Saturday, April 14, 2012

Cosmetics for men

I don't wear make-up.  I've never worn "guy liner" or had a "back, sack and crack waxing"....  Hell, most days I don't even bother to shave.....  I'm a veritable Neanderthal as far as male grooming goes.

I use a bit of Old Spice deodorant of the stick variety....  and some Super Matey bubble bath......  I occasionally use a bit of sunscreen because I spend so many hours outside either fishing or walking.  One of my sunscreens is a combined moisturiser and sun block.... and THAT is about as far as we go.

I'm not keen on things that "spray" - Tomcats and deodorants... hairsprays, perfumes and aftershaves.  I don't like to smell someone else's artificial scent  in the cinema, in the restaurant.... or in my own home....   it's the equivalent of a wild animal walking up to me and pissing in my face.  Can you imagine what would happen to said animal?

So my fishing pants smell like Grimsby Docks.... my walking gear all smells like it's been dragged through a hedge backwards..... and me?  I'm somewhere in the middle!  I don't actually know what I smell of....  I don't think anyone knows their own particular scent really.... but you get familiar with other people's odours, and according to Dawn.... mine isn't bad, and I'll settle for that.

I have a blotchy skin.... the best thing for it is to be outside in the fresh air and to get some exercise.... not to block my pores with laboratory crafted potions.  I don't feel the need to dye my grey hair, or to turn back the clock.....  I'm getting old, it's a fact and I'm not the first person it's happened to and I certainly won't be the last.... unless everyone comes and pisses in my face.... then you're all dead!

(God help any woman who dares to wear one of those offensive scents - namely Poison or Opium (just two past fragrances that make me physically ill) - near me!)

No, dear reader, the world of male grooming is not for me.  I'm proudly cosmetically challenged!


  1. Good for you!

    Watch out though, all those mentions of "pissing in your face" might attract the WRONG kind of google hits to your blog.

  2. Ho! Ho! You cosmetics philosophy is in almost total harmony with mine but I have a confession to make - please don't tell anyone - I regularly use after-shave and am especially fond of "Hai Karate".