Thursday, April 12, 2007

Grazed?

Ok, so a combination of walking boots, a steep grass banking, a dead tree at the bottom of the banking, denim jeans, an over zealous 38 year old non-smoker with the brain patterns of a ten year old, and legs that don't keep up with the brain.....

Put them together and what do you get?

Cracked ribs, grass stains, grazed forearms, torn muscles, and a reasonable amount of laughter at one's own expense.

I look like a self harm victim that's bitten off a bit more than I ought to.

I can't remember the last time I got a "graze". I certainly can't remember the last time I had a grazed nipple!!

I am dosed up on germoline and nicotine lozenges, and my rock bone's even more busted than ever!!

In order to clear up any confusion over where your rock bone might be.... I would suggest it's somewhere between your shoulder and your collar bone on your "strumming" side!! Overuse of a "whammy bar" or trembalo arm, if you prefer, might cause severe shattering of said rock bone, to the point that one can no longer rock, but must sit in one's grandparents rocking chair drooling like Ozzy Osbourne's dealer.

One thing I have learnt today.... well I've learnt more than one, but I won't bore you with a ream of facts about running down slopes in walking boots..... so, one thing I have learnt, is that if you do suffer a nasty graze..... try to wash it in COLD water... not hot!!

5 comments:

  1. That'll teach you. And while we're on the subject of grass, did you know that the only non league football team to feature in the Subbuteo game was the mighty Timperley Bigshorts.

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  2. Grazed nipples? Are you some kind of pervert or what? I have heard what they are like up in Uddersfield - people I mean - not nipples. Nipples are in fact extremely appealing protuberances - exclusively of the female type. Males nipples are as sexy as nights out in Cleckheaton! Ever been there? Busloads of American tourists are already disgorging their unwitting contents...

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  3. Fox you never cease to make me laugh, grazed nipples, OUCH!

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  4. Where did this incident occur? I'll lie in wait with my camera next time.

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  5. Awww poor Fox. Maybe Dawn will make the boo-boos go away. Take care of yourself. A tip from Drew who did a lot of mountain climbing when he was younger. Put women's mentrual pads in the front of your hiking boots. It saves your toes. I am serious stop laughing.
    Cher

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