and generous helpings of Tennents lager..... all washed down with some rum and raisin ice cream.  Magic.

Surprisingly..... Berwick nearly won the game but had a late goal disallowed..... and were quite happy with a draw at one apiece.... Ally McCoist on the other hand was not so happy on his way back to Glasgow!!

Unfortunately, as we had only planned to stroll round Berwick, I'd neglected to bring along my camera.......  I DO have some photos of Eyemouth from a previous visit if I can dig them out..... (to compensate for the crappy uneducated view of football (above) I give you a series of photos - AND I've put bowling cam back on and put a new tune for you to listen to)

the two of us on the beach in Eyemouth (on a previous visit)
just outside Eyemouth harbour (on a previous visit)
Eyemouth harbour (on a previous visit)
grey seals in the harbour at Eyemouth (on a previous visit)

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Is it...

Is it because I is back?

Home - and back into the routine as quickly as I dropped it like the hot potato it was rapidly becoming.

I've already done a shift at the pub..... I've already drunk beer in the pub..... I've already been fishing..... considered mowing the lawn...... wondered when it is right to harvest a chilli pepper from the plant.... hunted down an old frenemy on facebook..... got up late..... watched my local news..... spent too much time on a computer..... tried desperately to catch up on all the blogging activities that have taken place since my last showing (and given up on the two or three hundred unread posts)...... forgotten to hang the washing out (just checked and the washing machine's still going so I can rest easy on this score).... Lost my photos..... found my photos.......

The things we do that define us in our own spaces, eh?

Well, I'm pleased to say that I had a totally ace time in Northumberland with Dawn.

We rented a house from a friend of a friend for a particularly reasonable rate in the "village" of Scremerston.

Pop - 300?
Shops - none
Pubs - none
Facilities - Berwick RUFC
              - St. Peter's Anglican Church
              - Jehova's Kingdom Hall
              - A roundabout
              - 2 swings
              - A postbox
              - A roundabout

It's such a strange little village..... you can walk around the entire place in ten minutes and there's every possibility that you will not see another living soul in that time, or indeed on that day.

The advantage that Scremerston DOES have is that it's only a five minute drve to Cocklawburn Beach and a five minute drive into Berwick Upon Tweed.  Scremerston is, of course, VERY quiet..... and that's something I appreciate.  The beaches of Northumberland are also equally quiet, and that is something I also appreciate.

The beaches are stunningly beautiful..... geologically interesting.... steeped in history...... and mostly deserted.

I can heartily recommend that anyone who likes walking and solitude, should get their act together and get up there...... get up early or go out late and you'll most likely feel like you have the whole county to yourself.