Friday, April 25, 2008

Crap.

What to have for my tea? (that's dinner to you posh types!!)

I'm mulling it over in my mind, and contemplating the fifty or so yards walk to the chip shop for a Friday special - fish, chips and the obligatory mushy peas.... I live across the road from (in my humble opinion) the finest chip shop in England. For those that haven't yet, and are able to sample the delights of Outlane chip shop, then you really ought to.

On the other hand, I've got a bag of rather large, roastable potatoes, with delicious looking red skin.

Unhealthy fish and chips or healthy baked potatoes?

Eventually (as I've been a bit slack on my bike work this week) I take the healthy option, with the thought of smothering crispy skinned roast potatoes in baked beans and lashings of grated cheese....

Pricking the potatoes...

Rubbing the potatoes in olive oil, to discover that I hadn't any hot water in which to wash my hands thereafter.... dammit.

Seasoning the potatoes lovingly with sea salt and freshly ground black pepper...

Bunging them in the oven for an hour and a half....

Beep... beep.... beep... the oven timer is screaming at me to come and get it.

I rush down to the kitchen, check the potatoes, and they're done to perfection. I turn off the oven and put the taters back in to keep warm. I turn to the cupboard... where's the beans??

Well, imagine the words that come from my mouth as I unearth tins of borlotti beans, of chickpeas, pinto beans, black eyed beans, cannellini beans.... but not a single tin of those bloody baked beans!!

Knackers, or words to that effect.

I grab a bowl..... chuck in a tin of tuna, a tin of vacuum packed sweetcorn, some mayonnaise, and mix it all up and throw it at the potatoes!!

To add insult to my culinary injury.... I only had "light" mayonnaise too!!

That'll teach me to take a healthy option!!

How come a vacuum packed can of sweetcorn still weighs the same when it's been opened?

What a miserable meal!!

4 comments:

  1. Outlane Chippy Tommorrow?:)

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  2. Bugger! You sound like Huddersfield's answer to Jamie Oliver with your culinary gymnastics. Besides, where is this Dawn character? She's your woman and she should be cooking for you. She's not one of them bloody feminists is she?

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  3. Because although there is now air in the tin, the weight of this is equivalent to 1 atmosphere's and your scales are already bearing this exact weight before you weigh the sweetcorn, the removal of the aire creates more of a pressure force than a weight. I don't know why I felt the need to explain this and I do feel rather foolish now, still if I delete it I will have effectively typed it twice....


    Unless I use CTRL+A and delete...

    (wanders off to contemplate the meaning of his existence)

    We need to meet up at some point to swap those DVD's back :)

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  4. So... you live across the road from the chip shop, eh? Now that I have you properly located, my blogger-stalking can commence!

    ReplyDelete