Monday, April 02, 2007

Recipe for what?


1 Sunday night.
1 Slice of Paul Daniels
2 Cupfuls of Vanessa Feltz
1 Jug premixed Louis Theroux
4 Months of Frank Skinner
60 Offspring of Fred Phelps
1 Banjo


Gently peel the Frank Skinner.

Mix with the banjo and allow to simmer for four months.

Roll out your Frank/banjo mix at the international banjo championships in Kansas, until Frank's face goes bright red.

Next, mix, on a separate channel, your Vanessa Feltz and Paul Daniels, and sprinkle liberally with their respective partners.

Pour the mix into a saucepan and leave to simmer for 2 weeks.

While the pan is simmering, pour modest amounts of Louis Theroux over the offspring of Fred Phelps. Be careful not to add too little or too much Louis, as the result could leave a severely bitter taste in everyones mouth.

When all the ingredients have been prepared, mixed, and marinated enough, pour them into one lightly greased Sunday evening and bake in a moderately heated telly box.

The result: A rather pleasant evening of uncomfortable televisual entertainment.

Allow me to elucidate further.

First up in last night's entertainment:

Play it again: The BBC hitting all the high notes, with this six part series. Take six "celebrities" and make them learn an instrument in a 4 month period. Each show focuses on one such four month period. The first one was Jo Brand, learning to play the organ - culminating in a performance at the Royal Albert Hall in London. Last night was Frank Skinner learning the banjo, and he wound up making a bit of an ass of himself in Kansas, but showed that learning an instrument is NOT a competition. Foxy factor? I'll give it nine claws.


Wife Swap: So Vanessa, who has been seeing this guy (who sang on the annoying Phats and Small's minor hit "Turn Around") for about 4 months now. Paul Daniels (weirdician extraordinaire) who has been married to the equally sickeningly strange Debbie McGee, for about 18 years. They switch them over, and we get a chance (AGAIN) to marvel at what a completely fekked up individual Paul Daniels is, and to see how Vanessa really wishes she was quite young again. I thought it would be fireworktastic, but it was really a cringeworthy damp squib. Foxy fun? A sober 5 claws.


Louis Theroux - The most hated family in America: Apparently God hates fags.... He also hates America, and anyone who isn't related to Fred Phelps. A bunch of religious "nuts" that picket dead soldiers' funerals, spreading hatred and damnation. A fascinating mockumentary, in true Louis Theroux style, which manages, marginally, to get under the skin of the Westboro Baptist Church. Enthralling viewing, if not only to see Louis' deadpan, preconceived, foppish, naivety at work. Must see TV. Foxy Frolics? Another 9 claws.

So what is it? What did the recipe make? Well, in all honesty, it's an evening of TV, that for a change, was actually worth watching.

Did you know Vanessa Feltz's first ever kiss was with Rolf Harris?


  1. OK I don't know anything about those shows! I watched a wacked out asian movie last night called "the two sisters" and another one called " Soylent Green" both equally FKD up just the way I like it.. I read your Scot comment about 4 times I don't understand it, I'm sure I'll be hit up with cold hagis as I have a very hard time drinking "whiskey" straight up. I love it, but with a bit of coke, which is very very bad I've heard,

  2. I was just listening to the music and thought to myself, I wonder if Fox has ever heard the Tangerine Dream album Phaedra. If you like Terry Riley then this'll almost certainly appeal. Also interesting to see just how 60's avant garde influenced the German scene in the 70's, and who in turn influenced much of the modern electronica and dance scene.