Sunday, July 01, 2012

Could have... would have.....

I could have used this blank space to tell you all my latest bar room anecdotes, like the one about the guy who orders a beer called "Easy Rider" and as I am about to pour it asks, to seek confirmation that it is indeed a cider..... which of course it isn't, it's a bitter...... he looked at me blankly and asked "what's it like then?".....  "It's a bitter" came my informed response....... he had one anyway..... and I bet he didn't like it!

I COULD tell you that..... but I won't.

I could tell you about cleaning the lines through, about pulling eight pretty good pints of Leeds Pale in one single order.... I COULD, but I won't..... and do you know why?  Or maybe I'd tell you about a young chap that ordered a double vodka and Red Bull for almost six pounds, and I later found it almost intact on the table outside, but you don't want to hear that.


b and q tri wing screwdriver
There's a definite pattern to these searches at the moment, and this is another one that's made its way into the "recent" list.  All I can tell you on this is that if you want a tri-wing screwdriver for the purpose of "modding" a Wii or an xbox..... then you won't find it at B&Q..... but you will find it at DealExtreme - or, like a fiend of mine did..... by "googling" tri-wing screwdrivers, he arrived at my blog and got in touch to borrow mine!

arctic fox ring
I can find plenty of rings featuring "foxes" but none that specifically have an arctic fox on them..... this one is my favourite!

there's nothing in the garden Spike Milligan
Thanks to a fellow blogging pal, Katherine, I have finally uncovered the mystery of this search.  Seems it's a Spike poem that goes a little something like this:

There's nothing in the Garden,
and unless I'm losing my sight,
there was nothing again this morning.
It must have been there all night.

It's hard to see a nothing
or even where its been.
This was the longest nothing
That I have ever seen.

I locked all the drink in the cellar
so nothing could get at the gin,
but by skwonkle o'clock in the evening
nothing had got in!

So I bolted the doors and windows
so nothing escape,
I called for the local policeman
who was armed with a helmet and cape.

'I hear there's been a break in
and you have lost something of worth.
Can you describe the intruder?
Yes he looks like nothing on earth!

arctic fox blog

there was a cow from Huddersfield
Yes there was, in fact there are several, but the one you're referring to is the one that had difficulty producing her daily quota of milk....
There was a cow of Huddersfield,
Who said that her milk would not yield,
Unless she 'ad 'er 'udders feeled!


  1. I bet there are still plenty of cows in Huddersfield who enjoy such therapy - especially after double vodkas and Red Bull. Then they all become Easy Riders.

    1. Easy Rider is in fact a Sheffield beer from the popular Kelham Island brewery!!

  2. "udders feeled" - ha, ha!
    Actually apart from the 'pun' it is a fact that cows do like their udders felt and massaged with udder cream. They go into a kind of trance. I won't make any kind of comparison with humans.

    1. there's some truth in the old rhyme then!

  3. Ha Weaver. I was going to say something similar.

    I do like those sculptures Foxy. At first I thought they looked like giant cauliflowers... but they are much more profound. I like them both ways!
    Where are they?

    1. Katherine - the sculptures WERE part of an exhibition at the most excellent Yorkshire Sculpture Park - they are by a chappie called Peter Randall-Page when they did a rather large exhibition of his stuff - it's all mind blowing (I think) really organic sort of seed pods and stuff - fractal and sometimes rather large! Superb stuff and I am lucky to live so near to somewhere that can stage such exhibitions.