Friday, March 09, 2007

Quandary.

In life, there are decisions to make.

In fact, in life, we make millions of decisions each day that require no effort or thought at all.

Which sock to put on first? Subconsciously, I imagine every day I put the same sock on first every day. It's not something I think about.... except for now.

And what of the causality of putting on the same sock every day?

Would life take an alternate path if I made a conscious decision at the last minute and put down the sock, picked up the other one and put that on instead? Would those micro-seconds of adjustment mean that I get run over by a bus later this week? Unlikely, but probably just as likely as it is unlikely to be honest.

These are not the decisions that are currently troubling me though.

My current situation is thus:

I am unemployed (through choice, honestly) and am not looking for work.

Both Dawn and I have our own houses, we both have mortgages, we both probably have to spend more each month to keep our heads above water, than is healthy.

I have a lifelong desire - It's not an ambition, it's something I feel like the pulling of a tide - to move to Canada.

I currently have enough money in the bank that I don't actually NEED to work, but the longer I don't work, the less useful and large this ever decreasing sum of money becomes.

I have a business, through which I work contracts. As I am not looking for work, the business running costs are eating into the bank balance.

There is a rat living in my garden. As much as I love all things of nature, a rat running up my trouser leg is not a prospect I relish. Nor for that matter, is the prospect of said rat finding a suitable life partner, and establishing its very own rat utopia 'neath my bird feeding stations.

So....

What should I do?

I could wind up my company and take all the money for myself, but I need to put this money to good use, and not (as in all previous situations where money has landed on my doorstep) become a drug dealer, a drug abuser, or indeed piss any of it up against the wall.

I could get some sort of job, but in my current state of mid-life crisis, I am completely unsatisfied with my career options. I don't actually know what I want to be when I grow up.

I could move in with Dawn, or vice versa, and our combined efforts could actually wipe out 99% of the money troubles we both experience. I've had troublesome house-sharing experiences in the past, and this naturally makes me shy away from this option. The longer our situations go on though, the less money there will be available to achieve these ends. Coupled with the fact that there are Dawn's kids, and I have no parenting skills whatsoever, or indeed any parenting rights, this doesn't seem like an easy option.

I could just sell up, lock-stock-and-a-whole-barrel-of-fish, take my leave and move to Canada, and buy a house for cash money dollars, and stack some supermarket shelves or something.

Both Dawn and myself could sell up, and move to Canada. We could afford a house, and still have a fair amount of cash in the bank left over. Dawn's kids, added to this equation, their schooling, their dad, etc etc, create a myriad of problems, which seemingly make this task impossible.

I could poison the rat.... against my zen-like attitude towards nature..... Hope that the little birds don't get into the container of rat poison, and that the larger birds don't eat a poisoned dead rat.

So what do I do?

What would causality make of any of this?

......

I pull on my left sock, and fill a peanut butter jar with warfarin, lie down in the road with a cold compress on my aching brow, and wait for the 539 bus to Hebden Bridge to pass clumsily across my broken bones! (Note to self - must update my will, and benficiaries)

11 comments:

  1. In life there are decisions to make, should i upset the niece of my deceased brother by explaining to her that her age combined with her attitude make her so difficult for a close to married couple to live with she is causing all sorts of rows or should i upset my beloved by explaining that i love her and want to make sure she is ok so she will be getting away with her age and attitude for a while longer even though she is driving him mental!
    You wanna swap decisions bud? They are so much easier to make when they arent your own!
    Pol xxx

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  2. I'll be adding you my blgroll -- liked that a lot!

    Also, given your proximity, we should meet up in Leeds/Manchester for a small cocktail or two. I suspect we'd get on like John Noakes and Shep.

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  3. Seems like whatever life decision you make, you are in for big change, and perhaps that is a good thing, to pull yourself out of your funk. I would say, if you are dating Dawn, and she has kids, as most mothers there children are #1 first priority in their lives. You need to decide, with 100% security, if you are willing to take on not only Dawn, but these children. It sounds like you don't have a solid realationship with them yet? You need to decide if you are willing to accept the entire package, as with women, if you don't take the whole package, she will eventually lose intrest in you because the kids are #1 in her life..So, you need to decide if you want to be a DAD/father figure etc.. Don't worry about the parenting skill you lack right now, they will come in time as with anyone..Worry firstly, if you want to be a DAD..It is unfair for the children if you move in without that intention..Now, if you decide you want to be a pops, and love Dawn to the best of your ability, firstly, come closer to the children, take more of an intrest with them, then gradually tell them, that you will be moving in with mommy,ask them how they feel about that? Try a spell in the UK, then think about Canada, unless of course you'd prefer to stay single and move here ;o)
    Allow yourself one decision at a time first up;
    1: DO I want ot be a Dad?
    Personally I think you'd be great, as you seem to be a grown up kid anyways ;o) The fact that you are thinking about it, shows you do care..
    We'd be glad to have you in Canada!
    Have you been here yet?
    Jez what else can I do, save your dishwasher AND save your relationship? DAMN LOL..
    MOST IMPORTANT Never make a decision to move in with someone due to money!!
    hee hee
    Katt

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  4. PS: I talk from experience, I've had 4 moms and 3 DADS!
    I know alllllllll about it!
    From those, I still love very much and will be having 3 Dads, and 2 moms at my wedding!

    Katt

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  5. Hi there Brer Fox! Thanks for visiting my blog.
    The thing you must do is to weigh up how much Dawn means to you. If she is the one you must shelve old dreams and commit yourself wholeheartedly to her, building a new life together.
    Alternatively, if Dawn is someone you could leave behind saying "thanks for the memory" then you should get yourself off to Canada. Follow that dream. In days gone by if you emigrated, it was for good but now you can always come back when you are tired or when you feel the urge to return. Leaving doesn't have to be for good.

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  6. First of all Foxy I think Yorkshire Pudding has made a very insightful comment - Your priority at this point should be deciding the strength and significance of your relationship. Uprooting your entire life is a big event and will stress out the most solid of partnerships. You both need to know the level of commitment before you start any process of change.

    Secondly - The rat. Get some humane traps - from a DIY store or from a webstore. I use them over here for capturing unwanted furry friends and then release then in the conservation areas some distance away. Avoids the risk of collateral damage amongst the bird population and saves the angst of killing a living creature.

    Thirdly - Children. I've yet to meet any parent who left school or university with a doctorate in parenting. As there is obviously no such thing you're simply having the uncertainty that any parent will have about the responsibility you have undertaken. The question is closer to being whether it's a responsibility that you want to willingly adopt. That's for you to decide.

    Fourth - Canada. I like it here. Yes, there are many things I miss about the UK, but there are many other things I don't miss at all. The things I do miss tend to be more cultural and ephemeral - music venues, TV, magazines, etc. What I don't miss are the social, or perhaps I should say anti-social aspects of our island home. No loss there, then. If you decide emigrating is an option please feel free to visit, especially now the weather is starting to improve, and you can see what aspects and places here that appeal to you.

    Life is different here - and that's not to say that Canada doesn't have it's faults or it's problems - but compared to the UK it is a MUCH better standard of living. Many Canadians would probably disagree, but then most Canadians have never lived in the UK.

    I'll drop you an email and we can continue this at length.

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  7. Sounds like you are at a crossroads and have gotten good advice. Good luck in your decision making process.

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  8. Hi there. I haven't seen you around in a while until I saw you on Jen's site. I see a lot has happened in life. Looks like a lot of decisions to be made. I hope to "see" you around. Take care.
    -rey

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  9. I think you need to talk to Dawn obout this. To see how she feels.

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  10. Hi, I forgot to say, WTF? Is wrong with ppl in the UK? How can 48% of them HATE chocolate? WTF is up with that?
    hahahaaaaaaaaaa
    mmmmmmm truffles
    katt

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  11. This is a lot to take in, FoXy. You alluded to much of this in our late-night convos in the car and at the kitchen table. Just wanted to say that I hear you, and I'm here. Will ponder and responder when I've left the office and can do you the courtesy of focusing all my attention on a response.

    For now, a couple of things: 1. I too think about socks and unconscious actions. I'm quite sure my Ucs. decisions are why I haven't yet won the lottery. 2. I second Spice: humane traps all the way. Have had success with these in the past. I recommend using peanut butter as bait. And, most importantly:

    3. If you deliberately get yourself hit by a bus, I will kill you myself, geddit?? At the very least, I demand your Goldsworthy gear and the plastic guitars.
    <3
    x

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