Saturday, May 31, 2008

With all the good will in the world.

I try to be a better blogger. I try to set time aside each day to read, write and comment on as many blogs as I can get through. In reality, I am just too frikking lazy or preoccupied to get on with it. I actually outprocrastinate myself by avoiding the tasks that used to keep me from doing other things by doing even more outlandish things like walking or drinking or gardening or heaven forbid.... shopping!!

And so it seems quite apt that I should continue my list of things to do when you can't be arsed to write a blog.....

2) A selection of "youtube" videos (Youtube videos in blogs is just about the laziest thing ever!!).

a) Simpsons are always a cheap shot. Here's every "couch" scene.....

b) In true Harry Hill style, here's some "you've been framed" type action.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Can't post, won't post

Sure, I've actually been quite busy for a couple of days.

Against MY better judgement, my mum decided that she wanted a "real" roof on the conservatory. This, of course, changes the idea of a conservatory into one of an unfinished, highly glazed, extension. Neither a stone constructed part of the house, nor a wood and glass sunny lookout post.


For the last couple of days, it has of course, been pissing down with rain, and the moor-grime has been rolling in and out with alarming regularity. What better way to spend this time, than running up and down a ladder carrying roofing slates?

So that's where I've been.

Of course, seeing as the majority of the work is now done (I was just the helper in this respect - I can not be credited with actually achieving anything other than putting things where they should be, when they should be there) the weather has taken an altogether more red hot and sunny outlook!! Sod's law at work again..... where's that Tupperware® box gotten to?

Other than that, I've been trying to keep warm.... the central heating has made a comeback this week, due to the inclement weather conditions of course.... I've been playing Age of Empires.... the Wii Fit hasn't seen the light of day.....

I have booked a weekend away..... for me and my lovely lady friend..... we're off down that London, for an (as yet) undisclosed purpose that (contrary to all women's first guesses) does not involve proposal of marriage!! We're going in July, so that makes the next few months quite interesting with July being my little trip..... August is a trip out to my cousin's wedding (we were also double booked to go to a wedding in Marbella but you can't be in two places at the same time).... and September.... well, I'm led to believe that my much-better-half has organised some form of weekend away to celebrate my birthday. I only hope that pony trekking is not on the menu!!

Here is something you might post, if you couldn't be bothered to post....

1) A top ten list.

Ten things I hate.

* Comic Sans font.
* Misappropriated apostrophes (I try my best and I know I am not always right).
* Jumbled font sizes, colours, and types.
* Social Networking sites (myspace, friends reunited, facebook etc etc).
* Racism.
* Pop-ups.
* Spyware and Adware and spam.
* eGears and eDirectory (more to follow, still working on resolving an issue).
* Slugs (although conversely, I quite like snails!?!).
* Nordic walking poles!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Wet and windy.

Each and every "bank holiday" weekend in England is typified by weather that generally makes it a hazard to tow a caravan into the Lake District. This, however, does not deter the great British campers and caravanners, and many thousands of people, in true "blitz" spirit, do exactly THAT.

A veritable oasis of summery weather has indeed been punctuated by a colder snap, with some pretty high winds. The flushing of spring has been brought crashing back down to earth in the shape of fresh green foliage, strewn around the highways and byways of our great nation.

And as far as the windy weather goes..... well.....

A couple of days attendance at the Barge and Barrel spring bank beer festival has also had rather windy consequences for a certain blog author too. Coupled with a couple of pints of the Riverhead's finest brews this weekend.... well, as you can imagine.... I've been declared a national emergency and am strictly a no-go zone!!

Baby birds. There's tons of them at the moment. Starlings that nested in my roof are driving myself and my neighbours a bit mad with their constant skriking for worms. Bluetits are buzzing around in the garden and giving my nuts a severe pecking. Dunnocks that seemed to have jumped the gun slightly, and indeed jumped out of the nest too early, are all thriving and starting to grow "real" feathers instead of those fluffy crap ones that don't fly too good. Today I saw the first baby robin in the tree too..... with its stubby little wings and fluffy feathers ruffled in the wind. If they can manage to stay still in this wind then it looks like a good year for the birds.

Slugs. They've started eating my red hot poker. I stuck some slug pellets down, but am praying that the birds (mentioned above) can recognise the difference between juicy worms, tasty table treats, and deadly poison!! Bloody slugs!! The birds should be eating them, but then (and I know we've had this discussion before about slug recipes) would you really want to?

Friday, May 23, 2008

What shall become of me?

Well, it's Friday afternoon.... There's a beer festival that's just started at the Barge and Barrel, and I am sitting at my computer desk drinking pineapple and grapefruit green tea!!

Shame on me.

I haven't even managed to blog this week, and once again, I would put this largely down to the very fact that whilst the sun is shining, you're like to find the fox indulging in some sort of outdoor pursuit.... walking, gardening, dogging..... you know, the usual stuff.


Big big big shout going out to the Pighill Wood volunteers, who, within the last couple of years, have totally turned around the decimated woodland area near Scapegoat Hill. I have been walking across there a couple of times this week, and I'm pleased to say that all their efforts are both appreciated and obvious. Not sure how relevant or up-to-date any of this information is, but if you want to know what I'm on about then it's here anyway. I guess thanks are due to the lottery too.... I must eat my words!!

My pineapple and grapefruit green tea smells very much better than it tastes.

I have bought myself some herbs today (of the legal variety) - some flat leafed parsley, some thyme, some fennel, and some fancy schmancy basil. I also bought myself some Giant Russian sunflower seeds, and a Kniphofia - that's a red-hot poker to anyone else.... a childhood favourite, from which my cousin and I were quite deft at removing the heads with a single swipe of a stick... how my grandma (the legendary Fanny Bush) must have cursed us. She did make up for it by surreptitiously nipping us while our parents' backs were turned.

I've even managed to almost catch up with all the blogs I have to read..... some of you may have received a comment from me, but they've been few and far between because none of your blogs were even worth responding to I've just been so busy. Sorry.

If you expected this post to be done in rhyming couplets, or as a witty sonnet, then I'm sorry to disappoint.

Sunday, May 18, 2008


I'm glad that at least a couple of folks enjoyed my poetic answer to the doggerel artist's cheeky query about my grossly supersized frame. My only defence is that I piled on some weight when I stopped smoking (just eating sweets all day eventually has an effect).... Once I stopped smoking I also developed a liking for a nice pint. I don't drink large quantities of beer (except for the odd festival or two), but I do enjoy a tipple, and of course that also has a detrimental effect on ones waistline.

Truth be know.... my poetry was in fact written whilst I was a bit drunk on Friday night. I know I shouldn't drink and blog, but no harm done.... THIS time!!

And so.... wasted......

We went out last night to meet some of my old work colleagues.... Adam, Don, Emma, Gary, and Stu (and a couple of Emma's friends too) painted a bit of Huddersfield a dazzling shade of crimson. I think it's fair to say that everyone was a bit worse for wear (except Stu, who was driving) and none more so than Dawn, whom I had to nurse back to health during today after what can only be described as a "rough night".

So, today's been a wasted day. Perhaps that's where the term "wasted" originates?

Ironically, everyone last evening that I haven't seen for quite a long time now commented on the fact that they thought I'd lost weight.... how odd?? I haven't actually lost any weight (I don't think) - I'm somewhere around 14 and a quarter stones!! What I have noticed though, is how much better I carry myself since I started training on Wii Fit. It's all about posture!

On that note, an image of an applauding taxi driver flashes back into my mind as he observed my attempt at the "king of the dance" yoga pose on the street corner last evening.

Note to self.... drink + yoga = silly idea!!

Friday, May 16, 2008


This is a tale of a too plump Fox,
He's plump from his head to the end of his sox,
The cause of the girth is a lack of motion,
And two years on he's a big as an ocean.

Lard, all lard,
cried the mouse in his house,
And all from beer, (he's a bit of a souse).
They'll be wheeling him out, if he gets any bigger,
Just what did happen to that slim Fox figure?


Sit tight and I'll tell you the fantastic tale,
how the fox got quite big from just supping on ale.
He stopped eating food only peanut butter and bread,
deep fried with bananas, just like the the King said....

In order to get himself clean every day,
A rag on a stick was the only good way.
One day in a skin fold, when lifted, they saw....
A mouse, in a house, and some clogs on the floor.

When asked how it happened, he just couldn't say,
He simply rolled over and waved them away.
The mouse house spilled out and it went with a bang.
He'd been living in a windmill in an under-arm-jam.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

False start.

Bloody heck.

I got myself all geared up to go with Fred to the Barge and Barrel beer festival.... only to discover that it's not until next week.

That'll learn me!!

Other than that, I've done nothing... all day.... and all night too.....

Why did the FoX cross the road?

To get to the chip shop!!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Sod's law and Tupperware®

As soon as I mentioned the hot weather, you could have honestly predicted a steady drop in temperature. to the point where I even had to don a smart knitted item on my extremely toned upper body (thanks to Wii Fit - I am still overweight, but persistent if nothing else).

The other thing that the law of sod spoke to me about recently is my choice of Tupperware® container. It might seem trivial, but that's my middle name.... Tupperware® - just joking!! How come, whenever there's something that needs to be sealed with that yummy polycarbonate freshness and kept until it needs to be thrown away, then I reach for my plastic friends.... I choose an appropriate sized container, turn around to the work surface where said item destined for the fridge is waiting, and lo and behold.... the Tupperware® tardis effect has kicked in......

The size of container I have selected is always too big. I have tried selecting ones that I know to be too small, but whatever it is that needs to go into this controversially (potentially, but hotly denied) harmful plastic coffin, will still amply fit into the container.

Is it just me that has this refrigerated storage box related dilemma?

PS: Yorkshire Pud - Sorry to burst your little bubble of... well, let's not even imagine.... Love Soup is a BBC Sitcom, starring the fantastic Tamsin Greig and written by the talented David Renwick (of One Foot in the Grave fame)... it's very funny but I don't think many people know about it.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mad dogs....

...and this very English man, invariably go out in the midday sun.

Well circumstances have truly conspired to keep me away from my blog.

First came the absence of beer, which coincided with the purchase and subsequent investment of several days of Mario Karting on my Wii.

Next came the great beer flood of May... the month of mild and the mild festivals.

Next came the weather.... it's been bloody great weather for more than one week, and in England, this generally constitutes "summer". I have indeed been making hay while the sun shines.... I've been out on my bike a bit.... I've been walking quite a lot.... and shock, horror, I've even been seen in the garden, weeding, planting, mowing, raking, sweeping, eating, drinking and generally mooching.

Not long after the glorious weather arrived, the Wii Fit arrived.... if you haven't seen it then where have you been? It's a fancy-schmancy pair of tilt sensitive weighing scales that connect to the Wii and help you "get fit" through a series of exercise types... aerobic, yoga, muscle, and balance..... It's accounted for some very sweaty afternoons and a goodly amount of my missing blog time.

It's not much to show for my missing time..... Small amounts of the remainder have been made up of (perm any combo of the following):

snoozing; eating; cooking; age of empires; nintendo ds; snooker; radio 7; cancellation of sky account; cancellation of an ongoing epic order (email transcript to follow when concluded) with eDirectory (what is it with companies that start with e? - ie. eGears... eDirectory); dexter; heroes; freesat; love soup; gavin and stacey; pushing daisies; deal or no deal; pogo;

Normal service will be resumed as soon as it starts raining!!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Jibber jabber.

Too much Mario Kart and no beer makes an Arctic Fox go crazy.
Too much Mario Kart and no beer makes an Arctic Fox go crazy.
Too much Mario Kart and no beer makes an Arctic Fox go crazy.
Too much Mario Kart and no beer makes an Arctic Fox go crazy.
Too much Mario Kart and no beer makes an Arctic Fox go crazy.

I knew I bought my camera for a reason.... I haven't used my new camera half as much as I ought to have.... hopefully now that the weather is slightly more cheerful this is something I will rectify.

Here are a couple of (in my humble amateur photographical opinion) my better springtime shots...

Especially for my friend spice-the-cat... this lovely picture of a blackbird with its beak chockfull of worms heading off to feed its young 'uns - This is bokkeh to the level 11!!!!

Despite my abject disappointment at losing a clutch of robin eggs during a winter storm earlier in the year when my shrub blew down, the dunnocks have made up for it and nested in the ivy that hangs over from next door's garden. I took this picture of a very young dunnock chick... probably only a few days after it fledged... still too naive to actually fly away from a twinkle toed fox and a camera!! (note totally sure it's a dunnock... might be a sparrow... they're quite similar)