Monday, December 31, 2007

Saints be praised.

I went shopping today with two young lads who had money burning holes in their pockets.

Primarily, I had a few items to buy from Staples.... usual post Christmas stuff.... an SD memory card, some rewritable DVDs and a printer cartridge.

Once this little bundle was out of the way we went looking at console games.

The boys have received an Xbox360 for Christmas and they're mad keen to get some new games to play on it. The shops in question were quite poorly stocked, and those that did carry the relevant titles were actually quite heavily overpriced.... e.g. I am still after a copy of Wii Play, and I found one today in a shop but it was twenty percent higher than its standard recommended retail price!!

Anyhoo......

Eventually the youngest lad, recently aged ten, found a game that he wanted, and it was a knock down price of just nine pounds. A complete bargain.

I am a confirmed and self confessed gamer. I watched video nasties when I was under age. I drank under age. I might even have gotten away with going to see a fifteen certified movie at the cinema when I was just fourteen.

The game "The young 'un" had selected had an 18 certificate. I refused to let him buy it. I felt bad, but there must be a reason why it has an 18 applied to it. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a ten year old buying something that was rated a year or two higher, but in cinema terms, I wouldn't take him to see the Exorcist, would I?

Unfortunately, it would appear that his dad had allowed him to buy an 18 rated game just the week before and both kids expected that this precedent would sway my decision... it didn't!!

You try, don't you!!

Feeling like I was being a bit of a killjoy, I decided to research the game I had disallowed, and here's what I found to vindicate my actions.

The swearing is completely over-the-top and not necessary in my opinion, but the game keeps you entertained so as not to make this an issue. Word of warning though, it is perhaps the most violent game I’ve played, and as such I really hope the 18 certificate is taken seriously by vendors and parents alike.

As for the one dad encouraged.....

It all looks absolutely amazing, from the animation to the game's over-the-top blood effects.

The squish of flesh being ripped apart by the chainsaw, in particular, is outstanding.

I am still unsure as to whether this fits in with a child who, until recently, was too scared to go upstairs on his own, or indeed last year was having "zombie" night terrors from playing a zombie shooting game!!

You tell me!!

Happy new year ya bunch of bloggers!!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Tired.

All this bloody jollity and festivity doesn't half knock the stuffing out of you.

Having been out on the town for a couple of nights in succession, I am beginning to feel a little tired.

The rash of third rate televisual entertainment that fits inbetween Christmas and New Year is slowly washing over me and rocking me to sleep.

I am in two minds as to what form of entertainment I ought to be seeking for tomorrow night... the eve of a new year. I can't decide whether to go out drinking in a pub and risk the chaotic taxi shenanigans, or whether to just cook up a few snacks and pull up the drawbridge for a quiet night in with some bottles of cider?

Decisions, decisions!!

It's not easy being a drunk!!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Have you....

Have you ever worried about the wrinkles in your "A" zone?

I can't honestly say that my wrinkled "A" has given me cause for concern, but then this is just symptomatic of the depth of knowledge I have about the cosmetics industry and their quasi-scientific claims.

There is now a cream that's called (at the risk of turning this into an advert):

Garnier ultralift Deep Wrinkle A.

Apparently "its precision applicator can help target deep wrinkles in your A zone".

They think of everything don't they!!

Friday, December 28, 2007

I go out.....

... On Friday night, and I come home on Saturday morning.

I'm off out for a post-Christmas drink tonight.

I've had my fill of warmed up turkey.... pie and peas.... sugared almonds..... chocolate liqueurs... selection box components.... and left over ends of pieces of cheese.

A man cannot live by leftovers alone.

I've drunk some fruit wine.... I've drunk some bottled beers.... I've even drunk cans of lager which were shaken up and fizzed all over the place when they were opened.

What I've really missed is a pub, and a decent drink. A fresh pint, selected from a choice of real beers, and a sit down and a good chat.

I've listened to a lot of radio... watched some television... and played too much guitar hero!!

Time to get out and paint the town red.....

Manana bananas!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Just...

Just a quick update to say how pleased I have been with my Christmas presents this year. The spirit of giving is well and truly alive, and those near and dear that have taken the time to choose something for me from my "boxedup" wishlist, have come up trumps!!

I strongly advise anyone and everyone to find an online wishlist creator like "boxedup" and to create a list. You never know who will buy you something off the list, and it GUARANTEES satisfaction.

A list also makes it much easier for those around you to choose for you.... and makes their lives easier.... it's win win!!!

Big thanks to anyone and everyone who has managed to make this a thoroughly enjoyable festive season.

Tra-la-la-la-laaaaaa la-la-la-laaaaaaa Merry Christmas one and all.

Monday, December 24, 2007

While we are on.....

While we are on the subject of throwing burning coals at passing Christmas carollers.....

The local hoodies and chavs were out in force last evening.

There was a knock at the door. Not just any old rat-a-tat-tat, but the sound of some ham fisted teenage girl with the social skills of a walrus trying to remove the door from its very frame.

I jumped up from my usual position... horizontal on the couch... sending the gamut of assembled remote controls and mobile phones crashing to the floor from whence they were perched upon my belly.

At the top of the stairs, leading down to my ill fitting, draughty front door, I could already hear the foul tongued harpies effing and jeffing, in a manner that might make the most ardent of tap-room attendees blush.

I decided that opening the door, to part with any amount of money, for a single line of any given carol... usually.... "we wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year" followed by them all looking like they are going to throw eggs at my house while supping cans of Heineken... was simply more than I was prepared to endure. Perhaps if they took the time to study a full yuletide song, and the intricacies of harmony, I might be tempted??

I picked up the remote controls and resumed the position.

I wouldn't even waste flaming lumps of coal on the silver tongued angels that came hammering for cash.

Bah humbuggery indeed!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

One week ago....

One week ago today, I was sitting at the laptop, suffering a terrible man-flu relapse, trying to muster the enthusiasm and energy to write another "Sunday Search" article...... When suddenly, out of nowhere, I was bathed in the brightest, whitest light you could never imagine.

I lie, of course.

I boiled the kettle and dosed myself up on decongestant painkilling simulated fruit flavour saccharine cold remedies.

I shivered, and huddled deep beneath a spare quilt on my sofa.

In and out of a restless sleep. Uncontrollable temperature. Day became night, and night might as well have been day. Sleep came when the medicines kicked in and I woke up when I got too hot or too cold, or too thirsty or too hungry.

Since then, I've pretty much shaken off the funk.

I still have a bit of a chesty cough that's annoying and a runny nose, but it's nearly gone.

In the last week.....

I have shopped until I quite literally dropped from the pains in my feet.

I have drunk plenty of liquids... as per the instructions... and sometimes I have managed to drink quite a bit more liquid than one should really consume in a single sitting!!

I've tried to keep warm, and to stay out of draughts.

Thankfully it's been a prime opportunity for some film viewing. A blessing in disguise.

I've wrapped more Christmas presents than is necessary.

I haven't had time to even write or read any blogs..... it's a shocking state of affairs.

Am I the only person, who, at this time of year, would like to lock the door, take the phone off the hook, and shut out the whole world until January, when "sales" aside, everything might well be returning to "normal".

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Perma.

It's like an Arctic Fox's homecoming.

Frost covers the ground. A frost, the likes of which I do not remember. For three consecutive days, I have woken to a glistening white slick of shimmering crystals. Then, when I have taken my Lemsip (boom boom) and look out of the window... everything is frozen over.

The low rise, boot cut sun, which doesn't rise above fifteen degrees over the horizon, does not help the struggling temperatures which don't rise more than a couple of degrees above the cold night's attempts. It does, however, look pretty, filtered through a misty haze, so as to appear as a perfect bright white ball, gently bouncing across the hilltops.

A hard frost. Frost of the roads, the paving, the grass, the trees. Everything covered, in what has not melted for three consecutive days. The start of an ice age. Thank God for the temperate climate control. Winter is such a beautiful time, I would hate to miss it.

My man flu is on the mend, and I have finally joined, rank and file, into the procession of lemming shoppers, queueing up to throw ourselves off the Disney Store rooftop. It's depressing. I get depressed at buying people "things" for things' sake. I get even more depressed at the idea that I might forget to buy someone something for something's sake!! It's catch 22, and the chemists are all sold out of the tablets to counteract it... I noticed whilst stocking up on sore throat remedies.

Seems I am never happy unless I have something to moan about these days.

I like the frost though.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Argh.

It's now officially four days of being sofa ridden and house bound, struck down with a fatal dose of man flu.

Feverish. Uncontrollable temperature, soaring like and eagle and plunging into the icy depths, with all the grace of a three legged penguin.

Yesterday, beer was mentioned, and although I am in no fit state to entertain a lovely frothy pint at this moment, there is the chance that if I make a significant improvement, that I could visit the Drop Inn's winter beer festival (14th to 16th December in Elland). That's definitely something I will be trying to get to.

I've still got a hundred weight of Christmas and birthday shopping to do. My paperwork has all run away from me. My car needs booking on for a service and MOT. I have about two months of photography that needs sorting out!!! My whole life is collapsing around me.

I really could have done without the green lurgy this week.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Blech!

I'm dying.

... to the power of ten, coupled with a death-rattling bronchial chest infection. It's like coughing out oysters that carry flick-knives!! A sore throat that feels like I've swallowed a tennis ball made of razor wire. Every tendon, muscle, nerve and piece of connective tissue seem to be fused into a big lump, that is of course rolling down a rocky hill and I am feeling every jolt, knock, and scrape.

Yes, it's the annual onset of man flu.

You girls are SO lucky you never have to deal with man flu, I can tell you. You're just fortunate that we lie on the sofa and expect you to run around after us, and that you are immune to this specially mutated extreme winter virus.

I can't even enjoy lounging on my sofa, which has turned into a fire breathing bed of nails, covered with a blanket of Vesuvian lava or a dense sheet of permafrost, depending which way the virus is pedaling at the time.

Joy to the world!!

Bollocks and humbug!!

Monday, December 10, 2007

All quiet...

... on the western front.

Since relinquishing chicken and cat control to my folks, I've been struggling to get my own house back into a working order.

It's one thing to move back to being permanently based in a house, and a completely different thing to make sure there's enough to eat and drink, and another completely separate thing to ensure that all the bills, paperwork and documentation are as up-to-date as possible.

On top of reclaiming my territory comes the task of re-centralising all my media files. It's amazing just how many sights and sounds files you can amass over the course of six weeks, and how completely randomly interspersed across all manner of media they can become. There is data everywhere!!

On the odd occasion where Dawn and I have a mutually "vacant" stretch, we are completely preoccupied with supermarket shopping and Christmas shopping. Today, as an example, saw me spending three hours in a single supermarket!! How can that be??

On top of Christmas, there's the matter of birthdays for Connor, Dawn, and finally Tom, all in the week before Christmas day.

It's hard work. Everyone should just create a "wishlist" and life could be much easier.

I think winter is just around the corner. A completely clear sky and frosty night.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Please wait.....

Searching......

It's the weekly rundown on those lost souls that stumbled into my blog, and what they might have been looking for.

BEST BEDSORE CREAM (Google)
Ouch, my research into the world of bedsores on behalf of this errant Googler have not been pleasant. Some of the images have turned my stomach over!! It would seem that treatment of bedsores with creams is not necessarily the best course of action. There are a range of treatments that must be used in a multidisciplined approach. If you want a cream, then perhaps try: Vasogen or Sudocrem antiseptic healing cream.

shadow stone Fold by Andy Goldsworthy (Google)
Everyone knows I love the Goldsworthy. I have been lucky enough to visit the Yorkshire Sculpture Park 2007 exhibition on two occasions this year. The "shadow stone fold" is a sheep fold at the park, with a large "shadow stone" at the heart of it. You are supposed to lie on the stone and create rain shadows, but it's never rained when I have visited.


has anyone used digitalfirst (Google)
Yes, I have. I bought my camera from them after EGears let me down, badly. Digitalfirst were actually very good. They did exactly what they said they would do, they did it when they said they would do it, and it was a lovely experience. I would not hesitate to recommend them.

magical eleves, cadburys (Google)
Now, I am assuming here, that you were actually looking for the magical chocolate making elves that work at Cadburys? Well, I'm disappointed to tell you that the real magical elves that work in a chocolate factory are actually employed by Willy Wonka!!! If you MUST pursue the Cadburys inferior variety, then they're here.

hot water bottle tummy fetish (Google)
I can honestly say, hand on heart, I don't know what the heck you are. What the hell were you looking for, really? This? Or this? I don't know.

megadrive game fox pig (Google)
Interesting one. The only game I can think of for the Megadrive that involves a fox, would be Psycho Fox, but it doesn't seem very "pig" oriented at the other end of the spectrum. The only other thing that I can think of, is a game called Pooyan which involved pigs and a fox and a bow and arrow. A real arcade classic.

Monologue of an arctic fox (Google)
You're reading it, right here!!

do arctic foxes eat people (Google)
Nobody that ever saw one lived to tell the tale. I guess that's a bit like shutting your head in the fridge door to see of the light goes out when you close it?

find me a slut in blackpool (Google)
Find your own slut in Blackpool you lazy bugger!!

wessenden cam (Google)
I don't think there's a Wessenden webcam. There are plenty of pictures of Wessenden though. If you actually meant to type Wessenden Dam, then you're sadly mistaken, because Wessenden is a reservoir. You can see it here.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Bloody meme!

So I've been tagged by Grilled Pizza

The rules

1. Link back to the person who tagged you. (Check)

2. Imagine you could send a letter back in time to yourself, when you were 13 years old, what would you write to yourself? (check)

3. Tag 5 people to do this blog (check) - spice-the-cat; maxxo; Toad; Mr Clack; Mr Pudding.

Ok, well let me set the scene. I would have been 13 in the year 1981. The letter I would write would go along these lines:



Dear Wevz,

I am speaking to you from the future... uture.... uture.

Believe it or not, but you have somehow managed to send yourself a letter from the year 2007, and Michael J Fox (who you probably may only know as a bit part actor) has not yet begun his successful time travelling trilogy. Make sure you go and see them at the movies when he does, because they're good fun.

I could pass along any amount of advice to you, which would help you run your life. I could try to help you make things turn out differently, but in all honesty, I think you've turned out alright. I wouldn't want to change your reckless, oftentimes spontaneous attitude towards life. Whatever stupid choices you make along the way haven't landed you in jail or killed you thus far, and you've had some wild experiences that will teach you a lot about life.

The best pieces of advice I can give you are:

Read more books.

Check out the newsagent's daughter where you get your Beano and Dandy!!

Look after your toys and games, especially Chartbuster!!

Never turn down a night out at The Orbit in Morley, contrary to what you believe, it will not be there forever.

Try harder at school you big idiot. Listen to your English teachers and your form teachers, they do actually care what happens to you.

Look after your feet. You only get one pair, and when they're not in good shape, it's very frustrating.

If you MUST smoke, then choose a VERY light brand of cigarette.

Do not lose this letter or tell anyone else about it.

To finish this letter, I can tell you:

In the future there will be something called a lottery. It's like a big raffle.

Make sure, that for the "Euromillions lottery" draw on Friday 30th November 2007, you choose the following numbers:

12 : 19 : 20 : 30 : 38 and the lucky stars are 07 and 09

Lots of love,

The Arctic Fox!

Friday, December 07, 2007

Imagine....

Imagine a world where I've been in limbo. A world where there are no comfortable chairs. Where cats are revered as gods. Where the longest bit of making a meal is waiting for the oven to warm up. A world so devoid of home comforts that I spend more time with a vacuum cleaner in my hand than I do watching films or playing on Pogo.

Limbo... how low can you go.... how low can you go....

Well, I am pleased to announce the return of my folks from their trip to Australia. They arrived back this morning (at about eight thirty AM) in the middle of my hangover. Pints, last evening, at the newly "Atlas Mill Brewery" acquired "Dog and Bull", and the "Rat and Ratchet" (merely as an excuse to purloin some of Lahori Taste's excellent fish pakoras) saw me a bit pissed. Subsequently, I always manage to tip out far too much of their chilli sauce onto my food!! I definitely suffer from chilli coloured beer goggles.

So, my tenure of dual citizenship is relinquished. Finally, and not a week too soon!! I don't think I'd have lasted another week. Thirty nine days done and dusted, and vacced and mopped, and fed and watered, filled and emptied, washed and polished, and laid to rest.

Imagine my horror at finally getting back to "google reader" to find a deficit of six hundred and thirty eight unread items. this bitter pill is only marginally sweetened by the fact that one blog alone accounts for one hundred and eighty five of those articles alone!!!

So, you can imagine, finally liberated, able to come and go as I please, I am glued to my laptop trying to play catch up. No doubt I will be catching up with you all very soon.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Finally, finale.

I am not the sort of person that claims that Arnold Schwarzenegger, in Action Movie X, could not possibly have fired eight rounds from the chamber of a Glock 31 in under half a second, because the bullets would jam in the barrel. For the record, that's not even a fact, I just completely made it up to illustrate how untechnical I can be.

I AM the sort of person that wonders, if Linda Lovelace really suffered from that mythical condition in that very rude film, then how the hell did she manage to eat breakfast? Toast, madam? Are you mad, it'd be like sandpapering my... well you get the idea!!

As a long-time sufferer at the hands of the horror genre and all the inevitable plot holes and flaws that go with the territory, it's not uncommon to find myself reassuring those around me that I may have forced to watch a terrible movie, that the reason she doesn't shoot the zombie or run the other way instead, is that there would be no movie if she did.

I'm no stranger to suspension of belief. Sometimes the suspension has to be so enormous that it would put the Akashi-Kaikyo Bridge to shame. If the movie or television programme is one that is otherwise enjoyable, then turning a blind eye is not too difficult.

And so, with great anticipation, last evening, after twenty two weekly episodes, I sat down to watch the conclusion of Heroes season one. I honestly did not know how it would end, or what to expect. Like so many viewing experiences before, I honestly was prepared to be disappointed, but kept the fire of hope burning (just in case).

And how was it?

Despite the fact that the whole series has toyed with the past, the present, and indeed the future, you would have expected to have seen what was coming, several times, from several different angles already. Well, you hadn't, and I didn't see it coming. It was.....

Simple, sensible, unpredictable, satisfying, elegant, and enjoyable.

Now, if only I could imagine that for just one minute, the second series will not simply turn this great show into just another ongoing money spinning "Lost" or "24" or "Prison Break" -esque shadow of its former self.

Suspension of disbelief can only take you so far before you plunge into the icy water below and wake up back in reality!!

In other news.....

Stop press: My folks are already on their way back to Blighty. They'll be home at some ungodly hour in the morning.

City Link delivery: This morning, in order that I would not miss the delivery, I decided to get up super-early, which for me is eight thirty AM, and feed and water the menagerie, before spending the rest of the day in my house waiting for deliveries. I was home by nine AM and of course the delivery arrived at nine thirty. Amazing, and I am bloody glad I made the effort to get out of bed. Normally I get "last drop" at half past five in the evening, and I've waited in all day. Just waiting for the postman now, before I head back to the Pole.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Chain reaction.

It's not too far off Christmas, and the deliveries are arriving thick and fast from all my internet purchases. I much prefer to buy online and avoid those late Thursday night sessions where each and every shopping mall is like a scene from "Dawn of the Dead" but with the zombies laden down with plastic carrier bags full of junk that will be broken by Boxing Day or will remain unloved in a cupboard until it finds its way onto eBay or Freecycle.

A knock at the door sends me scurrying around the house collecting various pieces of clothing at random, from the random places that they were discarded in the first place. I say "scurrying" in that, as much as a sufferer of plantar fasciitis, wearing one shoe, can actually scurry. It's generally a mix of tackling stairs sideways, and hopping, and hobbling, and generally trying not to overstretch anything in the heel, calf, or foot.

I arrive at the door, unlock it, open it, and find a postman frantically trying to unjam the parcel that he has already tried to jam through my letterbox, with the added difficulty of the fact that the door is now moving away from him. We exchange pleasantries, as if the postman is actually giving me a parcel (I always find that a strange feeling I have when parcels arrive... as if it's from the deliverer themselves... I guess that would by why the saying "Don't shoot the messenger" came about? - Don't kiss the postman for delivering a parcel that you bought and paid for yourself).

We arrange a suitable "secret" location for the postman to leave subsequent packages in, in the event that I might not be around at some point when he tries to deliver them. He's concerned that he will have to carry parcels around and take them back to the Post Office at the end of his round (ironically, this is his job) but it is a real ball-acher to have to go and collect them, so we give the secret handshake and nudge nudge..... third stone on the left......

I've truckled over the cat banishment issue. If mum, on the other side of the world thinks it might not be suitable treatment, although it was originally suggested by her, then far be it from me to argue. Forget the hours that we (Dawn and I) have spent cleaning and dusting and disinfecting and hoovering and making nice the house for their return, or the fact that we could, instead, have spent those precious few hours that we might have had together to do something more pleasant.

I go to sort out the animals. It would appear that I have lost another chicken. To lose one chicken is unfortunate, but to lose three is downright carelessness. The cats have puked all over the Rayburn again and I dash round feeding them and cleaning up their vomit. As fast as I can, I leave them eating their Felix, and head for home.

A "We have a parcel for you" card is shoved through my letter box from those lovely people at City Link. They are possibly the world's worst couriers, and I rarely EVER receive a hassle free delivery from them. I missed them by about the amount of time it takes to clean up a pile of cat vomit (three minutes to be exact).

I am further frustrated by not being able to speak to a real person and to find out if the van driver is still in my vicinity and whether I could meet him to get the parcel.

A robotic voice on the other end of the phone suggests that they may try to deliver it again tomorrow if the wind is blowing in the right direction, but of course, they can't intimate a time.... that would be far too sensible!!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Chuff a duck.

You sometimes can't win, to the point that you sometimes wonder why you bother.

I am in trouble for locking the cats out.

Despite the fact that this particular act was originally encouraged by my mum, it is, seemingly, now it has been put into action, unacceptable.

For the record, and in my defence, and contrary to the misinformation my mum has received, here are the weather conditions for Huddersfield for the rest of the week:

Tuesday (today) High 12 degrees - Low 12 degrees (cloudy).
Wednesday (tomorrow) High 12 degrees - Low 7 degrees (showers).
Thursday (day after next) High 13 degrees - Low 7 degrees (showers).

After which time, the folks will be back in the country. Admittedly it is set to come a bit cooler on Friday, but still I think you will agree that these temperatures are NOT cold for December, by any stretch of the imagination.

If you can't tell, I'm very annoyed that my mum felt fit to question my judgement and she firmly believes that against all common sense I'd leave the cats out in an arctic blizzard and she'd be returning home to four ice cubes.

All my frustration could have been avoided by a visit here!

If anyone else thinks these temperatures are too cold to leave the cats in a greenhouse then feel free to add to my splendid mood.

Post update update: Vindication came, whilst watching the weather forecast, and it was described as being "exceptionally mild".

Monday, December 03, 2007

Drums please.

Day thirty five. We are in the final week, and to protect our "tidying up" investment, the cats are now banished from the house and consigned to the greenhouses for the rest of the week. Mum can make the decision to reopen the catflap to them when she gets back.

I might actually have a use for the bloody cats at my house.

A trip into the kitchen tonight left me with a churning stomach and the ultimate dilemma. A bloodied and slightly maimed mouse is hobbling about on the floor. There's blood around the upturned mousetrap, and the blood is semi dry. This mouse has been suffering for perhaps an hour or so.

I pick up the dustpan and scoop the blinded broken legged animal into it and take it outside. I put the dustpan down by my garden bench and hop back into the kitchen (I only have one shoe on). I imagine that the mouse will be eaten by something or suffer and die in its own time. It's more than I can take on my conscience.

I put on a walking boot on my left foot (to counterbalance the trainer on my right foot), and grab my stick (I cut and shaped my own big walking stick, which is not dissimilar to a neanderthal club) and head out to where I left the mouse. He is still there, shivering.

I tip the mouse out of the dustpan and bring down the club. I must have winced and closed my eyes, and completely missed!! Second time, I didn't!! His little body arched and twitched and he was gone.

Poor beggar. I feel saddened that I have hurt another animal, but I really don't want them in my house. I also feel sickened at having to finish one of those poor little critters off face-to-face as it were, but I know it was the right thing to do under the circumstance.

With all respect to the mouse and to my sensitive readers, I decided that it was not in good taste to photograph this untidy kill. I did, however, feel it was important for me to share the experience, if only to make someone feel as sick as I did!!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Groan.

Sunday, and I have the mother of all hangovers. I think I qualified for a degree in mixology last night by sampling a range of drinks that certainly should not be within three feet of each other. Every high really does have a corresponding low.

I have struggled to bring you a Sunday search engine selection though, and I hope you jolly well appreciate it. Actually it was quite good fun today, and there were some amusing searches to pick from.

so, without further ado, I give to you..... ten of the best......

Marissa Miller (MSN)
Two people came looking for Marissa Miller this week. I don't even know who she is, or why, for that matter a search engine would turn me up as a possible source of this information. Oh, wait, this is MSN search so it's something to do with Microsoft... that would explain this seemingly random correlation. So, it turns out she's a model, and bang tidy at that!! Go see for yourself!!

jonah barrington squash download (Google)
Yes, it was my favourite ZX Spectrum game. I loved it. Not sure where you can download it from or what platform you require, but here's a link that might help (you will need a Spectrum emulator to play the images you can download). It was published by New Generation and cost the princely sum of seven pounds and ninety five pence!! The game also featured the "voice" of Jonah Barrington through your lovely Spectrum.

hairy women huddersfield (Google)
Yoink!! It takes a braver man than me to pass comment on this one!!

Is chocotate fatal to mice (Google)
Yes, especially when it is placed on my "Lucifer" French mousetrap!! You can see the (be warned sensitive readers) results of chocolate induced death here.

Where the name Arctic Fox come from? (Google)
a) It is a fox.
b) It lives in the Arctic region.

geordie slut getting shagged (Google)
Erm..... try Youtube!! Second thoughts try Shufuni (Don't try shufuni if you're under the age of consent and/or yyou are at work - Be warned it is VERY rude!!).

elvis rubik's cube (Google)
Not sure this exists as a product, but look what I DID find while researching this. Come to think of it, there might be a market for an Elvis Rubik's cube!!

arctic platypus (Google)
You're pulling my leg, surely? someone tell me that this is a joke? There's no such thing, surely?? Am I wrong??

biddendens (Google)
I suggest, if you want to remember your evening, that you stay well away from the Biddendens Dry - Which is a very strong cider, and contrary to its popular name, I found it to be more medium than dry... very pleasant, and possibly only to be drunk as the LAST drink of the night!!

devastatin' dave t-shirt (Google)
Don't say I never give you anything. Here, in all their glory, are the Devastatin' Dave products.